Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck (25 page)

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Don’t eat this all at once because that is too much goddamn salt for one day. Fuck
.

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Use a yellow onion if that is what you can find
.

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Like safflower or grapeseed

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Red, green, whatthefuckever

DRY-FRIED TOFU

Want crispy, fried tofu, without all the fucking oil? YOU GOT IT.

ENOUGH FOR 2 TO 4 PEOPLE OR TO ADD TO ONE ENTRÉE RECIPE

1 block extra-firm tofu, pressed for at least 30 minutes (see
How to Bake Tofu
)

Pinch of salt

1
Cut the tofu vertically into planks about ¼ inch thick and then cut those planks in half widthwise. You should end up with around 20 squarish pieces.

2
Preheat a large wok or cast-iron skillet
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over medium heat. Once the pan is hot, add the tofu in a single layer. You might have to do this in two batches depending on the size of your pan. You’ll want the tofu to sizzle once it hits the pan so if that shit is quiet, turn up the heat a little.

3
Sprinkle a pinch of salt over the tofu and start gently pressing down on the tofu with your spatula. You’ll hear the steam escape from under the tofu as you do this. It sounds like screams, but keep the fuck on. Don’t try and flip it yet; you got to let that shit get toasted. After 3 to 4 minutes, the bottom sides should look golden brown. Flip them over and repeat. When the tofu is cooked all over, you can cut it into strips, triangles, or smaller squares, whateverthe-fuck you like in your food. It’s just easier to keep that shit bigger for flipping purposes.

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You want a really well-seasoned pan here so that the tofu doesn’t stick. If all else fails, grab a nonstick pan
.

SWEET POTATO,
SQUASH,
AND
BLACK BEAN
ENCHILADAS

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who like enchiladas and people who have no fucking taste. Which are you?

MAKES 8 ENCHILADAS OR ENOUGH FOR 4 PEOPLE

ENCHILADA SAUCE

2¼ cups vegetable broth

1
⁄
3
cup tomato paste

2½ tablespoons chili powder

2 teaspoons ground cumin

1½ teaspoons dried oregano

2 to 3 cloves garlic, minced

2 teaspoons soy sauce or tamari

1 tablespoon lime juice

FILLING

1 large sweet potato (about 1 pound), chopped into nickel-size pieces
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2 teaspoons olive oil

½ yellow onion, chopped

1 medium yellow squash, grated on your box grater (about 1 cup)

1 teaspoon chili powder

½ teaspoon ground cumin

½ teaspoon salt

2 cloves garlic, minced

1½ cups cooked black beans
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1 teaspoon maple syrup or agave syrup

A pack of corn or flour tortillas

Sliced avocado

Chopped fresh cilantro

1
Make the enchilada sauce: Dump everything but the lime juice into a medium saucepan and bring to a simmer. Use a whisk or something and make sure that the tomato paste isn’t just sitting in a fucking clump. Let that simmer together for 10 to 15 minutes so that the sauce has time to thicken up a little. Add the lime juice and turn off the heat. Let that shit cool while you make the filling.

2
To cook the sweet potato, grab a medium saucepan, fill it with an inch or two of water, and bring to a boil over medium heat. Throw in your metal steamer basket and fill that with the chopped sweet potato. Cover and steam until tender, 10 to 15 minutes. Dump into a bowl and smash the pieces around. Some chunks are fine, so you don’t need to work too hard at making this smooth.

3
While the sweet potato steams, grab a large skillet or wok and heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion and sauté until it begins to brown, 3 to 5 minutes. Toss in the squash and cook for another minute. Add the chili powder, cumin, salt, garlic, and black beans. Cook together for another 2 minutes and then fold in the mashed sweet potato and maple syrup and turn off the heat. Mix until all that shit is combined.

4
Now you’re going to make the motherfucking enchiladas. Crank your oven to 375°F. Grab a 9 x 13-inch baking dish.

5
Cover the bottom of the baking dish with about 1½ cups of enchilada sauce. Using a griddle, your oven, or the microwave, warm up the tortillas. Dip a tortilla around in a little of the sauce in the baking dish so that the bottom is all coated. Fill the tortilla with a couple spoonfuls of filling, then roll it up and set it seam-side down in the dish. You know how the fuck enchiladas are supposed to look, so handle that shit. Keep going until you run out of space or out of filling.

6
Cover the enchiladas with the remaining sauce, cover the dish tightly with foil, and throw it in the oven for 20 minutes. Take off the foil and cook it for 5 more minutes. Let it cool for a minute or two before serving. Feel free to top those savory sons of bitches with some sliced avocado or chopped cilantro if you give a shit about presentation.

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You really just need 1 large cooked sweet potato. If you have a leftover roasted sweet potato or something, just scoop out the flesh and move on with the recipe. Or steam it in the microwave if that is your shit: Stab it with a fork, then cook on high for 5 minutes, flip, then 5 minutes more
.

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Or one 15-ounce can

MANGO CURRY

Right by the beach in san Diego there’s this dope thai place with a mango curry that blows our fucking minds. this recipe is our attempt to keep up, but if you ever find yourself down that way, check out thai Village for the real fucking deal.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4

1 teaspoon coconut or grapeseed oil

½ onion, chopped

1½ cups green beans cut into 1-inch pieces

1 medium zucchini, cut into
1
⁄
8
-inch half-moons

1 red or yellow bell pepper, chopped

3 cloves garlic, minced

1½ tablespoons minced fresh ginger

2 tablespoons red curry paste
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1 tablespoon soy sauce or tamari

1½ cups canned coconut milk

1 cup vegetable broth

1 ripe mango, cut into chunks (see
this page
)

Dry-Fried Tofu

2 tablespoons lime juice

Basic Big Pot of Brown Rice

1
Grab a medium soup pot and heat the oil over a medium heat. Add the onion and sauté until lightly golden, about 3 minutes. Add the green beans, zucchini, and bell pepper and cook until the vegetables begin to soften up, another 2 to 3 minutes. Add the garlic, ginger, and curry paste and cook for another 30 seconds. Huff in that goddamn delicious smell. Add the soy sauce, coconut milk, and vegetable broth and turn that son of a bitch to a gentle simmer.

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Once the pot is gently simmering, add the mango and tofu. Reduce the heat to low and let this all cook together until the mango is tender enough to fall apart, 5 to 8 minutes. Turn off the heat, add the lime juice, and then dish up. Serve over the brown rice and tell your neighbors to fucking go home when they stop by asking what smells so good.

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You can find this in a glass jar or small can shelved near the coconut milk and soy sauces. It’s made of all kinds of shit like shallots, lemongrass, galangal, and red chiles. Some pastes are hotter than others, so try 1 tablespoon first and then work your way up in the recipe. There are hundreds of recipes for making this shit yourself, so if you have a well-stocked store, look a recipe up and make this fucker from scratch. The hardest part is finding all the ingredients, trust
.