Tokyo (10 page)

I looked up at him, my face white. ‘Yes,’ I replied, a little unsteadily. ‘Just a little.’

‘You can read it too?’

‘Only five hundred kanji.’

‘Five hundred? Sugoi. That’s a lot.’ People were looking at me as if they had only just realized I was a human being, and not a piece of the furniture. ‘And where did you say you were from?’

‘England?’ It came out as a tentative question.

‘England?’ He leaned over and seemed to be peering at me. ‘Tell me, are they all so pretty in England?’

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Being told I was pretty by anyone … well, it was just lucky that it didn’t happen very often, because that was when I got itchy and uncomfortable, remembering all the things that were probably never going to happen to me. Even if I was ‘pretty’. Old Fuyuki’s comment made me blush and retreat into myself. I didn’t speak from that moment on. I sat in silence smoking cigarette after cigarette and made every excuse to get away from the table. If there was a fresh glass to be brought from the bar, or a new plate of snacks, I’d leap up and get it, taking my time.

The Nurse barely moved all night. I couldn’t help sneaking glimpses at her - her shadow almost motionless on the alcove wall. I could tell the waiters were uneasy about her presence: usually one of them would slip into the room and find out what the occupant wanted to drink, but tonight it seemed only Jason had the courage to speak to her. When I came to the bar for a fresh hot towel, I saw him in there. He had taken the whisky menu to her, moving confidently, unafraid, and was sitting casually against the table, his arms crossed, looking down at her. I had a few moments to study her.

She sat side on to me and she was amazing to look at - every inch of her skin was covered in a crumbly white powdered makeup, caking the cracks on her neck, the lines on her wrists. The only breaks in the white were her odd tiny eyes, small and dark as finger-holes in dough, single-lidded, set a long way from her nose, so deep inside her head that the sockets seemed empty. Mama Strawberry had been worried about me looking at the Nurse, but you couldn’t have met her eyes if you tried, and their odd positioning must have meant she had poor eyesight, because she was holding the menu very close to her face, passing it back and forward in front of her face almost as if she was smelling it. I didn’t turn and go straight back to the table, but lingered for a few moments at the bar, pretending to be preoccupied with inspecting the hot towel, as if it might be flawed.

‘She’s kinda sexy,’ I heard Jason tell the bar staff when he came out with her order. He leaned his elbows casually on the bar and spoke to no one in particular. ‘Sexy in a freako S and M way.’ He looked over his shoulder at her, a small, amused smile twitching

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at his mouth. ‘Reckon I’d do the bad thang with her if I had to.’ He turned back then, and saw me standing at the bar, staring at him in silence. He winked and raised his eyebrows, as if sharing a tremendous joke with me. ‘Nice legs,’ he explained, nodding at the Nurse. ‘Or maybe it’s the heels that are doing it for me.’

I didn’t answer. I snatched up the oshibori and turned away, a stupid blush spreading all over my face and my shoulders. The thing about Jason was that he always made me feel a little like crying.

It’s funny how people can plant ideas in your head. Much, much later that night, I looked down at my legs, crossed neatly under the table. I was quite drunk, and I remember seeing them, crossed primly at the ankles, and thinking, What do nice legs look like? I smoothed down my tights and moved my knees apart a little, so that I could see my thighs a little more clearly. I turned them so I could see the calf and the little tautness when I flexed my feet. I wondered if ‘nice legs’ looked anything like my legs.

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10

Nanking, 4 April 1937, the Festival of the Clear and Bright

My mother must be laughing now - she must be looking at me and laughing at all my reservations and my cold impatience over this marriage. Because, it seems, Shujin and I are going to have a child! A child! Imagine that. Shi Chongming, the ugly little toad, a father! Here, at last, is something to celebrate. A child to bring order to the laws of physics and love, a child to reveal reason behind the subtle codes of society. A child to help me embrace the future wholeheartedly.

Shujin, naturally, has been thrown into a frenzy of superstition. There are so many important things to consider. I watch her in bemusement, trying to take it all in, trying to treat it all with the deepest seriousness. First, this morning, came a long list of forbidden food - she will no longer allow squid and octopus and pineapple into the house, and I am to make a daily trip to the market to buy black boned chicken, liver, plum, lotus seed and balls of congealed duck blood. And from today it is my responsibility to kill the chickens that come squawking home from market, for if Shujin kills any animal, even an animal for food, it appears that our baby will take on the beast’s shape and she will give birth to a chicken or a duck!

But, and this is the most important of all, we must not refer to our son (she is sure we will have a son) as ‘baby’ or ‘child’, because the bad spirits might hear us and try to steal him at birth.

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Instead she has given him a name to confuse the spirits, a ‘milk name’, she calls it. From herein ‘moon’ is how we must refer to our child whenever we speak. ‘You cannot imagine the manner of evil beings who would snatch away a newborn. Our moon soul would be the most precious prize a demon could ever hope for. And,’ here she held up her hand to stave off my interruption, ‘never forget - our little moon is very fragile. Please don’t shout or be argumentative around me. We must not disturb his soul.’

‘I see,’ I said, a small smile playing on my mouth, because I found the level of her ingenuity quite marvellous. ‘Well, in that case, moon soul it is. And from this moment on let only peace exist between these four walls.’

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11

The Russians said it was no surprise that Jason was making jokes about the Nurse. They said they’d always known he was a strange one. They said that his walls were covered with horrible photographs, that he often received wrapped specialist magazines from mailing addresses in Thailand, and that sometimes odd things with no great value went missing around the house: Irina’s statuette of a fighting bear in real animal skin, a single wolf-fur glove, a photograph of the girls’ grandparents. Maybe, they speculated, he was a devil worshipper. ‘He watch sick stuff, sick till it make you to puke. His videos, always the videos with death.’

You could see the videos they were talking about displayed in the rental shops on Waseda Street. They all had titles like Faces of Death and Mortuary Madness and all the lettering seemed to be in lurid blood drips. Genuine autopsy footage! the covers boasted, and you’d have thought they were all about sex if you saw the crowds of adolescent boys that always seemed to be hanging around that corner of the shop. I’d never actually seen one of the videos in the house so I didn’t know if the Russians were telling the truth. But I had seen Jason’s photographs.

‘I’ve been in Asia for four years,’ he’d told me. ‘You can take your Taj Mahals and your Angkor Wats. I’m looking for something …’ he’d paused then and rubbed his fingers together, as if he was trying to mould the words from the air, ‘… I’m looking for something more - something different.’ Once I’d happened to

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pass his room when the door was open and the room was empty. I couldn’t help it, I had to step inside.

I saw what the Russians meant. There were photographs pinned to every inch of the wall and the images were as horrible as they’d said: here was a pitifully crippled man, naked except for a garland of marigolds, sitting dejectedly on the banks of what I decided must be the Ganges, there were young Filipino men nailed to crucifixes, vultures gathering for human flesh on the incredible Towers of Silence at a Parsi funeral. I even recognized the prayer flags and smouldering juniper of a sky-burial charnel ground outside Lhasa because I’d done Tibet in a module at university. But, I thought, looking at a photo of a wide plume of smoke shooting from an indistinct shape on a platform, the words ‘Varanasi funeral pyre’ scrawled below it, there was something oddly beautiful about all this, a sense in this room, like a scent, of a vivid curiosity. When at last, unnoticed, I stepped quietly out into the corridor, I had decided that the Russians were wrong. Jason wasn’t odd or morbid, he was fascinating.

He was supposed to be a waiter at the club, but all week I’d barely seen him lift a tray. Sometimes he’d stop at tables and chat amiably for some time with the customers, just as if he, not Strawberry, was the owner. ‘He’s waiter but he don’t do nuh think,’ murmured Irina. ‘He don’t need to do no work because Mama Strawberry lurve him.’ She seemed to like the cachet that a gaijin waiter gave her. And then there were his looks. The Japanese hostesses all giggled and blushed when he walked by. Often he would sit at Strawberry’s desk, sipping champagne, with his waiter’s tuxedo all open and showing off his body, while she simpered and adjusted her dress straps, sometimes leaning back in her chair and running her hands down her body.

He didn’t spend much time in the house - and finding his room open like that was unusual. Ordinarily the door was shut, we all had locks on our bedroom doors, and often he’d lock up and leave early, before any of us woke, or he’d take a taxi from the club and not come home until the following night. Maybe he was out in the parks, looking for women asleep on benches. But there were impressions of him everywhere - a pair of moccasins lying

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on the staircase, lime-scented shaving cream drying in rings on the bathroom shelf, business cards in pale pink propped up against the kettle, with names like Yuko and Moe in feminine script.

I pretended not to be fazed by all this, but I was. Secretly I was completely dazzled by Jason.

I bought a diary from Kiddyland, a schoolgirl’s shop in Omotesando. It was pink, with a clear plastic cover containing a sparkling gel that moved round and round. I would hold it up to the window and marvel at the way the light caught the little specks of glitter. I had scratch’n’sniff cream-cake stickers, and every day that passed I placed a sticker over the space in my diary. Some days I took a train over to Hongo and sat in the Bambi restaurant, watching the sun playing on the big Akamon gate as the students came and went. But I didn’t see Shi Chongming. There were five days to go, four days, three days, two. He had said a week. That meant Sunday. But Sunday came, and he didn’t call.

I couldn’t believe it. He had broken his promise. I waited the whole day, sitting on the sofa in the living room, the shades all drawn against the heat, a pile of my books scattered around me. I stared and stared at the phone. But the only times it rang it was for Jason. I’d snatch it up and it would be a Japanese girl sighing plaintively down the line, refusing to believe it when I told her he was out.

That Sunday I took five messages for him, all from different girls. Most of them were sweet and sad, some were rude. One took a shocked breath when she heard my voice, and screamed at me in shrill Japanese, ”Who the fuck are you? What the fuck are you doing answering the phone? Put Jason on the fucking phone.

now:

I spent some time listing all the names. I doodled faces next to them, trying to imagine what they looked like. Then, when that got boring, I sat with my chin in my hands, staring glumly at the phone that didn’t ring for me all day and night.

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12

Nanking, 1 September 1937

Trouble is coming out of the east. It is just as I thought. The Japanese are in Shanghai and fighting for it street by street. Could it really be the Japanese, and not the Communists, who are the greatest threat to our stability? Could it even be that the Communists were correct to force this military unison on Chiang? Pu Yi, the Japanese puppet, has been on his borrowed throne in Manchuria for six years, no fault of our president, and five years ago the Japanese bombed Shanghai. But nobody has spoken about our safety in Nanking. Until now. Now, and only now, citizens are starting to take precautions. I spent this morning painting our blue-tiled roof black, to hide it from the Japanese bombers that we are warned will rise up one day from behind Purple Mountain, coming with the morning sun.

At about ten, when I’d finished half of the roof, something made me pause. I don’t know if it was a noise or a premonition, but as I stood on my ladder something made me turn to look out to the east. Dotted on the city skyline there were maybe twenty other men like me, high up on their ladders, spidery against the sky, their half-painted roofs glistening beneath them. And further, further beyond them, the spreading horizon. Purple Mountain. The red east.

Shujin has always said there is something bad in Nanking’s future. In her doomy prophetic way, she has always talked about it. She says she has known from the moment she stepped from the

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train a year ago that she was trapped here. She says that the weight of the sky dropped straight down on her and the air infected her lungs and the city’s future pressed against her so hard she had to fight to remain standing. Even the slick dark train she had just alighted from, boring its way out through the milky light, wasn’t an escape. At that moment, standing on the Nanking platform, she looked up at the ring of mountains, dark, like an opened ribcage set in the land, and knew they were a great danger. They would hold her like a claw, those poisonous mountains, and the trains would stop running while she was here. Then Nanking would have her and use its weak, acid air to dissolve her slowly into its heart.

I know something vital happened to her that day, when I escorted her back to Nanking from Poyang lake, because I remember one vivid grain of colour in the train journey. A cherry pink parasol. A girl in the rice fields had paused to wait for the goat she was leading to catch up. When the animal stopped stubbornly the girl tugged on the rope, halfheartedly, more concerned with the idleness of watching than with the animal coming towards her. We had come to a halt somewhere just south of Wuhu and everyone in the train stopped what they were doing and turned to the windows to watch the girl waiting for the goat. At last the animal relented and the girl continued, and soon there was nothing left but the emerald paddy-field. The other passengers turned away from the window and went back to their games, to their conversations, but Shujin remained motionless, still watching the patch of land where the girl had been.