Trust (39 page)

The rope fell into my lap, and I stared—dozens of thoughts running through my mind at once.

His voice brought me back to the present. “Tomorrow, I want you to write about what we talked about tonight in your journal. I want to know how you felt having your wrist tied and what your fears are.”

“Okay.”

He kissed me and then patted my leg. “Let’s get ready for bed. I’ve had a long day, and I have the distinct desire to ravish you.”

Chapter 33

Stephan

I smiled as I woke up Wednesday morning. Brianna was lying beside me
in my bed. She had her body contorted in what looked to me to be a rather uncomfortable position, but as she was still sleeping, I had to imagine it wasn’t as awkward as it appeared. What had me amused, however, was that while she was facing away from me, her arm was stretched out behind her back, her hand inches from my morning erection.

Not wanting to frighten her, I gently tilted her head in my direction. “Time to wake up, my love.”

She groaned, but gradually she opened her eyes. “Hi.”

“Good morning. Did you have pleasant dreams?”

Brianna furrowed her brow in confusion. “I don’t remember.” She paused. “Did I do something I wasn’t supposed to, Sir?”

Instead of answering her verbally, I took her hand where it still rested inches from my cock and placed it on top of my very prominent erection.

Her eyes grew wide. “Did I do that?”

I laughed. “No, but given your hand’s very close proximity this morning, I’m wondering what thoughts were going through that head of yours while you were sleeping.”

“I don’t remember.”

Unable to resist, I flexed my hips, pressing my cock into her hand. Instinctively, she wrapped her fingers around it, and I couldn’t stifle my moan.

Covering her hand with one of my own, I guided her movements. I was hard as a rock, and the feel of her gripping me had my blood pumping through my veins in no time.

Flipping the sheet off her body, I wasted no time slipping my hand between her legs. She opened for me as I eased a single finger inside. Her body was always warm and inviting, and her pussy gripped my finger as I began to move it in and out.

I watched her closely as we both continued our movements. When I added a second finger, she began to flush as her body became increasingly excited by what I was doing to her.

As she kept up her efforts to milk my cock, I bent down to kiss her. She kissed me back, her breath hot against my face as she exhaled. My thumb played with her clit, causing her to take deeper breaths. With every inhale, her chest expanded, brushing against my chest. I could feel the hard peaks of her nipples getting more rigid as her climax edged closer.

I was getting close, and I wanted her right there with me. Releasing her lips, I lowered my head and latched on to one of her nipples. She tightened her hold on my cock, and I groaned, sucking harder on her supple flesh.

“Sir?” She was moving her hips in time with my hand, and I knew she was close.

Keeping her nipple between my teeth, I worried it as I answered her. “Yes?”

“May I . . . may I please . . .”

She gasped as I sucked her breast back into my mouth and at the same time began rubbing the spongy spot along the front wall of her pussy. Her muscles clamped down around my fingers as I continued to stroke.

Her voice rose in pitch. “Sir? Please, please, pleeeeasee.”

I reached between us and clasped the wrist of the hand she was using to pump me and encouraged her to pick up the pace. Brianna wasn’t going to last much longer, permission granted or not. I wasn’t going to back off, though. Soon she was going to be teetering on the edge, which was exactly where I wanted her.

Brianna had her eyes closed, and her mouth hung open in a near constant, yet silent scream. Her breathing was fast and shallow, and her face was beet red.

She lifted her free hand from where it was holding the sheet in a death grip and threaded her fingers through my hair. I knew she was utterly lost in the moment when she pulled my hair harder than she ever had before. Surprisingly, that only added to what I was feeling, and I felt my orgasm approaching, fast and furious.

My climax hit me, and I released her nipple just long enough to give her the permission to come that she’d been begging for as I exploded into her hand and onto the sheets.

As my breathing started to return to normal, I realized she was shaking—and not in a good way. “Brianna, what’s wrong?

She didn’t answer.

Sitting up, I pulled her into my arms, and she began shaking her head. “Talk to me, sweetheart. Tell me what’s wrong. Why are you shaking?”

“Off. I need it off.”

“What—” It was then I noticed how she was holding her hand out away from her body. I picked it up, examining it . . . thinking that maybe, somehow she’d been hurt. It looked normal, albeit a little red from the friction of jacking me off.

When I heard a sob escape her throat, I held her closer and examined her hand again. The only thing I could see was that a good portion of her palm was covered in my cum. A little confused, I leaned over to grab a tissue from the nightstand and began wiping it off her hand.

Once all signs of it were gone, she began to calm down.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

“I didn’t . . .”

“You didn’t what?”

“I couldn’t . . .”

Holding her face firmly with my hands, I forced her to look at me. “Brianna, take a deep breath, and tell me what happened. I’m not upset, but I need to understand.”

“They . . .” She closed her eyes and sucked in a lung full of air. “They used t-t-to on me. And I couldn’t get it off. They wouldn’t let me get it off.”

Cocking my head to the side, I concentrated on both her words and her actions of the last several minutes. “The men used to spill their cum on you?”

She nodded.

“And feeling mine made you relive that?”

Again, she nodded, but this time she opened her eyes to look at me.

“Did you have another flashback?”

“Yes!” She flung herself into my arms, holding on to my neck so tight I had to loosen them slightly so that I could breathe. “They were standing over me. Taunting me. I felt . . . dirty.”

“Shh. I’ve got you. Those men are far away, and they’re never going to hurt you again, do you understand?”

She had her head buried deep in the curve of my shoulder, but I felt her nod.

I waited until she quieted again before moving us both toward one side of the bed. Once my feet were on the floor, I got a solid grip on her and stood with her in my arms. Brianna didn’t seem to notice as she continued to cling to me.

We were both already naked, so I headed straight into the shower. I lowered her legs, guiding them to the floor so she could stand on her own. She still didn’t release me. “I’m right here, Brianna. I’m not going anywhere.”

She stayed with me step for step as I turned on the water and crossed the small space to retrieve the shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. She was shaken from her flashback, and it was going to take some time. All I could do at the moment was be there for her—to catch her if she fell. Brianna was strong, though. She’d get through this like she did everything else.

What threw me more than anything was that Brianna had jacked me off before—many times. It had always been in the shower, though, where the water had almost instantly washed all signs of my cum down the drain. It made me think that her reaction had more to do with the feel or texture as it began to cool on her skin than the actual act itself. There was no way I could know that for certain, however. Not yet, anyway.

Slowly, I washed first her and then myself. The good news was that she was still with me. Her eyes were focused for the most part, and if I asked her a question, she answered me. She hadn’t gone into a full-blown panic attack, and for that, I was grateful. Every day she grew stronger, even if she didn’t realize it.

After our shower, I dried us both off and took her into her bedroom to get dressed. Although she slept in my bed every night, her things remained in her room. I wanted her to have her space, somewhere that was hers and only hers.

As with the shower, she went along with whatever instructions I gave. It was robotic, however, and I didn’t like it.

Showered and dressed, I led her by the hand out to the kitchen where I fixed us a simple breakfast of toast and some fruit Brianna had sliced up the day before. As I was assembling the food, I got an idea. After fixing only one plate with enough food for both of us, I guided her over to the dining room table. I took my seat, but instead of instructing her to take hers beside me, I ordered her to kneel.

Brianna complied almost instantly.

“Look at me.”

She raised her head and met my gaze.

I picked up a piece of fruit and held it out to her between two fingers.

Brianna leaned forward, but I pulled it back out of her reach.

“Every time I present you with a bite of food, you are going to ask if you may have it. And when you finish eating it, you are to thank me. Understand?”

She nodded.

“Use your words, Brianna.”

“Yes, Sir. I understand.”

“Good.” I held the food out to her once more.

“May I?”

“May you what? And look at me when you speak.”

“May I have the piece of fruit, Sir?”

I smiled and pressed the strawberry against her lips. “Yes, you may.”

As she chewed, I took a bite of watermelon.

She swallowed. “Thank you, Sir.”

“Good girl. Now another,” I said as I broke off a corner of toast and added some jelly on top.

“May I have some toast, Sir?”

This went on for the remainder of our meal, and by the end, Brianna was looking and acting more like her normal self.

Brianna

I was starting to feel more like myself. The numbness was fading with every piece of food Stephan fed me. I didn’t completely understand it, but having to ask for every bite and then thank him for it centered me. Little by little, the memories faded into the background where they belonged.

He wiped his mouth with a napkin before handing one to me to do the same. I took it and quickly removed any remaining traces of my breakfast from my mouth.

“Feeling better?” Stephan smiled at me as I gave the napkin back to him.

“Yes.” I paused. How he knew to get me out of my own head amazed and confused me, but either way, I was grateful. “Thank you, Sir.”

Stephan extended a single finger and traced it along my collar. “It’s my job to take care of you, Brianna. And now that I know your reaction, I’ll make sure we avoid activities that would require you to have my semen on your body.”

One more thing I wouldn’t be able to give him.

“Hey. None of that. I’m not saying it will never happen again, not if it’s something you want.” He hesitated, and I began to worry. Stephan rarely hesitated. “Your blood test today—if it comes back clean, I was hoping that our joining would no longer require a condom. With your reaction today, I’m not sure that will be possible.”

“You want to have sex with me without wearing a condom?” He’d never done that before, and outside of sex with Ian, I’d never been taken without the person wearing protection. It was one of Ian’s rules. In my time with him, only one of Ian’s friends had attempted to take me without one, and Ian had grabbed him by his ear and dragged him out of his house. The man was completely naked, but Ian hadn’t cared. He hadn’t returned the man’s clothes either.

“What’s that frown for?”

I refocused on Stephan. “Can we try?”

It was his turn to frown. “Can we try what?”

“Sex without a condom.”

The creases in his face deepened. “Why?”

“I-I want to try, Sir. It’s what you want, and I want to make you happy.”

“This is not required for you to make me happy, Brianna. Just you being here with me does that.”

“But it’s what you want.”

He kept frowning. I didn’t want him to frown anymore.

Scooting closer, I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head in his lap. “Please, can we try, Sir? If I start to panic, we can stop, right?”

Stephan sighed and caressed my head. The tension left his body, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“All right, we’ll try. If it doesn’t work . . .”

I hugged him tighter. “Thank you, Sir.”

He laughed and tilted my chin so that he could look into my eyes. “You can be very stubborn when you want something. Once you get over more of your fears, things could get interesting.”

Maybe if he weren’t smiling, I would have taken what he said differently, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by whatever might lie ahead for us, so I wasn’t either. As long as the future included both of us together, I was okay with it.

“Come on. We need to get ready to go if we’re going to get you to the lab for your blood work before your therapy session with Dr. Perkins.”