Throwing Like a Girl (25 page)

I can’t help but look at Rocky now. This is right up her alley. She loves analyzing data.

But she’s staring into space.

A bad sign. It makes me think Rocky is throwing in the towel.

On the way home, Theresa asks a million questions about prom, about who was wearing what and where we went to eat. Anthony obviously didn’t share my sob story with everyone in the family. I answer questions, but mostly I look over at Rocky and get no response from her.

In my driveway I say, “Call me if you want to talk, okay?”

Rocky nods, giving me a closed-mouth smile so fake I want to scream.

After dinner, I do the dishes while my mother talks wedding plans on the phone with my sister Liz. Only two months to go. I slip off to my room to study my stats packet. My father appears at the doorway.

“Everything going all right at school?” he asks. No softball analogies in sight.

“Yeah.” I turn around in my desk chair to face him.

He’s leaning against the door frame.

“Everything okay at work?” I say, trying to keep things moving.

“Oh, sure. Just wanted to know you’re keeping up with your studies as well as your baseball.”

“Softball, Dad. With girls, it’s called softball.”

“Right.” He nods.

As he backs away, I say, “Dad, I need some advice.”

He grimaces as if this might hurt.

“It’s not bad,” I say. “It’s about Rocky and her dad. She doesn’t think he’s gonna let her go to Tulsa for the championships.”

He comes into my room and sits on the bed. “Because she’ll be away too long?”

“Yeah. He thinks everything falls apart when she’s gone. I don’t think it’s fair. She never gets to do anything for herself.”

“You’re right. It’s not fair.”

“What can I do?”

He swallows. “I’m not sure you can do anything, Ellie.”

“But, Dad. She’s my friend.”

We look at each other for a minute. “Sometimes things like this have a way of working themselves out,” he says. “Give it time.”

Later, as I lie in bed, I know we don’t have time. I need to come up with something fast.

Finally, during Spanish the next day, a plan begins to materialize in my head. I need to talk to Rocky before practice, if possible, but I don’t see her. I see Nate, coming toward me from across the quad.

“Ella Kessler,” he says. “You’re avoiding me.” He smiles, looking nervous.

I can’t help but smile back, finally. “Not intentionally.” I explain about Rocky.

I want to say more, maybe ask his advice, but I’ve decided not to tell anyone extra about my plan. Not Frannie and Mo, not my parents. Not even Rocky. To make it work, it has to be executed in secrecy. In the dead of night. And besides, I’m still not sure how I feel about Nate.

“So, I’ll see you in class?” he says.

“Of course.”

At practice, I try to be upbeat. I try to make jokes like Frannie and throw a little physical comedy into the mix. But Coach isn’t having any of it.

“Ella, if you can’t keep it together, why don’t you take a few laps around campus?”

“Sorry, Coach. I’m okay. Better than okay.”

In the locker room, Rocky tells me, “I can practice with the team this week, but I need to be home this weekend. Tulsa is officially off.”

I nod my head. I don’t bother asking questions. It’s time for action. It’s time to talk to Theresa.

By Thursday I’ve got my instructions with backup plans typed and tucked in an envelope. I sneak them into Theresa’s cubby after third period, and the next time I see her, she gives me the slightest nod. My perfect partner in crime: discreet, aloof, and reckless enough to want an adventure, any adventure. Plus, she’s still so enamored by the fact that I actually went to prom she’d do anything for me. And really, she’d do anything for Rocky, she just won’t admit it.

I have a plan worked out for Nate, too. I’m going to talk to him enthusiastically about nothing during Behavioral Science. I’m going to be friendly and interested and look him right in the eye. Surely I can just plow through this thing. But he’s not there. He’s excused for dress rehearsals and the plan falls flat.

Practice is bittersweet. My first season of playing a sport is over. I feel so different. Stronger. And smarter about something I hardly knew anything about before. Girls who were strangers are now friends, not the kind who hang out at your cubby between classes, but the kind who high-five you on the field when you make a good play; there’s something deeper about that. For Kat and Marcie, the team’s two seniors and co-captains, it’s the last practice of their high school careers. They give emotional
speeches about never forgetting us and hoping we make Division I next year. Frannie performs a little song and dance that she made up, and Coach praises them for their leadership. And then that part is over, too.

Coach quizzes us on the stats for Friday’s first game—we’ve got ’em down cold—and informs us what time to be at the bus tomorrow morning. She collects permission slips but doesn’t read a lineup. She barks out some orders for drills, but none of us breaks a sweat. Sally is present, but detached during practice. I try, but I can’t muster any sympathy for whatever she went through at prom, real or imagined.

I haven’t decided whether I’m going to Nate’s dress rehearsal for
Show Boat
. He only mentioned it that once. But after practice, Frannie and Mo want to know if I’m going and I say yes without a moment’s hesitation.

The car ride home takes forever. We’re all quiet. Theresa and I exchange a look, I think. She’s so understated I can’t be sure.

At drop-off, I say, “Hang in there, Rock.”

Theresa gets out of the car to take my seat in front. She rolls her lips together to keep from smiling. She seems to have more confidence in my plan than I do.

At the front door, my mother greets me, drying her hands on her apron. “Maureen called. She wants to know if you need a ride to the dress rehearsal.”

I know what’s coming.

“You didn’t tell me Nate was the lead in
Show Boat
.”

I don’t have time to say anything before she gushes, “Daddy’s working late, and I love
Show Boat
, you know that. I’d love to see him perform.”

I say, “Mother, you can’t go.” I can’t let her think everything’s fine and dandy with Nate.

“I won’t sit with you girls. You won’t even know I’m there.”

“Mom, no, I’m sorry.”

She looks so hurt, I want to explain or at least try to make her feel better, but I don’t. Instead, I call Mo back. She’ll pick me and Frannie up around seven. I shower, eat, and cram in some studying before she arrives, avoiding my mom as much as possible.

We sit near the back of the auditorium. I can see Sally, Gwen, and Joy in front.

From the moment the curtain rises, you can tell that Nate’s having so much fun. He’s in his element, and I have this flash to the future, reading
People
magazine, where they show a picture of him from his high school production of
Show Boat
and now he’s some big movie star. In every scene, even if someone else is singing, you can’t take your eyes off him. It’s a good thing he’s the lead. If he weren’t, he’d steal the show.

I’m nearly crying at the end because he’s so good. I don’t know how I can possibly deal with my feelings for him, my contempt for his sister, and my plan for Rocky all in one night. So I let it go for now. I’ll give it time, like my father said.

After the stage goes dark, Mo says, “You going backstage to congratulate him?”

“I was thinking about it.”

“Are you kidding? You have to,” Frannie says.

“Will you guys come with me?”

“Absolutely,” they say together.

We start down the row that leads to the backstage door when, out of nowhere, Sally, Gwen, and Joy come and block our way. I
can tell something’s very wrong because of the way Gwen and Joy look at me, and how Sally’s eyes fix on mine.

“You’re not going backstage to see Nate, are you?” Sally says.

“It was a great show, wasn’t it?” Frannie says to Gwen and Joy.

Sally glares at her, then to me, “Isn’t this thing over yet?”

“What thing?” I ask, my voice bland, but I can feel that she’s about to blow. And no explanation can change the fact that she’s
mean
. And although it may not be
about
me, I’m still in the crosshairs.

“The
thing
with my brother.”

I try to find it in my heart to forgive her. For everything. But I feel nothing. Which doesn’t mean I’ve found something fantastic to say back to her. So once again, I’m speechless.

“Well, that answers that, doesn’t it?” She steps back and points toward the exit to the lobby. “I think you meant to go that way.”

Frannie, Mo, and I file past them and out into the lobby, which is still crammed with people. I can hardly look at them. “God,” I hiss. “I’m so pathetic. I can’t…do anything.”

“You’re not the only one,” Frannie says. “She likes to catch her prey unaware. It never fails.”

“Should we go get something to eat?” Mo offers.

“No, I’ve got a paper due for English tomorrow that I have to finish,” I say.

And they both nod their understanding. I appreciate the quiet on the ride home, and when I get out, Mo says, “Try to get some sleep, Ella. Big day tomorrow.”

Inside, a note on the kitchen table reads:
Alarm set for 6. Hope you had a good time. Dad

Mom’s still mad about the play, otherwise she would’ve left the note.

I wish I could disappear for one week, so I wouldn’t have to deal with Sally in Tulsa, where who knows what might happen. I wouldn’t have to worry about whether Rocky will show up tomorrow or get in trouble with her dad. Maybe I should look for summer jobs in Chicago since I have to be up there for the wedding, anyway. I could stay with Christine and hide from everything bad in my life. Go back to who I used to be.

The bus leaves at seven sharp. I hug my father good-bye and get in the car with my mom, who is still acting a little cool with me. I’m nervous and tired, and I want to tell her everything, that I’ve done something that might get me and Rocky and Coach in trouble. By now, Theresa will have packed a bag for Rocky, arranged pickup after school with their aunt Rita, and appointed Anthony ringmaster to get everyone off to school this morning early, so that Rocky makes it to the bus on time.

“If you forgot to pack anything,” my mother says, “call me, and Dad and I will bring it up when we come.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“We’ll be up by this afternoon’s game, okay?”

I lean over and give her a kiss on the cheek, and she smiles, but not too big.

I slip my overnight bag over my shoulder and get out of the car. I drop off my paper at the English Department then head to the gym. There are lots of athletes roaming around, since the track and tennis teams are also riding with us to the championships. Almost everyone is fresh out of the shower and looking a little rough around the edges. Frannie and Mo are helping
Coach stow bags under the bus and I glance around casually, first for Rocky, then for Sally. No sign of either yet.

Whether Rocky shows or not, I decide to explain everything to Frannie and Mo once we get on the bus.