To Woo a Widow (The Heart of a Duke Book 10) (7 page)

“But I am.” Bells chimed at the back of her mind. Surely he saw that very important distinction?

“There would be expectations.”

They would be married. Or she would be ruined. “But there isn’t,” she reminded him as he continued forward, his long legged stride eating away the distance.

“I’ll not have your name sullied.”

Her heart dipped. This is why he should come. Not to make apologies, but to hint at doing right by her. Frustration and regret warred inside, muddling her thoughts. She didn’t wish to ruin whatever bond they’d forged these past days with propriety and properness. He was the first man who’d ever truly spoken to her. Asked her questions. Listened to her answers and frustration. Now, he’d come and sully those moments with talk of regrets and decorum; those same empty, emotionless sentiments that had defined her life. A sound of frustration escaped her. “I am—”

“A widow,” he said quietly. “I understand that. But
you
, matter. I’d not see you become prey to ill-intentioned rakes and scoundrels who desire nothing from you beyond the pleasure to be had in your arms.” Her heart tripped. In the whole of her life, she’d served a single purpose to so many—to marry a respectable gentleman. No one had stopped to say that she actually mattered. Her happiness. Her happiness, beyond any safety and security she might know. Philippa’s throat worked.

“Is that why you are here?” she asked tentatively. “To do right by me?” She held her breath.

He hesitated, caressing his gaze over her face. “And if I were to say yes?” There was a gruff quality to his question she could not identify.

She looked past his shoulder to the curtained window he’d abandoned moments ago. The day her husband had died, she’d resolved to never, ever enter into one of those cold, empty unions. Not when, ultimately, the need gentlemen had for an heir to carry on their names could mean her certain death. What she’d not ever considered, known possible even, was that she was capable of feeling this maelstrom of wonderful, stirring emotions; desire, joy, serenity.

Yet, how long could those sentiments survive when a man offered for a woman out of some misguided sense of honor? They couldn’t. A coldness stole through her.

Miles brushed his knuckle down her cheek, bringing her eyes to meet his. She gave him a sad smile.

“I was married six years.” He stilled his gentle caress; his hand frozen. “It was a good match by Society’s standards.” Her lips pulled in a sad smile. Title and rank, all that mattered to the
ton
. “We were a proper, respectable couple.” Philippa stepped away, mourning the loss of his touch as his hand fell to his side. She turned her palms up. “But I was not happy.” She bit her lower lip hard. “And I can never, won’t ever, marry again. So while your offer to do right by me is wonderfully noble, I must decline.”

“Why?” his gruff question rumbled from deep in his chest.

She opened her mouth.

“Why were you unhappy?” he clarified.

She drew in a shuddery breath and looked to the empty doorway. “I don’t…” Lords and ladies did not speak on these intimate matters. It wasn’t good manners to let people inside, to let one’s most closely guarded secrets come to light. But mayhap if she told him, then he’d understand why he needn’t stand before her even now speaking of propriety and every other useful Societal sentiment.

“I served one purpose for my husband, Miles,” she said at last. After years of bitterness and heartache, she was able to give those words life without breaking inside. She wandered behind the upholstered sofa, putting much needed distance between them. “As a noblemen, you require heirs.” His expression darkened and, unable to take the potent emotion threatening to burn her, she directed her attention to the top of the sofa. She skimmed her fingertips over the satin fabric. “That was my husband’s sole use for me.” Philippa ceased her distracted movement and curled her hands tight over the top of the sofa. “The day he died,” she drew in a shuddery breath, “I was free.” That shameful, sinful whisper floated between them. “And I certainly will never marry again out of some gentleman’s misbegotten sense of honor and propriety. Not when I know what those unions inevitably become.”

Miles strode around the sofa and stopped at her shoulder. “Not every marriage need be that way.”

How very peculiar to witness a gentleman so very optimistic on the forever joining of two people. “Perhaps for some,” she whispered, lifting her shoulders in a slight shrug. “Two of my siblings are happily married,” she acknowledged. A chill stole through her and she folded her arms and rubbed. For though her brothers had found love, her mother had found hell…as had Philippa. “I learned not only as a wife, but also as a daughter, the danger in any man having dominion over me.” She breathed slowly. “This is a hell I’d not ever dare suffer through again.”

Something dark lit his eyes and he opened his mouth, when a loud squeal cut across whatever words he’d utter.

“Miles!” Faith charged through the doorway and flew across the room. The boisterous girl skidded to a halt before him.

There should be suitable horror at the outwardly display. And a year ago, even months ago, there would have been. The year since Calvin’s passing, her daughter had unfurled like a tight summer bloom, full of life and color, and she reveled in that beauty of her spirit.

“Lady Faith,” Miles greeted with a grand bow that raised a giggle.

“Did you bring my mama flowers?”

Heat slapped her cheeks. “Faith,” she chided.

“
Did
you?”

Miles dropped to a knee. “I am afraid I failed to do so. It is a matter I must promise to rectify in the future.”

Her daughter gave a pleased nod. “And remember, pick from the bottom of the stem, otherwise Mama cannot put them in a vase and they do need water.”

“Of course.” He grinned. “Though I expect I might benefit from an additional lesson.”

Oh, God. How wholly gentle and patient and kind he was with her daughter, when Faith’s own father hadn’t even wished to be bothered with talk of the girl. A sliver of her heart slipped free and fell forever into his unknowing hands.

Faith prattled on. “It will have to be in the morning because I have my lessons with Miss Cynthia.”

“Ah, but the best flowers are to be picked at night.”

She giggled. “You are silly,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Everyone knows flowers sleep at night.”

“Ah,” he said on a mysterious whisper, holding a finger up. “But not all flowers.” The husky quality of his words held Philippa enthralled and she was sucked into the words the way he surely intended. “There are moonflowers. Have you ever heard of them?”

Her mouth rounded, Faith shook her head.

“They are flowers,” Miles went on in hushed tones that effectively held her always-chatting daughter in silence. “That only bloom at night. They close during the day.”

She flared her eyes. “You
do
know about flowers.” There was awe coating her high sing-song tone.

He winked. “My sister enjoys gardening and sharing her knowledge with me.” Of course, Miles Brookfield, the Marquess of Guilford, would be one of those devoted brothers to attend his sisters’ interests. Her own brothers hadn’t wished to be bothered with her or Chloe and certainly not enough to listen if she spoke of flowers or anything else…

Faith captured Miles’ face between her hands in a gesture so reserved for a loving daughter and devoted father that Philippa’s heart wrenched. “Then mayhap we will have to gather flowers at night, Miles. I would like to see them.”

His hushed response was lost to her. Occasionally, Faith would nod and smile. Philippa captured her lower lip between her teeth and bit hard enough that the metallic tinge of blood filled her mouth. In this moment, she could almost convince herself that she and Faith and Violet could have those elusive gifts she’d long believed only fortunate ladies were lucky enough to receive.

And standing there, watching him so wholly effortless with her daughter, the truth trickled in like a quick moving poison. This was why she could never, ever marry Miles even if he did ask. Which he hadn’t. A man so at ease around children deserved offspring of his own.

Anguish weighted her chest and she drew in a ragged breath. And another. But it did not ease the vise about her lungs. Once upon a different time, when she’d been a young lady just out in London, optimistic with stars in her eyes, mayhap she could have met Miles and life would have belonged to them. They could have shaped a future together, different than the one she’d lived.

But she hadn’t. Instead, she’d been introduced to Calvin.

Yet, from her miserable marriage and for all her childbirths, she’d been blessed with Faith and Violet. She would never trade any of the agony of loss for those gifts.

And it was because of that, Philippa could never give Miles more.

Ever.

M
iles sat at his private table at the back corner of White’s, the same bottle of brandy he’d requested two hours earlier remained beside the untouched snifter.

After he’d taken his leave of Philippa, her haunted eyes and insistent words echoed around his mind; consuming his thoughts.
…I can never, ever marry again. Even if you wish to do right by me…
He stared blankly out, unseeing the gentlemen seated about him.

She’d endured a cold, emotionless marriage. Which was not vastly different than so many of the unions between lords and ladies.

He’d never given proper thought to the expectations his mother put to him years earlier regarding Sybil Cunning. If they married, they would have a polite, companionable union. But was that enough?

Just days prior, he would have answered with a definitive yes. Now, after seeing Philippa again for a fourth time, he’d been forced to reconsider the promise he’d made regarding Sybil. If it hadn’t been for Philippa, he would have not considered all the perils that came in wedding where one’s heart was not engaged. The haunted glimmer in Philippa’s eyes, the pain he saw there, ushered in questions and doubts. Could there ever truly be happiness in that staid, proper affair?

Tamping down an agonized groan, Miles grabbed the bottle and poured himself several fingerfuls of liquor. He thought better of it and then filled his glass to the brim.

He took a long, slow swallow, welcoming the sting as it burned a trail down his throat. But it did little to ease the pain weighting his chest. Her words hadn’t been restricted to the hell she’d lived as a wife, but she’d also spoken of suffering…at the hands of her father. And had her daughter not entered, he would have asked every last bloody question. Fury lanced through him; an unholy desire to drag her dead father and husband from the grave and kill them dead all over again. Was it a wonder the lady would be suspect of any gentleman’s motives? Himself included?

“I believe this is the first time I can recall a scowl from the always affable Marquess of Guilford.”

At that familiar, dry drawl, Miles shot his head up. He set his glass aside. “Bainbridge.” Surprise crept into his tone. The other man, devoted to his two children and hopelessly in love with his wife, was rarely one for their clubs.

Bainbridge dragged out a chair and claimed the opposite seat with all the austere command of a man born and bred to be a duke. A servant rushed over with a glass, but the young duke waved the man off. All the while, he kept his attention trained on Miles. “I’ve read of your own impressive rescue of a lady in Hyde Park earlier this week,” he drawled, folding his arms at his broad chest. He quirked a very ducal eyebrow.

Years earlier, Bainbridge had set the Town abuzz when he’d rescued his now wife from the frozen Thames. “Hardly the manner of heroics evinced by some,” he said dryly. This was the reason for the other man’s visit, then.

“But enough to merit gossip, of course,” the duke spoke with his disdain for Polite Society underscoring his every word.

Miles gave a brusque nod. Gossip he’d only fueled that morning by taking Philippa in his arms.

“The papers purport an illicit relationship.” His friend drummed his gloved fingertips on his sleeves.

A wry smile creased Miles’ lips. “Apparently, in my advancing years, I’ve acquired the reputation of rogue.” The young duke had never been one to dance around matters. His statements were more demands than anything else. Most of the
ton
feared the man. Miles, however, had known him since he’d been a sullen, lonely boy at Eton. Miles then stood beside that man who’d sobbed at the loss of his wife during childbirth. His dry mirth faded. How easily he’d encouraged the other man to move past his sorrow, but how very near to becoming his late wife Philippa had been.

“Well?” Bainbridge demanded gruffly.

He sighed, not pretending to misunderstand the question there. “The lady is a widow. I found her daughter wandering in Hyde Park and returned her.”
And I’ve since seen her three more times, after, drawn like one of those hopeless sailors at sea.

The other man continued beating his fingers in that annoying staccato rhythm. “A lady you’ve since seen again?”

He frowned. “Her daughter forgot her book in the park.”

“Of course,” the young duke drawled.

Shifting in his seat under the speculative glint in Bainbridge’s eyes, Miles added, “Furthermore, it would have been ungentlemanly to not visit and see after the lady’s well-being.”

The ghost of a smile hovered on Bainbridge’s lips. “Indeed, not,” he stretched out those three syllables. Then, the duke had plucked a lady from the frozen Thames and never called again. It was the lady who’d continually sought him out.

Whereas Miles couldn’t bring Lady Philippa ’round to any real interest. That isn’t altogether true
. Her breathless moans and soft pleas bespoke a woman not wholly immune to me.
Miles rolled his snifter between his hands.

“She’s not solely a young widow you happened to meet though, is she?” the duke said with an astuteness that could only come from years of friendship.

He shook his head once. “She does not wish to marry,” he said quietly. Even with the bond between him and Bainbridge, he could not bring himself to share the whispered words about her childhood. “She nearly…” Miles looked the other man squarely in the eye. “lost her life in childbirth.”

The duke’s expression grew shuttered. But for the faint muscle that jumped at the corner of his mouth, he gave no indication of his thoughts. In all Miles’ urgings that the other man re-enter the living, he’d not ever given consideration to the horror and hell of getting a child on another woman. How, after such a loss, could one ever be the same? Naively, with his own largely uncomplicated until now life, he’d never had the foresight to truly think of the implications in marrying, particularly where Bainbridge had been concerned.

At his silence, Miles continued on. “As such,” he said with a wave of his hand, “she’s no desire to marry.”

“Does she have no desire to marry? Or to suffer the hell of childbirth?” his friend asked, not missing a proverbial beat.

Miles frowned, momentarily stunned by the questions tossed at him. In all Philippa had shared, with all her revelations, how had he failed to piece together those very questions Bainbridge put to him, even now? “I…didn’t think,” he said, at last, shamed by his own admission.

Bainbridge shrugged his broad shoulders. “Those are entirely two different matters.”

Surely Philippa saw the value of her life far greater than any risk for a potential heir?
Then, why would she?
a voice whispered. She’s known you but a handful of days and the husband who’d treated her as more broodmare than wife for more than six years.

His friend put another question to him. “Would you be content in never having children if you married her?”

Only, they would have children. They would have Faith and Violet. Violet, a babe he’d still not met beyond a chance meeting in the park; a child with cherubic cheeks whom he wished to know with the same tender regard he’d come to appreciate Faith. Yes, there would be children. There would just be no male issue of his own. “I am not worried over the Guilford line,” he said, truthful. Where most gentlemen, like the bastard of a husband Philippa had spoken of, desired nothing more than their male offspring, he’d no sense of urgency or even a need to carry on the line. There was his brother and there would be other Brookfield issue. Then there remained the whole bringing the lady around to knowing she could trust in him. Why should she after just a few days of knowing one another? “She does not wish to marry again,” he said curtly.

Bainbridge lifted another black eyebrow. “You coaxed me into the living. You helped me find a new life with a wonderful woman. I expect you can muster sufficient charm to woo the young widow.”

Woo her? His frown deepened as he recalled every word he’d uttered to Philippa. He’d spoken of respectability and preserving her honor. Miles swallowed a groan. A woman whose previous marriage had proven so disastrous, so cold, and empty… Whyever would she have responded favorably to his own poorly launched suit? Miles dragged a hand through his hair. Never before had he wished for being one of those charming lords with all the right words. Until this great blunder.

Bainbridge shoved back his chair and Miles looked up as the other man stood. “You are leaving, so quickly?” He pushed the bottle toward his friend.

“I merely came to ascertain your circumstances.” Despite himself, Miles’ lips pulled at that blunt honesty. Bainbridge pierced him with his hard stare. “And to tell you not to be a bloody fool.”

Miles chuckled and lifted his hand. “Send my best to the duchess.”

The young duke inclined his head once more and, laconic as always, quickly took his leave, ignoring the terrified stares shot his way.

Bainbridge gone, Miles returned to thoughts of Philippa. Bainbridge’s words rattled around his mind. Following his earlier meeting with his mother, he’d departed for Philippa’s residence. He’d convinced himself that his intentions were borne of nothing more than Montfort’s poorly timed appearance. Now, with his own thoughts and now Bainbridge’s company, he was forced to face the truth he’d denied until now. He wanted her. Now, how to prove to the lady that she wanted him in return?