'Til Death (13 page)

              "Why is that?" I asked.

              She shrugged her shoulders, and then asked a question of her own. "So do you know who my father is?"

              "Why are you asking me that?" That was a line I wasn't sure I wanted to cross.

              "Because I know you’re not going to lie to me."

I shook my head and laughed.

              "That’s something you need to ask your mom." I said.

              "She’s going to lie to me." She leaned back and crossed her arms. Her forehead creased in the middle like she was in deep thought.

              "I don’t think she will this time around."

              "Well, I’m not going to get my hopes up." She mumbled in a low voice.

I nodded my head. I looked at her side profile. Her long hair was in a sloppy ponytail. She had sweats and a tank-top on. She was probably 5’2, and wouldn’t grow any more. She was a beautiful young girl and I knew she would grow into a beautiful woman, which meant a lot of young niggas was going to end up missing.

              "Do you like living here?" I asked. I was curious, because her grandmother seemed like a bitch to me.

              "No, not really. I want to be with my mother." Heaven said.

              "Well, that could happened sooner than later. I’ll talk to her." I promised, sincerity laced in my voice.

              "Why would you do that?" Heaven asked while turning to look at me.

              "Because I know Ciara wants you. I know that she needs you. Plus, I always wanted to have a kid around." I was being honest. I felt like if Ciara got Heaven back, she could truly start healing.

The biggest smile was placed on her face, and I couldn’t help but smile back. Ciara walked in the room. She was red, and I could tell she had been yelling. Cynthia followed, just shaking her head.

              "Where is your mom?" I asked Ciara.

              "She went to bed. Headache." Ciara seemed antsy.

              "Is that what she told you?" Heaven asked in a sarcastic tone.

              "Heaven, not now." Cynthia said.

Heaven rolled her eyes and went back to drawing.

              "No, now is the perfect time, sister." Ciara said. She and Cynthia stared at each other.

              "What are you trying to do Ciara?" Cynthia interrogated like Ciara was up to some grand evil scheme.

              "I’m trying to help you find your balls and your voice." Ciara snapped at her.

              "You leave home and feel like you have some right to be here, and tell everybody how you feel and what you deserve."

              "First off, let’s get it right. I didn’t leave home, for one. Two, let’s not forget what she took from me."

              "You didn’t try to take it back." Cynthia reminded her in a soft tone.

              "I’m not talking about that, and you know it," Ciara said, while slapping her hand on the table. Heaven jumped up and I touched Ciara. She was fuming.

              "Calm down," I said to her. I didn’t know what the hell was going on. Cynthia got up and walked out.

              "We staying the night because of the storm." Ciara said.

              "This is going to be a long fucking night."

Lo

              I was surrounded by people from the funeral. I’d been keeping my distance from Culprit. What he did at the funeral was barbaric. He hadn’t changed at all. He was still too quick to shoot now and ask questions later. He probably would have killed Tez if it hadn’t been a funeral. Culprit could sense the shift in the air between us. He was standing off to the side, minding his own business. Tosh was sitting next to me.

              "Are you all right?" Tosh asked me.

              "Why you ask that?"

              "You’re acting kinda distance."

              "I just buried my mother."

              "You buried your mother when she chose a man over you."

I turned to face Tosh.

"Not to sound cruel, but it’s the truth, and I know something deeper is going on with you." Tosh responded in a softer tone.

              "Really, Tosh, I should be asking you what happened between you and Tez."

Tosh took a sip of her water and looked at me. "Honestly?"

              "Would I want it any other way?" I asked her. Tosh looked around then looked back at me.

              "We fucked around on the low for a while," Tosh whispered in a low tone.

              "Y’all fucked around?"

              "Yes, and by that I mean his penis met my vagina quite often, but in my defense, that was before Ciara told us about them." Tosh said.

I just shook my head. "Why didn’t you ever tell us?"

              "Because he wanted to keep it a secret, and he told me that Ciara don’t like him fucking her friends so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know Ciara and him was fucking around. I mean, Ciara did have a whole husband." Tosh said. I just looked at her.

              "Anyway, I know I have issues, I’m not denying that. But you, Lo, one minute you can’t live without Culprit, and the next you don’t want anything to do with him. Make up your fucking mind. He loves you and really cares about, and when you do this wishy washy shit, how you think that makes him feel?" Tosh said, and got up. I looked at Culprit and he stared back at me. God, I didn’t know what I wanted to do.

Culprit

              I laid next to Lo, but it felt like she wasn’t in the room. I didn’t know what to say or do. I knew she wasn’t sleep. I looked at the clock and it was the wee hours. I had gotten a text from Boan earlier, and he told me everything was good. I had shit to do in the morning for my nigga, and I wasn’t in the mood for Lo’s shitty mood. I knew whatever it was, it was not about the funeral. Lo had her back facing me, and I scooted closer to her. I tried to pull her towards me, but she moved my hand. I sat up and looked down at her.

              "Yo, what’s wrong with you?" I asked. She was starting to irk my nerves. I wasn’t trying to let it show, but my irritation was already getting the best of me.

              "What do you mean?" Lo asked. Her voice was so monotone.

              "You acting like you don’t want me to be here. If you don’t want me here, then just let me know."

Lo turned to face me and looked up at me.

              "I don’t want you here," Lo said dryly.

I looked at her for a long time and nodded my head. Fuck it. I threw the covers off of me and stood up. I grabbed my t-shirt off the chair that was in her room. I threw my shit on and grabbed my overnight bag.

              "Where are you going?" Lo asked me. She was sitting up now.

              "What you mean? I’m fucking leaving." I pointed to the door, thinking it would be obvious to her.

              "Why are you acting like this?" She exhaled in a loud breath.

              "Really? You just told me you wanted me to leave. I’m not about to play these back and forth games with you Lorean, real fucking talk. Either you want to be with me or you don’t." I said, while looking at her. She put her head in her hands. "I don’t know what I want."

              "Well, I’m out. When you figure it out, then you know where to find me." I said. I walked out and left her crib. I was hoping that she would say that she wanted me, that she wanted me to stay as much as I wanted to, but that didn’t happen. I was not about to set myself up for failure. We either got together or we did not. If she needed time, then I could give her that. In a relationship, somebody always loves more. I didn’t know which one I was yet.

Ciara

              It was raining violently outside. Everybody had parted ways. Boan had an overnight bag in his car and was in the guest room changing his clothes. I was sitting out back, inside the screened porch that was connected to the back of the house. My sister gave me something to sleep in. I knew that Boan and I were about to have a long conversation about tonight. My mother and sister had upset me, and I knew that wasn’t good for my baby. Every time I saw Heaven, it seemed like she got even more beautiful. I loved my daughter and would do anything for her. I now felt complete, because the two people that meant everything to me finally had met. The cool breeze from the storm felt good on my skin. The rain hit the ceiling in a rhythmic song. I was sitting in a chair that was right next to the kitchen window. The window was open, but the lights were off. I heard the door open and I looked at Boan. He had on black sweats and a black t-shirt. He sat down next to me. We just sat there and didn’t say anything for a while.

              "Heaven knew that you didn’t tell me about her." Boan said.

              "And what did you tell her?"

              "The truth." He let out a long breath.

              "That was the best thing. Her birthday is next month." I said.

              "She’ll be fourteen."

              "Yup, fourteen," I said. I couldn't believe it had been that long. I felt like I knew nothing about her, and that left a rotten feeling in my gut. There was a long pause, and Boan chuckled. I looked at him.

              "Your family seems pretty fucked-up." He announced while shaking his head.

              "You have no idea." I chuckled with him because he was right. It was plenty of crazy to go around in this family.

              "How did Heaven get stuck here?" I could hear the concern in his voice and it touched my heart.

I looked out into the darkness. I looked back at Boan and he stared at me, waiting on me to answer. Boan was always waiting on me.

              "I had Heaven. Named her Heaven Marie Summers. I was only thirteen. My father was a doctor, but he passed away when I was eight. But my mother still kept in contact with my father’s friends. So when I went to the hospital, my mother called up her doctor friends. She wanted my giving birth kept secret as possible. She was ashamed of me. I gave birth to my daughter and took her home within a matter of days. I told Tez everything, but he wasn’t welcome to come around.

"I would sneak around and see him. Two years had passed, and my daughter was walking and talking. She brought me so much joy. I was fifteen. One day I went out to pick up a couple of things. I ended up staying out later then what I intended. I called home, and it said that our phone was disconnected. I knew that couldn’t be right. I went home and nobody was there. When I say nobody, Boan, I mean not a soul. I was confused. I called everybody and got no answer.

"I stayed at Tez’s house, and every day I would go back home. Me and Tez just said fuck it, and broke into the house. It was empty, with only a note on the countertop. They were gone. My mother packed up everything and left me to fend for myself. I couldn’t call the police, because I was afraid that they would take my daughter away from me. I didn’t have any money or anywhere to stay. I squatted in the house until the law came. My mother sold the house from right up under me. I had nowhere else to go but to Tez.

"From that day on, I was in the drug game. I was destined to get my daughter back. My only downfall was that I got too deep into the game. I didn’t think she would be safe around me. I didn’t find them until my daughter was eight. I had to hire a private investigator. When I saw her again, she was so happy, and so was I. So all those times you thought I was sneaking off to be with another nigga, I was sneaking off to spend time with Heaven. Tez was the only guy I cheated on you with, and that was because I felt like I owed him, and I was afraid of him telling you. I mean, that’s not an excuse, but it was never nobody else for me. Only you." I was crying silently.

Boan stood up and walked to the banister. "Your mother really is fucked-up," Boan mumbled. He walked over to me. He grabbed my hands and pulled me up. He wiped my tears away and pulled me in his arms. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his broad chest. Boan lifted my chin up to face him. He kissed me so softly. I returned it. Our kisses were supposed to be soft and gentle, but we couldn’t help ourselves. They grew deeper and more passionate. My back hit the house right next to the kitchen window. Boan’s dick was hard and poking me in my stomach. Boan took his hand and put it in my sweats. His fingers looked for their home, and he inserted them inside me. I gripped his shirt and pulled him closer to me.