To Dare the Duke of Dangerfield (16 page)

But she hadn’t needed to hear his voice to know it was Harlow. She could sense the moment he was near. His masculine scent filled her head and clung to her other senses.
 

She felt the bed dip as he sat down, felt his gentle touch on her face. And had her mouth taken in a thoroughly arousing kiss. It was lovely, but since her accident he had never taken it any further. Never tried to do more than kiss her. Perhaps, now that she was damaged, he no longer desired her.
 

He ended the kiss, stroked her hair back gently, and sighed. The bed dipped again as he stood up, and the chair next to the bed scraped a foot on the floor as he drew it closer to the bed.
 

“I’d like to get up today,” she said as he sat down. “It’s time I went home. Your mother and your staff have been wonderful but I don’t want to continue to be a burden on them.”
Or you
.

Silence greeted her words. Then he said, quietly, “You are not a burden. And I won’t hear of you leaving until you are well.”

“There is nothing wrong with me.”

“The bruise on the side of your head tells me differently. Besides, I enjoy your company. I don’t want you to leave.”

She sighed. He was going to make this difficult. Why did he have to fight her at every turn?
Because it’s thrilling and you enjoy it as much as he does.
“I have to go home sometime. I can’t stay here forever.”

“Yes, you can,” he said softly. “Marry me.”

Was this offer out of guilt, or pity, or something more? How she wished she could see his face. She couldn’t bear it if he offered out of pity. Or guilt. He would come to resent her. Besides, what use would she be to him as a blind duchess?

“Don’t,” she said quietly. “I don’t want pity and you are not responsible for my condition. It was an accident—”

“It wasn’t an accident. And if my stupid pride—”

“Your pride played no part in it. You were trying to right a wrong perpetrated on your—
our
brother. I should have known when you offered marriage that there was more to this than a simple wager. I admire you immensely for trying to do the right thing for all concerned. I also understand why you couldn’t tell me. Jeremy guarded his secret well, and having seen how Society treats those of his birth, I can understand why.”

His chair creaked as he shifted. “Christ. You are too forgiving. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive him. He robbed you of your sight.”

She reached out her hand, and felt the warmth of his fingers as they clasped it. “He didn’t mean to. He was young and angry at the world. He truly thought Mansfield Manor would change things for him. Poor darling. A house would have made no difference. He has to live with that.”

They sat holding hands in silence.
 

Finally Harlow spoke. “Aren’t you angry? I’d be furious. How can you not hate me?”

“Is that why you want to marry me?” She tried to keep the stiffness and hurt out of her voice but didn’t manage it. “Because you think I hate you, and that you owe me this? Well, I don’t. And you don’t.” She attempted to withdraw her hand but Harlow clutched it tightly. She heard the chair creak again, and then his knees hit the floor beside her bed.

“No.” His lips pressed a warm and fervent kiss into her palm. “I want to marry you because I love you.”

Breath seemed to clog in her lungs.
 

But he wasn’t finished. “I think a part of me has loved you since the day at the pond—”

“When we made love?”

“No.” There was a smile in his voice that tugged at her heart. “When you were fifteen, and you laughed at me as I lay wallowing in the mud. You knew who I was and didn’t care. You put me in my place. And when you poked your tongue out at me I was angry and pleased at the same time.”
 

How could this be true? “You were mean to me that day.”

“Because you unsettled me like no other woman had, and yet I knew you were still a girl. I didn’t know how to behave. I wanted to thrash you one minute, and then kiss you the next.”

She laughed at the picture in her head. “Well, I thought you were a bully, and a wastrel. And I thought it was fitting punishment for your bad temper that you fell in to the bog.”

He squeezed her hand. “No woman had ever laughed at me before. You saw
me
. The real me. The good and bad. And I knew that—when I loved—I wanted a woman who saw
me
not just my title and wealth.”
 

He stood to his feet, and the bed dipped again as he sat down beside her on the mattress. Leaned back against the headboard. “I looked for that quality in every woman I met. I thought I’d found it in a woman once, but she was false. I’d given up hope of ever finding what I wanted. Then, when I saw you with
Ace of Spades
that day, dressed like a man but every inch a woman, and you almost shoved your horse’s arse in my face... I knew I’d found what I’d been looking for. I’d found you.”

His words left her breathless and sent her pulse racing. She swallowed down her hope. “But I can’t see you now.”

“You see me better than any woman ever has,” was his heart-felt reply.

She might be blind, but she could still weep. “Thank you. That’s beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful.” He pulled her into an embrace. “I know you have a lot to adjust to, but will you consider my proposal?”

She nodded. She’d consider it, but her answer would still be “no”. Even more so now. The irony burned like pure malt whiskey in her throat. Harlow wanted a partner in life. She’d been looking for a partner too. It was top of her “Requirements for a Husband” list. How could she be a true partner for him now that she was blind?

He deserved more in a wife. He needed someone as active as he was. Someone to be by his side. Someone to hunt with, ride with, travel with. A true partner, in every sense of the word.
 

She wanted time to think. “I’m tired, Harlow. I need to rest, but would you come and fetch me this afternoon. I’d like to get some fresh air.”

He kissed her soundly, and rose from the bed. “I’ll be back at three. That gives me time to see to my correspondence.”

He crossed the room and the door to her chamber opened, but on the threshold she sensed him hesitate. “I am sorry, you know,” he said. “More sorry than you’ll ever know.” And before she could reply he’d closed the door. His footsteps echoed down the hall.

They echoed in her heart, too. She curled up in bed, conflicting emotions fighting inside her. She wanted to marry Harlow. But she loved him. And it was her love for him that refused to let him tie himself to a blind woman. A blind woman. She was a blind woman.

The truth of it hit her in an explosion of tears, and she wept. Wept for herself. For Harlow. For the hopelessness of her situation. She had her Mansfield Manor but it meant nothing. She felt nothing for it. It wasn’t Harlow. It was Harlow she wanted—and Harlow was the one thing she could never have.
 

She must have drifted into sleep because she came awake with a start when her bedroom door opened and hesitant footsteps approached her bed.

“Yes?” She hated how vulnerable she felt. “Who’s there?”

“It’s me.”

Jeremy.
 

“I’m so very sorry, Lady Southall,” he choked out. “I didn’t want to hurt you, I just…”

“Come.” She patted the bed beside her. “Sit.”

His steps dragged towards her and she felt him sit.

“First of all,” she said, “I want you to know that I forgive you. It was a foolish and dangerous thing to do, but I understand. Look how foolishly
I
behaved over a house. I should never have wagered against Harlow.”

He gulped in a breath. “If I could take back what I did, I would, in a heartbeat. I just wanted you to
lose
. I didn’t want you to get
hurt
.” Shame whispered in that last word. True shame. True repentance. “I’ve let my cowardice ruin everything. I should have met with you as Harlow urged, and none of this would have happened.”

She patted his hand. “We’ve both been stupid. If I’d known I had a half-brother, and what my father did, I would have gladly given you Mansfield Manor. Do you know,”—she kept hold of his hand—“I’ve learned that it is not the house that is important, but the family in it? I may have grown up at Mansfield Manor, but you had the riches. After my mother died, I had no one—no one who cared for, or loved me. It was a very lonely upbringing. So it’s hardly surprising I focused all my love on a house.” She swallowed back pain at the memory of those empty years. “You, on the other hand, had more riches than I could have imagined. You have a mother and a brother who love you, and would do anything to see you happy. That is worth more than any house.”

“Not anymore.” There was a muffled sob beside her. “Harlow hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you. He’s disappointed in you. You will have to earn back his trust and respect, but I know you can do that. Just give him time.”

Jeremy swallowed. “What about you? Can you learn to forgive me and love me after what I have done?”

She nodded. “I believe so. Especially if you do something for me.”

“Anything!”

“Then I want you to promise that you’ll be the best owner Mansfield Manor and the estate has ever had. My father—our father—gambled everything away, and cared nothing for the estate. I want you to promise to take pride in it, and restore it to its former glory.”

She’d heard his gasp. “But I can’t take Mansfield Manor after what I did.”

She sighed. “Jeremy, I thought you and I were realists. Harlow has lived with privilege all his life. Everyone does as he wishes. He doesn’t understand what it is like in the real world. We both know I’ll never be able to manage Mansfield Manor on my own—not now. Not blind. And I wouldn’t want to. I want someone who has the estate in his blood, someone like you, who will restore it and show the world how prosperous and beautiful it can be. Will you let me live with you at Mansfield Manor? That’s all I ask.”

“But when you marry Harlow,” the boy said, slowly, “he can look after Mansfield Manor for you.”

Caitlin laughed. “Marry Harlow? Jeremy, what did I just say about being realists?” She turned her head least he see her unshed tears. “Whoever heard of a blind duchess? Harlow needs a wife who can stand by him in Society and help him manage his households. He does not need a woman who will be nothing but a burden to him.”

“I need a woman who completes me. Who fills my soul with song, and who can bring me to my knees in adoration with one simple smile.”

Caitlin started. She’d been so busy talking to Jeremy she had not heard Harlow enter the room, but suddenly his scent invaded her darkness and cloaked her in yearning.

She felt Jeremy stand and heard him quickly walk to the door and leave the room.

“I will not hold you to marriage out of guilt and pity.” She kept her voice steady. “This accident is not your fault.”

“Of course it is my fault. I should never have let you race.”

“
Let
me? As if you could have
stopped
me.”

He did not reply and silence invaded her space. How she longed to see his handsome face and read his thoughts. She almost doubled over with the pain when she realized she never would see him again. Never see that sensual smile, the fire in his eyes, or the curls that lent him a boyish air. How could she marry him knowing that? He deserved a wife who could share in all his life.

Two strong arms suddenly wrapped around her and lifted her off the bed. In the next instant she was seated in Harlow’s lap, hugged tightly to his massive chest.

“I don’t want to marry you out of guilt or pity,” he said. “Don’t you understand? I
need
you. I’m a selfish bastard; I know I’m asking a lot of you to love a man who, through his own vanity and pride, did this to you. But I swear that if you do me the honor of becoming my wife, I shall worship you until the day I die.”

“But I can’t see you,” she cried on a wracking sob.

Harlow breathed in deeply. “But you can smell me. I know, because I can smell you. Your scent is unique and it drives me wild. And you can hear me.” He whispered something scandalous in her ear and her body tightened with lust. “And you can taste me.” He moved his mouth to hers and kissed her deeply. While he continued to kiss her he placed her hand on his groin. Breaking the kiss, he whispered hoarsely, “And you can feel me. Feel how much I want you? And only you.”

Caitlin ran her fingers over the hard length of his straining arousal, reveling in the feel of him. She slid her palm down from tip to scrotum and felt him pulse in his trousers, seeking her touch. A shiver rippled through her body.

“Does that feel like a man who desires you out of guilt or pity?” he asked, placing her hand on his chest, over his heart. “Feel how it beats powerfully for you. Without you by my side I know it will shrivel up and die. I love you, Caitlin Southall. Don’t make me live without you just to punish me.”

She couldn’t see truth in his face, but she could hear it in his words. They rang with sincerity. Choked with emotion.

She pressed a kiss to his lips. “Then yes, Harlow Telford, Duke of Dangerfield,” she whispered. “I shall risk my heart on you. I will marry you, and be your duchess.”