TroubleinChaps (7 page)

Roxie shoved aside thoughts of what she could not have and focused on the moment. If this was all there was, then she was not going to waste a moment of it. She met him stroke for stroke, feeling sensation build to the point of madness.

“Now,” she groaned. “Please.
Now, now
now
.”

Almost before the last two words were out of her mouth, an orgasm ripped through her. Not blossomed, flowered, or flowed. Nothing so tame could describe it. It ripped. Raw and primal, its force had her throwing back her head and screaming.

On and on, one wave after another pounded her. She welcomed it, wanted it and gave herself completely to it. When at last he slowed his pace, she lifted her head to look at him and was met with a look hot enough to have her tightening around him in anticipation.

Cliff worked his feet out of his boots with her still wound around him, then stepped out of his jeans and carried her into the other side of the room. Roxie hung on as he sat down on the couch, the position impaling her fully on his erection.

She grinned and urged him onto his back. The moment he was supine, she braced her hands on his chest and started a rhythm of her own. Slow at first then faster as his eyes darkened and his hands tightened on her thighs.

It was unwise and possibly unsafe but that was something she’d deal with if the need arose. Now there was only him and the tension building inside both of them. She felt him getting close; saw it in his eyes, and that shoved her over the edge. A freefall of overwhelming sensation claimed her as she rode out the storm. When at last reason returned she lay down on him, feeling the rapid beat of his heart and the sweat damp skin hot against her own.

Cliff’s arms circled her, holding her tight despite the heat, his lips gently pressing against her forehead. For several minutes neither of them moved.

Finally, Roxie sat up, slinging her hair back over her shoulders. Cliff looked up at her, his hands moving to trace along the underside of her breasts. “So, I guess you no longer have a problem?”

He shook his head. “More than I started with.”

“More?” She ran her hands over the swell of his chest and down his abdomen to the point their bodies met. The tip of his penis peeked from beneath her, swelling to full erection before she even touched it.

“Much more.”

“Well, then I guess we’re going to have to work on that, aren’t we?”

His response was to pull her down to him. Just before their lips met, he smiled. “Oh yeah, we’re gonna work real hard on it.”

“Yeah?”
She grinned, enjoying the easy banter.

“Yep.
I’ve got you now.”

Something akin to the kind of adrenaline rush you get when sudden fear strikes, bolted through her and the fever of lust vanished. This was a mistake.
A huge mistake.
She couldn’t have him thinking this meant she’d stick around. She couldn’t even let herself contemplate the idea. As appealing as it was, staying was not an option. She had to get back on the road, away from here.

Away from him.

Roxie tore free from his arms and scrambled off the couch.

“What’re you doing?” Cliff was clearly puzzled at the abrupt change.

“Leaving.”
Her cut-off jeans were intact and she slid them on. Her tank top was ruined, both straps torn, so she snatched up his discarded shirt and quickly put it on.

“Why?” He sat up.

Roxie couldn’t answer. What could she possibly say? That she was running because he made her want things that she couldn’t have? She grabbed her boots and fled, taking the back entrance and escaping into the alley behind the bar. From there it was a short run to her room at the boarding house. She locked her door and flung herself down on the bed.

She’d made a terrible mistake and didn’t know how to undo it. Sure, she could probably get a bus ticket out of town and escape the area, but how was she going to escape the feelings Cliff inspired? How was she going to forget his taste and touch and the way he made her feel?

How was she ever going to stop wanting him? And how was she going to explain to her friends why she had to leave Mesa Blanco as soon as possible?

Tears started to flow as she contemplated the mess she’d gotten herself in and, for the first in a long
time,
she gave into them and cried. For what had led
her
here and what would drive her away.

Pounding at the door interrupted her sobs.
“Roxie!
Open the door!”

It was Cliff.

“I mean it! Open it or I’ll break it down!
Roxie!”

And wake the entire boarding house. She scrambled off the bed and opened the door a crack. “Go away, Beckett.”

His response was to shove the door open, stalk inside and slam it behind him.

It wasn’t until he’d slammed the door that he got a good look at her and when he did, all his indignation fled. Her eyes and nose were red and tears still wet her cheeks.

“Aw, honey.” He grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her.

“Don’t,” she sobbed against his chest.

“Don’t what?” He worked one hand up to tangle in her hair, keeping her head firm against his chest as he kissed the top of her head.

“Don’t be nice to me.” Her words were broken by sobs. “Don’t be a good guy, Beckett.”

That surprised him enough to have him pull back and hold her at arm’s length. “What’s going on, Roxie?”

She shook her head and looked away. “Just leave, okay? This isn’t going to work.”

“What isn’t going to work?”

“You and me.
Me working for you, us…us… you know.”

“You mean the bet? Forget the bet. I want to know what’s going on with you. Why’d you run?”

Her eyes met his then she looked away. “Can’t we just leave it at this isn’t going to work?”

“No.”

“Why?”

That one word shook him. Right down to his boots. He didn’t know her, not really. And sure, he was attracted to her, but attraction was a fleeting thing and always died.
At least in his life.
So why?

The answer was as shocking as the question and not one he wanted to own up to. As much as he’d like to deny it, somehow he’d fallen for her. The idea of her not being in his life gave him a rush of anxiety.

His knees went weak.
Literally.
He leaned back against the door, feeling something hot rushing through his body, making his breath quicken and his skin dampen with sudden perspiration.

God help him, he was in love with her. What was he supposed to do? He’d never felt anything like this. It was uncharted territory and scary as hell.

“I need you to stay.” He couldn’t admit his feelings, couldn’t tell her that he loved her. It was hard enough admitting it to
himself
.

“Why?”

Damn her, she wasn’t going to let him off the hook. “Like it or not, we’ve started something here, Roxie. And we need to at least give it a chance to see where it’ll go.”

The sob that tore loose from her had him instinctively pulling her close again. “Damn, honey, don’t cry.”

She shook her head, keeping her face averted. “It can’t go anywhere, Beckett. It can’t.”

“Because you don’t want it to go anywhere.”
Anger, fueled by rejection, reared its head. He was a fool, thinking his feelings were mirrored, that she felt something for him.

“No.” She pulled away and faced him.

Roxie saw the pain and anger in his eyes and the realization hit her like a loaded dump truck. Cliff really cared for her. That unhinged her, robbed her of her resolve to end things without discussion or confession.

“I’m not who you think I am, Beckett. I’ve…I’ve done things.”

“Like rig a poker game and cheat a bunch of high-rollers out of millions?”

It was like a knife to her gut. His words cut deep and carried with them a rush of fear that had her wanting to take flight.
How the hell had he found out? And was that all he knew?

She took a step back, needing to put space between them, needing to think. But Beckett wasn’t of a mind to allow it. He took hold of her wrist and stayed her motion.

“Roxie, I’m not going to hurt you and I’m not going to pass judgment. I just want to know what happened to make you so damned scared to trust anyone.”

“Beckett…Cliff, please. Let this go. If you care for me, then let it go. Let me go. There can’t be anything between us.
Ever.”

“You want me.”

“Yes,” she admitted. “I do.”

“Sexually.”

“Yes.”

“And that’s it?”

Roxie thought about looking him in the eyes and telling a lie, but something inside wouldn’t permit that. As much as she didn’t want to, she’d fallen in love with him and she couldn’t lie. She could walk away because she had to but not until she’d told him the truth. She saw that now. Only how was she going to speak of something she’d keep buried for so long, something that had altered the course of her life?

“Roxie?”

She braved a look at him and tears welled in her eyes. Brushing them aside with one hand, she took a deep breath.
Time to face the music.

“No, Cliff. That’s not it. Not by a long shot. I love you. I hate it, but I do.”

“Roxie.”

“No.” She pulled free as he squeezed her hand. “Don’t. Don’t say anything. Please. You wanted the truth and you deserve that.”

She paused. Wanting to speak the truth and doing it were as different as night and day. Once she spoke, she couldn’t take it back. Once the next words were spoken there would be so many more words to follow, so much explaining to do.

Could she trust him to understand? Fear that he would not had her mouth dry and her body tense. She could lose him in the next two seconds.

And you never had him anyway if he can’t accept and understand
,
a little voice spoke in her head. Damn that voice anyway. Why did it always have to be right?

“Roxie?”

She met his eyes and sucked in a breath. “I’m married.”

Of all the things he’d expected to hear, those words were not on the list. “You’re what?”

“Married.”

“No you’re not.”

“Yes. I am.”

“No. You were born Roxanne Marie Ellis and…”

“I never took his name.”

Cliff let her hand drop. For a few moments they just stared at one another. Finally, he shook his head and walked past her to take a seat on the bed. “I had you investigated, Roxie. Nothing came up about a husband.
Just a rigged card game and millions of dollars that vanished.”

This couldn’t be real. She wasn’t being honest.
But why?
A sinking feel took hold in his gut. Was this her way of brushing him off? But why say she loved him if she was going to drop a bomb like this?

“It didn’t vanish,” she replied. “And the game wasn’t rigged.”

“That’s not what I hear.”

“You’re getting the tale of the losers, Cliff.
Men who’d cheat their own mothers to win.
You think they’re going to admit that I cleaned them out fair and square?”

He hadn’t considered that. He should have. Particularly considering the men she’d bested. He’d played with them and not a one of them was above a little dirty dealing.

“Okay, so you beat them. What happened to the money?”

He saw the tears well in her eyes and the way her throat worked convulsively as she fought back emotion. “It’s being used to take care of my husband.”

There was that word again.
Husband.
He hated the sound of it. Jealously wasn’t an emotion he was familiar with or knew how to cope with. He’d not really experienced it in force until now and he wished he could make it go away because it was making his gut burn and his fists long to pound something.

Part of him wanted to get up a leave. Escape the torment. But he had to know the truth. “What do you mean?”

Roxie blew out her breath and took a seat on the bed, curling her legs up Indian style beneath her.

“When I was thirteen my dad died. We struggled along for a couple of years and then my mom remarried. Charlie Rose.”

The derision in her voice clearly spelled her dislike of the man. “What a piece of work. Mean and crooked as a snake. He promised her the moon and all he did was steal what little she had.

“By the time I was sixteen he’d mortgaged the farm so deep we couldn’t pay it off. We lost it and my mother couldn’t handle it.”

Roxie paused, twirling the hair hanging over her shoulder in what Cliff read as a nervous action. The pause was so long he started to wonder if she was going to say more.

Her voice was soft and filled with sadness when she spoke again. “The day the farm foreclosed, she walked into the barn, stuck my dad’s gun in her mouth and blew her brains out.”

He wanted to reach out to her in that moment. Take her into his arms and comfort her, or at least the child inside her that had been so traumatized and had lost so much. But he couldn’t.
Couldn’t make a move toward her until he knew it all.

“I left that day,” she continued, looking toward the window instead of at him.
“Me and Danny Morris.
He’d been my best friend since we were five and he loved me. I told him I had to leave so he went with me.”

A ghost of a smile flitted across her face. “As corny and cliché as it sounds, we survived for two years by the kindness of people who ran a traveling carnival. They took us in with no questions asked and made us part of their family.”

Roxie closed her eyes for a moment then turned her head to look at him. He could see the emotional toll the confession was having on her. Tears welled in her eyes and she blinked them away.

“That’s where I learned to play cards.
And to cheat.
I was good at it. Even without cheating. Danny wasn’t, but he wanted to be. By the time I was eighteen, he was addicted and spent damn near everything we earned gambling.

“And that’s the year we arrived in Vegas.”

Roxie
paused,
trying not to let emotions tied to the past stop her from telling Cliff the truth. But how was she supposed to sum up all of the fears, frustrations, love and desperation she experienced in a few short sentences? She didn’t know how to make Cliff understand what it had been like, having only Danny in her life. A boy she’d known almost her entire life and someone she felt responsible for, who wanted so badly to please her yet couldn’t defeat the demons he battled.