Trinity (29 page)

It
didn’t happen like this!

Skaric tried to move, tried to
control the fire but he couldn’t.

He
was standing on the bank, watching as the portcullis shattered. His
entire body became an inferno of flames. He lurched forward but the
water was gone.
I’m going to
die. I don’t want to die!

Chapter
Nineteen

Kiana awoke from a dreamless
sleep, her arm still draped around Skaric’s chest. Her cheek was
pressed against the curve of his shoulder; her body traced the
shape of his. It was a closeness that should have felt wrong. Kiana
closed her eyes and pushed her cheek harder against Skaric’s
shoulder, soaking up the warmth of his sleeping body. She could
feel the harsh sunlight warming her head and face and the tickle of
the grey dust blanketing her skin. It didn’t matter.

Why didn’t I
dream?
She felt Skaric breathe in perfect
time with her; felt the gentle thud of his heart against the palm
of her hand. Kiana smiled.
Because of
you.

She sat up slowly. Nidan was
watching her, a half smile on his lips. Heat flushed into Kiana’s
cheeks. She shuffled away from Skaric and tried to drag her fingers
through her matted hair. “Have you been awake all night?”

It was Nidan’s turn to blush.
He shook his head and tossed a flask of water to her. “No. I tried
to, but I was too tired. I fell asleep.” He looked refreshed.

“
Did you dream
of dying?” She twisted the top off the bottle and drank a little.
It was barely enough to ease her parched throat but they had very
little water left.

Nidan shook his head and looked
at Skaric. “Last night…” He hesitated. “Do you think he’ll be all
right?”

I hope
so
. Kiana shrugged. “I don’t know. Do you
think he’s right, that Ysia is still alive?”

Nidan nodded. “It’s the only
explanation for what happened.”

Kiana threaded her fingers
together.

“
It changes
everything, Kiana. It means we really can repair the
trinity.”

I should be
happy. I should be relieved.
Her chin began
to tremble with the threat of tears.

Nidan edged
closer to her. “What’s wrong? Ysia being alive is a
good
thing.”

She pressed her lips together
and stared at him. “Is it?”

Nidan’s eyebrows knitted
together. “Of course. It means the trinity isn’t as broken as we
thought it was.”

“
But what
about everything the Wolves have done?” She wasn’t sure why she
couldn’t speak above a whisper. “What about everything Skaric has
done?”

Nidan’s mouth dropped open. She
thought he might say something but he just sat staring at her.

“
You saw
Skaric last night… how he acted… what if this knowledge destroys
him, Nidan?” Kiana used the back of her hand to wipe the tears from
her eyes.

“
It
won’t.”

I’m not so sure.

“
We won’t let
it.”

“
I wanted to
make things better.” She laid her hand on Skaric’s shoulder. “What
if I end up making everything worse?”

As though in answer to her
touch, Skaric began to stir. He woke coughing violently; a horrible
hacking sound that began deep within his chest. He rolled away from
her onto his knees and lent forward onto his hands, still coughing
as though trying to expel something vile from his lungs. Kiana
moved forward and tried to put her hand on his shoulder again. At
the slightest suggestion of her touch, Skaric pulled away and
lurched to his feet. He span round to face her, eyes wide and wild,
breathing fast and shallow.

“
Skaric? Are
you all right?” Kiana wanted to help. She held the water flask out
to him even though the gesture felt weak.

Ignoring the flask, Skaric
dragged his hands over his face, smearing the grey dust that had
mingled with his tears during the night. “Just a bad dream.”

“
About dying?”
Nidan asked.

Like a
frightened bird Skaric snapped his gaze round to look at Nidan.
“No. I… I dealt with
that
problem.”

Kiana exchanged a glance with
Nidan. “Skaric… we need to talk about what happened last night.
About Ysia…”

Skaric’s eyes narrowed. “No… we
don’t.” He turned his back on her and faced the distant castle,
bathed in sunlight. It looked almost inviting. “What we need to do
is keep going.”

“
Skaric…”
Kiana tried to touch him again but he pulled away even faster than
before.

“
You should be
happy. If Ysia is alive, you might actually be able to restore the
trinity.” Bitterness lent his voice a razor sharp edge.

“
Your
magic…”

“
Is gone.”
Skaric didn’t look at her.

Kiana clenched
her hands and stared at his back resolutely. “You need to deal with
that and with the fact that Ysia is still alive.”
But you won’t because you don’t deal with
anything. You push it down and store it away. Bit by bit, it’s all
destroying you.

Skaric folded his arms across
his chest. “No. We need to keep going to Orholt. For all we know,
Berend is still on our trail.”

“
I don’t think
anyone could track us across this wasteland,” Nidan
said.

Skaric glanced round. “Then
you’re not a good tracker.”

Nidan’s lips tightened into a
thin line at the insult. He said nothing.

Skaric didn’t take the hint to
shut up. “We’ve been leaving plenty of signs that even the ash
won’t cover.”

Ash. Kiana
looked down at the dust covered ground, suddenly horrified. It
wasn’t dust at all. She wanted to claw the ash away from her skin,
nose and mouth, just as Skaric had done to the magic that had
tainted his soul. She breathed in and out deeply. Remembering his
frantic, mad actions made her shiver.
And
now you’re trying to push us away again: taunting Nidan; turning
your back on me. It won’t work.

“
You fell
apart on us last night.” Kiana heard Skaric draw in a sharp breath.
“We have no idea what we’re going to find in Orholt. I need to know
I can depend on you and right now I don’t.”
I’m not going to let you evade the hurt this time, even if
you hate me for it
.

Skaric turned
round and glared at her coldly. “That didn’t matter to you when you
first enlisted me into your crusade. I told you that you couldn’t
depend on me and you
didn’t
listen
.”

Because I
knew you were wrong
.

He began to
pace back and forth in front of her. “And I
did
let you down, didn’t
I?”

No.
Kiana watched Skaric in silence and gave Nidan a
look that warned him to do the same. She hadn’t seen him as angry
since they had first met. It scared her but if anger was his way of
facing things, she wouldn’t stop him.

“
I almost got
myself killed at Norlea. I didn’t bother to tell you that I
couldn’t use my magic and that nearly got us killed. I couldn’t
even defend you at the graveyard!” Skaric stopped in his tracks and
stared at Kiana again. “I’ve been nothing but a liability since the
moment you convinced me to help you.”

Kiana swallowed back tears. “Is
that what you really believe?”

He nodded,
breathing harshly before speaking. “And the worst part is that you
have no idea what I’ve done. You keep on showing me compassion and
I don’t deserve any of it. You
should
have let me die.”

He turned away from her and
kicked at the ground. A torrent of ash billowed up into the air.
The restless wind took hold of it and swirled it about the meagre
campsite.

Kiana tried
not to shiver as whisper thin flakes alighted on her skin.
I hate this place. It’s going to destroy
us.
She took two faltering steps closer to
Skaric. “Then tell us. Tell
me
.”
There
is nothing you can say that would make me hate you. Not any
more.

Skaric hunched his shoulders
and bowed his head.

Do not close
up on me.
“You’ve killed my people to
avenge Ysia.”

“
Yes.” His
voice was barely audible in the silence of the morning.

Kiana nodded and took a deep
breath. “You played a big part in the attack on Blackoak
Tower.”

Skaric glanced at her briefly.
“Yes.” His shoulders became even more hunched.

“
Skaric… I
knew that when I asked Nidan to save your life. It didn’t matter
then and it doesn’t matter now.”

“
It
should.”

Kiana stepped in front of him
and stood so close that Skaric had to look at her or close his eyes
to avoid doing so. “Why? You’ve more than absolved yourself since
then in everyone’s eyes but your own. Why should the things you did
in your past matter?”

“
That’s not
all I’ve done! You know nothing about me. If you did you
would
hate
me.”

“
So tell me!”
Kiana could hear the desperation in her own voice. It bordered on
anger. She wanted to scream at Skaric; hit him; anything that would
snap him out of his cocoon of self-loathing.
Can’t you see how much you mean to me? Can’t you see that
nothing else matters?

“
We all have
secrets,” Nidan said from behind Skaric. “We’ve all done things we
regret.” His looked down at the ground, an action that almost hid
the glimmer of his damp eyes.

Kiana stepped to the side so
that she could look at Nidan.

“
But if you
let those things destroy you, then you’re an idiot.” Nidan’s voice
was gruff. Without waiting for a response, he turned away and began
to tack the horses.

Kiana could see the anger on
Skaric’s face. It manifested through his clenched teeth and blank,
staring eyes.

“
At the tower…
it was
my
magic
that broke through the portcullis.”

Kiana held her breath.

“
The Wolves
might not have broken through the defences if…” Skaric drew in a
ragged breath. His eyes were bright with moisture. “It took more
power than I could leach from the ground or myself. So I… I…” He
sank to his knees. “You
should
hate me, Kiana… I’m a monster.” He hung his head.
“I killed my own people. I used their lives to fuel my magic. I did
it so that the Wolves could kill you. You
should
hate me.” His chin quivered.
“I
need
you to
hate me.”

Kiana knelt
down in front of him. “I don’t hate you. I couldn’t.”
You were a different person then.

Skaric lifted his head to stare
at her. There was a deep sadness in his eyes that cut her to the
core. “I killed in cold blood, Kiana.”

“
To avenge
Ysia.”

“
That’s just
an excuse!” His breathing became even harsher and Kiana could tell
that Skaric was fighting to stop himself from shouting at her.
“That’s the excuse my people use to condone their actions. Ysia
isn’t even dead!”

“
You didn’t
know that. You acted in the way you believed was right.”

“
But it wasn’t
right.” He looked upwards. Unshed tears glistened in his eyes.
“I
knew
it wasn’t
right.”

Kiana squeezed his arm gently.
“Which is why it’s tearing you apart now.” She placed her free hand
on the nape of his neck and firmly guided his head onto her
shoulder. Skaric didn’t resist her touch.

Over Skaric’s shoulder, she
could see that Nidan had finished with the horses, but was keeping
his distance. There was no anger on his face, even though he had to
have heard Skaric’s admission.

Thank
you
. “I don’t know why Ysia hid from
everyone but I do know she would have had a reason. I can’t believe
that she would have wanted to cause so much pain and grief,” Kiana
said.

Skaric’s body shuddered against
hers.

“
We’ll find
out the truth in Orholt, I know we will.” She held him even more
tightly as she felt the cold dampness of his tears seep through her
dress. “And you’re not useless, you idiot.” She tried to make her
tone sound light hearted. “Far from it.”

Kiana brushed
his dark hair away from his temple. There was still so much pain
contained within him that she could almost feel it simmering
beneath the surface of his mind.
Maybe I
can. Miale is a part of me after all.
Feeling it and being able to do anything about it were two
different things.
Now I’m the one who
feels useless.

She
lifted her head and pressed her cheek against Skaric’s.
Surprisingly he lent into her embrace a little, and Kiana felt him
cry more freely. “Thank you.” She spoke in a whisper that only he
could hear. “I couldn’t ever hate you.”
Because
I love
you.

Chapter Twenty

Even
in bright morning sunlight,
Orholt was not
a welcoming sight. The outer wall of the city was little more than
rubble with the occasional jagged monolith still standing. Beneath
hideous scorch marks, Nidan could just make out irregular stripes
of red and cream on the sandstone. Once, the city would have looked
beautiful, especially on a summer’s day with the sun’s rays
accentuating the colours. Now all the sun brought out was the sharp
angles of destruction and the deep shadows of soot. Nidan shivered
as he walked through the shattered remains of the gate.