Too Soon For Love (27 page)

Phillip stepped around to face him and, pushing his knees apart, knelt at his feet, a hand on each of Michael’s thighs. “I have something to say to you, and I need to not be horizontal and naked when I say it. Because I want you to listen.”

“I always listen to you.”

“No, I mean, really listen and hear me.” Phillip took a breath.

“Because this is hard.”

A frisson of fear slid through Michael and his stomach tensed.

We’re breaking up. That’s what he wants to tell me.

He covered Phillip’s hands with his. “I’m listening.”

“Okay. Well … I know things haven’t been that great between us for a while now. I know you know it too.”

Oh, God, This really is it.

“Phillip…”

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“Just listen for a minute. You said you were listening.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Michael tried to calm his racing pulse. Having a freakin’ heart attack wasn’t going to help.

“Anyway, the thing is, I really love you, Michael.”

Michael’s mouth fell open, though he didn’t think he could have spoken if someone held a gun to his head.

“Don’t say anything. And God, don’t look so shocked. I do love you. I know I’ve been a shitty husband, but I do love you.”

“We aren’t married, Phil.”

“We are in every way that matters. It’s how I think of you, how I talk about you, as my husband. And I want it to stay that way.” Phillip framed Michael’s face in his hands. “I couldn’t bear to lose you. You’re my heart.”

Emotion clogged Michael’s throat and he swallowed hard. “I love you too. I just wasn’t sure you still …”

“I know. I know.” Phillip leaned his brow against his lover’s.

“It’s my fault and I don’t know how it happened. But I want to fix it. Can we fix it, Michael? Is it fixable?”

“Of course it is. I love you.” Michael slid his arms around Phillip’s neck and pressed against him, so familiar, so sweet. “I do love you.”

Phillip’s arms encircled his waist and held Michael tight. He laid his cheek against his lover’s. Lips brushed Michael’s ear. “I was afraid, that is I thought you might be thinking about leaving me. God, Michael, you’re not, are you? Thinking about leaving me?”

“No.” Michael laughed. Oh, but relief was sweet too. He hadn’t realized how sweet until this very moment, hadn’t realized how afraid he’d been of that very same thing until Phillip had put voice to it.

“Good. I’m so …” Phillip stroked Michael’s back, toyed with the ends of his hair. “I want to make love to you right now.” He pressed close between Michael’s legs and Michael felt the bulge of his erection.

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“Right now,” Michael echoed, tilting his hips to get more pressure, more friction as he rocked a little against his lover.

“Take me, Phillip. Take me to bed.”

Getting to his feet, Phillip took both of Michael’s hands, pulled him up and into his arms. He held him close, angling their bodies to bring their erections together as his hands moved over Michael as if he were relearning the shape of him.

Michael pressed against his lover, swept up in the attention and the tenderness, more than Phillip had shown him in a while.

And God, it felt wonderful to know Phillip still wanted him, still loved him.

“C’mon, baby, I need you downstairs, naked, in our bed.”

Phillip led him to the bedroom and, taking him once more in his arms, kissed him long and slow before tilting him back onto the mattress, just the way the heroes in romance novels did the loves of their lives.

Michael smiled at the idea as his lover began to undress him.

Once they were both naked, Phillip crawled up on the bed and stretched out beside him, pulling him close. “God, you’re so beautiful, my beautiful boy.”

“I’m not really a boy anymore, babe. I don’t think the over-thirty set still qualifies as boys. Do you?” But Michael was laughing when he said it. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed in bed. They used to laugh all the time.

“You’ll always be my beautiful boy. Come here, I need to feel you, all of you.”

But without waiting, Phillip rolled on top of him and pinned him to the mattress with his body. It was thrilling to feel so helpless, so taken.

Phillip was a big guy, not tall, but big the way opera singers were big. He had big appetites, for good food, good wine and good sex, all of which he indulged freely. If it meant that he carried extra pounds, Michael had never minded. He loved Phillip’s body. The sheer mass of it, the weight of it on top of too soon FoR Love
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him, the heat and all that glorious hair his Italian heritage had gifted him with.

Phillip not only had a think pelt on his chest and belly, his arms and legs, but his back and ass were hairy too. It was like being loved by a bear and Michael adored it.

He wrapped his legs around Phillip’s waist and dug his heels into his lover’s ass, trying to pull him even closer as Phillip devoured his lips with hot, wet, open-mouthed kisses that left Michael weak with need.

“Phil, please, I need your cock in me. It’s been so long.”

“I know, baby. I know. No more, I promise. I’ll never neglect you like that again. Let me get the lube.”

Phillip rolled over and Michael shivered from the loss of his lover’s body heat. A drawer opened and closed then Phillip was back. There was a click and the squelchy sound of lube being squeezed out.

Michael’s asshole clenched in anticipation. It would hurt a little, he knew, because Phillip was big. But he welcomed the little bit of pain, anticipated it, craved it.

“Spread your legs for me, baby. Pull those knees up and show me that sweet little hole where I’m going to shove my big dick.”

Michael whimpered. He pulled his knees up and apart, shameless in his desire to please his lover.

Cool, slick fingers caressed his crease, rubbed over and around his hole.

“Touch yourself,” Phillip instructed. “Jack that pretty prick for me.”

Michael gripped his own cock and began stroking as one then two of Phillip’s fingers breeched him. Slowly Phillip wiggled his fingers, scissoring them gently to stretch Michael’s opening. Then the fingers in his ass twisted and found Michael’s sweet spot.

“Ah, Phil, don’t make me come.” Michael gripped the base of his shaft, staving off the rush of pleasure from his lover’s fingers inside him.

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The third finger brought a little sting with it as Phillip opened him up even more. Michael welcomed it, knowing that the preparation was necessary before he would get what he really wanted.

“How do you feel, baby?” Phillip asked, his fingers pumping in and out and in and out of Michael’s ass, occasionally brushing his gland and sending shockwaves of pleasure up his spine and into his belly.

“Good. Great. Horny. Need you to fuck me.”

Phillip chuckled. “Think you’re ready, do you? You always were an impatient little prick.”

Michael opened his mouth, ready to tease his lover about who he was calling little, but the fingers slid out of his ass, Phillip got to his knees between Michael’s legs and Michael forgot about the quip.

Leaning over, Phillip stopped with their lips no more than a breath apart. “I love you, Michael. I always have. You know that, don’t you?”

“I know it. And I love you too. Now show me how much.”

The broad head of Phillip’s cock pressed against Michael’s opening, rubbed, teasing a little before beginning to push.

Michael closed his eyes and bore down, consciously relaxing and readying himself for the invasion of his lover’s cock.

“Relax, baby. I’ll go slow. I’d never hurt you.”

And he wouldn’t, Michael knew. He trusted this man with everything, his heart, his soul, his body. There was nothing he wouldn’t give, hadn’t already given, to Phillip in their twelve years together.

Still, when the head popped through that tight ring of muscle, Michael hissed out a breath.

Phillip stopped immediately. “Tell me when. I won’t move till you’re ready.”

The burn was intense, it was true, but Michael wanted it, too soon FoR Love
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craved it, that glorious feeling of being taken, penetrated and filled. Pain or no pain, he had to feel all of his lover inside him and soon.

He made a conscious effort to relax, to accustom his body to this pleasure-pain he loved so much. A drop of sweat splashed onto his cheek. Phillip was holding back and not without effort.

Michael reached up and caressed his lover’s cheek. “Go ahead.

Give me more. I want it.”

Phillip turned his lips into Michael’s palm. “I don’t want to hurt you, baby. I’d never hurt you.”

“You’re not.” And it was true. The sting had faded and Michael’s body was now ready to receive his lover’s dick.

Phillip pushed forward, a long steady pressure, filling Michael’s ass, opening him up, stretching him.

“Feels so good,” Phillip groaned. “You feel so good, baby.”

The burn and stretch were intense. The sensation of fullness exquisite.

Michael arched his spine, trying to adjust. How long had it been since Phillip fucked him? At least a month by his reckoning.

No wonder he was so tight.

At last the prickle of Phillip’s pubes tickled Michael’s ass. He felt the weight of his lover’s ball-sac. And oh God, he was so full.

“I love you, Michael. I love being inside you just like this.”

Michael’s body relaxed all the way and he sighed. “Yeah, Phil, me too. God, it feels so amazing like … Fuck me, please. I can’t wait.”

Phillip pulled back and pushed in again, making both of them groan with the pleasure of it. He did it again and again and again, slowly at first then deeper and picking up speed. His arms trembled as he held himself above Michael.

Michael let his fingers run up and down Phillip’s arms, the muscles standing out, the skin slick with sweat, the hair damp with it. He ran his hands up to his lover’s shoulders and down
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over his chest, stopping to tweak Phil’s nipples and was rewarded with his lover’s gasp of pleasure.

“Michael, you know that makes me crazy.” Phil angled his hips hitting Michael’s prostate on the next thrust. “Makes me want to shoot my load right now. Fuck you so hard and so deep you’ll taste it when I do.”

“Do it. Fuck me just like that, babe. I want it.” Michael pulled his knees up even more until the angle of his hips was nearly painful, until he was sure he could feel the head of Phillips dick in the center of his belly.

“Put your feet on my shoulders,” Phillip instructed.

Michael did and his lover pounded into him.

God, it felt incredible.

“I’m going to come, Phil.”

“Wait for me. Come with me.”

Michael bit his lip until he tasted blood, counted backward in his head, lost count, lost the ability to think of anything but the cock in his ass, the man above him, the man who loved him more than life, and who had come back to him.

“Oh. God.” Phillip’s thrusts became erratic, short and sharp.

Michael knew his lover was close. “C’mon, Phil. Fuck me. I want it. Come in me. Make me feel it.”

“Oh, God,” Phillip said again. It was nearly a sob as he shoved in hard and deep and held himself at the apex of his thrust, his cock swelling and pulsing against Michael’s hole as he came.

✧ ✦ ✧

Michael remembered it now with crystalline clarity as the orgasm fired at the base of his spine and the man on his knees, in between Michael’s legs, sensing that he was close, doubled his efforts.

Robby’s head bobbed faster and he sucked harder, dragging the orgasm up from Michael’s balls and out his dick.

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“Coming,” Michael gasped only seconds before shooting his load down Robby’s throat. His entire body shuddered as he was milked of every last drop by the young man’s greedy mouth.

Robby released Michael’s softening cock and sat back on his heels. “Mmm, Michael. I’ve been wanting to do that to you ever since I got here.”

Michael rubbed a hand over his jaw and dug up a smile for the man who had just sucked his brains out while he thought of his dead lover. Christ, he was such an asshole.

“It was as good as I remembered.”

It was the truth anyway and seemed to please Robby immensely.

“Yeah, just like I remember too.” Robby knelt up and linking his hands behind Michael’s neck, leaned in and kissed him.

Surprise rather than desire had Michael kissing back. He tasted his own spunk on Robby’s lips and tongue. It should have aroused him, but all he felt was tired, utterly drained and not just of jizz.

When Robby tried to straddle his lap, Michael gently held him off. “I think maybe I’m going to go upstairs.”

“Good idea.”

Robby trailed him to the stairs like a hopeful puppy.

Please, don’t ask to sleep with me.

He didn’t want sex with Robby. He didn’t want sex at all, or not with anyone who was available to him. He wanted the one person he could never have again. He wanted Phillip.

At the top of the stairs Michael paused and waited for Robby to reach the top, unsure what he was going to say. But Robby saved him from having to decide.

“I’m not sleeping with you tonight, am I?” Robby asked, though it was more statement than question.

“I’d rather you didn’t. And I feel like a jerk for that. I’m sorry.

We probably shouldn’t have—”

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“Don’t say that.” Robby wrapped his arms around Michael and pressed close. His beard stubble rasped against Michael’s.

“I’m not sorry we did. I’d do more, if you wanted. You know I would, don’t you?”

Lips grazed the corner of Michael’s jaw then his ear.

Goddamn it, he was not going to be guilted into a pity fuck.

“Robby, I’m flattered but … I’m really not up for anything more tonight. Maybe not at all. I’m still…” Michael had to swallow past the lump forming in his throat. “I’m still in love with Phillip. I don’t know when I’ll be ready for someone else, if I ever will.”

“It’s okay, Michael. I understand. Phillip was an amazing man.