True Loves (A Collection of Firsts) (2 page)

T
he last chord
of the song hums in my ears. I can’t believe I’m out in this blistering heat. The sun beats down on my back, and I just know my fair skin will scream at me later. But I have to be here, even if it is the last place I ever want to be—front row of my high school boyfriend’s concert. God knows where he gets the inspiration for his music.

The lead singer from the opening act, Embrace the Darkness, walks back onstage in his tight, black leather pants and ripped T-shirt. The crowd is predominantly women because my old boyfriend is a rock-sex icon. They scream even louder when the rocker grabs the microphone off the stand. Two fights broke out during the opening band’s set, so I’m a bit nervous to find out what will happen when the main act goes on, but I’m not leaving this spot. I’ve waited out here since the gates opened at noon. I want the best view possible to lay eyes on the first boy I ever really kissed.

“You guys are awesome. Thank you so much.” The singer smiles, and the rampant crowd of horny women shove one another even harder to get closer to the stage. “Are you ladies ready to drop your panties for Black Falcon?”

That gets them pumped up again. I look behind me and watch the waves of people scream. My ears ring, but I don’t want to look like a total wuss by stuffing my fingers in them in the midst of all these hard-core rocker chicks. That might get my ass kicked. The middle-aged woman behind me screams Noel’s name followed by “I love you” at least ten octaves higher than her normal voice. The woman shoves into my back, and I crunch into the iron fence in front of me.

“Give it up for BLACK FALCON!” the rocker screams, and my insides jitter.

I’m not sure why I’m nervous. It’s not like he’ll even remember me. He sees tons of women every night, and after a while, faces probably all start to look the same. My gaze glues to the stage. Noel Falcon enters from the right and looks just like I remember him—tall and lean with shaggy, dark-brown hair. He’s not the goofy boy I knew anymore. The past four years have been good to him. Really good. He wears twenty-two well. The dark, scruffy hair on his jaw brings out the blue in his eyes, and for a second, I kick myself for the night we broke up.

Noel stops center stage, wearing a sexy grin, and takes in the arena packed with his adoring fans. He’s close. I can practically reach out and trace the intricate tattoos on his arm. The spotlight beams down on him, and he points out to the throngs of people in the upper deck. The crowd goes nuts, but I stand there awestruck. Not because Noel Falcon, one of the hottest rockers on the planet, is five feet in front of me. He’s Noel Falcon, the first boy I ever loved. He used to be my best friend. The guy I thought at one time was my forever.

Noel pulls the microphone off the stand. “Wow!” He laughs as he stares around. He looks unbelievably hot in his jeans and tight black T-shirt. “I can’t tell you how great it feels to be back in my old stomping grounds. I grew up not far from here, so tonight—”

“I LOVE YOU, NOEL!” shouts the lady behind me again, practically right in my ear.

Noel flicks his gaze down and makes eye contact with me. Surprise registers on his face, and he pauses for what feels like an eternity to me.

“So tonight,” he says, still staring at me, “is a very special night. It gives me a chance to revisit my past. See people I haven’t seen since high school. The good and the bad.” Noel’s gaze leaves me, and he glances back out at the crowd. “Are you guys ready to rock?”

Noel’s band starts off with a fast song. Every person in the arena thrashes, pumping their fists and jumping like crazy Mexican jumping beans.

“Oh my God, Lanie, he totally recognizes you!” Aubrey squeals while grabbing my arm.

“No, he doesn’t.” I attempt to blow off her words. She has no clue how intense my and Noel’s relationship was. She’s only heard stories.

“Hello? Are you kidding me? He even just said ‘high school’ when he looked at you. We have to put these passes to use and get backstage.” Aubrey bounces in time with the beat.

Tonight for her is all about fun and meeting one of the hottest bands around, but for me…I’m not really sure what I expect. Noel’s always been the “what if” for me. The one who got away. Noel straps his guitar around his neck and haphazardly slings it over his shoulder. He grabs the mic with both hands and brings it to his full lips, reminding me of the way he used to kiss. He’d always put his entire soul into everything he did, including the way he loved me.

“Look at me. I see you now. The way we used to be…” Noel sings in perfect rhythm.

His smooth voice fills my ears, and it takes me back. I close my eyes and listen to his words. I remember all the times we sat on the old boat dock overlooking the lake that separated our childhood homes. That was our spot. The place we met in secret so many nights. The first place he sang to me. The first place we made love. It was also the place our love ended—where I told him to give up on his foolish dreams to become a rock star and do something sensible, like me, and go to college. I broke his heart when I said I could never be with a dreamer because dreams don’t pay the bills.

Look at what I knew.

He’s totally made it, and I’m struggling to land my perfect job in this tough economy with my “sensible” degree. Life without him has been lonely. A tear rolls down my cheek. How I silly was to listen to people who said that Noel was a loser going nowhere just because he loved music. We could’ve been happy. We could’ve beaten the odds. But I guess I’ll never know. Just another chapter in my life I need to walk away from because it’s too late.

I open my eyes to take one last look at Noel. His eyes close as he belts out the chorus. Sweat beads his face under the spot light. He’s truly beautiful. But he’s a stranger now. Someone I used to know. It’s time to quit torturing myself and move on. I’ll just have to kiss the job at Center Stage good-bye. “Aubrey, I need to get out of here. I can’t do this.”

Her pink lips twist. “Why? Because of him?” She points at Noel.

My eyes flit up to Noel’s face, and at that second, he looks down at me while he strums his guitar. His eyes hold mine for a second before I glance back at Aubrey and nod. “I have to get out of here. This is torture.”

Aubrey’s whole body slumps like a deflated balloon. “You know we can’t do that.” She sighs. “You have to suck it up and talk to him. You won’t get a job, and I’ll lose mine. Diana doesn’t mess around.” She takes my hand and pulls me through the crowd. I glance back and watch a pile of girls shove into our spot.

The arena is so loud I can hardly hear my own thoughts. We make it to the back of the crowd as the song ends. People scream Noel’s name while they wait for the next song to begin. When it’s oddly silent, I think about taking one last look before I walk out on him again—one last look to remember him by.

“This next song goes out to the girl who shredded my heart back in high school. It’s called “Ball Busting Bitch,” and Lanie, this one’s for you.”

My entire body freezes, and my mouth goes dry. What a dick! My blood boils and my fingers shake as I resist the urge to storm the stage and punch him square in the face. On second thought, that sounds like a fantastic idea. I lunge forward, and Aubrey snags my arm.

“What the hell are you doing?” she asks.

“I’m going to kick his ass,” I snarl.

Aubrey rolls her emerald eyes. “As much as I would love to see you do that, it’s impossible, and you know it. The guy probably has ten hunky bodyguards to protect him from the likes of you. Besides, we have to be civil to that cretin, remember?”

My shoulders slump. Oh, right. I have a job riding on getting Noel to like me. The last thing I want to do is talk to him, let alone be nice to him, but what choice do I have?

“You’re right. Let’s just get through tonight, get the info we need, then get our asses back to New York where we belong.”

Aubrey wraps her slender arm around my shoulders and gives me a little squeeze. “There’s the Lanie I love. Come on. Let’s weasel our way backstage and get to work.”

My fingers rub my aching forehead. This is a bad idea, but I reluctantly tell her okay. She grabs me in a tight hug—her vanilla perfume super strong in my nose—and leads me toward the Restricted Area sign with our backstage passes tight in her hand.

B
eing
backstage at a rock show isn’t as glamorous as one may think. It’s filled with dirty, sweaty men—most of whom are overweight and look as though they haven’t showered in six months. Plus, the way they leer at me is creepy, like I’m a dessert ready to be licked. I shudder at that thought and grip Aubrey’s hand tighter.

“Damn, Lanie, loosen up. You’re killin’ my hand,” she complains.

I drop her hand. “Sorry. Where the hell is the band? Their set has been over for at least fifteen minutes.”

We come to a hallway filled with people and music equipment. Something tells me we’ve come to the right spot. The sheer volume of scantily clad women milling about shocks me. Some of them are even walking around topless as though it’s no big deal. I smooth down my fitted leather halter and jean shorts, feeling like one of the only modestly dressed women around. Do these girls have no self-respect?

Aubrey runs a hand through her auburn curls. “How are we supposed to get any one-on-one time with him in this freak show? Harold is right. Rock star accounts are definitely not the usual.”

“I don’t know, but we aren’t leaving until we talk to him.” I grab her wrist and tug her forward. “We’ll check every one of these rooms if we have to.”

Aubrey giggles uncontrollably as we rush from room to room, throwing the red doors wide open in search of Noel Falcon. Somehow we end up turning it into a silly little game of shocking people as we slam open doors. A majority of the rooms are locked or empty, but I have the feeling if we keep this up much longer, we’re going to get thrown out. The last room we come to has music blasting. Aubrey twists the handle, throws open the door, and shouts, “Booyah!”, causing me to laugh so hard I double over.

“Oh, um, sorry,” Aubrey says while yanking my arm.

I stand up straight, trying to curb my giggles, and stare right into the eyes of Noel Falcon. My smile drops completely off my face. Two topless women press against him, one on each side, and his arms wrap around them. A slow, lazy grin spreads across his face, and I feel the urge to hurl.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t my old pal Lanie,” Noel says. “Please, by all means, come in and join our little private party. I was going to take it easy tonight and settle for just these two, but you and your friend are more than welcome to join in. The more the merrier, right, ladies?”

The blondes giggle and run their hands up and down his chiseled chest while they lean in and kiss each other. He continues smiling at me, loving that he’s paying me back tenfold.

I shake my head in disgust. “You’re a real piece of shit, you know that? Come on, Aubrey.”

Aubrey grabs my shoulders, holding me in place. “Lanie, we can’t. What about our jobs? We have to talk to him.”

I shake my head and glance at Noel. “Fuck the job. I’ll pass.”

I storm away with Aubrey close on my heels. I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to Diana Swagger, but it’s just too much. It’s way more than I bargained for. No sane person could speak to such a condescending, egotistical prick of an ex-boyfriend, let alone work with him. I’ll just have to find a new dream.

Aubrey keeps up as I blast past the people in the busy hallway. I’m so angry with myself. I can’t believe I let myself think this would be easy or that I’m even capable of facing Noel. The exit door flies open as I shove through. I gulp down the thick Texas air and push my hair back from my face. I’m not even sure how to find our rental car from this area of the parking lot, but I keep trudging forward. I need distance as much as I can get from Noel Falcon.

“Damn, Lanie, would you wait up? These boots aren’t exactly made for running a marathon,” Aubrey complains.

I sigh and stop in my tracks. “Aubrey, you just don’t—”

“What?” she snaps. “Don’t understand? If you tell me that one more time after I’ve listened to you pine after him for four freakin’ years, then I’m going to murder you here and now. Capiche? I know what he meant to you and how much tonight hurt you, but now you know there’s nothing left for you with him. You can move on. Forget about Noel Falcon and focus on your career. That douche is the only thing standing between you and your dream job, so go back in there and face him. Get your answers.”

She’s right. I can’t let my emotions get in the way of the biggest career opportunity I’ll ever have. “All right. Jeesh. You don’t have to go and get all mafia on me. I’ll think about it.”

Aubrey tilts her head and pops out her bottom lip. “Please, Lanie. Please? I need you as my coworker.”

I rub my aching forehead. She’s not going to let this go. Even though I know it’s a bad idea, I reluctantly tell her okay. She squeaks and grabs me up into a tight hug.

She pulls back. “You’re doing the right thing.”

I frown. Second thoughts plague me, and my gut twists into a knot. Maybe it isn’t such a good idea after all. When we return to the building, it seems even more crowded than before. We find ourselves weaving between people as though we’re in a packed night club. The red doors in the hallway remain shut, and I cringe when I think about what’s behind the last one.

Aubrey stops me from bursting into his dressing room again. “Sure you don’t want to wait for him to come out? I can only imagine what’s going on in there now.”

I shake my head. “No. If I wait, I’ll lose my nerve. We are getting what we came for. Do me a favor, though?”

“Anything.”

“When I toss the two hookerbots out, keep them out. I can’t fight both of them and get info from Noel at the same time.” I turn and shove through the door. “All right, everyone, get the—”

Noel glances up from his guitar and glares at me. “Can I help you?”

I shut the door, closing the two of us alone in the small room. “Where’d your sluts go?”

Noel’s eyes narrow. “Why? You jealous or…maybe they’re more your type now.”

“Fuck you.” It slips out before I remember I need to stay calm.

He laughs and strums his guitar. “No thanks. For some reason, I’m not in the mood anymore.”

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. “Look, Noel, I didn’t come here to fight with you.”

Noel raises a pierced eyebrow. “Really? Tell me, Lane, why
did
you come here?”

“Lane.” I haven’t heard that in a long time. Noel is the only person alive who shortens my name. I shake the memories away. This isn’t the time to reminisce. It’s time to get down to business. “Well…” I clear my throat. “I’m an intern at Center Stage Marketing, and my boss, Diana Swagger, flew me down to discuss Black Falcon’s charity with you.”

“You?” He shakes his head. “Out of all the people in the entire fucking world, they send you down here to talk to me. Did they think because we’ve fucked I wouldn’t fire you?”

My hands ball into fists. “How can you say that? I’m not one of your groupie whores. What we had was real!”

He lays down his guitar and stands in front of me—his six feet two frame towers over me. “Then why did you leave me, huh? If it was so real, why did you walk away from it?”

I can’t look at him. My reasons for leaving him that night on the dock are unbelievably selfish. Noel twirls a strand of my brown hair just like he always did when we were a couple. I slap his hand away. His touch is just too soon.

The corners of his lips turn down. He tucks the loose strand behind my ear. His fingertips linger on my cheek. “Why do you always fight the inevitable? You’ve always made things so difficult.”

I step away from him, but he closes the gap even tighter—his chest against mine. “There is no inevitable with us,” I say.

“Sure, there is. Fate brought you here, didn’t it?” Noel cradles my face. I try to pull away, but he doesn’t let me go. A smile flirts along his lips. “You look exactly the same. Still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” He brings his lips toward mine. His warm breath touches my face, and all I can think about is kissing him. Would it be just like old times? “How about a kiss? Don’t you remember how hot things were between us?”

My heart thunders with anticipation, and I bite my bottom lip. He runs his nose along my jaw, and I close my eyes and inhale his spicy sent. He smells delicious. Noel’s eyes search my face while his lips hover over mine. I feel his heat against my face, and my legs tremble.

He leans in closer but stops just short of my lips. “Now you know what it’s like to want something you can’t have.” His hands drop away from my face. There’s no emotion on his face, but his eyes look pained, and knowing I have this effect on him crushes me. Noel steps back and runs his hand through his shaggy hair before stepping around me and walking out the door.

The breath I didn’t even realize I was holding expels from my chest when the door closes. I feel as though I should have said something, maybe even apologized for what I did to him four years ago, but I couldn’t. The ground holds my feet steady when I hear the door open behind me. My heart falls around my ankles, and I think about how easy it’ll be for him to stomp on it. I don’t deserve any kindness from him, but the emotional smack in the face of still hurt like hell. This is Noel’s payback—to hurt me.

A small pair of hands rest on my shoulders. “Did you get your answers?”

I nod but can’t bring myself to face Aubrey. “Everything I needed to know.”