True Loves (A Collection of Firsts) (65 page)

“I’m telling you.” Stew rubs his face. “I don’t know. I’ve never made a deal with a demon, the devil or an angel for that matter. I’m just me. It must be you. You!” He walks over and shoves Rick. “You did this to me, didn’t you?”

“Calm down.” Rick shoves Stew back and then they stare each other down. “You would remember if I made a deal with you. Just ask Nat.”

My hand burns at the thought of promising my soul to Rick. I dig my nails into my palm to take my mind off the memory bubbling in my brain. “He’s right.”

“What?” Stew stops and snaps his head toward me. “Are you telling me you believe this asshole? That I’m a demon?”

I nod and I feel my body tremble. “Yes.”

Stew backs away from Rick. “Not possible.”

“Oh but it is, my friend. You are a demon. This makes you extremely dangerous to Natalie, especially if you don’t know anything about your powers like you say. She’s marked, and when I activated her life lines, her soul became ripe for the picking. This also explains the pull you feel toward each other.” My eyes burn, but I fight back the tears. The question of why someone like Stew would want to be with me finally comes to light. It’s not love, he’s merely drawn to me because of my marked soul. 

“No.” Stew shakes his head and looks at me. “No. I love her.”

“You think you love her. The call of a soul is a powerful thing. The pull you feel toward her, you may have mistaken for love, but that’s because you don’t know it’s just her soul calling for you to collect it. It’s like a Siren calling you with its seductive song. So, until you learn to control your powers”—Rick points to Trevor who still lays unconscious on the floor—“you need to stay away from her.”

Stew closes his eyes and nods, before taking a deep breath, and appearing utterly defeated. When he opens his eyes, the glow has erased, and they’ve returned to the beautiful gray that I’m used to. He appears completely human again, all traces of his demon power gone with a blink of an eye. Stew frowns at me. “You know I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

I can’t peel my eyes off Stew. He runs his hand through his hair—something I’ve learned he does when he’s frustrated. I’m lost for words and really not sure who to trust. Before me stand two demons who both have the power of killing me with ease. 

Chatter from down the hall catches my attention and panic envelopes me. “We have to get out of here before someone comes.”

Rick nods and turns his head toward the gym. “Hold those doors open, Natalie,” he says before grabbing Trevor’s limp body by the ankle. “I’ll stick him inside there. He’ll be too out of it to remember much of anything.”

“What should I do?” Stew asks with a little panic still in his voice. “I can’t get caught fighting in school. I’ll get kicked off the football team and lose my scholarship.”

Rick rolls his eyes and pulls Trevor into the gym. “Get out of here. I’ve got this.”

Stew glances from my face to Rick’s and then back to me. I can see the struggle in his eyes. I wonder if he’s waiting on me to come with him, to run away and fill him in on everything I know. But I can’t, plus I’m, not sure if he might kill me if we are alone. 

I can’t look at Stew, so I stare at the cracked tile by my feet. If I look at him I might lose it. The one guy who I thought I might still be able to trust is something I can’t stomach being around—a killer; a demonic soul collector. 

Who knows if his feelings for me are even real? After what Rick said about my soul calling out to demons, I don’t think I can really trust either one of them.

I look up to face Stew, but he’s gone. No trace of him insight and all I’m left with is uncertainty.

H
opping
in my Focus and just taking off to avoid my little scheduled talk with Rick keeps sounding better and better. I would love nothing more than to leave all this craziness behind. Knowing my luck, he probably has some creepy demon radar to detect his victims and would catch me before I even made it off campus.

I sigh heavily.  Looks like I don’t have a choice in the situation. 

I open my bag and double check that I have the canister of salt I ordered from a demon hunter’s website in there. The site said that salt burns demons and if Rick gets too out of hand or makes any sudden movements, I won’t hesitate on dowsing his ass with it.   

The professor dismisses us, and I push myself out of my seat. I turn in the opposite direction of the cafeteria and head for the exit doors. Sunlight gleams brightly in my face as I step outside. Squinting, I dig through my bag to find my sunglasses. Standing on the steps I search the gleaming sea of cars under the fall sun. Finally, I set my eyes on Rick’s black car. 

Waves of nausea roll in my stomach. The thought of being alone with him in such a confined space brings bile from my stomach into my throat. Screaming won’t help and asking Stew for help 
definitely
 isn’t a great idea either until I can figure out where he stands. 

Rick’s probably going to tell me again how I’ll die if he doesn’t transition me into a demon. I’m not sure if I’m ready to just tell him to piss off and let me die yet, but I am so tired of not knowing what my future holds. 

Could I really endure an eternity in hell? 

I lean against the trunk of Rick’s car, hoping we can just talk outside. 

He rolls the window down after I stand there for a few seconds. “Get in.”

It’s an order, not a question. I will my body forward and hate every step I take. My jittery fingers grip the door handle and pull it open. Hugging my bag like a protective shield, I slide onto his leather passenger seat. The smell I’d come to love—spice and earth, the scent of Rick—permeates the interior space and makes me sick to my stomach. Instead of facing him, I stare straight head, looking through the windshield. 

I don’t have to look at him to know his eyes are fixed on me. “I’m glad you came.”  

I grunt. “Like I had a choice?”

“Look, I know you’re pissed at me—”

“Pissed?” I hiss, cutting him off as I turn to glare at him. “I’m more than pissed, Rick. I 
hate
 you—you and Stew both. You both lied to me.”

“I can’t speak for Stew, and I’m not entirely sure he even knows what he is, but I can tell you I am sorry for what 
I
 did to you—so sorry. I’d take it back if I could.” He lays his head back and pinches the bridge of his nose. “But you saying you hate me…do you know how much worse that makes me feel?”

A demon feel worse? That’s a laugh. He has no feelings. If he did, he wouldn’t be able to kill all those people and take their souls while he smiles about it. He deserves to feel bad. “Good! I hope you rot in hell for tricking me like you did. God knows how many innocent people you’ve done that to.”

He bites his bottom lip as it starts to tremble and takes in a jagged breath. He looks heartbroken, like I’ve crushed him. “You’re right. I deserve eternal torture for what I did to you. I had no right to take you like I did. It was selfish. Being a demon means we lose the resistance against doing the wrong thing. We just go after what we want. It’s not like there are consequences for our actions anymore. We’re already damned to hell. It can’t get any worse than that. I knew it was wrong, but when I saw you, I knew it was you. My actions, they’re unforgivable, I know that. I have to explain myself to you. You have to know 
why
 I did it. You’re the only thing in this world that I care about.”

My eyebrows bunch over my eyes, and I draw my lips in a tight line. “What do you mean, ‘It was 
you
’?”

“For nearly sixteen years, I’ve been trying to convince myself you’d be happy once you knew why I did this to you. Lately, I’ve even tried using my power to unlock your brain to help you remember your past. I’d hoped I could make you remember, but nothing I’ve done has brought any memories back to you.”

Unlocking my past? Is that what he was trying to show me before? “What are you talking about? Memories of what?”

“Our life together,” he says matter-of-factly.  

Drawing my bag in tighter, I meet his eyes. They look a little red, like he’s fighting back tears, and suddenly I feel bad for him. Memories of the moment he touched my forehead and showed me those strange images of a time long ago flood my mind. The images were just part of a puzzle—one I couldn’t figure out. 

The hell he’s put me through is pushed to the back of my mind when I search his face for further explanation as the curiosity in me bubbles. I can’t help myself from asking. “What life?” 

A faint smile flirts across his lips. “I wasn’t always a demon, you know. I was human, once, with you.” 

“With me?” I whisper, baffled by what he’s trying to tell me.

He smiles at me. “Yes, back in the eighteen hundreds. We were the happiest couple. We were young and we’d been married for a couple of years. That’s how things were done back then.” His eyes stare off in the distance, like he’s remembering something a million miles away. 

He sounds sincere, but I’m not sure I buy it. “What happened?”

A heavy sigh and a moment of silence later, Rick continues. “You died.”

That takes me by surprise, hearing someone talk about your own death is morbid and twisted. “I…I died?”

He nods.

My mouth is dry, like I just drank a cup of sand. “How did I die?”

“You were murdered. That’s why I became what I am.”

I gasp. “You 
killed
 me?”

His eyebrows lift, and he holds up his hands, palm up. “No! How could you assume that?”

My fingers scratch my scalp. “But you said that’s why you’re a demon.”

He shakes his head. “I didn’t kill you, but all of your murderers got pumped full of lead thanks to me. Those men—the ones I showed you in the memory—they killed you. They rode to your father’s farm and took full advantage of the fact that you were a young girl left alone. They tortured you, Natalie.”

I stare at Rick with my mouth agape. This is some far-fetched story. 

Rick clears his throat and continues. “Your little sister, Sarah, found me working out in the field and told me to come quick. I ran four miles as quick as I could to get to you, but I got there too late. You were already gone. Those bastards drowned you in the water trough and back in those days an eye for an eye was the way things were settled. I wasn’t going to let them get away with killing you. I rode into town and dragged Sarah along. She was a great help. You would’ve been proud. She was able to point them out immediately.”

Things start to click. “So, the memories you showed me of the cowboys and the little girl named Sarah, those were true?”

He nods. “Don’t worry. I made them pay for what they did to you. I shot them all down in the street like dogs. Of course, nobody knew why I killed them because it happened so fast. The sheriff and his men became my judge and jury and decided I needed to die for gunning down three men in the street in cold blood. The townspeople strung me up and just as the noose tightened around my neck, a demon, Lilim, came and offered me a deal. A deal that promised I could find you again in another life if I agreed to help her collect souls. I was desperate to get you back and would’ve agreed to anything, including my eternal damnation.”

“You mean Lilim, my shrink?”

“Yes. The one and only. She made me what I am and if she’s in town it’s more important than ever to transition your soul. Quickly. You can’t be alone with her, Natalie. Ever. Her or Stew. They’re both demons, and that makes them dangerous to you. A soul bound for hell is a highly sought after commodity by all demons, and Lilim is one of Hells biggest collectors. She’s ruthless. And until we know what they’re after, you need to stay away from them. I don’t trust either one of them.”

I run my fingers through my hair and then lay my head back against the headrest. Is there no one I can trust? I just want a normal life. “Why did you damn me?”

I meet his gaze and wait for his answer. His eyes search my face. “When I went to collect your mom’s soul I knew I’d finally found you the second I saw you. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to mark your soul—to tag it as mine, making it untouchable to other demons. It put a safe guard on you until you were twenty-one—old enough to choose between right and wrong and choose the course of your soul. I couldn’t take the chance of losing you again. I had to make you mine.”

“Found me? But you said I died.”

He cocks his head to the side and fixes his eyes on me. “You did, in a past life cycle.”

“So what? You’re saying I’m reincarnated or something?” 

He sighs. “All souls are reborn until they make a deal with a demon and commit themselves to do Satan’s work. If you don’t make a deal then you just keep getting reborn over and over.”

I swallow deeply and think about how freaky that is if it’s true. “How many times have I been reborn? How come I don’t remember you from the last time we met?”

“I don’t know how many times you’ve been reborn and neither will you.” Rick’s lips turn up into a sad smile. “That’s the beauty of being a pure, unbargained soul. You have the advantages of having your past memory wiped out and starting over every time you are born. We demons—that’s part of our punishment, along with doing Satan’s work, we never forget. We live with our pain.” 

My face grimaces at the mention of killing people. I’m going to be just like him soon. “Satan’s work? So is that what I have to do now? Collect souls?”

“Yes. You’ll be what I am—a demon—once your life lines completely fades and I transition you.”

I shake my head. “That’s why you damned me, isn’t it? You wanted me to be like you, because you think I’m your old girlfriend or some crazy shit? You didn’t want to be alone any more remembering her and think I can fill that void for you.”

The stormy seas in Rick’s eyes thrash. “Not, like. 
Are
. I knew you from the time we were babies. Your face isn’t one I’d ever forget.”

My stomach turns. He’s never going to let me go as long as he thinks there’s hope that I’ll go along with his dead girlfriend theory. 

“Natalie? Talk to me,” he whispers after I sit there for a few minutes staring out the windshield.

“I’m sorry, Rick, but I don’t want to be a demon. And I don’t want to be with you. I don’t love you, and I feel nothing for you. Keeping me prisoner as an eternal demon won’t change that.” My voice is barely audible. “I just want to be normal.”

He rests his head against the leather headrest again. “What will it take for you to trust me? To realize we are meant to be together.”

My pulse quickens. Here’s my chance. “You could start by giving my soul back.” He grimaces, so I throw in a little bargain of my own just like one of the internet sites I read said to do. At this point I’d agree to just about anything to get my soul back and have a chance at a normal life. “If you give me my soul back, we could start over as friends and maybe one day I could fall in love with you and then maybe you could make me a demon after I choose it.”

He smiles a little. “You think you could love me?”

He needs to believe me. I touch his check and stare into his eyes. “I think so, but only if I’m able to make that choice while I’m free. If you make me become a demon, I’m afraid I’ll always resent you, and I don’t want that.” 

His eyes search my face. “There is a way. I’ve only heard of it, never done it myself, but it might work.”

My interest perks up. “A way?”

He nods and runs his fingers through his shoulder length brown hair. “You can trade your soul for three others.”

My eyes narrow. “What do you mean, trade?”

“You’ll have to convince three willing souls to commit themselves to hell in your place. And you have to actively help me collect them.”

A sigh purges from my throat. I’m not evil like him. There’s no way I can ask someone to go to hell. An eternity of torture isn’t something I’d wish on anyone. “No way will someone volunteer to trade places with me, let alone three. I can’t ask someone to do that. I’m not a killer.”

“I’ll help you.”

“You’ll…help me?”

“Like I said, I made a mistake. Taking advantage of your innocence wasn’t right. I knew you wouldn’t refuse to help your mom, and I used that to get what I wanted. I owe you this. The opportunity to choose, I mean 
really
 choose, not just make the deal because you feel guilty about your mom. I want you to love me the way I love you, and if this is what it takes, I’ll help set you free with the hope that you’ll come back to me.” 

Relief floods every pore of my body at the thought of ridding my life of the demon plague I’ve been cursed with since I was a little girl. I can’t even imagine what freedom will taste like. 

The slight joy I feel is short lived. How can I damn three other people to take my place? I want out of this deal, but I know in my heart it’s wrong to even consider damning another soul. “I don’t know, Rick. How can I live with that?”

“Relax, Nat. The souls I’ll find you will have sinned so greatly, sending them to hell will be a good thing. Think of it as doing the world a public service. And the only thing I ask of you in return is to promise me you’ll stay away from Stew and Lilim until we can get your soul cleared. I can’t allow them to take you away from me.”

Closing my eyes, pictures of how normal my life can be once this is all behind me zings in my mind. The whole situation with Mom embarrassing me at Taylor Gee’s would’ve never happened. Life would be a whole lot easier without the possibility of hell lurking around every corner. My hands grip my back pack harder as I bring it closer to my chest. This is it. My way out. I open my eyes and slowly release my fists, palm up, and peer down at my almost nonexistent life lines. 

Three souls don’t sound so bad, especially if he picks out some really evil ones to damn. I’ve seen some of the creeps he’s taken over the years, and he’s right, some of those people seemed evil to the core. Maybe I can get through this. “Okay. When can we start?”