Too Far to Whisper (21 page)

Shadow wondered how much longer he would be able to control his passion, especially with Rosalind’s soft hands caressing his flesh and her mewls of pleasure filling his mouth. His need to totally possess her, to make her
his
woman, was so all-consuming, he had to battle the urge to shed his breeches and thrust into her. Still, he was determined to hold back, to prolong his pleasure…and most especially Rosalind’s. He wanted not one inch of her body to remain untouched by either his hands or mouth.

Rosalind felt certain she would die from the exquisite torture Shadow was forcing her to endure. She felt an unfamiliar dampness spreading between her legs, and puzzled over it for a moment. Ben’s words about Faith needing sufficient time to “prepare” before he entered her suddenly came to mind. Could it be, Rosalind wondered, that this was what her brother so awkwardly had attempted to explain to her on the morning after his wedding?

Tearing her mouth from Shadow’s, she breathlessly blurted out, “I am prepared!”

Shadow gazed down bewilderedly at her.

Rosalind’s cheeks burned as she hastily explained, “My brother Ben once told me that a woman must be properly prepared ere a man can…enter her.” Her embarrassment increased. “I never really understood what he meant…until now.”

Shadow wisely concealed his amusement. “Then you wish me to enter you?” he softly asked, wondering if Rosalind would be bold enough to actually speak the words.

“Aye,” she whispered, closing her eyes and praying she would not immediately be struck to Hell for her admission.

“In time, my love,” he breathed, leaning forward to capture her mouth in yet another burning kiss that caused her head to spin. Brazenly, Rosalind thrust her tongue into his mouth in the same manner that Nathaniel, and even Jonathan, had done to her. She could only assume, considering how both men had seemed so determined to invade her mouth with
their
tongues, that men derived some sort of pleasure from the act…and she desperately wanted to please Shadow.

At first, Rosalind’s bold action seemed to surprise Shadow, as if it were something he never had experienced before, but he quickly reciprocated, matching her tongue’s thrusts with heated ones of his own. Determinedly, Rosalind’s hands once again slipped into the waist of Shadow’s snug breeches. She was eager to feel the full length of his naked body pressed against hers.

Shadow gained great pleasure from Rosalind’s futile attempts to remove his breeches, yet he made no move to assist her. Still holding her mouth captive, his tongue teasing hers, he slid his hand between her legs. Indeed, she was ready…

Rosalind tore her mouth from Shadow’s to whisper an impassioned plea against his ear. “Please, Shadow. I want…I need…to touch you.”

Shadow rose to his elbows and gazed down at Rosalind’s flushed face and passion-filled eyes. She looked so beautiful in the firelight, he thought, her blond hair framing her face, her lips rosy from his kisses. Never had he felt more love…or desire…for a woman.

“Why, Mistress Chandler,” he softly teased, his hand moving to smooth a damp curl from her forehead. “For someone so innocent, you are indeed bold!” He could not resist claiming her lips in another deep, greedy kiss.

Rosalind froze.
Shadow believed her to be pure!
She had been so caught up in the moment, the passion, she had completely blotted out the nightmare of her past and the consequences of it. How, she frantically wondered, would Shadow react when he discovered the truth? Surely virginity was as highly regarded among his people as it was among her own!  She may have devised a plan to trick Nathaniel on their wedding night, but at this very moment there was no way to deceive Shadow. A lump of panic rose in her throat as shame flooded through her.

Shadow felt Rosalind suddenly tense beneath him. He lifted his head to search her face and was disturbed to see tears in her eyes. “Do not be frightened,” his tone was soothing. “I know it is your first time. I will not hurt you.”

She rolled her head to the side so she would not have to see his face when she made her confession. “This is not my first time…I-I am not pure.”

Shadow sat upright, his eyes narrowing. “Nathaniel?”

“Nay.” Rosalind shook her head. “’Twas one of your own people, when I was but fourteen.” She finally dared to look at him, her tear-filled eyes pleading for understanding. “You must believe me, Shadow, ‘twas not my fault. The Indian rescued me from a blizzard – I was near death. I was not even aware of what had occurred until I awoke naked in his shelter. I swear to you, I was helpless to prevent it. My nightmares ever since that night have been filled with frightening images of his cloaked face close to mine, his hands…on my skin.”

Shadow slowly rose to his feet, then presented his back to her. Raking his fingers through his hair, he sighed deeply and tilted his head back, as if looking to the heavens for guidance.

Suddenly Rosalind became acutely aware of her nakedness. She sat up and struggled to pull the blanket around her, her trembling hands making the action frustratingly difficult.

“I-I am so sorry,” she choked, speaking to Shadow’s back. “’Twas not my intent to deceive you. Can you not understand why my past is a subject I prefer not to discuss? The memory of what occurred distresses me far, far too much.”

Shadow turned to face her then, and she was surprised to see pain, not anger or disgust in his eyes. He moved to kneel beside her, causing Rosalind to instinctively cringe as he reached out to wipe her cheek with the back of his hand.

“My poor, sweet Rosalind,” he whispered, his tone unexpectedly sympathetic. “Had I known of this burden you have been carrying all these years, I would have eased your mind weeks ago.” His eyes locked with hers as he softly added, “You have been punishing yourself for naught, my love. You are indeed still pure.”

Rosalind stared at him, confused by his words. “Why do you say such a thing? Is it because you cannot believe one of your own kind could commit such a vile act? Well, I assure you this savage could…and did!”

“And I assure you he did not,” Shadow stated evenly.

“You know not of what you speak!” she shot back, anger rapidly replacing her tears. “You were not there!”

Shadow looked away from her and released a long sigh. “Yes…I was.”

Fearing that her heart had ceased its beating, Rosalind clutched at her chest. “What are you saying?”

He looked directly at her. “I was that savage of which you speak, Rosalind! I was hunting deer, wounded a doe and was tracking it when I found you lying lifeless in the snow. I carried you back to my shelter and cared for you. I swear, I did not take advantage of you in any way, nor did I even once consider doing so.”

Rosalind saw it then, the same eyes that had gazed at her in the firelight six years ago – the same eyes that had haunted her in every nightmare. Why had she not realized it sooner?

Her hands flew to her mouth, her eyes growing wide. “It
was
you!” she gasped. Unconsciously, she reached down to pull the blanket more tightly about her, then slid several inches backward, away from Shadow.

“Your garments were frozen with snow,” he attempted to explain. “I removed them and laid them by the fire to dry, then rubbed your skin with warmed animal fat and wrapped you in furs to restore your body’s heat. I did naught more, I swear to you.”

Fresh tears welled in Rosalind’s eyes as she considered his explanation. Finally, she asked, “Did you know ere tonight that I was the girl you had saved?”

He looked at the floor. “Yes. I knew from the first moment Nathaniel introduced us.”

Rosalind sucked in her breath. “And you chose to make no mention of it to me?”

“I saw no reason to – not unless I was searching for some form of reward for saving your life. But I am not like that.”

Rosalind no longer could hold back her anger. “All these years, I have considered myself soiled – a woman worthy of no decent man! I have shed endless tears and lost precious sleep, mourning the loss of my innocence! And now you inform me I have been punishing myself for naught?”

Shadow’s eyes were blazing when he looked at her. “You found yourself deserving of no
decent
man?” he repeated. “Is that why you are here…with me?”

“Do not be absurd! I am with you because I love – or at least I believed I loved – you. But how could I have given my heart to a man who has deceived me so?”

“I have never lied to you,” he said icily.

“Nay, but you have concealed facts, which is just as sinful! You led everyone to believe you could not speak. You led me to believe our meeting at the Corwins’ was our first. You even led me to believe you never had seen or touched my...naked…body before! Do you really think there is nothing wrong with that?”

Shadow frowned and shook his head. “Surely you do not believe I purposely meant to cause you any pain.”

“Pain?” she exploded. “You know not the meaning of the word! I have endured six long years of suffering because of you!”

“Your suffering has been solely of your own doing!” he said as evenly as his anger would allow. “The wild imaginings of a child are to blame for your misery, not I!  You would not even be alive right now if it were not for me, yet you are treating me as if I attempted to murder you rather than save you!”

“And was tonight to be your long overdue reward for saving me?” Her voice rose.

Shadow held his tongue. He knew from past experience the futility or arguing with this headstrong woman. He had felt the sting of her tongue six years ago when she had awakened in his shelter and discovered he had removed her garments. After her fear had worn off, she had launched a lengthy, verbal assault at him. He had not been able to understand the English tongue back then, but there had been no mistaking her rage. It was apparent that little of the fiery temper he had witnessed that night had waned over the years.

Silence hung heavily between them as Rosalind sat unmoving, the blanket still pulled protectively about her neck. The more she thought about the six years of hell she had endured, condemning herself to spinsterhood because she thought she had been violated, the more anger and resentment she felt toward Shadow. She knew she should be feeling naught but relief now that she finally knew the truth, but the shock of his admission was causing her not to think rationally. Instead of allowing herself time to calm down and consider all that had been said, she surrendered to a powerful desire to cause Shadow as much pain as she had been forced to endure over the years because of him.

Before she could stop herself, she blurted out, “Truth be known, the only reason why I allowed you to touch me so intimately this eve was because I thought I had nothing to lose – that I already was soiled goods!”

The moment the words escaped her lips, she wished she could take them back. Shadow’s expression left her no doubt that she severely had injured his pride.

“Then I am a fool,” he said so softly, Rosalind barely heard him.

At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to end their conversation. “I wish to put my garments on,” she said. “Grant me the favor of turning away.”

Shadow moved to stand by the fire, his back to her. Rosalind snatched up her scattered clothes from the floor and hastily donned them. When she was fully dressed once again, she glanced at Shadow. He had not bothered to don his shirt, and she felt a brief pang of desire as she stared at his muscular form silhouetted in the firelight. She closed her eyes, hating the part of her that still wanted him. Dear Lord, she wondered, what kind of woman was she? Shadow had deceived her, betrayed her!  She felt overcome with shame as she recalled how very near she had come to surrendering her virginity to him…a virginity she had not even known existed until this very eve.

“I am leaving now,” Rosalind said flatly, walking toward the door. “I am certain Adam can find a trustworthy person to escort me back to Eastwell.”

Shadow turned to frown at her. “Think you so little of Adam that you would disturb his sleep in the dead of night?” he asked. “Are you so determined to get away from me, you cannot delay your departure until daybreak?” His chin rose slightly. “If you stay the night, you can rest assured I shall keep my distance.”

Rosalind eyed him coldly. In truth, she was not eager to make the journey back to Adam’s at such a late hour. She felt drained, both in body and spirit. Her only desire was to sleep, to blot out all of the evening’s events.

“Nay, I do not wish to bother Adam,” she reluctantly confessed. “The man has shown me…us…naught but kindness. The least I can do is show him the same courtesy. I suppose I can remain here until daybreak.”

“Good,” Shadow said. “Perhaps a good night’s sleep will serve to sweeten your disposition.”

* * * * *

It seemed like only minutes before the aroma of food teased Rosalind’s senses awake. The sleep she so desperately had craved had eluded her most of the night. She had tossed and turned, unable to find even one comfortable spot in the bed…or to blot out the memory of Shadow’s touch. The mere thought of the shameless way she had lain naked beneath him and begged him to remove his breeches had caused her to bury her face in her pillow and pray for the peaceful oblivion of sleep.

“Hungry?” Shadow asked, the moment he noticed she was awake. His tone was expressionless. “I have made bread.”