True Loves (A Collection of Firsts) (54 page)

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say and avoid direct eye contact with him as I zip past. 

I attempt to rub the tension from my neck as I step out to the parking lot. Damn. Am I that easy to read?

Rick follows me toward his car. “I’m not the only one who’s noticed, you know.”

I swallow hard. “What?”

He opens the car door for me and continues. “Yeah, that Taylor girl made it a point to come talk to me after she noticed us together.”

I stand before him and fold my arms. “What did she say?” I growl.

His mouth tweaks to the side in amusement. “Wow. Not a fan, I see.”

My eyes roll. “Not really, no.”

“Obviously.” He chuckles. “Well you’ll be happy to know, your nemesis felt compelled to warn me to stay away from ‘The Psycho, Natalie Sugarman’ and wanted to know if you’d said anything about Stewart Masterson. Apparently, she’s afraid you’re obsessed with him because of all the staring.” 

The blood drains from my face. This is a good reminder of why I hate Taylor Gee. She needs to mind her own damn business. Did he expose my secret about Stew to her? “Is that so? What did you tell her?”

He holds up his hands defensively. “I didn’t say anything. I didn’t even tell her that the staring is, well, a mutual thing.”

I laugh nervously. “There’s nothing going on between Stew and me.” 

I’ll be damned if I get roped into spilling my guts, only to be laughed at later if this whole friendship thing doesn’t work out.

I hop into Rick’s car, and he props his arm on the roof and leans in. “I’m glad to hear that because I think it’s lame when a guy pursues another guy’s girl, plus Stewart Masterson doesn’t seem too trustworthy. There’s just something about him I don’t like.” He shuts the door and I can’t figure out how to respond as he saunters around the car to his side. Of course he doesn’t like Stew. It’s only logical to talk crap about your competition.

I wish Stew would let everyone know there’s something between us because then I wouldn’t have to sit here and figure out a way to tell Rick I am taken. I wouldn’t have to lie because everyone would know. Rick definitely likes me, and I’m not ready to jump into something new yet. A big part of me still holds a candle for Stew and maybe using Rick as arm candy will bring Stew to admit to everyone we’re together. 

I may just end up with a social life before I die, and I don’t care what the junior demon thinks about it.

I
t’s
my turn to clean up the supplies today since Stew and I figured out a schedule so we wouldn’t have to talk as much. Stew bolts from his seat. I stare after him and waves of anger roll through me. He still hasn’t called me, and I get that we’re over, but it wouldn’t kill him to at least be civil to me. 

I glance down at my phone after packing up my stuff.  Great. I’m late for my next class. Figures. 

The hallway is deserted like a ghost town. I debate on just skipping my Statistics class. Monkey Man Miller, as most of the campus calls him, hates when people come in late to his class. He loves to make a big embarrassing show of it. 

Just as I round the corner, the janitors’ closet door flies open, and a hand reaches out and places a firm grip on my arm.  

“What the hell?” I screech when I see the hand belongs to Stewart. 

He pulls me into the claustrophobic closet and closes the door. It’s pitch black in here and smells faintly of mildew and ammonia. I run my hand along the wall and search for a light switch, but no surprise, the closet’s too small to have a light. Stewart’s fingers still cling to my arm and he’s close enough that I feel his breath on my lips.

What is he thinking? “This isn’t exactly public, Stew.”

He doesn’t say a word, only pulls me tight against his body. His chest heaves against mine. “Kiss me,” he whispers.

My knees buckle below me, and I sway a little. My stomach flips, doing its own little happy dance. After a few days of the silent treatment, I wasn’t sure how he felt about me, but I can hear the desperation in his plea for a kiss and I know he still needs me.

God, he makes me crazy. Why can’t we just be together?

“Please, Nat.” His lips practically touch mine. “I love you.”

My arms turn to Jell-O at the sound of those three little words. My bag falls from my hand and onto the floor. Instinctively, my arms wrap around his neck. We fall back into our summer lovin’ pattern, and the last few hellish days without him melt away. He hugs me tightly as his lips meet mine, gentle at first, then a little deeper. It feels like ages since he’s held me, and it’s been torture. I’ve missed everything about him. The hungry way his rough hands caresses my skin tells me he’s missed me, too. 

He pulls back slightly and nestles his forehead against mine. “I don’t want you seeing that guy.”

My mind is blank. “What guy?”

“The guy I’ve seen you hanging out with lately. Seriously, Nat, he’s weird, and I don’t trust him.”

Ah. Warm, gooey feelings flow through me. He’s jealous. “Funny. He said the same thing about you.” I knew hanging out with Rick would bring Stew to admit he cares, but he’s going to have to work to gain back my trust. I can’t let him pull me into a closet and still keep me his secret. I sigh. “Rick’s just a friend.”

“Doesn’t look that way. You’re 
my girl
, remember?”

“Well, at least Rick talks to me in public,” I snap, and hope he sees my side of things. “You want me to stop seeing other guys, make us official.”

His shoulders tense under my hands. “Please, Nat. Don’t start.”

“
Don’t start
?” I drop my arms from around his neck, and start to fold them, but he grabs my hands. I try to pull them free from his grasp, which only causes him to hang on tighter. “Are you saying you still expect me to be your secret girlfriend?”

He wraps my arms back around his neck again and squeezes me tight to his body. “Come on. We can work this out. Meet me at the tree house tonight. I can’t stand fighting with you anymore.”

“You want to see me, ask me out—on a real date.”

After a couple seconds of silence, I shove him away. Great. How big of a loser am I to think for one millisecond that things are different. The only thing that’s changed around here is my budding new friendship with Rick. 

I snatch my bag from the floor. “I’m out of here.”

He grabs my hand. “All right. Friday night, meet me at my Frat’s party. We’ll make it a point to be seen very publicly together.”

Finally, he’s come to his senses. Thank God we’re in the dark, because I know I’m wearing the silliest smile known to mankind. “Okay, then…Friday. I’ll meet you there. What about your dad?”

“I’ll tell him Friday. He’ll just have to deal with the fact that you’re my girlfriend.”

“Good. It’ll be fine, Stew. You’ll see. Everything will be perfect.”

“Great. I can’t wait to show you off.” I can hear the smile in his voice.

He kisses me one more time, and I wish I can stay in this dark heaven with him forever, but I can’t. “I’ve got to go.”

“Okay,” he says, but still has holds me tight against him. “Don’t bring your friend with you either or else I just might have to kick his ass. I want you all to myself on Friday.” 

I pull myself away and open the door. The light streams in and reveals Stew’s beautiful profile and mussed brown hair. He runs his hand through it and smiles at me. How can one guy be so perfect? I give him a crooked smile. Does he know how happy he just made me?

“See you Friday,” I whisper, give him another quick peck, and then step into the bright hallway.

I practically dance all the way to Mr. Miller’s Statistics class—my entire body weightless and carefree. Stew loves me and we will make this happen. 

Hopefully, everyone will fall in line behind Stew in their acceptance of me. If not, we’ll be fine together, creating our own little world filled with the blissfulness of our love.

Damn, I sound like a fucking hippie. I guess that’s the way people in love think.

Rick will totally understand if I ask him not to hang around so much and stop sharing my place under the tree when I’m there. I mean, it was my spot first, right? Plus, I’m pretty sure Rick has a thing for me and Stew obviously can sense it, too. 

Why am I even worrying? I probably won’t even have to ask Rick to move. He’ll more than likely avoid me anyway once it’s blasted across the entire campus that Stewart Masterson, Capital University’s new quarterback, is dating a gothic freak like me after the party. I feel bad because I did kind of lead Rick on a little. 

My gut clenches at that last thought. That makes me a terrible person, and I’ll owe him a fat apology soon. 

But, I can’t worry about that now. I just hope Rick understands. 

One more day, that’s all I’ll have to wait. Stew’s Frat always has the biggest post-football game parties off campus, and everyone is there, like practically everyone from campus that’s into the whole party/Greek scene. 

Soon, Stew will officially—and very publicly—be mine.

Even though I’m ridiculously late, I saunter into Mr. Miller’s class. 

Monkey Man’s pinstriped tie swings as he turns from the math problem he just wrote on the overhead monitor board. His dark eyes bore into me as he adjusts his black, plastic glasses. He checks his watch and I slide into my seat, praying he’ll let me slide. “Care to enlighten the class with why you are late?”

 Here we go. No doubt he’ll kick me out of his class. “Nope.”

He scowls while his boney fingers rest on his hips. After shaking his head, he pushes a loose strand from his comb-over hairstyle back into place. “I insist you explain why you’re late to your fellow classmates and have wasted their valuable educational time. So, let’s try this again, care to tell us why you’re late?”

A grin spreads across my face as I think about the real answer to that question. I bite my lip and try to hide my smile. “Not really.”

Monkey Man thinks I’m being a smartass. His face twists with anger. “Leave my class. Now.”

I grab my stuff and start toward the exit. 

In the hallway, I feel a nudge against my shoulder.

“Hey,” Ricks says as he walks beside me.

I give him a faint smile, a little weirded out by his sudden appearance. I didn’t expect to see him so soon. 

My hands tremble a little at the thought of hurting his feelings. “Hey.”

“You feel like hanging out again later?”

Stew’s request to not hang around Rick flashes in my mind. “Um, I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”

He frowns. “Why not?”

I sigh. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to throw it out there. “I don’t think we should hang out anymore.”

Rick places his hand on my arm, and it causes me to stop dead in my tracks. “Did I do something wrong?”

I shake my head. “No, no.” I place my hand on his arm and look him in the eye. “You didn’t do anything. It’s me.”

“Stewart got to you, didn’t he? Told you to stay away from me?” I flinch at the mention of Stew’s name. When I don’t answer, he shrugs away from my touch. “Spare me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech. I’m smarter than that.”

Is it that obvious I’m doing this because Stew told me to? My eyes shift from his face, the hurt in his eyes stings my core. “Rick, come on. Don’t be like that. You’re great.”

“But, not great enough.” he says as he backs away. “No problem. I get it. I’m not Stewart Masterson.”

“Rick.” I call as he turns his back to me. “Rick?” I try again.

Damn it. There goes my only friend. I thought he’d understand. For a second I think about running after him. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with Stew, either. Thank God Stewart finally came around or else I’d be totally alone…again.

I
finish
the last coat of my Midnight mascara and take a deep breath. This is it. Tonight, Stew and I go public, which is why I decided to glam up a bit and steal some of my older sister’s preppy clothes. 

“Is that my Gucci shirt?” my sister, Alicia, asks as she passes by our joint bathroom.

“Yeah.” I grimace. Busted. “I’ll take good care of it. I promise.”

Alicia shrugs. “No biggie. I’m just glad you’re wearing something other than that black emo crap.”

I’ll miss her so much when she moves to Texas to finish up her graduate degree in a few days. Texas A&M is lucky to have her. She could’ve gone anywhere with her genius level G.R.E. scores, but she chose to go to a state school, where she got a full ride. I think more than anything, she wants to prove to Mom that she can do things on her own. Alicia is not Dad’s number one fan. I hear her tell Mom all the time she should be independent and break away from Dad and his money if she’s unhappy, but Mom likes to insist everything is fine. Like the whole town doesn’t know what Dad’s out doing when he’s not home. 

Alicia is the only one in my entire family that gets me and says I’m the reason she wants to be a psychologist, to learn to help people like me. She actually tries to understand.

I smile. “Thanks.”

Alicia studies me as she leans her slender body against the doorframe. When I make eye contact with her, I notice her blue eyes twinkle because of her smirky smile. We have the same eyes people say, like our father, clear, piercing blue ones that appear to see into people’s soul. 

“What?” I ask.

She flips her long brown hair over her shoulder then studies her nails. “Oh, nothing.”

It’s impossible to hide things from her. She knows something is going on with me and I have to find out what she knows. “That look isn’t 
nothing
.”

Her eyes meet mine and she grins, like she knows she’s about to win. “Okay, so spill. Who 
is
 he?”

Quickly, I look away. Damn it. How did she figure out there is a he? Maybe she really doesn’t know. “Who is what?”

She steps into the bathroom and stares at me in the mirror. “Don’t play dumb with me, Nat. Who’s the guy you’re breaking out of your emo shell for?”

Dang it. I roll my eyes to throw her off the scent. “There has to be a guy involved for me to wear a blue shirt?”

She laughs. “Yes. Why else would you care about how you look all of the sudden? Not saying you don’t always look cute in your ‘I’m so sad I wear black’ thing. But that blue top looks awesome with that black skirt and boots. I might have to take that outfit to school with me, actually.” She studies my clothes. “I’d look fierce in a club wearing that.”

My face heats up, and I know my blush is giving away my embarrassment at her gushing. 

“I knew it!” she squeals. “Who is it? Tell me, tell me, 
tell me
.”

I sigh and figure she’s going to find out anyway. We’re going public tonight, after all. “Promise not to tell anyone? Including, Mom or Dad.”

She crosses her heart with her finger.

A deep breath fills my lungs. “Stewart Masterson.”

Her eyes grow a mile wide. “Dean’s little brother? As in our neighbors?”

I nod.

“Oh. My. God. The Masterson boys are hot! I had the biggest crush on Dean until he moved out of state. Good job, sis.” She walks in my room, mimics fainting, and falls on my bed, only to quickly prop herself up on her elbows. “Since when? And why didn’t you tell me?”

I pick at my black nail polish. “Not long, just over the summer. And we’ve kind of been keeping it secret.”

She cocks her head to the side. “From who?”

I shrug. “Everyone.”

Alicia sits up on the bed and crosses her arms while she glares at me. “And you let him get away with that shit?”

“You know how his dad is. He thinks he’s all high and mighty since he became a big time judge. Stew and I didn’t want his dad to find out.”

That does it. That totally pisses her off because she furrows her brow and twitches her lips. I know that look. The look that says someone is about to go down. “Who the hell cares about his crotchety dad? It’s not like he’s better than us. We’re neighbors for God’s sake, and our dad is a freaking doctor.” She pauses for a minute, like things are sinking in. “Maybe it’s just him. You know, Nat, if Stewart isn’t willing to tell his dad about you, he doesn’t deserve you.”

My lips pull down into a frown. Deep down I knew this is how she would react and it’s one of the reasons why I didn’t tell her about sneaking around with Stew. We usually share everything, but this wasn’t only my secret to tell. “I know, believe me, I’ve told him I’m tired of sneaking around and either he tells everyone we’re together or we’re done.”

She smiles, pleased with my answer. “Good. So you guys are going out tonight?”

I nod. “Kind of.”

Alicia rolls her eyes. “What the hell, Nat? Kind of? I thought you were a tough, kick-ass chick? Why the hell do you let him get away with that?”

“We’re meeting at a fraternity party tonight.” I try to redeem our relationship.

She shakes her head and gets up from my bed. “You know college parties get crazy.” She steps toward me and puts her hands on my shoulders. “Do you want me to go with you?”

I know what she’s thinking. I probably won’t be too welcome at the party since all the jock crowd hangs there and the connected sorority’s queen bee, Taylor, and I have this unfriendly rivalry. Actually, now that I think about it, showing up with Alicia may not be a bad idea. She might be able to keep me safe from the prep crowd jerks until Stew finds me and shows everyone I’m with him. 

I shrug, but hope she’ll say yes. “If you want.”

She claps her hands. “Great. Give me twenty minutes,” she says, before she scurries out the door.

* * *

W
e pull
up to the big white frat house in Alicia’s college graduation present, a little red sports car. The place looks packed, and people have actually parked on the grass. Bodies are everywhere, and for a minute I hesitate as she puts the car in park. 

“You ready for this?” she asks.

There’s a lump in my throat that’s about the size of a baseball and I struggle to swallow it down. “Yeah.”

We step out of her car, and Alicia flashes me her pearly whites. No surprise a party would be fun for her. She was very popular on campus her entire four years here. I think that’s why I got into the prep crowd so easily back in high school, before my psycho status was revealed. Everyone was envious of her and expected her little sister would follow in the most popular girl role. Goes to show how stereotyping and profiling people are totally bad ideas.  

My beautiful sister is greeted with smiles and waves and is fully accepted back into the fold. People clear a path for her like she’s royalty back to rule her kingdom. Suddenly, in her shadow, a tinge of self-consciousness creeps into my body. I fold my arms across my chest. Why did I have to pick tonight to step away from my comforting all black ensemble?

“I see nothing’s changed,” Alicia says to me. “I still feel like an undergrad student here.”

I grin. “I’m sure you’ll feel different once you’re all settled into your apartment in Texas. You’ll probably rule there, too.”

She throws her arm around me and leads me into the house. “Oh, Nat. I’m so going to miss you.”

Once inside, Alicia grabs a couple red plastic cups, fills them from the keg, and hands one to me. “Let’s go be seen in the living room.”

I follow her obediently toward the brick fireplace, which is the focal point of the room. She always tells me “you should always stand in the best location to get guys to notice you.” I could learn a lot from her if I was interested in picking up any old loser from this party. She always gets noticed. Her strategy must work for her. But me? I only have one guy on my mind. 

Stewart.

Bodies fill every inch of the house and they all seem to acknowledge my sister. Most of these people never speak to me and tonight is no exception. 

I’m living proof popularity isn’t genetic. 

People clamor all around Alicia, practically pushing me out of the way to get to her. I was once told by a geeky, science nerd that when Alicia touched his shoulder and said “excuse me” was the best moment in his life. Pathetic, right? 

I fight to stay involved in her social circle for a few minutes, but finally, I give up and sit on the hearth and sip my bitter beer. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she sold her soul to a demon for popularity while I sold mine to save a mother who practically hates me.  

I study my watch. It’s nearly midnight. Where the hell is Stew? He’s the one who wanted to meet here, and it’s not like I’m early or anything. As I scan the room, the warmth of someone’s arm next to mine sends a rush of excitement through me. I can’t help but grin. Stew.

“Who ya lookin’ for?” My grin immediately fades when I hear the voice. My stomach drops. This is not the voice I expected to hear. Sitting next to me is Stew’s best friend, Trevor Humphreys. Trevor looks good as usual, with his dark hair and eyes. He’s kind of a big man on campus around here, too. Kind of comes with being a college ball player. 

Seeing Trevor is a good thing though, because it means Stew’s somewhere close. But I’m not about to spill the beans to Trevor that I’m looking for him.

I bite my lip. “No one.” 

He raises his brow. “Well, if you’re lookin’ for Stew…he’s not in the living room.”

I shake my head. “I wasn’t—”

He laughs. “Relax, Sugarman. I know…
everything
.”

My eyes grow wide. “Everything?”

He nods and smiles. “Come on. I’ll take you to him.”

Trevor stands, and I follow suit. I risk a glance over at Alicia. She’s laughing and having a great time. Not wanting to interrupt her fun, I don’t bother telling her where I’m going. I follow behind Trevor through the crowd and then up the stairs. The stairway is crowed and a heavy smell of pot wafts around me. This is some party. Maybe the heavy partiers hang out upstairs, although Stew never said he was into the whole drug scene. 

Trevor goes to a door once we’re on the second floor and knocks. When no one answers, he opens it and motions me through. Trevor is creeping me out a little with the way he’s grinning like a baboon, but if this is what it takes to see Stew, I’ll trust him. 

I step into the darkness of what I can only guess is a bedroom and turn toward Trevor as my eyes adjust a little to the darkness. “Well?” I ask, after looking around the empty room.

A deep, coarse laugh from Trevor reverberates around me. “Well, what?” My palms start to sweat as he closes the door and locks us both inside. Alone.

My heart pounds with a nervous flutter as I ask, “Where is he?”

“Where is who?” He steps close enough for me to smell the bittersweet odor of hard liquor on his breath.

I swallow the building bile in my throat down as Trevor fingers a loose strand of my hair. “Where’s Stew?”

He shrugs his shoulders indifferently. “He’s not here.” I take a step away but he moves in even closer. “But I’m here, and I know everything, Sugarman.”

Taking another step back, I bump into what I imagine is the bed in the room. “Why did you tell me he was up here?”

He drinks down the last of his beer and tosses his cup on the floor before he wipes his chin. “I wanted to get you alone because I want to be 
secret friends
, too.”

That’s it! I’m out of here. The way he’s looking at me with lust filled eyes tells me he’s not just talking friendship here. I try to make my way past him, but he blocks my path. His massive frame towers over me like a brick wall. “I’m not having sex with you.”

He pushes his dark brows over his dark eyes, which makes him look evil and menacing. “Why? You think you’re too good for me? You little Goth freak. You gave it up to Stew, now how about me? We share you know.”

I 
so
 don’t need this crap right now. What I need to do is find Stewart and ask him why the hell he told Trevor Humphrey’s I’m an easy lay. “Fuck you, Trevor.”  

The next few seconds play in slow motion and my brain kind of detaches itself from my body. As I attempt to leave again, Trevor grabs my wrists and pulls my body against his. I struggle to break free from his steel grip, but the more I fight, the angrier he gets.  

“Come on. Don’t fight it,” he slurs before he grinds his mouth against mine.

My teeth pulverize the meaty flesh of my bottom lip and a metallic taste covers my tongue. I need to get away from him, so I try to worm my hands away from his grasp. Finally, my right hand breaks free from his tentacle-like hold. Instinct takes over and my palm makes contact with his face. My body lunges forward as I smack with all my might.

“You bitch!” he shouts. 

The back of his hand flies across my cheek, knocking me off guard. I stumble back and cover my face with my hands. Before I have a chance to fully recover, he shoves me onto the bed. The springs coil under my weight, and my head bounces back, rattling my teeth inside my skull. I push myself up with shaky arms. I try to get my bearings because I need to get the hell out of this room.