Toad Triumphant (14 page)

It was Prendergast who brought a measure of order and common sense to the situation. As Toad ceased to struggle and began to stare about rather desperately Prendergast said in a measured way “You called, sir?”

“I called for
you,
Prendergast, not for these interlopers, these unwelcome intruders, who —”

“Yes, sir?” said Prendergast very calmly and with a reassuring smile, hoping thereby to calm Toad.

“I found my fishing rod in the gun room all right, Prendergast, but I cannot find the box of flies that go with it anywhere, nor even the reel, and —”

“You are going fishing?” asked the Badger suspiciously. “I was hoping to till I was set upon so violently and you took my rod from my hand,” said Toad in a hurt and injured way. “I thought it might help clear my head, don’t you see?”

“Toad, I can’t say that I ever remember you going fishing before,” said the Otter, carrying the interrogation a little further; “why now?”

“I liked fishing when I was young,” said Toad ruefully “and I fancied I might like it again now I have found love. There by the calm flow of the River, to the measured rhythm of the cast, I shall weave a poem about the lady who has left me —”

The animals exchanged serious and meaningful glances but let him continue.

“You see, Badger, she inspires in me moods and memories long forgotten. No doubt you remember these lines of the hapless lover:

Distracted with Care,

For Florentine the Fair;

Since Nothing cou’d move her,

Poor Toady her Lover,

Resolves in Despair

No longer to languish,

Nor bear so much Anguish;

But, mad with his Love,

To—”

Having already substituted Florentine for the original Phyllis, and himself for Damon, it had been Toad’s intention to continue the poem with a few lines about fishing. Unfortunately the Badger was rather losing patience and tried to interrupt him, but Toad, always relishing an audience, and always glad to shock others if he could, made the grave — the very grave — mistake of continuing the poem as originally written:

“But, mad with his Love,

To a Precipice goes!”

Here Toad raised his voice, and rolled his eyes in semblance of a madman before uttering the mordant final lines:

“Where a Leap from above

Wou’d soon finish his Woes!

“Of course,” said Toad immediately “I do not mean —”“No, Nephew, do not release him quite yet,” commanded the Badger very seriously not seeing the joke at all. Though reassured somewhat by Toad’s generally calm tone, he feared it might indicate that he had reached a benign phase of his ailment which might be of only short duration before something more violent took him over once more. A theory surely amply confirmed by the last lines of the ditty Toad had spoken.

“We feel, Toad old chap,” said the Badger, trying to sound at once pleasant but firm, “that for your own good it would be wise if you were confined —”

“For my own good!” cried Toad, enraged. The Badger sighed, for it was plain that the benign phase was indeed to be but short-lived.

“Confined, yes; but you shall be granted all the comforts you need —”

“But I pay for them!” shouted Toad, struggling once more, and beginning to see the dangerous drift of the conversation. “They’re mine!”

“— for so long as it may take for this — this aberration —”

“Of course love’s an aberration, you dunderhead!” yelled Toad, suddenly laughing wildly. “It’s wonderful, it’s confusing, and it makes my head ache. Therefore a quiet spot of fishing and —”

“— this delusive impulse —”

Toad was suddenly still, seeing that struggling did not help and only exhausted him.

“So what shall you do to me?” said he, plaintive now. The Badger saw that the cycle of madness was almost complete and that their charge was declining into depression and gloom once more.

“We shall confine you to your bedroom and fetch a doctor who shall prescribe a sedative till you are fully recovered.”

“Please, Badger,” cried Toad suddenly hurling himself from Nephew’s grasp and falling to his knees, “do not do this to me. I cannot bear incarceration! I cannot stomach having my liberty taken away! Have mercy upon me!”

As he was pleading thus, the Badger came forward to him, much moved by his despair. No animal likes to imprison another, no friend to cramp another’s freedom.

“Alas, Toad,” said the Badger, “we are all friends here and can speak openly. We fear a return in you of that wildness and behaviour that landed you in such trouble and caused you so much misery in the past, and we are pledged to protect you from your own weaknesses. If Mole and Ratty were here they would say the same.”

“O, I see that you are right!” said Toad pathetically. “But woe is me that I seem to have found happiness only to know despair!” He began weeping and sobbing even more than before as his friends sought to comfort him.

In the middle of this, and sobbing still, Toad managed to catch the eye of Prendergast who was standing a little aloof, and somewhat embarrassed; and catching his eye Toad winked, and then winked again.

“Dear Badger, and you, thoughtful Otter, O, and you too, Nephew, I am sorry I have caused you grief and misery. I have been mad with love and grief, it is true. No doubt I am my own worst enemy and ought to be confined as you suggest. I will willingly do as you say but may I ask one small favour?”

With Toad so plainly contrite and more at peace with himself, and accepting the necessity of the course of action they suggested, they had released their hold of him a little. Sufficiently so for him to rise in their midst as he talked — though holding his head low and with his shoulders bowed — while he kept a quizzical eye upon Prendergast.

“Of course, old friend,” said the Badger, “if there is a favour we can grant —”

“Prendergast, that item we put in storage when you first arrived?”

“Yes sir,” said Prendergast coolly understanding at once the nature of his master’s request. O, how his spirit soared at all these goings-on! How much more exciting this was than His Lordship’s House. True, down there in his parlour he had weakened for a time, and seemed to favour the enemies of his master. But now, seeing the glorious Mr Toad’s courageous attempts to fend off his foes and enemies and make good his escape, how could he not aid and abet him?

“Is it ready for its first outing?” Toad asked.

Mr Toad was, of course, speaking of the powerful motor-launch that had been secreted in the boat-house.

“Quite ready sir.”

“Is this something I can fetch for you, Toad?” asked the Otter all unsuspectingly.

“Dear fellow,” said Toad faintly “that will not be necessary. Prendergast here has reassured me on a small domestic matter and now I am ready —”

He righted himself at last, he looked them bravely in the eye, and suddenly he was no abject and sorry Toad, but a Toad Imperial, a Toad Immortal.

“Why Toad, you look a good deal better now you have accepted the wisdom of our advice,” said the Badger with satisfaction. “Now come along —”

“I’ve never been better!” cried Toad, pushing the Otter suddenly back a step or two and the Badger sideways before, stooping low to grab the fishing rod, he leapt towards the open window.

“Toad, you deceitful creature!”

“Ha!” cried Toad, warding them off with the rod. “Confine me again, would you? Imprison me? For my own good, eh? Prendergast, I order you to lock that door upon these villains while I —”

With a nimble leap Toad was up and out of the window and had slammed it shut and thrust a nearby rake against the window jamb to make it impossible to open from inside.

Then, as they shouted out their warnings and their rage, and sought in vain to open the window and the door that Prendergast had quickly locked, Toad scampered across the terrace and made towards the boathouse.

But not in so much haste or panic that he did not find time to pause at that spot where she he loved had elevated him to the status of Imperial Caesar, and there raise himself up in that imperious pose once more, while casting a backward glance of considerable satisfaction at the faces of his confined, imprisoned and incarcerated do-gooding friends .

“I am imperial indeed!”

“Sir!” called Prendergast from the terrace, where he had hurried to help his master. “I fear it will not be long before they make good their escape. You will find the rest of the fishing tackle you were seeking in the boat, along with a rod which I judged better for boat fishing.”

“But aren’t you coming with me, Prendergast? That’s your job, isn’t it? I order you to, now!”

“Ah, sir, would that I could, but it is against my professional code, I fear. Butlers may under the second part of the fourth Schedule of the Servants Act of 1899 aid their masters, but they may not abet. I have done the first, sir, to the best of my ability, but the second is beyond my conscience. I shall keep the house in good order against the day when you return home!

“I shall also prepare everything for that Grand Opening which I believe it is your intention to hold in early autumn.”

“But, Prendergast — I do not know how to drive the boat!”

“It is a modern craft, sir. Simply crank the engine with the implement all ready by the wheel, make sure you cast off the ropes, and turn sharp right, very sharp right, as you exit the boat-house. It is as easy if I may make the analogy, as driving a motor-car or piloting a flying machine, at which I believe you have considerable experience. Now, sir, it sounds as if your guests have escaped —”

With these words of advice and farewell, Prendergast sent Toad on his way and watched with considerable pleasure as his master reached the boat-house. And even more pleasure when a short time later, with his pursuers already crossing the lawn and about to reach him, there was the roar of an engine, and his master’s new launch shot out of the boat-house. It headed erratically towards the far bank of the River, before turning sharply right, then it was gone in a welter of smoke and spray upstream towards His Lordship’s House in pursuit of Madame d’Albert.

“May I wish you the very best of luck, sir,” said the excellent Prendergast, adding, as much to himself as in any hope that Toad could possibly hear, “and if you need me I shall be here at the Hall ever at your service.”

But it was Toad, far off now and unseen, who had the final word. Perhaps, after all, he heard Prendergast’s kind words and wished to acknowledge them; or, possibly he wished to remind his well-meaning but unwise friends that, while it was true that the course of true love never runs smooth, it is also generally agreed that love conquers all.

Therefore, beginning to gain confidence in the handling of his boat, and seeing a cord dangling down above the wheel, he tugged at it twice and was gratified to hear the sound it made: “Toot! Toot!”

“Ha ha!” cried Toad happily. “I
am
as clever as I look, and as brilliant as I seem! I am on my way at last to capture my love’s heart and make her mine!”

Toot! Toot!