Towelhead (33 page)

“I guess so,” I said.

“Sorry about that, kiddo.”

“It's okay,” I said, and that was the truth. It was always okay when Melina knew what I was thinking without my even having to tell her.

We took everything out to the living room then—the plates with pizza and the tray with everything else. As soon he saw the food, Daddy said, “Oh, we're eating in here?” Thena immediately began clearing magazines off the coffee table. Daddy started to help her until he came across my
Changing Bodies, Changing Lives
book, then stopped. “What's this?” he asked.

Melina and Gil looked at each other.

“Whose is this?” Daddy wanted to know.

“It's mine,” I said.

“Yours?”

I nodded.

“Where did you get such a book?”

“It's for teenagers,” I said. “Teenage boys and girls.”

“Look at this,” he said, and he handed the book to Thena.

She wouldn't take it. She said, “It's time to eat now, Rifat.”

“But look at this book,” Daddy said, showing her some of the pages. “With these pictures.”

Thena took the book from him and looked at it. “This is just a basic book,” she said. “With basic information.”

“No, it's not,” Daddy said. “This is not basic information. This is very graphic material. I can't even repeat most of this.”

Melina sighed. “Look,” she said, “I gave Jasira that book as a gift. She had a lot of questions, and I thought the book might help.”

“Who are you?” Daddy asked. “Why should you help? Who told you to help?”

Gil said something to Daddy in Arabic, and Daddy stopped talking to Melina that way. Gil said something else and held out his hand, and Daddy handed him my book. We all sat and ate pizza then. “This is really good,” Thomas said.

“Thank you,” Melina said.

“It really is,” Thena agreed.

“There's a little left for anyone who wants it,” Melina said.

“Count me in,” Thomas said, even though he'd already said earlier that he was full from snacking.

“Save room for baklava,” Daddy mumbled.

“Daddy makes a very good baklava,” I said.

Daddy looked at me then. He didn't smile, but some of the lines in his forehead relaxed a little.

 

After we finished eating, Thena helped Melina and me carry the dishes into the kitchen. She started to put on one of the rubber gloves Melina always left at the edge of the sink, and Melina said, “Oh no, don't worry about the dishes. Gil will do them later.”

“I insist,” Thena said, putting on the other glove.

“Okay, well, I'm too tired to stop you,” Melina said.

“Jasira will help me dry,” Thena said, which made me kind of mad since I wanted to go back in the living room with Melina. I always wanted to be with Melina. Instead, though, I picked up a dish towel.

Melina put her hands on her back and watched Thena and me at the sink. I pretended that maybe she didn't like the idea of my not going with her either, but then finally she just said, “All right. Don't be long.”

“She's very nice, isn't she?” Thena said after Melina had walked out.

I nodded.

“I can see why you like her so much.”

I worried that Thena might ruin her nice dress with soapsuds, so I said, “Would you like an apron?”

“Sure,” she said. “That's probably a good idea.”

I went to the deep drawer next to the refrigerator that held clean aprons and dish towels. I knew where everything was in Melina's house: Scotch tape, pens, extension cords, writing tablets, phone books, shoe polish, lightbulbs, the broom, umbrellas, toilet paper. I was allowed to go and get whatever I needed, whenever I needed it, without asking. I could eat any food I wanted at any time of day. I could turn on the TV and watch my favorite shows from when I used to live with my mother. Whenever I did anything new without asking permission, I could feel Gil and Melina trying to ignore me, so I wouldn't feel self-conscious about it. I knew I wasn't supposed to notice this, but I did. I noticed everything, all the time. I couldn't help it.

“Here,” I said, handing Thena the apron that barely reached around Melina's stomach. “You can use this.”

“Thank you.” Since her hands were all soapy and wet, she smiled and said, “Would you mind?”

I said no, slipped the loop over her head, then made a full bow with the apron strings in the back. Thena returned to her washing and I picked up a plate from the drainer and dried it. “So,” she said, “when do you think you might move back in with your father?”

I went to the cupboard on the other side of her and put the plate away. “I don't know,” I said. I didn't tell her that I hoped never. That I wanted Gil and Melina to be my new parents.

“He really does miss you, Jasira,” Thena said.

I didn't answer, just went and got another plate to dry.

“Do you miss him?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry,” I said.

“No,” she said, “I understand. It's just—I mean, the thing is, all parents lose control and hit their kids at one time or another. My parents were wonderful and they did it, too. Gil and Melina will probably do it.”

“No, they won't,” I said. I glanced in the sink then, trying to gauge how many more dishes I would need to dry before everything that was left would fit in the drain board and I could go out the living room.

“Maybe that was the wrong thing to say,” Thena said. “I can't really speak for Gil and Melina, and I shouldn't try to.”

“It's okay,” I said. I went and put the second plate in the cupboard. I wished she would wash the pizza trays next since they were so big. I knew it was either wash them now so I could go, or save them for the end and I'd be stuck here.

Thena sighed. “How's your mother?” she asked.

“Good,” I said, even though all I'd heard from her recently were her insistent phone messages.

“That's good,” Thena said.

I started to feel guilty then that Thena was just trying to be nice to me, so I said, “She has a black boyfriend.”

“Really?” Thena asked.

I nodded.

“What does he do?”

I couldn't remember for a second, since the main thing about him always seemed to be that he was black. Finally, I said, “I think he's a guidance counselor at my mother's school.”

“Ah,” Thena said, like that explained something, except I wasn't sure what. She put a glass on the drain board that still had a few soapsuds on it, and I wasn't sure what to do. I couldn't remember if soapsuds were bad for Dorrie. Part of me didn't feel like caring, but another part of me thought I should.

“Can you rinse this a little more?” I asked, picking up the glass.

“Sure,” Thena said.

“Thanks,” I said, taking it back when she was done.

“Well,” Thena said, “I can tell you this: I disagree with your father about having Thomas as a friend. That's simply wrong. I'm sure he knows it, too. He's just worried about your well-being.”

I went and put the glass in its cupboard. I wished she wouldn't always come back to defending Daddy. Melina never did that. She never believed that Daddy had any good parts inside him. Even if that was wrong, I didn't care. I didn't want to think about Daddy's insides anymore. I was too tired.

Just then, Thomas came into the kitchen. “Hey,” he said, “I'll finish drying. Your father wants you to show him your room.”

“Why?” I said.

Thomas shrugged. “He says he has a right to see where his daughter is sleeping.”

“He cares about you, Jasira,” Thena said. “He wants to make sure you're comfortable.”

I decided then that I would rather show Daddy my room than listen to Thena talk like that anymore, so I handed Thomas the dish towel.

Out in the living room, Daddy stood and said, “I would like a tour, please.”

I looked at Melina, who was wedged into her usual corner of the couch, then at Gil in his chair. “C'mon,” he said, immediately standing up. “I'll come, too.”

I could tell Daddy was disgusted that I thought I needed protection from him, but I didn't care. I knew he wouldn't hit me; it wasn't that. But he might've said terrible things to me when we were alone, like what the hell did I think I was doing over here, and if I didn't come home this instant he was going to penalize me heavily. I wasn't even sure if I would really have believed it, but I didn't want to find out. I didn't want to be with him and have him say those things and learn that I was still afraid.

Gil went up the stairs first, then me, then Daddy. When we reached the upstairs hall, Daddy said, “It's loud with the wooden steps.”

“Not too bad,” Gil said. Then he motioned to the door on his right. “This is the master bedroom.”

Daddy peered in and nodded.

A little farther down the hall, Gil said, “And here's Jasira's bathroom.” Neither he nor Melina had ever called it that before, and I wondered if it meant anything that I now had two rooms in the house.

We stopped so Daddy could flip the light on and take a look. “Very nice,” he said, though he didn't really sound like he meant it. He turned the light off and said, “I thought about getting a two-story for Jasira and me, but then it seemed too big for just the both of us.”

“Sure,” Gil said.

“And now just one,” Daddy said.

“Here's Jasira's room,” Gil said, turning the light on and stepping inside. I followed him, and Daddy followed me. He put his hands on his hips while he looked around. My bed was still rumpled from Thomas and me using it earlier, but he didn't seem to notice. Instead, he said, “Whose jacket is that?”

I looked at Thomas's coat, draped over the back of the couch. It was a blue windbreaker.

“That's not your jacket,” Daddy said.

“No,” I said. “It's Thomas's.”

“What?”

“I came up here to show him my room. He must've left it.”

“Did he sit down?” Daddy asked. “I don't understand why he would leave his coat if he hadn't sat down.”

Gil went and got the coat. “Well,” he said, “I'll give it back to him.”

“What does that solve?” Daddy demanded. “I want to know why it's here in the first place.”

“Jasira just said that she was showing Thomas her room.”

“But why would he leave his jacket here if he hadn't stayed?”

“He didn't stay,” I said.

“Uh-huh,” Daddy said.

“I'm ready for baklava,” Gil said.

Daddy didn't move. “Don't you and your wife perform any type of supervision?”

“Of course we do,” Gil said. “Melina already agreed with you that Jasira was too young to go with boys.”

Daddy didn't say anything.

“C'mon,” Gil said. “I'll make us some coffee.”

Daddy looked like he didn't really want coffee. He looked like he wanted to keep searching for evidence. Finally, though, he turned and walked out of the room. He said he would have a few questions for Melina when he got downstairs.

“No,” Gil said. “No questions, please.”

“I have a right to ask questions about my daughter's well-being,” Daddy said.

“Jasira already answered your questions.”

“She's a liar,” Daddy said.

“Excuse me?” Gil said.

“She lies about everything,” Daddy said.

“I have never known Jasira to be a liar,” Gil said. “She's always been very truthful with Melina and me.”

“Well,” Daddy said, “you wait and see.”

“That's enough,” Gil said. “Enough nasty talk. We'll go have some baklava, then you and Thena should probably go.”

“Fine,” Daddy snapped. “Whatever you say.” Then he went in my bathroom and shut the door.

“C'mon, Jasira,” Gil said to me, and he put a hand on my shoulder and guided me toward the stairs. I felt terrible as we walked. Like I should tell him to take his hand away since it was true, I was a liar.

“Where's your father?” Thena asked when we reached the living room. She and Thomas must've finished up the dishes because he was back on the floor and she was sitting on the opposite end of the couch from Melina.

“Using the bathroom,” I said.

“Here,” Gil said to Thomas, dropping the jacket in his lap.

“Oh, thanks,” Thomas said.

“No more going upstairs, okay?”