To Kill a President

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride..." And we... kill those people. 
"We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real." Just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter because: It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defences each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.

Bill Hicks

Chapter One

As she sat in the canoe James Faraday could not help but stare.  She was beautiful; her long straight black hair was being blown around by the wild wind that had begun rocking the boat.  She was wearing her favourite t-shirt, it was black with a bright red circle in the middle that was covered by the initials “DK”.  It was slightly smaller in size than Jane required and as a result of this it showed of her perfectly shaped large breasts.  The initials “DK” stood for the name of Jane’s favourite band The Dead Kennedys.  As he looked at her his thoughts turned to the first time they had met.

They had met four years earlier whilst they were both studying history at the University of Stirling.  As fate would have it they were placed in the same halls of residence.  Jane was also a history student.

Jane Stuart had been the first person Faraday had met at University and their rooms were directly opposite one another on the third floor of Murray Court.  Their first meeting had been an awkward experience for Faraday, but then again most of his first meetings were.  He had always been quiet growing up, if truth be told he had never even had a real friend let alone a girlfriend.  School had been a difficult time for Faraday, most of his peers had referred to him by the name “specky twat” and over the years he had become more and more introverted.  His life had revolved around his books and his family, he didn’t need anyone else.

Now that he was at university he hoped at the very least the bullying would stop but he had no idea that he would fall in love during the first hour in his new home.  He had arrived early at the University eager to unpack his things and slip in to his room anonymously.  He began by unpacking the homely touches his mother had bought for him a small mirror, alarm clock and a framed picture of the whole family from last Christmas.  As he looked fondly at the picture he was disturbed by a knock on his new bedroom door.  Startled Faraday glanced at the mirror and saw how messy his hair looked.  He had decided to grow it and as a result it had gone curly and sprouted out in every possible direction, below his hair sat a pair of black rimmed glasses.  Faraday was practically blind without them.  His eyes matched the colour of his hair, dark brown as was the four day stubble that had grown on his face.  He let out a small sigh and moved towards the door.  As he opened it he was stunned by the beauty of the girl that stood in the doorway.  She had shoulder length died black hair with a fringe that went down to just above her pale blue eyes.  Her eyes were surrounded by dark eye liner and mascara that contrasted beautifully with her pale skin.

“Hi, I’m Jane your new flatmate!” she spoke with a smile and an outstretched hand.

“Erm, oh, Hi I’m James, James Faraday.”  He could feel the colour rising to his cheeks and desperately tried to come across as confident and cool as he stretched out his hand to shake hers.

“Cool! What you studying Faraday?”

Faraday? Nobody had ever called him Faraday before, even though it was just his surname it came over as affectionate and he started to think he might be making his first friend. “Um history, what about you?”

“Me too!  Are you doing the introduction to Scottish History module?  The first class is next Monday I think?”

“Er, yeah”

“Great, I’ll have someone to sit with, are you going into town tonight?  My band is playing at a local venue... I think it’s the Tollbooth!  You should come along and then we can go for a few drinks and get to know each other?”

A new nickname and a friend on my first day he thought, this was going better than expected. “Um that sounds great...er what do you play?”  Faraday knew next to nothing about music, he had never even been to a gig before and had actually never owned a CD, let alone an IPod.

“I’m the base player; we don’t really have any of our own songs yet so it will be all covers, stuff like The Clash, Thin Lizzy, The Pixies, The Ramones and Dead Kennedys!  Are you into that kind of music?”

“Yeah I love it!” He lied.  He had never heard of any of these bands except Thin Lizzy, and that was just because they were on the Toy Story soundtrack.  As he tried to think of something cool to say he caught site of The Ramones t-shirt that Jane was wearing. “I actually saw The Ramones in Glasgow last year!”  As he said this he saw the smile on Jane’s face become a bemused expression, it was too late now he thought so he ploughed on. “Yeah they were terrific, what time is the gig tonight?”

It was Jane’s turn to mumble awkwardly now “Um, around eight!”

That night Faraday arrived at the gig feeling slightly out of place, he was wearing a pair of light coloured khaki trousers a white t-shirt and a pair of black shoes.  He was surrounded by people wearing skin tight black jeans most of whom either had their ears pierced or were covered in tattoos, or both.  Faraday had never seen anything like it.  As the night wore on he, Jane and the rest of her band “The Jesters of Malice” went on a bar crawl through the centre of Stirling.  None of them knew the area but it didn’t matter, they found one bar and then another and as the drinks flowed he began to feel more confident and plucked up the courage to ask Jane the question that had been on his mind since they first met.

“Jane! Earlier when I mentioned seeing the Ramones last year why did you look so confused?”

The three other members of The Jesters of Malice snorted with laughter and as Jane responded he felt the rush of colour to his cheeks once more. “Faraday half the Ramones are dead!”

How times had changes since then he thought as another gust of wind rocked the boat.

Jane looking startled. “I think we should go to shore Faraday, the sky has turned grey and the wind is picking up, we won’t be able to see her today even if she does pop her head above water, let’s get back to the hotel!”

“Can’t we stay five more minutes baby, I’m sure I saw something earlier!  We won’t get many chances to get a picture of Nessie! That is why we’re here after all?”

Jane screwed her face up before responding. “Fine Faraday five minutes, but if this boat tips and I get soaked then you are going the way of the Ramones!” 

Faraday laughed heartily, he and Jane had been fascinated with all things Nessie since they had watched a documentary about her on the Discovery Channel three months prior.  The documentary happened to be shown on the night that Faraday had purchased the engagement ring and he could not think of a better way to propose than out on the Loch searching for Nessie.  He had been plucking up the courage all day and knew that with the weather beginning to take a turn for the worst he had better do it now whilst he could and then take Jane back to the hotel to celebrate with Champagne and dinner.  He noticed that Jane seemed distracted by the wind and took the opportunity to struggle down onto one knee whilst trying not to rock the boat. He then slipped his hand to the inside pocket of his Belstaff Coat and pulled out the ring.

“Jane” She was startled and her face lit up into a beaming smile as she saw the ring “I love you more than anything on this earth, you are my best friend in the world will you marry me?” Faraday had heard that the seconds between asking a woman to marry you and hearing a response were the longest of any man’s life.  Jane jerked forwards towards him as a strong gust of wind came over and rocked the small boat to the left as that happened the ring flew out of his hand and towards the water as the contents of the Loch began to pour into the rocking boat.  Faraday lunged forwards to attempt to make a grab for the ring and as he did so the boat capsized in the water.  The boat sent Faraday off after the ring to the left whilst Jane had fallen off to the right.

“Faraday! Help!” Jane screamed.

As he hit the water the cold soaked through is thick jacket and his black denim jeans, he frantically looked towards the boat for Jane who was nowhere to be seen.  The boat was upside down in the water, the ring was gripped firmly in his left hand. He had managed to catch it just as the boat had capsized.

“Jane! Jane!”  His screams pierced the silence of the Loch.  He swam towards the capsized canoe as he frantically searched for Jane.

“Where are you?!”   As his eyes desperately searched around the canoe he could see nothing but the grey of the water.  As the rain came on the visibility worsened.

He desperately swam under the water straining to see anything that remotely resembled Jane.  His glasses came off as he went under and his sight was almost gone with them.  As he came up for air he gasped. He looked in all directions struggling to see anything in the water. The canoe was just a blur now.  He went back under and once again was blind as he searched.  He reached out his hands and was sure he had felt hair. Without thinking he closed his right fist trying to grasp at the hair and once again tried to call out for her.  The water filled his lungs and he had to return to the surface.  He began coughing as the rain bounced all around him.

“Jane!”  He could barely hear himself over the sound of the rain coming down on the Loch.  There was a flash of light which worsened his sight.  He gazed around to look for the source of the light hoping that someone else was out on the water.  His hopes were dashed when he heard the roar of thunder.

He went under once more, straining to keep his eyes open this time.  He was under for what seemed like an eternity, the light flashed once again and illuminated the shape of Jane in the water just in front of him.  As the roar of thunder echoed in the sky above he managed to get his right hand around her stomach.  He used his feet and his still closed left hand to push them both to the surface of the Loch.  As they reached the surface he began coughing and spluttering.  Jane however was silent.

“Jane! Can you hear me?”

“Jane! Please Jane! Answer me!”

As Faraday struggled to keep them both afloat another flash lit up the sky.  He used his left arm to try and turn the canoe back over. Even with the adrenaline his thin arm was no use, his thick Belstaff coat was limiting his movement it was beginning to feel increasingly like a weight belt as the water soaked in and it tried to pull him under.  His curly hair was now covering his eyes, not that he could see much anyway.

He strained round to see how far they were from the shore. He knew he would normally be able to swim to the shore, but with his heavy drenched clothes and Jane weighing him down his chances seemed slim.

“Jane please, you need to help me!”  He spluttered.  Once again the only sound was the rain bouncing on the water around them.  He raised his right arm to across Jane’s shoulders to keep her face out of the water. He began to kick and tried to claw his way through the water with his free arm.

He glanced backwards as he struggled through the water but without his glasses and with hair in his eyes, not to mention the heavy rain he could see nothing.  He could hear movement in the water around him. At first his hope was that Jane was kicking, but he knew this was not the case.  So it was either Nessie or another boat.  But as another flash of lightning illuminated everything around him he saw nothing of any use.  He could feel himself being pulled under the surface of the water, he knew he had to get rid of the coat.  He managed to loosen the buttons with his left hand, which was still grasping the ring.  As he did so the weight that was pulling him down seemed to be transferred from the middle of his body to his back, his head was pulled under the water and Jane was momentarily pushed up into the air.  Whilst trying to pull himself above the water again he had to let go of her.  He pulled both arms out of his thick coat and immediately felt the difference in weight.  He reached out with both arms and managed to pull Jane close to him again.

“Don’t worry baby, we are almost there!”  When he spoke his mouth was filled with water and he began coughing.  He lost his grip on Jane.  By the time he had managed to control himself she was gone.