To Honor and Cherish (18 page)

~~~

Meg was in all new territory. It was like she’d never been married. Like she’d never even been in a real relationship. Chase had been so kind, but not attentive. He’d never joked with her, or been playful like Jax. He’d certainly never looked at her with eyes like Jax had that long-ago morning. Strangely though, had she never lost it, she would’ve been completely content in that life. Losing Chase had seemed like the end of the world. Now she looked at her life and wondered if she should’ve married Chase at all. Jax was the one the Lord seemed to lean her heart toward.

Meg looked at the handsome man next to her and wondered how in the world he could find her half as desirable as he was to her. All the men who’d asked her father for her hand had, in some way or another, let her know it was the ranch they loved. She’d been the oldest so they had come for her first. Her father had asked her then which one she’d been interested in the most. She’d told him Chase was the most kind.

Her father had pressed her then if Chase loved her and just as important, did she love Chase? After watching her parents her whole life, what did she know of love between a man and wife? She was sure he must and also that she loved him in return. Her father hadn’t been so sure and had developed a deed for the ranch. The deed would only transfer upon two conditions; his daughter had to be married and she had to have a son. The first daughter to do those two things would inherit the ranch. Since Meg had been the most interested in it, and it seemed like she would be the one to fulfill the deed, Gus had let her and Chase live there and continue his legacy while he, his wife, and his other daughter moved into town.

Meg and Chase had tried for years to have the heir that would grant them the stability they both wanted, but to no avail. It seemed either Meg could not bear children, or Chase could not make them. They had both been so disappointed month after month. It was the lack of child that made them closer, instead of the expected anger, blame, and distance. Chase had held her when she cried. To say they did not love each other would have been a lie, but it was different from what seemed to be growing here and now. If she had loved Chase though, what was this?

Jax seemed to have no interest in gaining the ranch. He liked the work, there was no question of that. Unlike the past men in her life, Jax didn’t attempt to wiggle his way into operations or try to get more control than he’d been given. He seemed genuinely interested in her. He had been even more attentive since her father had taken over responsibility for the ranch two days before. Continually smiling and listening to her. There for her whenever she needed him, before even asking him. It was like he could sense her needs before she even had them.

Meg knew Jax couldn’t leave the tiny stateroom often because of the threat of Lars. But after two days had passed, she needed to be away from the little bench and the incredibly hard slab that acted as her bunk. Jax had been having nightmares again and he kept crying out to Mary, whoever she was. She’d thought he was taking some interest in her, but it seemed like Mary had possession of his heart and it made her want to cry.

Chapter
Twenty

The porter walked down the narrow hallway between cabins announcing it was time for the evening meal of their last day on the train. Meg’s leg bounced in a nervous motion, she’d been worried about the next leg of their journey and how long it might take. Spending so much time alone with Jax made her ever more edgy and nervous. She struggled with having him be kind and attentive during the day and talk about Mary all night, not that she wanted him dreaming of her at night, just not someone else either.

“Meghan, how about we get out of this tiny room and go eat our final meal in the dining car?” He reached for his hat next to him on the seat.

“Jax, we can’t. Lars and his men will see you. No, we should stay right here and have another quiet meal in our room.”

“I’ve had about enough quiet. Up. We’re going.” He took a hold of her hand and pulled her up out of her seat. She stretched the stiffness out of her back and rubbed her sore neck from the hard bench and long periods of sitting there.

“Jax, I really don’t think…”

“Then don’t.” He smiled. “Let me think for a few minutes.”

He pulled her out into the narrow hall of the sleeping car before she could object any more. All of the window shades were up and all of the rooms were empty. The dining section would be full and hectic.

Jax and Meg picked their way slowly and carefully to the dining car. It was lined with more booth seating on either side of the car, but the seats looked much more comfortable and there were tables between each facing booth. The meal smelled wonderful and Meg’s stomach ached with anticipation. He led her to a table near the front of the car on the right side. He sat so he could watch the entire car, and sat Meg with her back to everyone.

A server brought their food, she prayed to herself, and she laid her napkin on her lap, prepared to eat. Meg opened her mouth to make a comment when a voice came from behind her.

“Well, well, well. Should we play another game of hide and seek, Jackson? Or will you come along quietly?”

“I’m eating a meal with my lady friend here, why don’t you go find something to do for a while? Even the condemned get a last meal,” he growled at Lars.

Meg clenched her jaw, not only was her lie evident, Jax was now in danger. If something happened to him. She’d be left alone…again.

Lars shoved his belly into the back of Meg’s head.

“You don’t mind if I borrow your beau for a bit, do you miss? Or maybe you’d like to come along, too? I don’t appreciate liars.”

“Yes.” Meg paused. “I do mind. Go find someone else to bother.” She waved for a porter, who saw her and looked mortified. He came over careful to avoid eye contact with anyone.

“What seems to be the problem, miss?” he asked, his voice shaking.

“The problem is this man who will not let us eat in peace.” She sat up stiffly in her seat.

“Sir.” The terrified man said, looking down. “Could you let them eat their meal, please?”

“No, I don’t think I will. Thank you for coming over to visit.” He turned the porter around and shoved him back toward his station. Lars came over and stood right next to Jax.

“How’s your shoulder? If Paul wasn’t a drunk or it had been me, you’d already be dead.”

“All right, Lars.” Jax wiped his mouth and threw his napkin on the table. “Let’s get this over with.” Jax stood up and waited for the larger man to lead the way.

Lars backed away from Jax a step and a moment of surprise shone on his face. With the cramped nature of the car he had nowhere to go but back through the throng of people. Lars turned to head for the back of the car. Jax pulled his gun and put it to the man’s back, cocking it. The sound silenced the noisy car.

“Keep moving,” Jax prodded him with the gun.

“You won’t get away with this Jackson. I have too many friends. You should know that by now. I will dog you until the day you die.”

“Maybe today is the last day you dog me. Maybe today is the day you die and leave me to have my life.” Jax pushed the man through the car, ignoring all the gawking passengers.

“You haven’t got what it takes to kill me, you good-for-nothing, son-of-a—.”

“You’re right,” Jax yelled over him, “killing is your thing. Though usually you stick to people who can’t defend themselves against you. Like my sister.” He shoved his gun into Lars’s back, making him stumble.

Jax forced him through many cars all the way back to the baggage car. He opened the door, shoved Lars in there, followed him in, and closed the door behind them.

“So it was your plan to shove me off the back of the train? Maybe we should try that with you?” Jax stared at the man who’d made his life hell for three long years.

Lars laughed. “You never had it in you. You couldn’t even knock a guy around to save my interests. You’re a talker. There’s no action in you. Even now, you have all the cards and you’ll fold. You’ll walk out that door and leave me here to follow you all the way to Hell and back. If you think you’re ever going to have a quiet life, think again.”

Jax looked at Lars and though he wanted to live his life without being hunted like a prize deer, he couldn’t shoot Lars in cold blood. He grabbed some rope from a hook by the door and tied Lars’s hands securely, then turned to leave.

“I don’t know what I ever saw in you Jackson. You’re worthless.” Lars turned his back on Jax.

He paused at the door. “I don’t know what I ever saw in you besides a paycheck. And you’re right about one thing Lars. I am worthless. At judging character. At least I used to be.” He turned and walked out of the baggage car and locked the door behind him. As he walked back toward the dinner car, he met a porter along the way.

“Excuse me.” He held up a finger to get the attention of the smartly dressed man. “There seems to be a wild animal trapped in the baggage car. You might want to leave it locked until we reach St. Paul.”

The porter smiled broadly at Jax, and replied, “Wouldn’t dream of letting it out.”

Jax returned to his meal to find his date had gone back to their car and his meal sat there all alone. Brooding, he finished his now-cold meal. He was darn tired of Lars ruining everything in his life, even the little things like a meal with a lovely lady.

Meg sat in the car arranging her bag when Jax walked back to their shared tiny space. He could see agitation and anger plain on her face. Her movements were harsh and rough, and he prepared himself for the reaction. What he didn’t prepare himself for were the tears streaming down Meg’s cheeks. When she turned and saw him walk in, she viciously swiped the wet from her eyes as if the tears were evil.

He came over to her and knelt in front of her, looking up into her eyes.

“You all right, boss-lady?”

“No.” She shook her head so hard he thought her hair would come loose of its ties. He saw the fear in her eyes behind the tears. “No, I saw you leave with Lars and I kept thinking about how you fared last time. I sat there in that car with all those people watching me, wondering what was going on and I didn’t know. I’m on this trip so far from home, and if something happened to you I’d be all alone. I don’t know where I’m going and—.”

“Meghan.” He took her hands. “Slow down.” He rubbed her hand with his thumb. “I’m not going to leave you. I wouldn’t have suggested going to the dining car if I didn’t have a plan to take care of whatever might happen. I won’t do anything to put you in danger. I hope you know that.”

“What would I do without you? I mean...” She look flustered and spoke quickly. “How could I finish this without your help?”

“I like being needed too much to give up the job just yet.” He squeezed her hand then went to collect his own bag. He saw a large city off in the distance and figured it was probably St. Paul.

“Did you finish your bonnet?” he asked, trying to take her mind off her fears.

“Yes.” She took it off the seat and tried it on for him. It was, of course, black but looked soft and warm.

He reached forward and pulled one string playfully “Very nice. I hope we can find comfortable transportation to the Canadian border. But no matter what, from here on out, comfort means seating not warmth.”

Meg nodded. The train came to a stop and Meg and Jax made a hasty exit. They both knew if they could get far away from the train before Lars could be let free, he and his goons may not find them again and be forced to simply go home.

Jax pointed out a nice looking hotel near the station and he led Meg in to its warm interior. The furnishings were plush, with red velvet lounges and chairs in the main room, carpet on the floor and huge elaborate paintings on the walls. A large mirror hung right behind the concierge. He was meticulously dressed and groomed; taking pride in the appearance of himself and the establishment he worked for. Meg took one look at her rumpled appearance and looked away, embarrassed.

“May I help you?” He smiled through large, white teeth.

“The lady and I are looking for a couple rooms.” Jax put his hand on Meg’s arm.

“Well, as the express train arrived barely a half-hour ago and many rooms were pre-arranged, I only have one room available. It does have a comfortable bed, big enough for two.” He looked at each of them directly.

Meg blushed a deep crimson and looked at the floor.

“Can we have an extra cot in the room?” Jax asked, trying to make the most of the situation. He didn’t want to go back out in the cold.

“No, sir. All of our extras have been spoken for.” His smile had turned fake. Jax couldn’t say why, but it seemed like this guy intended to make things difficult.

“If you can’t provide us what we need, why should we stay here?” Jax asked leveling his gaze on the man.

“Do you honestly think you’re going to find anywhere nicer than right here?” His arm made a sweeping motion of the lush room. “Do you really think there are many rooms available this late in the evening on a night when the express arrives? If you think you can find accommodations elsewhere, do try, but by then my one room will be gone.” He flicked his hand and went back to writing in his logbook.

Meg put her hand on Jax’s arm and nodded enough for Jax to see. Jax was not one to give up, but all he wanted was a warm room.

“You win.” He sighed. Shaking his head, he made the payment for the room then collected the key. He led Meg up the stairs, noting that even though they were in a town far from home, she looked down and hid her face behind her bonnet. She didn’t want anyone to see her go into the same room as him. He put his arm around her and directed her into the proper room.

Once inside, he laid down his saddle bag and took Meg’s bag from her to put safely under the bed.

“No one will know here that we’re not married.” He pointed out. “Don’t feel shame if you don’t have to. Now, why don’t you take the bed? I’ll take the lounge, it’ll still be softer than what I’ve slept on the last two nights.”

Meg agreed. She used the fresh, clear water in the wash bowl to freshen up her face and hands before she climbed into bed with exhaustion. He heard her breath even out and get deeper as in sleep within minutes.

~~~

Meg woke sometime in the wee hours of the cold night to one of Jax’s nightmares, though this was worse than she’d seen since he’d been beaten. He thrashed and yelled. Instead of only saying Mary’s name, he shifted and tossed, mumbling about Lars and Mary. Then, he sobbed in his sleep, a pitiful, sad sound. She couldn’t bear hearing him. Whoever Mary was, Jax loved her completely. Meg swallowed her pity, both for Jax and for herself.

She held her arms out to avoid hitting anything in the strange pitch black room dragging to her feet to his couch and knelt by him. She took his big hand in her small one and pet it. She wondered if her touch made him as warm as his touch did to her.

“Jax, wake up. Jackson?” she whispered a few times, continuing to rub his hand, comforting him.

He startled awake and sat strait up, crying hoarsely, “Mary!” He grabbed on to Meg like she was his lifeline. Meg stiffened, startled at being in his embrace, but didn’t fight it. She realized it was meant for Mary, but bless her heart, she wasn’t here to collect it and Meg could. She kept her hands in her lap for the embrace but, after a minute, she put her hands up against his chest and pushed herself back.

“Jax, it’s me, Meg. You’re in St. Paul, Minnesota and we’re on a trip to find my little sister, Lizzy. Do you remember?”

He nodded, bleary eyed. These nights of horrors had obviously been keeping him awake too.

“Why don’t you tell me about what’s bothering you. Then, maybe we both can sleep?” Meg asked, taking hold of his hand again.

He cleared his throat, unsure of his voice. “I’m not sure what to tell you. I only know I wake up feeling like I haven’t slept at all and like everything in my life is missing.”

“You don’t remember your dreams?” Meg wondered how he could have night visions so terrible yet have them blocked from his remembrance.

“No, I always have trouble sleeping for a while after having a run-in with Lars. After a while, the nightmares go away and I just get back on with life.”

“You say the name ‘Mary’ over and over, tonight you talked of Lars. You were saying many things. Most of them I couldn’t understand though.”