Truly Madly Deeply Boxed Set (36 page)

She’d had enough pain. He had no desire to add to it.

She raised her gaze from the magazine page. “Too bad,” she murmured. “Weddings canceled because the bride wore blinders while the groom was a cheating son of a bitch aren’t covered.” Her voice broke over her words. As she lowered her arm to her side, the page drifted to the floor.

“Carly...” Mike stood.

“It’ll cost every penny I have in savings and then some to cover the expense of ending this charade.”

“Peter will pay his share,” Mike muttered. He’d see to it. “Better now than after the ceremony.”

She attempted to laugh but choked on a sob instead. She dropped to her knees and bowed her head. Her damp hair fell forward, obscuring her face from view. Without warning, her shoulders began to shake violently.

Something inside him shattered at the sight. Not since his parents’ deaths had he allowed another person to get close. As tight as they were, not even his brother had breached the wall around his heart. Carly tapped into emotions he’d never experienced before, ones he didn’t understand now. She’d reached the part of him that he’d protected for the better part of his life. Watching her, he had the unsettling notion that nothing would ever be the same again.

Mike crossed the room and crouched down beside her. He lifted his hand and then let it drop uselessly to his side. Never having received a warm or loving embrace as a child, he wasn’t sure how to comfort her now. He only knew he had to try.

He wrapped his arms around her. Her body molded to his. She rocked back and forth in his embrace as he held on tight. The fragrant smell of her shampoo drifted around him, tickling his nose, tempting his restraint.

As need surfaced, comfort became a hazy notion. He coaxed her back until they lay side by side against the pillows on the floor. Mike cradled her head, running his fingers through her silken hair. Gradually her trembling subsided, but she didn’t push him away. They lay together in silence. Her rapid breathing slowed. As she unconsciously matched her breaths to his, a feeling of contentment stole over him. It was as if he’d been running away and had finally found what he’d been searching for.

“Want to talk about it?”

“No.” The muffled sound was almost lost. With one hand, he brushed the tangled hair off her face.

“I’m sure it hurts to be betrayed by someone you love.”

She shook her head. “I wasn’t.”

Wasn’t what? he wondered. Betrayed? Because if Peter had done nothing else, he had betrayed both her trust and her innocence. Mike hoped he hadn’t destroyed them as well.

She drew an unsteady breath. A glassy sheen coated her eyes and her dark lashes were fringed with moisture. “I wasn’t betrayed by someone I loved,” she said, lowering her gaze. “I compromised until there was almost nothing left of me. In being so accepting, I gave him the freedom to cheat on me.” She sighed. “In a way, I deserve
some
of what I got.”

“How the hell can you think that?”

“I didn’t say I deserved all of it, but there’s no escaping the fact that I used him, too.” Looking down, she stared at her hands. “I never loved Peter.”

Mike exhaled long and slow. He hadn’t known how badly he’d needed to have his suspicions confirmed until now.

“But at the very least I thought he was the kind of man to honor his commitments the way I’d planned to honor mine.”

Mike wanted to defend his brother. To insist that he was sure Peter
meant
to be faithful. But the truth was, Peter looked out for Peter first. Carly had never factored into the equation. He hadn’t intended to hurt her, but he hadn’t stopped to think about her before jumping into bed with his new associate, either. “If it makes you feel any better, he took me by surprise, too.”

Her smile seemed forced. “It doesn’t matter. I was so wrong. As long as things seemed right on the surface, I convinced myself I was happy. But I wasn’t.” She shifted positions, rotating her legs until she sat Indian-style beside him. Her robe ended below her knees, revealing toned calves and long legs. “I was dead inside and just never knew it. Until you, Peter was safe.”

“And I’m not.” Mike raised his hand to the back of her neck and brushed aside her hair.

“No.” Her lips parted. “You’re not.”

“Why?” He massaged her muscles that had worked themselves into tight knots. Her skin felt smooth and soft beneath his hands.

“There was no...” She spread her hands in front of her. “No...”

“Passion.” He ventured an educated guess. One based on the fact that she hadn’t slept with his brother, had never seemed to want more from Peter than a passing touch. But mostly he based his knowledge on instinct.

Startled, she jerked her head up. “How...”

“Did I know?”

She nodded.

He grinned at the shocked expression on her face as he completed her sentence for the second time. “Because you couldn’t feel an emotional pull toward my brother and respond to me like this.”

He leaned over and brushed his lips over hers. His hand, already at her nape, dug farther into her hair as he shifted positions and slid his tongue across her lips. She sighed aloud.

He meant to coax her into understanding but there was no need. Instead of pulling away as he’d expected, she raised her hands to his face and opened her mouth beneath his.

The kiss was hot, intense and like nothing in his previous experience. Although he had intended to prove a point, he lost track of everything but Carly.

He lifted his head and looked into her soft brown eyes.

“Mike.” His name was a plea he couldn’t resist. He captured her lips again. Together they tumbled backward onto the floor. He trapped her slender body between his legs and shifted until the heat of his arousal was pressed firmly at the juncture of her thighs.

Pausing long enough to open his eyes, he watched her face as he further inflamed her senses. He ground his hips against hers.

Her eyes glazed over. “More.”

He grit his teeth against the combination of pleasure and pain and thrust himself against her welcoming body. She uttered a sigh and rotated her hips, causing him to curse the barrier of clothing that separated them. Then he closed his eyes and pushed deeper.

His mouth never left hers, his tongue mimicking the erotic motion of their bodies. She rocked beneath him and wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him closer. Their bodies fit together as one.

Still separated by layers of clothing, they were both close to losing control. Mike hadn’t touched an inch of her skin, yet he ached to lose himself inside her. The thought amazed him. After everything she’d been through, she still... His mind cleared in an instant. His body, however, refused to cooperate and throbbed with unsatisfied need.

He gentled his kiss in an effort to bring them down from the peak they’d almost reached. He wanted Carly, but on equal terms. With her needing him as much as he needed her. Giving and receiving comfort wasn’t a solid basis for making love.

He allowed himself one last lingering kiss before pulling himself up and away from her soft, willing body.

Seconds passed before Carly’s passion-fogged mind cleared. Two things became evident at once. She’d succumbed to the heat of desire, to the point of almost making love on her living-room floor. And she wasn’t the one who’d called a halt.

Her entire body throbbed. Need pulsed through her, but she drew a ragged breath and forced herself to relax. She looked at Mike. His head rested on bended knee and he studied her with a pensive expression. His golden eyes betrayed none of his inner thoughts. She didn’t have to be a mind reader to know them.

Carly recognized Mike’s withdrawal for what it was—another rejection in a day fraught with them. She might have been the one to break things off with Peter, but in admitting his affair, he’d all but rejected her, declaring her worthless in his eyes.

She had the sinking notion that no one would ever love her enough to put her first. Her father hadn’t cared enough to put his family before his mistress. Her fiancé had always given his career and lover higher priority. And Mike, the one person with whom she’d felt a solid connection, had rejected her twice. First by keeping silent and again by pushing her away.

And she would have slept with him anyway. Embarrassment flooded her, cooling her passion faster than an icy shower. “I’m sorry,” she said, standing as she spoke. “But congratulations. You proved your point. I couldn’t have been in love with Peter and I have no self-restraint when it comes to you.” A lot that said about her moral fiber, she thought.

Mike groaned. “That wasn’t the point I was trying to prove.” He leaned back, propping himself up on both elbows.

“Why else pull back? Heaven knows I wouldn’t have stopped you.” Self-loathing filled her voice, directed at both her actions and the question she’d just voiced. He didn’t need to know that his rejection bothered her.

“What happened just now”—he gestured back and forth between them—“that was about you and me. No one else was in the room. No one else was between us.”

“I know,” she whispered, remembering the way she had writhed beneath him. The shame of her wanton response burned inside her.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Mike said in a husky voice.

“Like what?” Turning from the heat of his stare, she attempted to straighten her rumpled robe.

“Like you’re afraid of me.”

“I’m not.”

“Aren’t you?”

She shook her head. “I’m afraid of what you make me feel,” she admitted.
Afraid of who you make me become.

“Don’t be. Because the next time will make this one pale in comparison, I promise.” His eyes raked over her body. Beneath his heated gaze she felt naked and exposed.

He rose at a leisurely pace, a man comfortable with himself and his sexuality.

“There won’t be a next time.” She tightened the sash around her waist, turned and stepped back before he could crowd her personal space.

But he anticipated her reaction and grabbed for the material of her robe. He pulled her backward until she leaned against the hard contours of his body. “Yes, there will. But next time you’ll want
me
, not just comfort.” His warm breath fanned her ear.

If he only knew how much she wanted him... even more than she’d sought solace in his arms. But she closed her eyes and let his words sink in.

He assumed there’d be a next time. Because she’d been eager and willing, despite his betrayal, he’d assumed all was forgiven. Carly didn’t know who she was more furious with, Mike or herself.

Because she wanted to believe in him. Wanted to trust that he desired more from her than just hot sex. Though it couldn’t change things between them, she needed to believe they shared more than just passion. Because when that passion flared, a living, breathing monster came alive. It brought the past to life and caused her to doubt the present.

He pressed a gentle kiss against her neck. She trembled against the feather-light touch. “Just go, Mike.”

“Will you be all right?” he asked, obviously resigned.

She nodded.

“I thought so.” He gathered his damp clothing from the floor. “You’re strong, Carly Wexler,” he said before disappearing into her bathroom.

“But not strong enough to resist you,” she murmured to the empty room. She leaned against the nearest wall, closed her eyes and forced air into her lungs. She couldn’t resist the man whose omission had hurt her more than her fiancé’s affair. She shook her head and breathed in deeply once more. No sooner had she drawn another breath than the bathroom door swung wide open.

“What are your plans now that you’re officially unengaged?” he asked. He’d changed back into his damp jeans and working boots. His black T-shirt clung to his broad shoulders and back.

“Are you sure you want to go home like that?”

He grinned. “It’s either the wet look or I leave half-naked and barefoot. Your choice.”

When he focused his smile on her, nothing else in the world mattered. She could almost forgive him anything. “Go with the wet look. The neighbors don’t need a free show.” But
go
, she thought silently.

“Well?” he asked.

“What?”

“Your plans.”

Obviously she couldn’t get rid of him easily. If he sensed her need to be alone, he didn’t show it. She hadn’t had a chance to give her future much thought. But perhaps now that she had the time as well as her freedom, she ought to try. “I really don’t know. I need to get away.” The truth surprised her, as much as the fact that she’d spoken the words aloud.

“Anyplace special?”

No place she’d share with him, but she had an idea in mind. Someplace where she could be alone to learn about herself and what
she
wanted out of life. A place far from Mike and his charismatic influence, she thought. “No destination in mind,” she said, forcing a smile.

“One minute you’re planning a wedding, the next a vacation. You go with the flow. I like that in a woman.”

She couldn’t see pointing out that until now her rigid schedules and plans had ruled her life and kept her sane. She was on a wild free fall now and had no idea where she would land. The thought frightened her. He might like that carefree way of life, but she didn’t.

He closed the gap between them and reached out a hand to touch her shoulder. She shook her head. “I’m okay.” His touch would be her undoing. Both emotionally and physically she wasn’t strong enough to resist him right now. She needed to keep her distance.

“I know.” He lowered his hand to the side. “How will you keep busy?” he asked, as if understanding that she needed a mundane subject change.

“School is out, my column is in reruns and I’d planned on using the summer to write my book. I can work anywhere with a computer.” She fingered her still damp bangs.

“Maybe someplace with a beach,” she said, thinking aloud.

“Sounds therapeutic.” He spoke as though his mind had escaped elsewhere.

“True. My life has just been thrown a curve. A vacation might get it back on track.”

“Makes sense.”

She nodded.

He offered no response.

An uncomfortable silence surrounded them. She glanced at him, her gaze drawn to the taut muscles in his arm, then the wide expanse of his chest. In her mind, she was back on the floor, Mike’s firm body pressed against hers. This time, her lips tasted bare skin.