Torn (The McKerricks Book 1) (12 page)

I can feel my lip twitch as I ask the question,
“all on one pizza?”

“
Yep. Pepperoni, salami, sausage, ham, bacon, chicken-”

“
That sounds…”

“
Yeah. If you die… it’s your own fault.”

I shake my head and look over the rest of the haul.
“All you got was soda and ice cream. You could have been more inventive with dessert.”

His eyes narrow suspiciously.
“I got vanilla ice cream and root beer… root beer float? The nectar of the gods? I swear you-”

“
Root beer float!” The kids chime in dashing next to Micky before turning back to Henley. “Can we have it aunt Henley? Please?”

Henley just shakes her head and comes to stand next to me.
“After you eat.
After
.” The kids snatch the ice cream and root beer from Micky with a laugh and run inside.

“
Quite the pizza delivery boy you’ve got Angus.”

“
Ah… this is Micky. My bodyguard.”

Henley
’s green eyes appraise the situation, while that always present half smile graces her lips and for the first time I realize what it is. Sharp eyes and a smile is her personal shields at maximum defense.

“
Ah well miss, not like he uses me for bodyguardin’ anyways, more like I’m runnin’ womanly interference… or fetchin’ food and coffee.”

“
Womanly interference…” Henley’s smile is so big now it’s scaring the shit out of me. It’s a smile that brings bad tidings.

I lock eyes with Micky who is realizing that he just lobbed ammo to Henley so she could shoot me down, and try my best to smile politely and hope he gets the hint to beat it.

“Ah well… I better head… out,” he stumbles out with a smile.

“
Yep, bye Micky,” I reply, and he nods and practically runs back to the Bentley.

Henley
’s smile is still warm, but her eyes are arctic, and I don’t know what to do about it. Whatever I had built today between us. Whatever bond I had started to create, is locked behind those frigid eyes.

“
Henley…” I don’t know how to start this conversation. She had to know I slept around. She called me a tramp after all… she had to know.

“
Angus don’t get any weird ideas. We are both adults. That was just the reminder I needed that no matter how sweet you are, this is only temporary.”

But it could be so much more. The words stick in my throat. Because I don
’t know if I am ready to deal with the feelings behind them. Henley and I could be so much more, if I believed that there could be more between anyone. Happily ever after? It’s a sham. I’ve seen it so close to falling apart, that I can’t believe in it. Henley almost makes me want to believe in it again. And even if it doesn’t exist Henley makes me want to hold on to her as long as possible. But I don’t know if I’m ready to throw away all my rules and commit to a woman that may or may not feel the same, so I stay silent as I follow her into the house.

I set down the pizza, and the kids are staring up with big pleading eyes. Starving indeed.

“Hands,” Henley says, and they dutifully go wash their hands as Henley pulls out plates and serves up the kids pizza, before giving me that sweet sort of sad smile. “Angus… thanks for the pizza.” She takes the box of Hawaiian, and makes her way to the sofa, and starts a kids movie as the kids come running back to grab their plates. They curl up on the floor in front of the TV and I seat myself next to Henley. I’m on slice three before either one of us speaks.

“
Taste that good huh?” Henley asks with a sidelong glance around a bite of pizza.

“
Nope, chimera pizza is weird. I’m just really hungry.”

She just smiles and shakes her head. When she is done with her pizza she leans onto the arm of the sofa, but stays curled up. So I let out an exaggerated sigh, and uncurl her legs and drape them across my lap on the sofa. I can see the twitch in her lip as she tries not to smile, as she tucks her arm warmer clad arms under her head like a pillow and keeps watching the movie.

I use the chance to touch her, nothing sexual since there are children in the room, but even so I enjoy it. I genuinely like touching her. I drag my fingers against her calves, massaging the tight muscles. And with every second that passes Henley’s tense body loosens, and by the time the movie is over she relaxed enough to fall asleep. They are all asleep. Apparently I’m the only one that survived the horrible B rated children’s movie.

I slip out from under Henley
’s legs, she barely notices, and I bend down and scoop up Emily. Hunter comes awake enough to stand himself up and stumble to the only door I haven’t gone into. I follow him with Emily tucked securely in my arms, as he climbs into the top bunk, so I slide her into the bottom one. I make sure they are both tucked in, before I head back out for Henley.

She hasn
’t moved. Her body is still sprawled on the sofa, her cheeks flushed, her lips parted, but her eyes are open now. They are watching me curiously in that half asleep state, but her body is languid and she doesn’t move, so I scoop her up in my arms too.

Her legs wrap easily around my waist as we make our way to her bedroom. Her hands glide across my shoulders and fist in my hair, sending goosebumps across my skin. Her pink tongue darts past her lips, licking against the skin at the base of my throat. With a groan I lean back against the door closing it, and stumble toward her bed. Her body stays tight against mine, as I drop down to my elbows on her bed pinning her against me. Her body writhes beneath me in wanton abandon, as her lips and devilish tongue blaze a trail to the shell of my ear.

“You’re so bad you know that?” she murmurs before biting my earlobe.

“
Ow! Hey… how am I bad?”I pull back with a laugh, and her green eyes are practically iridescent in the low light.

“
You have a bodyguard to protect yourself from us… no, no Connor McKerrick, we’re the ones that need protecting from you.” She rests her hand directly over my heart with a sigh. “A girl could so easily fall in love with you, you know?”

“
D-did you? Are you?” The words come out as a stuttered whisper, part of me fears what she will say, and the other part, the larger part, hopes. “Have  you fallen in love with me?”

She shakes her head, and I should be relieved. I should be relieved because I don
’t want that kind of commitment. The kind of feeling that can’t possibly last, but instead of relief it hurts. The twisting pain crushes and coils until my heart might die from it.

“
I know better than to love you Angus. I know better than to love anyone. Because once anyone gets a look at the real me… they won’t want me anymore.”

I stare into her tear filled green eyes and I know I
’m lost, but I also know she wont remember tonight. So I’m honest. “I would still love you little author. I don’t think I can let you go at this point. Don’t think I could survive you.”

Her hands slide against my chest undoing the buttons,
“You will. You’ll survive in your lonely tower, because you can never let anyone that far in… just like me Angus. You’ll be lonely, but you’ll survive.”

“
Henley…”

“
I’m far to tired of talking about sad things,” she murmurs as she rolls on top of me, straddling my hips. “So why don’t you fuck me like neither of us are broken.”

With a groan I relent. Because I know she
’s right. I know that I’m not cut out for the long term. Not when I’m just waiting for things to fall apart. And if she knows herself, then she isn’t cut out for it either. So I lift her hips off me far enough to undo my zipper, and grab a condom, before sliding my full length into her. She trembles lightly above me, as her tight wet pussy stretches to accommodate me.

“
Ah, Henley… always so tight. I keep thinking it’ll get easier on you…”

“
Don’t blame me for being too tight,” she responds with a breathless laugh. “Blame your dick for being to big.”

“
If it’s too much you’d tell me wouldn’t you? I don’t… want to hurt you Henley.”

“
Would you stop?”

“
Fuck no.”

I can feel her smiling against my chest, and it brings a smile to my lips as I begin slowly building the pace to a steady rhythm. She doesn
’t moan, but her silence doesn’t feel like it was before. It feels more like a necessity to keep quite so we don’t wake the kids rather than her fear to let anything out. I prefer this Henley. The one that is honest and open. Even if I have to wait till she is mostly asleep to find her. This Henley is mine. The Henley I get to see that nobody else does.

It takes longer than normal, with the slow slide in and out, but I don
’t increase the pace. This isn’t about chasing the orgasm. No this is something else entirely. This is about loving Henley. Loving the way my lips fit against hers. Loving the way the peaks of her breasts scrape against my chest with each thrust. Loving the breathy pants that she allows me to greedily devour. This is about loving every inch of her.

And when her orgasm finally claims her, and her green eyes lock onto my blue ones, the words are right there on the tip of my tongue. I
’m ready to forsake everything I
know
about happy endings to try and find one with her. But before I let the words out they stick in my throat. She said she knows better than to love me. So with a deep groan, I let myself go, and refuse to breath life into something that we both know won't work.

Chapter 12

The world comes back into focus slowly. The light grays of an early morning are creeping softly into the room. The night before is in stark focus, how close I came to losing everything I am in Henley. How willing I would be to do so even now.

Her brunette curls are fanned out across her pillow, and her face is peaceful in the light of the early morning. I could get used to this. I could
enjoy
this. Waking up to Henley in the mornings. The soft kitten—like snoring. Even the little bit of drool on her lip is endearing. In my world where people are never content with how they were naturally born, Henley is a breath of fresh air.

My hand traces down her shoulder and to her upper arm, just above the crook of her elbow where her arm warmer ends, and skim softly over the words written in her skin.
‘Fake it ‘till you make it’. Henley doesn’t seem like the kind of girl that would get anything random inked into her skin, so I can only wonder at the deeper meaning behinds the words. Somehow they feel dark against her skin.

With a sigh I drag my hands further up and away from her
‘no go’ zone on her arms. I part her lips with my fingers, skimming my thumb against her plump lower lip. Her lips part on a breath, and I lean forward pressing my lips softly against them. The rich warm taste of her invades my mouth, and it isn’t long before a small taste just won’t do. My lips become more insistent against her, and with a soft whimper her body arches into me and her lips reciprocate. I tried to keep it gentle. I really tried. But at the first sweep of her tongue against my lips, I was lost in her. Lost in the way her tongue battled for dominance. Lost in the way her fingers felt sliding under my shirt. Gripping my hair. Clawing my back. Lost in every little sensation Henley provides.

“
Aunt Henley!” The banging on the door is erratic and far to loud for this early in the morning. “Breakfast! Feed us!”

Henley
’s arms grip me tight, eyes scrunched tight, and when she pulls back and her green eyes finally open, there is such a pain there at letting go. So much that it seems the thought physically hurts her. Just as much as it hurts me. Its only a moment before the look is wiped clean and replaced with Henley’s usually guardedness and half smile.

“
Guess that’s my queue Angus.”

I stay silent, as I roll off of her and let her get up. I watch her slowly move about the room getting dressed. She doesn
’t remove the arm warmers.

“
Can I take a shower?” I ask indicating the adjoined bathroom. I don’t know what the protocol is for this but I don’t want to overstep my bounds when she finally seems to be warming up to me.

“
Yeah,” she responds with a nod. “I’ll… make breakfast… you like bacon and all that?”

“
Yeah,” I reply toward her back.

She hasn
’t turned and looked at me once. Not once. So when she tries to slip past and out the door I grab her arm around the warmer. She freezes in my grip, even her breath stills as I turn her toward me. That half smile is locked on her lips, and her eyes are somewhere just above my head. Looking without really looking.

I grip her face on both sides firmly, and pull her down and kiss her. I drink her in. My tongue forces its way past her lips, sparring with her, and when she finally reciprocates I pull back with a smile as her green eyes land on my blue ones.

“Don’t go getting shy little author.”