To Marry The Duke (33 page)

James noticed Whitby stiffen with outrage. He was no doubt wondering what James himself was wondering— had Pierre robbed Lily of her virtue?

“I did care for him,” she continued. “I just realized, after we left England, that I wasn’t quite sure who he was.”

James sat forward and squeezed her hand. “You don’t need to explain everything to me now, Lily. There will be time for that later. We’re just glad to have you back.” He raised her tiny hands to his lips and kissed them.

God, it was so hard not to see her as a child.

“You must all think me a fool,” Lily said. “Or hate me entirely.” She turned her sheepish gaze toward Whitby. “And
you
came.”

“Of course I came,” Whitby replied gently. “I
’
ve known you since you were a wee girl, Lily. You’re like a sister to me.”

Sophia pulled Lily into her arms and hugged her. “You mustn’t worry. You’re safe now, and we’re going home.”

“I give you my word, Lily,” James said, “that it will be a different home than it was before.
I’ve not been there for you in the past, and for that, I am deeply sorry.”

* * *

Not wanting to leave Lily alone, Sophia shared a cabin with her sister-in-law during the overnight crossing, making it necessary for James and Whitby to take separate cabins on the other side of the ship.

Sophia was still unsure about what exactly had happened between Pierre and Lily, and whether or not they had been physically intimate. It was certainly possible—likely even—for Lily had been more than a little besotted with Pierre.

She had not wished to talk about it, however, and Sophia agreed not to push. She would wait until Lily felt ready.

Thankfully, it did not take long to ease Lily into a restful sleep, for she had not slept a full night since she had left her home with the intention of eloping. At long last, Sophia was able to sit down in a chair and consider all that had happened in the past week.

She did not remember a more distressing time in her life. She had kept secrets from her husband and feared he would condemn her if he found out.

She had teetered on a wobbly precipice between winning her mother-in-law’s affection or guaranteeing her hatred forever.

Lily had gone missing, and Sophia had blamed herself. They had all exhausted themselves traveling to France, confronting the most despicable people, setting foot in foul, filthy places they would never have set foot in otherwise.

Yet, so many wonderful things had come of it. Sophia had discovered that her mother-in-law did in fact possess a softer side, though it was deeply buried beneath a mountain of fear and guilt. Sophia had even managed to bridge the gap that had existed between them from the beginning. Marion had revealed her regrets to James, and they had reconciled after years of ill will and circumvention.

James and Martin were embarking on a brotherly friendship. James had apologized to Lily for not being there for her, and he had thanked Sophia for her role in all those reconciliations.

He appreciated her. He’d admitted it openly during the last crossing. When they had made love in their cabin afterward, she had known that he still wished to find pleasure in her body and give her pleasure in return.

She should feel satisfied, she told herself, grateful and fortunate at this moment, for she had made a difference in James’s life and the lives of all his family members. Against the odds, they had rescued Lily, put an end to a devastating blackmail plot against their family, and were on their way home to begin a brighter future together.

Feeling tired and despondent, Sophia sighed and leaned her head against the chairback.

Something was still missing.

She knew she should feel fulfilled and lighthearted, but she did not, for James didn’t truly love her, not the way she loved him. She wasn’t even certain he was capable of loving her, after declaring on so many occasions that he was not.

Yet she loved
him
. More than she loved her own life. Why? It made no sense. He had done everything in his power to keep her at a distance.

She supposed it was because she knew that James possessed a myriad of beautiful, hidden depths, just like the ocean itself. Why else would he have retreated so ardently from his family after the ordeal of his childhood?

Clearly, his heart had been shattered by all that he had suffered. All that had crushed the inherently noble expectations he had possessed as a child.

Yes, deep down, he was truly noble, she thought. She had witnessed it these past few days when he had put everything aside—even a lifelong chasm between himself and his mother—to protect his family.

She felt a tremendous throb in her own heart at that moment. An aching need to know her husband as intimately as she knew her own soul. She wanted to be his true mate throughout their lives, and to know what lay beneath his guarded surface. She wanted to grow old with him and see him become the man that he was capable of becoming.

She only wished he would let go of the demons from his past and embrace her like he had embraced the rest of his family.

Sophia, James, and Lily arrived home in a carriage driven by James, describing for everyone their journey to Scotland for a much-needed holiday alone—without maids or valets—after the busy social schedule during the shooting party.

It was “an American thing” Sophia had claimed—to travel spontaneously without servants after a lengthy party. Quite to their surprise, everyone who greeted them on the massive front steps of the castle had accepted that it was true. They all nodded knowingly, saying “Ah,” and “Of course, Your Grace.”

Sophia had felt a swell of joy and satisfaction when her husband winked at her, pleased with her creative little lie. She smiled lovingly at him, feeling rejuvenated, as if a great many of her American ways were being accepted and appreciated lately.

“We are home, Sophia,” he said softly in her ear as they crossed the front hall toward the staircase. “I can’t tell you how glad I am to be here, to have you with me, at my side.”

His warm breath at her neck gave her gooseflesh; the adulation warmed her heart and soothed her soul.

They climbed the stairs together, and when they reached the top, James kissed her on the cheek. “I am going to take a long bath now, and rest my weary bones,” he said. “I will see you at dinner?”

“Of course. A bath sounds splendid, James. I shall enjoy one myself.”

Sophia retreated to her own bedchamber, summoning her maid to arrange for the tub to be brought in and filled with water. She would look forward to some time alone, to cleanse herself of all the dirt and grime of the past few days.

Later, as she lay in the tub with her head tipped back upon the bowed rim, a note came sliding under her door. Sophia opened her eyes to the sound of the paper swishing across the floor.

She rose from the tub and stepped out, dripping water everywhere as she bent to pick it up.

Sophia stared at her husband’s elegant script upon the ducal stationery, then raised it to her lips and kissed it. “I am finished, now, my love,” she said aloud, knowing he couldn’t hear her, but needing to say it all the same.

She rang for her maid to return and help her dress and pin up her hair. A half hour later, she was at James’s door, knocking.

“Who is it?” she heard him call from inside.

“It is I,” she replied.

“Come in.”

Sophia turned the knob and pushed open the heavy door. A wave of moist heat touched her cheeks as her gaze fell upon her husband, lying in his huge brass tub in front of the fire. His arms were up out of the water, gently resting along the rim, and his black hair was wet and slicked back. His chest was magnificent in the afternoon light beaming in the window—brawny, golden and robust.

Sophia’s breath caught in her throat as she stood in the open doorway, staring at her impossibly gorgeous husband, naked before her. A swell of avaricious lust moved through her.

“You sent for me?” was all she could manage to say when her carnal senses were awakening.

His expression was blithe and open. “I did. Come in, if you will, and close the door before some unfortunate soul walks by and gets an eyeful.”

Clumsily regaining her composure, Sophia obeyed.

“Lock it as well.” A hint of seductive allure softened his voice.

She did.

Standing not far away, she let her eyes luxuriate in the clear view of his enormous arousal under the water, felt the beginnings of a hot, crazed lust, and understood fully the overwhelming force of sexual desire. No wonder it could push people to act without sense or logic, to tumble into mad acts of delirium. It was burning through her brain and knocking away all her emotional doubts and misgivings about her marriage. None of that mattered now, when beneath the layers of her clothes, her body was trembling with a sudden, tempestuous need.

James’s head fell back against the edge of the tub, but he kept his gaze on her, watching her with complete mindfulness, allowing her to stare at him as long as she wished.

Taking full advantage of his rare, unguarded offering, she let her gaze travel from his dark, arresting eyes to his smooth, broad shoulders, gleaming with clean droplets of water. His sinewy chest rose and fell with slow control, and she noted that every time she glanced up at his eyes, he was still looking at her—blinking slowly with an invitation that was just over the horizon. Watching her expressions as she quivered and delighted in the perfection of his raw nakedness.

Her love for him at that moment was excruciating. Blinding.

The corner of his mouth curled up in a grin. Sophia trembled as he lifted his hands from the rim of the tub and held them open. “Would you like to come in?”

With a grateful smile and a nod, Sophia unbuttoned her bodice and slowly undressed in silence in front of James while he watched. Heart racing, she laid her clothes out neatly upon his bed, reveling in the sizzling, deliberate anticipation of undressing in front of him, knowing he was enjoying every sweet second of it, too.

Naked at last, she stepped into the tub and slid down to sit between his legs. His erection was firm against the small of her back. She let her head tilt back upon his huge shoulder.

James picked up the washcloth and dipped it in the water, then squeezed it over Sophia’s breasts and let the warm drops caress her nipples. The delicate sound and the tickling sensation of the water lapping up against her skin brought an erotic whimper to her lips.

“You are the most beautiful creature I have ever encountered in all of my life,” James whispered hotly in her ear.

“I love your seductions,” she replied with a teasing smile.

James lay in the tub, quiet and still for a few seconds. “It’s not just a seduction, Sophia. Not today.”

He kissed the side of her head, and Sophia felt her forehead crinkle with curiosity. “What is it then?”

“It’s an apology. And a surrender.”

Sophia sat up and turned sideways in the tub to look at his face. She wanted to ask him what he meant, but no words would form in her brain. She was stuck in some kind of questioning stupor.

James stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers. “I have many regrets, Sophia. I have not been a good husband to you.”

“You’ve been a wonderful husband, James.” Of course it wasn’t entirely true. There was still so much missing from their marriage, but she felt his need to open up to her, and she would not dream of discouraging him.

“You are very kind and good-hearted to lie like that,” he said.

“It’s not all a lie,” she replied. “I’ve been treated very well here. You have given me so much.”

“But not enough. I’ve not given you my heart.”

Sophia swallowed nervously. “James…”

“Please,” he said, holding up his hand. “Let me speak the words I should have spoken ages ago.”

Heart suddenly pounding in her chest, hopes flooding her senses, Sophia waited patiently for him to continue.

God, she was afraid.

Afraid to hope.

She tried frantically to control it.

“I know that from the beginning, you’ve wanted more,” he said. “At first I tried to tell myself that you only wanted my title, but I always knew there was more to you than that. There were things that you openly revealed to me, while I revealed nothing. I didn’t tell you about my family or my fears, because I was ashamed. I didn’t tell you the truth about Florence, because I thought it would scare you away. But most of all, I didn’t let myself love you, and I am sorry, Sophia. You deserved more, and I failed you. My only excuse is that I did not want to give in to my passions and become like my father. I didn’t want to hurt you the way he hurt my mother and me.”

Sophia’s heart ached painfully with love and compassion for her strong, noble husband. “You will never be like him, James. You have been put to the test in every way, and you have not failed. Think of it. You believed I had written a love letter to another man, yet you never lost control of your temper, when you must have been raging inside. And think about your siblings. You have done everything in your power to protect them from harm, because you care for them, deeply and truly. Your father never cared about you like that. He never tried to mend what was broken between you, nor did he take any responsibility or worry himself over the fact that you were off getting into trouble as a young man. You have worried constantly over your loved ones. Think of what you have done with Martin. You tried everything you could to get him through this difficult time, and you ultimately succeeded. There is hope for him, now.”

James rubbed her back. “You always look for the good in people, Sophia.”

“I have no trouble finding it in
you
. Still waters run deep, James.”

For a long moment he stared into her eyes. “It amazes me that you have never given up on me. That you ever cared for me to begin with, when I was so determined to keep everything superficial.”

She touched his face. “I was captivated by you, from the very first moment I saw you walk into that London drawing room in all your elegant grace. You were so handsome, James, so tall and confident and untouchable. I wanted to know who you were. I wanted to know what was beneath that calm surface, and why you seemed so cynical when you looked around yourself at the world and everyone in it. For some reason I sensed that the world would change for you, if only someone would just
talk
to you.”