Tracie Peterson - [Desert Roses 01] (35 page)

“Indeed,” he replied with a sigh.

Valerie gave his hand a squeeze and then picked up her fork again. With a forkful of eggs halfway to her mouth she said, “I would want to help you with the book, but there is something else I’d like to help with first. Maybe you’d like to be involved as well. It’s a very good cause.”

Her father seemed surprised. “Do tell. What has caught your attention this time?”

“Mother, I really need to talk to you,” Alex said as her mother cuddled Brock and talked to him in animated tones.

“You know you can discuss anything with me.” She looked up to meet Alex’s gaze.

“You’re so kind to him,” Alex said, motioning to the baby. “How can you abide him? I mean, surely he reminds you of your bad times with Father.”

Katherine looked taken aback. “Well, it’s hardly his fault that his parents had no concern for their actions. This baby is innocent. Completely and totally innocent. He must be allowed a fresh start.”

“I agree. I’m just not sure that start should begin with us.” “But why?”

Alex sat down on the foot of the bed. “It’s just that I wouldn’t want this baby to be a reminder of all you suffered, a living memory of the things that happened the night Father died.”

“Alex, you’re worrying for nothing. I look forward to grandmothering this infant. I don’t have the stamina to raise him, but you do. You would make a good mother for this child. He’s flesh of your flesh. He’s your father’s son. We
can’t let him go to strangers. Could you really abide that? Knowing that your little brother was out there somewhere with someone not of your choosing to raise him?”

“No, absolutely not!” Alex declared, feeling a fierce protective nature toward the baby. “But you are uppermost in my thoughts. I’d hate to see you hurt again. We’ll be burying Father in four days’ time. I’d like to be able to bury the pain of his actions as well.”

“This baby will always be with us,” Katherine stated matter-of-factly. “You can’t bury everything about your father’s indiscretions. But God can make smooth the rough places. He can bring sunlight to the shadows and change night into day. A God who can do all of that can surely heal the hearts of two women.”

Alex smiled. “Luke once accused me of thinking God couldn’t handle everything. That some things were just too big.”

“And was he right? Did you feel that way?” her mother asked softly.

Alex chewed on her lip for a moment before responding. The way she’d felt only weeks ago seemed so very different than the way she felt now. “I suppose I did in some ways,” she finally said. “I didn’t mean it in the literal sense, because I know nothing is too big for God. But it seemed too big.”

“And now?” “Now I feel confused by the sudden change of many of my feelings.”

Her mother smiled and gently laid the baby on the bed. “Luke?”

“For one,” Alex admitted. “I love him.” “Yes, I know.” “And he loves me.” “Again, this is not news to me.” Her mother reached across the baby to touch Alex’s knee. “What are you going to do about it?”

“He wants an answer to his proposal of marriage. He’s
bought a ranch in Wyoming and would have us live there with him. All of us. Me, the baby, and you.”

“He said as much.”

Surprised, Alex rose from the bed. “When? When did he tell you about this?”

“Yesterday, after you left to go think and pray.”

Alex paced the floor at the end of the bed. “Mother, it’s so hard to know what’s right. My heart tells me one thing, but my mind . . .”

“Reminds you of the past and of the bad things done to you,” her mother interjected.

“Yes. Yes, the past is haunting me. I couldn’t face Luke if he took lovers as Father did.”

“He won’t.”

Her mother’s voice held such certainty, but still Alex wasn’t convinced. “He’s just a man, Mother. He’s flesh and blood. He’ll be tempted.”

“Maybe tempted, but he won’t cheat on you as Rufus did with me. I feel confident of that.”

Alex shook her head and stopped directly in front of her mother. She wanted to believe her words, but fear bound her in a way that nearly choked all hope from her. “How can you be so sure? What guarantee can you offer me?”

“Alexandria Keegan, you know full well that life comes without guarantees. However, you also know that God has promised to be with us through the thick and thin of it. How can you doubt that He would protect you and help keep Luke faithful?”

“But God didn’t keep Father faithful.” “Your father didn’t desire to be faithful. Not to me, nor to God. Your father had his own plan and always at the center of it was Rufus Keegan. Luke loves God.”

“I know he loves God, Mama,” Alex said, falling to her knees in front of her mother. “But he’s only human.”

“As are you. What makes you so sure you won’t be tempted to cheat on Luke? After all, you’ll be stuck out in the middle of
nowhere on a ranch without too many other people around. Those who are around will most likely be men—ranch hands.”

“That’s silly. I could never look at another man as I do . . . Luke.”

Realization began to sink in. Why should the same not be true for Luke? Why couldn’t he be just as faithful as she? Why couldn’t Alex trust that he would push aside any seemingly tempting moments in favor of his love for Alex?

“I’m being really ignorant, aren’t I?” she asked her mother. Katherine reached out and gently stroked her daughter’s wavy brown hair. “It’s the first time you’ve been in love. You’re entitled to not have all the answers.”

“I really do love him. When I wake up in the morning, he’s the first person I think of. When I go to sleep at night, I always do so with something he said on my mind. He makes me laugh—he makes me feel safe and protected.”

“And he loves God,” her mother added. “What more could you possibly want?”

Alex shook her head. “Nothing. He’s everything.” “So what are you going to tell him?”

Alex smiled. “I think you already know the answer to that. But what about you? Will you come live with us?”

Katherine looked to the baby and shook her head. “No. I have plans.”

Alex pulled back. “Plans? What plans?” “I want to sell the house in Williams and dissolve all of your father’s business dealings. When this is completed, I want to move to a larger city—I’m not sure exactly which one. Maybe Denver, so that I could be close to you.”

“What would you do there?” Alex got to her feet and pulled a chair up close to her mother’s bedside. Sitting down, she waited for her mother to explain, seeing a light in her eyes that she’d not seen before.

“I want to buy a big house with lots of rooms. I want to open a home to women who have suffered as I have—as Valerie has.”

“Valerie Winthrop?” Alex still prickled at the name. “I’m still working on my feelings toward her. She was always flirting with Luke and lying to me.”

“Don’t blame her, darling. She has suffered unimaginable horrors in her life. You two have more in common than you would imagine. While her father thought she hung the moon and stars, he was always busy. Too busy to guide her actions. She was spoiled and encouraged to be flirtatious and do whatever she had to in order to get the attention she wanted.”

“But at least her father loved her.” “Yes, but an absent father is still an absent father, and a child growing up without the loving guidance of such a parent will still suffer. Just as you did, but for entirely different reasons.”

Alex felt overwhelmed with guilt. “I’m sorry I’ve judged her harshly.”

“I hope you will put the past aside,” her mother said gently. “Valerie decided to trust the Lord and follow His will—just last night. She and I had a long talk.”

“Really? Well, that is good news,” Alex said, not exactly sure how to deal with the issue. It was hard to just automatically switch from feeling a measure of contempt to joy, yet this new information really did change everything.
Oh, God, forgive me for my hardheartedness. I thank you that Valerie Winthrop came to you. I’m glad you’re there for each and every person, not just the ones I think deserve your mercy
. She felt deeply ashamed of her attitude. “Oh, Mother, I have so much to learn—so far to go.”

“But we all do. As long as we’re still here walking this earth, there are things the good Lord is teaching us—showing us—bringing us through. Valerie is no different. She just needed help to see the way.”

Alex felt tears come to her eyes. She sniffed and nodded. “I’m so glad you were there for her. I’ll make a special point to offer her my apology and my congratulations.”

“You’ll have ample opportunity. You see, Valerie wants to help me with my idea for the home to help needy women.”

Alex was truly surprised by this. The Valerie Winthrop she knew was self-centered and . . .
I’m doing it again
, she thought.
I’m judging her by her old nature, not the new creation she is in Christ
. Meekly Alex questioned, “She does?”

“Yes. Not only that, but she’s going to talk to her father about putting some of the Winthrop money into the effort. With that kind of backing, we can do something truly wonderful. We’ll be able to buy a very large place, furnish it nicely, and even bring in some staff to help keep it up. Maybe we can offer programs to teach women various things that can help them to be more self-sufficient.”

Alex laughed as she wiped away her tears. “You have this all figured out, don’t you?”

Her mother smiled and nodded. “I’ve had a lot of time to think. Ever since your Father’s indiscretions became more frequent, I wished there might be something out there for me. Then when he died and I was left alone while the investigation went on, I began to pray in earnest for how I might make a difference. I knew Rufus couldn’t atone for his sins, but perhaps I could atone for mine, as well as serve other hurting women.”

“I think it’s a grand idea, Mother. If anyone can make such a thing happen, you’ll be the woman for the job.”

“I’m glad you approve.”

Alex saw the joy in her mother’s expression and it warmed her to the innermost part of her being. “How could I not? I only want happiness for you. You deserve it.”

“So do you. So are you going to go find that cowboy and tell him how you feel?”

Alex smiled. “I think he’s waited long enough for an answer—and for my complete trust.”

“I think you’re right.”

As Alex got to her feet, her mother did likewise. Embracing her daughter, Katherine Keegan said, “Trust God first and
foremost. The world will always disappoint you, but God never will. His love is never ending. He will see you through, even when things seem grim and dark. Even when the morning seems as though it will never come, He is your light. Don’t put that job off onto Luke. He’ll never be able to live up to it, and you’ll be disappointed in him. Just remember, it’s not his duty. As you said, he’s only human.”

Alex hugged her mother tight. She could only pray that she might gain insight and maturity from her mother’s words.

A knock on the door interrupted their moment, but Alex knew she would carry their conversation in her heart for the rest of her life. Allowing her mother to answer the door, Alex finished wiping her eyes.

“Ah, here’s where my best gals are held up,” Luke announced as he came in. His loud voice woke the baby, causing Brock to whimper and fuss. Without a word to the ladies, Luke strode across the floor and picked the infant up and rocked him back and forth. “Guess I’m going to have to learn to be a little more quiet when I enter a room, eh, Mrs. Keegan?” He grinned at Alex’s mother.

“When you have a baby in the house there are all kinds of concessions to be made,” her mother answered.

Alex thought it rather amazing that Luke should feel so at ease with the child. Alex felt her cheeks grow hot when Luke looked up to catch her watching him. He winked and gave her a smile.

“We were just talking over our plans for the future,” Katherine told Luke.

Alex nodded and tried to steer the conversation away from anything too personal. She wanted to wait until she and Luke were alone in order to discuss their own plans. “Mother plans to open a home for women who’ve been hurt or abandoned. She might move to Denver, and Valerie Winthrop is going to help her.”

“Miss Winthrop? Really?” Luke seemed just as surprised as Alex had been.

“Yes,” Alex replied. “Last night Mother helped Miss Winthrop see her need for the Lord.”

“Well, I’ll be,” Luke said, nodding in approval. “Just goes to show those folks I would have given up on, God has a plan for. Good thing I’m not in charge.”

Katherine smiled, looking more youthful in her appearance than Alex could ever remember. “I think we would all fail miserably at His job.”

“Well, I know I don’t have a big house yet, Mrs. Keegan, but you’d be welcomed to come live on our ranch and bring your wounded women too.” He chuckled softly. “Hey, I might even put them all to work. After all, I’m going to need ranch hands.”

Katherine and Alex shared a smile before Katherine crossed the room to take the baby from Luke. “You watch out, Luke Toland. I just might take you up on the offer.” She rocked the sleeping child a moment before looking back up to Luke. “You know, you’re quite good with children. I hope you’ll give me lots of grandchildren. You’ll no doubt be a wonderful father. We’ll have to work on that Mrs. Keegan thing, however. I don’t think I’d want you calling me that if we’re to be family.”