Tortured: Book Three of the Jason and Azazel Trilogy (22 page)

She turned over the next card.
"External influences.
Things out of control," Agnes explained. The card was the Hanged Man.
"This card refers to the idea that one must make sacrifices—like the Hanged
Man's sacrifice of freedom—to gain knowledge and wisdom."
 
Agnes turned over the next card. "Hopes and fears," she said.
"Death.
The card that represents a
shift or transition to a new level of life.
"Finally," said
Agnes,
"is the outcome
of the situation. Overall." She turned over the last card. "The
lovers," she said. Agnes looked over the cards, her brow furrowed.
"At the time," said the voice-over of Agnes, "I wasn't entirely
sure what to make of the reading. I knew it strongly directed me to take part
in something which was directed by Fate. I knew that implied that great good
could come from the situation. But there were aspects of the reading that did
not make sense to me. Why did the reading say that the final outcome of the
situation was the Lovers? Where Michaela and Ted to become the lovers?
 
"I supposed it was possible, but it seemed unlikely. The kind of love
represented on the card was a kind of perfect love, the combination of a
duality to create a beautiful harmony. In some ways, it seemed to me that Ted
had abused Michaela. I didn't see how a perfect love could come from a union
like that.
"I was also confused by the appearance of the Devil and of the Hanged Man.
Where these cards meant for me? Where they meant for Michaela? Or where they
meant for someone else?
Someone who hadn't come into the
picture yet?"
Agnes turned to me, away from the cards. She grasped my hands. "I think
they were meant for you," she said.
 
"Me?" I said.
"I think the Lovers card refers to you and Jason.
That this
whole situation was to culminate in the two of you.
You and Jason have
been entwined since before your conception, in ways that I don't think either
of us understands. The seeds were planted here, when Michaela began to express
her dissatisfaction with Ted. And the Devil card, that has special significance
to you, doesn't it?"
The Satanists.
"Yes," I said.
 
"Study this layout. Remember these cards," said Agnes. "I show
them to you to guide you. To help you make your choices. If the cards are
correct, the fate of the world is at stake here. The world will be
changing." She smiled at me again.
"But more on
that later."
The scene changed. Ted and Michaela were standing in the room now. They were
holding hands. Agnes placed a wreath of flowers on Michaela's head. Her
voice-over continued. "I only knew that I had a role to perform in a
greater scheme, and that I must do it. I didn't bless the union of Ted and
Michaela, however, but I blessed the child they would conceive. I believed that
the cards had told me that he or she would bring about some kind of phenomenal
change in the world. I believed that it was important that I bless the child
with the power and grace of the goddesses."
Agnes gave Michaela and Ted each a
goblet,
and they
drank. She sang to them in another language. The three all kneeled, their hands
raised to the ceiling.
 
And then the vision swirled again. When it stopped moving, I was back in the
Roman Forum, holding hands with Agnes. It was still dark outside. I shook
myself. That had been kind of strange. "So you blessed Jason," I
said. "You imbued him with power?"
Agnes laughed, and it sounded like wind chimes. "I can't imbue
power," she said. "Power comes from within. Power comes from the
goddesses. Power comes from the earth. I don't control these things."
I sighed. This had all been very, very interesting, but we really weren't any
better off than we had been. "Jason and I can do things," I said.
"We don't know why. We don't know how."
"And you wanted me to tell you," said Agnes.
 
"I hoped . . ."
 
Agnes stood up. She helped me to my feet. She gestured at the Forum. "This
was once the hub of the civilized world," she said. "Once, this place
and the people here controlled everything."
 
I looked around. Sure, I knew this. This was a majestic place, full of the
echoes of ancient power. But I didn't understand exactly why that was
important.
 
"How did they do it?" she asked me.
"Well, they went and killed a bunch of people," I said. "They
took them over and then they taxed the heck out of them."
Another laugh from Agnes.
"Certainly," she
said. "But how did they become the most powerful? How did they create a
society that was so advanced?
Democracy.
Aqueducts.
Religious tolerance.
How
did all of this come to the Romans?"
"I don't know," I said. "I guess they just thought of that
stuff."
"It was their time," said Agnes. "They had an explosion of
knowledge and power and creativity. There have been other such times in the
world. It hasn't always been the Romans, but there have been other times. And
then it was no longer their time. Things began to fall apart."
I gave her a sharp look. "You read Yeats?"
"Hmm?" she looked confused.
 
"Nothing."
"
Changes happened. Have you ever heard of the crisis of the
Roman empire
?"
"No," I said.
"It was a period of time," she said.
"In the
third century, when the empire nearly collapsed.
But right around the
end of it, something happened. The planet Pluto entered Capricorn."
"I thought Pluto wasn't a planet anymore," I said.
"For astrological purposes," she said, "it is a very important
entity.
Very powerful.
Pluto symbolizes the hidden
undercurrents within us and society. It represents what is hidden coming to the
surface. When it enters Capricorn, the sign of hard work and goal-oriented
views, it means that things can get done. For that period of time, when Pluto
was in Capricorn, the Empire was able to hold off the darkness, to keep things
from falling apart. It took another hundred years afterwards for the Empire to
really break apart."
This was interesting. I guessed. "Why are you telling me this?" I
asked.
"Pluto has been in Capricorn during some interesting historical
periods," she said. "It may have been there when King Arthur was
fighting off the Saxons."
God.
King
Arthur again.
"We can't be sure when King Arthur lived, but the
dates seem to line up. It was in Capricorn when Martin Luther nailed his
Ninety-five Theses to the door of his church. It was in Capricorn when the
American Revolution happened." She looked at me. "And Pluto entered
Capricorn last November."
"
Really?"
I said.
"It is a sign," she said. "We are on the cusp of the Age of
Aquarius. Things are changing. And I'm sure you've thought about the fact that
2012 and the end of the Mayan calendar are only three years away. This is a
time of great change and a time of great power. You and Jason are part of it.
The Tarot reading showed that to me. Your influence will be felt. It will
happen. You may not know how. But you are part of something very big."
I took a second to let
all of that
sink in. People had
been telling me all about destiny and fate for the past year. People had been
telling Jason and me that we had important roles to play. This woman was saying
the same thing. But somehow it was different. Maybe it was just because it
wasn't primarily concerned with either of us exactly. It was about bigger
things, things that were happening in the world. It was about everything, on a
global level. But still, it was the same song and dance. The world was destined
to change. Jason and I were supposed to be part of it.
"Do you think this change that's going to happen in the world is a New
World Order?" I asked. "Is it a global government?"
"I don't know what it's going to be," said Agnes. "No one knows.
No one understands the future."
"But you're saying that you do. You're saying that these signs predict
what will happen." This was the problem. I didn't want to be a plaything
of fate and destiny. I'd promised myself over and over that I'd make my own
destiny. I didn't want to be forced into doing anything. "You're saying
that Jason and I don't have a choice."
"Choices are all we have," said Agnes.
 
"That doesn't make sense," I said. "If the future is all set
like that, if I have a destiny, then I don't have a choice."
Agnes laughed. "This isn't
 
Oedipus Rex
, darling. That isn't the
way destiny works. Listen, all that anyone can ever predict, by looking at the
stars, or by reading cards, or by searching ancient prophecies, is that you and
Jason will be forced into situations over and over again where you will have a
massive influence on the fate of important things. But it will be up to you to
decide what to do in those situations. You've made decisions before. You'll
make them again."
I blinked. "You mean there can be destiny and free will at the same
time?"
"I mean that there are influences beyond ourselves that we can't
control," said Agnes. "That will always be, no matter what you
believe. What you can control,
Azazel,
is the way you
react to those influences."
I bit my lip. Okay, I guess that made sense. So the way Jason and I had been
reacting thus far was to run away.
To try to protect
ourselves.
And I'd been worried that the things people had told me about
our being evil were coming true. I thought of the Tarot card spread that Agnes
had showed me. It was a factor at play.
Our violence.
"You don't think that we're evil, then?" I said.
"Or
destructive?
Or violent?"
"
Why do you ask me that?"
"Because there were visions," I said. "There were visions that
Jason was going to kill tons and tons of people. And that he was going to eat
me alive. And then some people said that Jason would have been fine, but that I
was his dark force. That I was the destructive half, and that I would drive him
to become evil. And then Jason is always hitting people and shooting people,
and I've been shooting people too. And sometimes it seems like all there is
between us is blood and terror and running and hate and fear."
 
"The Devil card," said Agnes. "It's an influence."
"That's all.
Just an influence?"
"
There is no way to know what will happen in the future," said
Agnes. "Earlier this week, I did a reading that indicated you and Jason
would come to see me. This morning, I did a reading again, and it became clear
that you two would not be coming."
"So you came to me."
"Best as I could," said Agnes. "There is something deeply
powerful within you.
And within Jason as well.
I've
never felt anything like it. You speak of visions, Azazel. You have had
visions, too, though."
"Me? No, I haven't."
"
Your dreams."
"
They're just nightmares," I said.
 
"They are not 'just' anything. They are the way that I can communicate
with you. Truthfully, perhaps, you brought me to you more than I came to you.
You must trust yourself. Jason has been trained to act without thinking. You
examine things. You worry over things. But until you come to believe that you
can make the right decisions and that you will do the right thing, you will
never be truly able to wield your power. Jason needs your concern for balance.
But you also need his daring resolve. You must act. You must not doubt."
 
The sounds of birds chirping carried through the forum. I could see that the
sky was starting to lighten.
 
"You must go back," said Agnes. "It is late."
I wanted Agnes to walk with me back to the monastery, but she said she had to
go in an opposite direction, so I made my way through the silent streets alone,
trying to think about what she had said. None of it made much sense to me. She
said that I had to be confident to wield my power. She said that I did have
choices, but that I was also bound to a destiny. Overall, she'd said absolutely
nothing definite. It was much different from the way the Sons behaved or from
the way the Satanists had behaved. They were certain. They were sure of themselves.
Maybe that was it. She'd said I needed to be confident in myself. Trust myself.
But hadn't my parents been certain that Jason was evil? And hadn't that exact
certainty caused them to do absolutely horrible things? Weren't the Sons sure
that Jason was really the Rising Sun? Hadn't Edgar Weem been certain that he
should do what he'd done to bring Jason into the world? I didn't know if I
wanted to be certain. I was afraid that if I was certain, I would excuse all
kinds of atrocities that I committed in the name of that certainty.
Of course, it wasn't as if I hadn't already committed atrocities. I flashed
again on Lilith's demolished, bloody face. I felt sick.
When I got back to the monastery, I slid in bed with Jason, who didn't wake up.
I closed my eyes and was asleep almost immediately.
 
I awoke to the sound of gunshots.