Totally Buzzed (A Miller Sisters Mystery) (24 page)

Knowing Mag would follow, he explained. "Jeff Fuller, the head of MB, took cuttings from some marijuana plants we confiscated during a bust. Using the polymorphic markers in the plant DNA, he was able to find patterns of marijuana fields cloned off the mother plants.

"We mapped the plantings, and you could see the sweep of the cloned plants across the western states. Through the seeds, he was able to link specific shipments of marijuana to weed the DEA recovered off of a suspect during a bust in a different part of the country. This gave us another point where the drugs entered the country.

"Then the marijuana chaff recovered from a non-related building in yet another area, linked the rest of the operation to the shipment, and was followed back to the original grower in Central America. It was the biggest coup we've ever made, and hopefully the beginning of the end of the drug cartels."

Mag stared at him, riveted to his story. "Holy cow! I had no idea that you could trace a plant back to the source like that. So that's what you'll be doing with the drugs we have. How cool is that!"

She shifted closer to Ian and took in a shaky breath. "Ian, do you have any idea how, uh, stimulating it is to listen when someone speaks with so much passion about something?"

Ian gulped and stared at her. The car began to drift toward the right shoulder. Ian jerked the car back into the lane and stared out the windshield. "Uh, Mag, do you mean stimulate as in inspiring, or, uh, stimulate as in uh….arousing?"

She unbuckled her seatbelt and scooted over so her breast pressed against his arm. She ran a finger along the top of his ear, her moist breath caressing his neck. "Let's just say that if we weren't in big city traffic right now," she ran her other hand up his thigh and settled it between his legs, "I would be jumping on you like Japanese beetles on your prize dahlias, Plant Boy."

She stuck her tongue in his ear and ran her hand over his zipper. She wiggled her fingers and her eyes grew big. "Holy Gigantus Peeniscus! I can't ever again call you Plant
Boy
with a straight face! Bad Boy maybe…"

Ian turned pink. "Come on, Mag, knock it off. It's no big deal."

She continued to tease him. "No big deal? Why the heck do you bother carrying a gun? You could just beat them to death with that thing! Talk about your Lethal Weapons…"

Ian squirmed and turned dark red. "Mag, I mean it! We're in traffic, now stop. And don't poke fun at him…uh, at it…at me. Oh, shit, I don't know what to call him!"

Mag flashed him a brilliant smile and continued to play. "Just say, 'Happy Birthday, Mag!'"

Ian gritted his teeth and gripped the wheel with both hands. "Mag, we have an audience. I'm awake, so let's talk about something else, okay?" He glanced out the window at smiling faces.

"And, would you please uh, move your hand while you're at it?"

Mag kept stroking and kissing Ian's neck. She began singing softly in his ear, "Bad boy, bad boy, whatcha gonna do when I come for you bad boy, bad boy?"

Ian sucked in a breath. "If you don't knock it off, Missy, I'm going to pull off this road and show you what this bad boy can do!"

Mag flopped back into her seat and sighed. "Killjoy! I was just keeping you awake like I'm supposed to. Who said I couldn't enjoy myself while I do my job?"

Ian narrowed his eyes at her, and she rolled her eyes back at him. She pouted and looked out the window. Staring back at her was a truck driver grinning from ear-to-ear and giving her the thumbs up. She realized he had been watching them while traffic was slow. She blushed and slowly slid down in her seat. Another truck drove past them and blew the air horn. Ian chuckled at Mag's mortification. Mag moaned and pulled a jacket over her head. Horns blared, truckers waved, and people whistled as they passed Ian's car. Humiliated, Mag slid a glance at Ian. He was laughing silently, his shoulders twitching.

Mag huffed and threw the jacket in the back seat. "What the heck was that all about, I wonder? And what is so funny?"

Ian laughed out loud, "CBs, Mag. Everyone within a five mile radius probably knows what was going on in here."

Mag stuck her nose in the air and smoothed her hair. "How immature. Why didn't they just take videos while they were at it?"

Ian sobered and signaled for an exit ramp. "Actually, sweetheart, I did see someone with a cell phone recording as they passed us back about three miles. Let's just hope we're not the stars of some cheesy joke that ends up in your mother's email."

Mag grabbed the dash and stared wide-eyed out the windshield while she absorbed the impact of what Ian just said. "Oh, my God. Ian, you don't really think…"

He stopped for a red light and patted her knee. "No, Maggie, I don't. Seriously, though, I want you to know that when we do make love, it's going to be just you and me in a big old bed and not half of Milwaukee in a BMW during rush hour. Does that sound okay to you?"

She covered his hand with her own and sighed softly. "Perfect, Ian, just perfect."

21

Ian kissed the end of her nose and drove to his condo. Mag walked through the front door and was immediately struck dumb. There was vegetation everywhere. The condo was a corner unit and had both a southern and western exposure. He had an atrium of sorts in the corner and made full use of all that sun. Bird sounds chirped in the background. Tiny frogs sat on lily pads, and koi undulated slowly across the small pond. A waterfall trickled among the flora and fauna, and a huge bamboo ceiling fan turned slowly, the giant paddles creating a soft breeze which rustled through the leaves. "Wow, Ian, that really sounds authentic."

Ian held a finger to his lips, shushing her. Into the apartment, Ian raised his voice. "Anyone home?"

Immediately the Banana Palm said, in a high voice, "No one here but us chickens!" and then, "Cluck, cluck, cluck!"

Mag frowned. "I thought you said you lived alone. Who's the comedian?"

She started off toward the door. Ian grabbed her hand. "Wait. Watch this." He walked to the refrigerator and took out a mango. He sliced it in half, leaned on the breakfast bar, and made slurpy sounds. "
Mmmm
, chow time!"

The Banana Palm screeched and in a gravelly voice said, "Now wait just a cotton pickin' minute, you varmint!"

Mag watch wide-eyed as a huge Cockatoo flew out of the Banana Palm and skidded across the breakfast bar. He grabbed the mango and began munching. Ian stroked the bird and Mag watched in fascination as he ripped chunks out of the mango with his impressive beak.

Ian said, "Yum!"

"Yum, yum, yum," Bird squawked.

She backed into Ian, not wanting to lose a finger. "What's his name?" she whispered in awe.

"Kitty," he whispered back.

"KITTY, KITTY! HERE KITTY, KITTY, KITTY!" The bird screeched.
"HEEEEERE KITTY!"

Mag stared at Ian. He shrugged. "That's all he would say when I first got him, so that's what I called him."

"HERE KITTY, KITTY, KITTY!" Kitty alternately tore into the mango and hollered for the non-existent cat.

Ian flinched. "But I don't call him that often. Most of the time I just call him Dumb Bird. Hey, Dumb Bird, don't talk with your mouth full."

"DUMB BIRD!"

Ian sighed. "Maggie, why don't you relax for a bit? I need to make some calls and get organized. The small bathroom is down the hall to the left, second door. The master bedroom is to the right. It has its own bathroom. You might like that one better. I'll be on the left behind 'Door Number One'. Just walk in when you feel like it."

He kissed her nose and picked up his laptop. He mumbled to himself and went into his office. She stood looking down the empty hallway. She glanced at Kitty, slurping away on what was left of the mango, then again at the empty hallway. She could hear Ian talking on the phone. Picking up her overnighter, she wandered down the hall.

She poked her head into the first bathroom and sighed. The walls were done in sand-washed burnt orange. Different species of cacti lined the many shelves. Interspersed were desert succulents and other arid climate plants. The walk-in shower was done in light beige, and accent splashes of blues, pinks, and reds made the room look like the desert at sunset.

She stood in the doorway and stared. Ian's words came back to her about liking the other bathroom better, but she didn't know how she possibly could. She said aloud, "You really think you know a guy…"

She wandered down the hall and stepped into Ian's bedroom. His personal space reflected a quiet glen. The massive four-poster looked as if it was made of fallen trees.

The design was asymmetrical, but the beauty of the natural hollows and ridges of the wood created by Mother Nature could never be duplicated by man. Mag ran her hand over the dark wood, which had been waxed to a beautiful luster. A green, beige, and chocolate comforter was a perfect compliment to the cream walls. Instead of curtains, she saw a high shelf set with ivies, vinca, and other trailing plants. A huge bamboo paddle fan delicately moved the air. The gentle breeze carried the exotic scent of flowers. Aside from the bed and a matching night table, no other furniture graced the room. Mag walked across the knotty pine floor. She peeked behind a door and found a walk-in closet the size of her living room.

She walked to the only other door in the room. She opened the door and understood what Ian meant by she 'might like this bathroom better'. Orchids of every color and size were scattered throughout the room. Flowering plants were on shelves, some hung in baskets, and others were planted in a natural environment in a raised bed. A large skylight loomed above a six-person Jacuzzi. The raised flower bed rimmed the wall side of the Jacuzzi. Tropical flowers she'd only seen in pictures gave off an intoxicating scent that made her feel light headed. "Oh my God. I don't know this guy at all. Or maybe I do."

Moving as if she were in a trance, Mag turned the jets on low and checked the heat. She lit the five pillar candles on a tray beside the faucets and dimmed the lights.

"Well, he did say relax. I hope he meant make myself at home, too. He'll probably be hours anyway."

She grabbed a huge fluffy bath sheet and placed it on the hot rail. As the steam rose in the bathroom, the smell of the plants seemed to grow more intense. Mag hugged herself and spun in a circle. She ripped off all her clothes.

She picked up a stereo remote and turned on some Chris Botti. She stepped across the stone floor and lowered herself into the warm, swirling, water. She leaned back and kept time with one toe, letting the music seep into her soul.

The water, the scents, the music, and the muted candle light assaulted Mag's senses until she was as limp as a rag doll. She whispered, "I think I'm in luuuv!" Eyes closed, she let her head loll back against the pool pillow.

* * *

Finished with his calls, Ian found her there. He stood looking down at her, thinking she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He fell head over heels in that moment. Instead of feeling like he should be running to the nearest exit, the weirdest feeling of well being and rightness swept over him. Overwhelmed with emotion, he stood rooted to the spot, watching her.

Mag came slowly back to consciousness and realized she was no longer alone. She looked up and raised one hand toward him. "So, handsome man, what are you waiting for?"

Ian slowly smiled at her and she thought her heart would stop. He touched his palm to hers and they both felt the faint tingle. Feeling suave and debonair, he shed his clothes at nearly the speed of light. He paused for a second and she thought she had never seen anything as beautiful as this man. He threw his leg over the side of the Jacuzzi, his eyes never leaving hers. His toe caught on the faucet and pain shot through his foot. He bent to grab his foot and let out a howl of pain. He slipped and cannon-balled into the Jacuzzi right on top of Mag.