'Til Death - Part 2 (14 page)

I can hear her shuffling; she’s been doing that for the last hour. She’s waking, and I know it’s only a matter of time. Her coughing has eased slightly, and I’m grateful for that. The croaky sound had my heart pounding every time it escaped her lips. It fucking burned. I run my fingers through my hair, trying not to think of Katia. Trying to think of here and now.

But I can’t stop thinking about her.

Katia.

My Wife.

A wife that I wanted to kiss so badly—too badly. I felt something deep in my heart, something I hadn’t felt right up until that moment. I knew I’d fallen for her, but this was something more, something deeper. Now I can’t get her from my mind. I can’t stop thinking that we could be a family, that maybe things could be better.

Deep down, I know they can’t.

I can’t stay married to her, and it’s not even because I don’t want to remain that way. It’s because it’s wrong. Our entire marriage was built on a foundation of lies, and it’s unsteady and dangerous. I have to divorce her. I have to break the binding ties that started this in the first place.

I don’t know how she’ll take it. I don’t know if she’ll see it the way I do. Either way, it has to be done. A soft sound snaps me out of my thoughts and I turn to see Penny staring over at me, her eyes sleepy and heavy. Shit. She’s so fucking beautiful. I’ve never seen anything so perfect in my life. I turn and walk over. My heart throbs, my body tingles and I’m terrified of what’s going to happen next.

“Hey Penny,” I say softly.

She makes a pained sound and lifts her arms in the air, chubby fists waving back and forth. She wants me to pick her up?

My hands tremble as I lean down, putting my fingers under her armpits and gently lifting her. She’s so light, so tiny. I’m careful of her drip line as I cradle her in my arms. She stares up at me for a moment, before her face cracks into the biggest, most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen.

And I know, I just know . . . I’ll never be the same again.

~*~*~*~

K
ATIA

It’s been two days since Penny went to hospital, and she’s finally home. It’s been draining; Marcus and I have had to swap times so we could rest. We made sure one of us was by her side every second. She’s taken to him, and every time I see him smile at her, or her giggle at him, my heart melts just a little bit more. They’re perfect together.

I can’t say I always knew they would be, because that would be a lie. I never thought I’d see them like this. I never thought I’d see him like this—so free, so happy, so in love. He adores her; it’s written all over his face. He’s constantly touching her, constantly making her laugh. It’s beautiful. Truly beautiful.

Now I’m home, and I don’t know where we go from here. He’s at his house, I’m at Ford’s . . . we’re separated and I really don’t know where this leaves us. How often will he want to see her? Will we have to work out custody arrangements? Will we get back together? Do I
want
to get back together? It’s all too confusing, sending me over the edge.

I have to talk to him. I guess that’s truly the only way.

I pull out my phone as soon as I’ve put Penny down for the night. I know he’s probably tired, probably sleeping, but this needs to be done and for my sanity, I need it done now. I dial his number and hold my breath, praying I’m not waking him up.

“Yeah?” he answers in a gruff, yet not groggy tone.

“Marcus, hey.”

“Katia.”

I swallow. He always manages to have this affect on me, even after everything. With one word, he renders me speechless.

“Katia?”

“Sorry,” I finally whisper. “Marcus, can we talk?”

“Now?”

“If you have time.”

He’s silent for a moment. “Can you come around? Not sure Ford will want me there.”

“Ah . . . Penny is asleep . . .”

“Right, don’t wake her.”

“Hang on.”

I pull the phone from my ear and walk to the door. “Hey, Ford?”

He comes out of his room, shirtless and panting from yet another workout. “Yeah?”

“Penny is sleeping. I need to go and see Marcus for a few hours. Is she okay here while I’m gone?”

“Of course she is!”

My eyes widen as Candy pops her head around the door. Then my mouth drops open.
He was sweating and panting from a workout.

“Candy!” I cry.

She grins. “Sorry. You fucked my boss, I fucked your brother. It’s only fair, right?”

I bite my bottom lip. Her smile gets bigger. Ford groans and looks at the ceiling.

“Ah, right, well . . . sure.”

“And don’t worry.” She winks at Ford. “We’re done for now. I’ll watch Penny.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

I nod, still staring at her in shock. With a shake of my head, I put the phone to my ear. “I’m all yours.”

I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I close my eyes and curse softly.

“Do you want me to come and get you?” Is that a hint of amusement in his voice?

“No, I’ll drive.”

“Okay.”

I hang up and roll my eyes. Could I be anymore pathetic? I quickly get dressed, go over everything with Candy, chew on her ass for another ten minutes about Ford, then I kiss Penny goodbye and drive over to Marcus’s house. Our old home. A place where so much darkness unraveled.

M
y entire body is shaking as I knock on the door.

I don’t know what’s about to happen, and I don’t know how this is going to go down. All I know is that we need to figure this out once and for all so we can all move on with our lives. Together or apart. I fiddle with the necklace around my neck as I wait for Marcus to answer. When he does, my breath catches. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of exercise pants, a light sheen of sweat over his chest and abs.

Jesus.

His hair is slightly damp, falling over his forehead, and he looks . . . amazing. I swallow, adjusting my top, even though it really doesn’t need adjusting. “Ah, hey,” I mumble, trying to look anywhere but at the amazing body facing me. All that bronze, tight skin. All those muscles. All those tattoos.

“Hey,” he murmurs, “Come in.”

I step past him and freeze as I look around. The house hasn’t changed, not a bit, but it still hurts like it did the day I left it. Seeing it again brings it all back. I clench my eyes shut, take a deep steadying breath, and pull myself together. That was then. This is now. I can’t hold on to the past. It won’t do either of us any good.

“Do you want some wine?” he asks as I enter the kitchen.

“Sure.”

He steps past me and lifts the bottle of red off the table. He pours some into a glass and hands it to me before getting himself a beer. We move to the living area and I stare out the massive windows.

“Why are you here, Katia? I know you wouldn’t just come in here without a reason.”

I take a deep breath, a sip of wine, and then turn to him. God damn him for looking so perfect. He doesn’t make this easy.

“We need to talk about this. About us; about Penny.”

He nods shortly, and leans against the wall, accentuating all that he is with that one simple movement.

“I don’t know . . . I don’t know what to do or where to go, but I think for her sake we need to know.”

“I want Penny in my life, Katia, but I’m not going to bring a fight into it. I just want what is best for her.”

My heart aches at his words, purely because he didn’t say he wanted
me
in his life, and I never thought that would hurt the way it is.

“I want what’s best for her, too,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady. “I want you in her life, Marcus. I just don’t know how we’re going to do that.”

He stares at me, really stares. Then in a low rumble, he says, “I grew up in a fucked up household. My mother, my father, my grandfather, the entire lot of them created the monster that broke your heart. I don’t want that for her. I don’t want her to live every day watching her parents fight.”

“And that’s what you think will happen?” I rasp. “That we’ll fight?”

“Katia,” he says, his voice almost sympathetic. “We didn’t just cheat on each other, or make a small mistake. I fuckin’ broke you and you tried to have me killed. I’m not sure that’s something that can be overlooked.”

My chest constricts, and I manage to say, “So what do you propose?”

“I don’t know right now. All I know is I want my daughter in a happy world.”

“Do you love me, Marcus?”

His eyes narrow and his jaw clenches. I watch as he gathers himself, then he says, “Love isn’t enough, Katia. You and I both know that.”

“So that’s it? We separate and put Penny on visitation rights?”

My voice comes out bitter, and I can’t help that. I want to scream, to rip my hair out, to beg. I hate that I feel like that. Marcus broke me. I broke him. We’re a train wreck, and sometimes there just aren’t enough parts in the world to put such a mess back together. I don’t know if he can fix me, and I sure as shit don’t know if I can fix him. He’s right; Penny doesn’t deserve to grow up with parents who resent each other.

Only . . . I don’t resent him. I fucking love him and that’s why this hurts so damned much.

“Katia,” he says in a low, scratchy tone.

I turn. I can’t look at him. I can’t face him. If I do he’ll see the tears. The disappointment. The loss. All of it. All of it, a result of what we created for ourselves. I can never take back what was done and neither can he, but it burns. It fucking burns to my very core. It burns because I want it to be okay. I want him in my life. I want him in hers.

And there’s a good chance that’ll never be.

His fingers curl around my shoulder just as a slow, beautiful song fills the room. I close my eyes, trying to calm myself. His fingers run down my arm, stopping at my hand. He grips it and turns me slowly until I’m facing him. I look up into his eyes and my heart feels as if it’s going to take a leap right out of my chest.

“Don’t think that I wouldn’t fix this if I could.”

If I could
.

“But I don’t know if something so toxic can be fixed.”

Toxic.

“If I knew what I know now back then, I would have never let any of this happen. This is on me, Katia. I have to live with not having the family I always wanted because of my selfish, fucked-up heart.”

Family he always wanted.

“You’re fuckin’ precious, Katia. I drove you to consider murder. Do you really believe what we have right here is a healthy, beautiful environment for that little girl?”

I don’t want to admit it. I don’t.

I won’t.

“If that’s what you want,” I whisper, dropping my eyes. “Then it’s settled.”

“Look at me.”

I don’t.

“Katia, fuckin’ look at me.”

I lift my eyes and connect my gaze with his. We stare at each other for so long my legs begin to tremble. I want to say something—I just don’t know what it is I want to say. I agree? I don’t agree? I love you? I fucking hate you? A tear rises up and trickles down my cheek, and he catches it with his thumb before gliding it over my cheek to my bottom lip.

“Dance with me,” he says, pulling us back.

“Marcus.”

“Dance with me.”

He wraps his body around mine, puts his hands on my hips, and I can’t help but raise my hands to lock around his neck. My fingers find a stray piece of hair at the very base of his neck and I twist it around as we begin to move across the living room floor. We’re moving softly to the song “Feels Like Home” and the words cling to me in a way I know I’ll never be able to detach.

His eyes are on mine.

Mine are on his.

And there is nobody else in this room but the two of us. Just him and me. There are no problems here. No issues. No monsters lurking behind the curtains. It’s just
us
, an
us
I always wanted us to be. More tears slide down my cheeks, because the sudden realization that I’m going to lose this man hits me like a sledgehammer to the chest.

He stares down at me as if he wants to devour me, as if he doesn’t want this to be the last time we’re together, but there’s something in his expression that tells me he’s doing this purely because he needs it as much as I do before it’s finished . . . before this . . . is over. He reaches up, stroking my tears again, then his thumb glides over my bottom lip and we both make a gasping sound.

We both want this.

That much is one hundred percent clear.

With that thought lodged into my mind, Marcus leans down and captures my mouth in a hungry, frenzied kiss. I groan, closing my eyes as I remove my hands from his neck and slide them over his body. I need this. Just once more. His tongue glides out, torturing mine before disappearing back into his mouth, leaving me wanting more.

“Marcus,” I breathe, wrenching my mouth from his and pressing my cheek to his chest.

“Fuck,” he groans.

Screw it.

I lift my mouth to his again and this time the kiss is deep and slow, like the kiss we should have shared in the hospital, like a damned kiss should be. Real. Pure. Perfect. His hands tangle around my hips and he hauls me forward, bringing my body to his. I can feel his erection against my belly as he backs me to the wall.

“Not against the wall,” I whimper. “Please, Marcus. It’s always hard, rough, and against a wall.”

He removes me instantly and lets me go. I stand on wobbly legs and watch as he walks over to a large chest and flings it open. He brings out a warm, fluffy cover and lays it on the ground in front of the window. Then he turns and gives me the most molten, devastating stare. My legs can’t carry me fast enough towards him, and the moment I reach him, we’re on the ground, tangled in each other, mouths crushed together.

Marcus’s hands move down over my body, tracing down my sides and gently stroking until he reaches my dress. He lifts it and I shift so he can get it off, then his mouth is back on mine, sliding down my jaw and neck until he reaches my collarbone. My head drops back and I moan as his mouth continues down. He finds my breasts, and I can feel his hot breath through my bra.

“Fuck,” he murmurs.

In a split second, my bra is gone and his mouth is covering my nipple. I arch and cry out his name as he inflicts pure torture on my body. His hands move down at the same time and grip my hips. After my whimpered plea, he reaches for my panties. He moves with them as he slides them down my legs. Then he’s staring at my naked body with a hungry, desperate look on his face.