Translated Accounts (34 page)

I am saying that life might have been there. It is me who says that.

I am not ashamed. Of what. There is nothing I need be ashamed. I adapt, also. I adapt. We adapt. We all adapt, you and I, there are many of us. No, I do not feel guilty.

It is me who says that, I said that. That moment. When I saw the moving, the body moving. So from that, the impact, when I roared so so loudly, so very loudly I do not know how loudly but I yes
screamed, it was screaming. We are humans together. The eyes open. Nothing further could be done.

Yes I say that. The period when nothing can be done, there is that period.

Yes I walked on. I said that.

The name of an individual is important, I know that it is, but also that what is to do, I know, from myself not from myself, what to do, what I can do, what that I am to do, if
I can do it then I shall do it, that I am not obstructing movement, we move ahead, we are to progress, how that is to be doubted, not by myself.

When she spoke to me she tried always not to smile, her arms folded beneath her bosom. I had to look from her, away from her, her from my mind. Yes, it was herself and her smile to me. It is
sentiment. I do not know if she is dead. The sentiment comes not from that. She may be dead, it is a memory of her smile. I may lie awake through the night and the noises of the others and in my
mind her smile is to me. Who she was, arms folded there and her smile. Yes to me. I have said. What could be denied, by whom is it.

It is possible, I do not think so .If it is so not by myself.

People do seek that they will know it, they will not know it by myself, myself myself. There is no matter other. I do not charge people other. They have their lives we have our lives, having
these lives individually one another one to another,

what, if I am to say, what it is.

The image now recedes, if it is this required of me, yes, I no longer see her clearly, her smile is sad was sad is sad. I did not recognise the sadness, if it was earlier, seeing only the smile,
arms folded, beneath her bosom, character of women, making smiles from we ourselves, detail of character, details, those of women, we men smile.

If I knew who that she was, I am to say it, no, I do not think so, I do not think it is possible, ifs he slips from my mind. I am one man. Others have seen her, men have seen her. They may be
asked, not asked

If she slips from my mind.

What it is required, I am not to lie awake, I am to guard even my mind, she must not gain entry, what is this woman, who she is, what we men must do must not do, if her name is important why
that can be, what the outcome, if some one end is there. I said her smile was there always. It is my memory. What we may mean by memory, I do not say what that is, all know what it is, I am one yes
one of all I am not god, there are children, men, women, we ourselves, who we can be, and simply I am one of those, if her name is important what I am to say, her name is denouncing her, I am to
denounce her, it is not possible. I am to die, kill me.

Yes I smile. I am safe, thus it is, she is in me. It is not ended. I do not care if so not so. If its importance is to myself, what it may be. It is man from woman.

When she spoke to me. I said that she did so, yes.

If she said things I do not know what those might be.

I can speak, speak not speak, I have no power. I can sleep, if I can sleep I shall sleep.

And if she comes to me, she may come to me, amid noise of others that also may sleep, in sleep, sleeping noise.

I smile, in her memory, memory of her, memory gives to me the image of her, I smile now, her memory is not with me it is she who is with me and her arms folded there, she always is so, alive,
smiling to me, present there, also now, now.

I could not. I did not know. Or if he was not human, perhaps if he is not human. Some are dead things, if he too was such a thing. Yes I thought that he might be, if it was a
boy. What hand laid against my back if this was its hand, spectral body, laid as gently, this wisp of breeze, where life is and departing, this was a spirit, if of relatives, dead people, this was
such a spirit. I thought through it but there was none, perhaps older, ancestor, closer to my grandfather, watching for me

darkness in the doorway

He is not dead but living, as spirits may do, living and breathing staring to myself. But I knew nothing of such a boy, or if a girl, if she had been a living thing and now was dead. What? This
spirit was as nothing. I am a human being, neither blind nor deaf, not dumb, able to listen, touch or smell, I do all things. I am no killer of children. We may expect of security. If they are
protectors, whose. In the club downside the bridge I saw her. This is the girl, she is the same, also watching us then, but boys and girls may vanish quickly, they go and return, not seen, we do
not see them unless they make us so, also spectral.

And for how many languages? One may know all languages thus inferior to all peoples. I know all languages, I am inferior to all peoples. It is not sarcasm. I am capable of
sarcasm, this is not it. They spoke a dialect that rendered them inferior but they were not inferior, they did not allow of it. But myself, yes. If it mattered, it did not.

This woman was familiar with their dialect, I have said, that language. They knew nothing of hers. Thus she had become the inferior. This is as it was, it remains so, for myself also,
individuals inferiorised, myself herself.

She had become the inferior as I also became at the prior time. These matters were occurring.

All periods are significant. And effected through the one factor. It is asked of the one factor, can it exist.

Who asks the question.

They come in the night. They drag us from sleep, from sleep into sleep, as unto death. Myself herself.

They supposed I had my own pleasures, as we two. What these might be.

They looked to myself. Others. Who and what were this being, man creature. I am a man I am a creature. Human being.

Who looks at me!

This was the look, that the question. I would say it, man as human. There are iniquities.

These are iniquities. Iniquities were practised. I say it now. If you can hear. I am to be heard.

For the other also, this would have been the address. Theme thod of address as practised. I have no doubt.

We were different. What is identity, one to one, to the other, one another. If he thinks it is myself it is not, he has no knowledge

I can be in error she can be in error, could have been.

I am in error now. I am not in error now.

I can be in error. I can say it. But it was in that country on their behalf, that is why that I was there, she also. I do not say it is not my own behalf, also, I do not say that

I then was capable of error.

Of course. I was in error. What can be admitted. Error. Of course error, we all are in error I was in error. People have thoughts he had thoughts. He was a man. Men have thoughts. I know no
other reason.

Humanity is a reason. Tell me.

There is something, it can be said, as of her people. What of her. One may say also of their children, say it as of them

as of them.

Everything I was to know was known to me. Had I so desired, I might know more. I would have been enabled to learn.

There was the other colleague of whom the subject of inquiry. If I am to speak, it cannot be so to speak, I cannot.

What I am to say, how it may be said, what form, that it may be effected, brought about

The operations of my mind

if I am to speak of my mind and its capacity, full capacity, my mind and its operations.

What is good capacity. Full capacity.

We had been encouraged to become familiar with the concept.

We two, myself herself. Also is there pain we speak of. It was spoken of. When? Myself to herself. Pain to myself and herself

I see now that in order to succeed fully they would have us believe that a ground was in common, it did exist.

A ground this ground.

This ground may be called land. Some call it so. I cannot, cannot say of this ground how it may be land. For how many lands! One may know all lands. Ours is the inferior, always, and for all. I
know all languages, I said it, thus am I inferior. And to all peoples, if it matters, then mattered, it did not, does not.

Ourselves and these people. This other, subject of inquiry.

Bodies. Who says carcass, carcasses.

Mysel for us. I would see them, I looked at them one by one, I saw that one and that one, that one. I would think yes, children, I also am a father and to these people.

We have become fathers [mothers]. Fathers not parents. I can be a father. I am a father [mother]. And I am no parent, not a parent. Myself, killer of children.

I am a killer. I am a killer of children.

These are questions, we state these, asking ourselves

Such a belief is an imperative. We accept it now. I also accept it. Now. And as it had been. If then as now, for it would have been. We are logicians, we killers

And too I was aware of these others. She too was one such. It began from their talking, how that they accomplished this. They thought of we ourselves of our familiarity with them, their own
people, how it must please them. Also of their familiarity with my people.

This is as they thought it,

they knew my people, so they thought, intimate familiarity, so they thought. But in this these people are fools, then as now.

I bore them no ill feeling yet it was hypocrisy. This hypocrisy was not amusing, neither hurtful. Their manners a description of my actions into the face of our peers, heralding the freedom and
its price, and to acquire it I had become an accomplice.

If they thought to attack by this, how they could, I do not understand. Yet they did attack. I would be on the margin, kept there. Communication circled me. I was on that perimeter, as though
dwelling there. They had articles they might lose, communication with such as myself might lead them unto that pass. It is understood how they were to resist holding trust in me. Who would lay
blame, who would lay the charge.

Heart-sorry.

I did not love these people. I might have become bitter. They did not love me. They had no regard for me. They saw the mountains I saw the mountains, they saw the mountains of home as I also,
yes, I saw home, as they say “their”, their mountains I might say “mine”, my mountains, our mountains, they say land I said ground. They knew nothing of my language yet
believed that they did, believed from that ignorance. They were taught that they knew, their familiarity with that language, yet I was the inferior, become so as also she did

and later

I did not love these people.

Heart-sorry, I heard it so.

What abuse may be, violation. We may know all words, words from all languages. What then is signified, we judge that.

I was the inferior she was the inferior

I cannot say about a beginning, or beginnings, if there is to be the cause of all, I do not see this. There are events, I speak of them, if I am to speak then it is these, if I
may speak.