Trusting Love (10 page)

She had a heavy heart and felt badly for the way she treated the guys last night, but knew it was better this way. If she ignored the attraction she felt for each of them then she wouldn’t have to face the fears she had. She wouldn’t have to relive that night her whole world shattered, and she wouldn’t have to feel the sadness and pain. Each time she remembered Steven and Collin, and thought about that town, she felt sick. She rubbed her palms along her thighs, heart pounding, anticipation bringing on that sick, terrified feeling in her gut because she had to face them.

She also knew she would be facing Cesar today, and that wasn’t going to be easy. He was a cop, too. A man of power, of capabilities that instinctively made her think of running. Then she thought of Antonia, and even Amber, and Brooklyn who gave her a job not even knowing who she was or what her life had been like. She took a chance on her and now Carina was taking a chance on Brooklyn, Antonia, Amber, this town and all it said it stood for. That didn’t mean she could take a chance on the Cortland men.

She took a deep breath and headed out to the kitchen. What she hadn’t expected was to see Milton standing there without a shirt on, bent over the open hole in the wall where a window once sat.

Her mouth gaped open. Muscles upon muscles greeted her stare, along with a lot of tattoos in color, artwork with intricate designs. She was shocked at her body’s reaction.

“Morning, sweetheart,” Jesse called to her from the window. He was displaying his own set of sex appeal in the form of a trim, fit, muscular build and tattoos along his shoulders.

“What in God’s name is going on? I thought you said noon time?”

She tried to act angry, but her tone was flat and came out in a heated breath.

Milton stood straight and Jesse disappeared from the window.

Milton wiped his hands on his jeans. She couldn’t help but stare at his body. It was hard to ignore and so were her hardened nipples pushing against the tight tank top she wore.

“I’m the landlord, remember? I have a spare key and we needed to get things started a little earlier so that we can make plans for later tonight. Besides, you had nothing to worry about. I wouldn’t break in. I would never hurt you in any way,” he said to her and she swallowed the lump of emotion in her throat as the front door opened.

She rubbed her temples. She didn’t want to argue.

“Just forget it. I thought there was coffee,” she said and started to walk toward the kitchen when Milton stopped her. She immediately tried to step away and he gripped her hip.

“There are nails on the floor in there. I don’t want you to get hurt. Jack is on his way with the coffee.”

He slid his hand from her hip and she held on to the last bit of the way it felt as he lifted his hand but then he stepped closer and ran that same palm up her ribs then to her cheeks. He tilted her face toward him, eyes scrunched with concern.

“What’s wrong? You look…exhausted.” He studied her face and she closed her eyes.

“Bad headache.”

“Shit, and we’re banging up a storm,” Jesse said, joining them.

“No, it’s okay. This needs to be done. I’ll take something and then I have to go to town.”

He stroked her throat and then ran his thumb over her lip.

“Are you still upset over last night?”

She turned from his hold. “It’s none of your concern. We discussed this.”

“No, you demanded something we’re not going to allow,” he replied.

“Really? You want to what? Force yourselves on me and make me yours?”

His eyes widened. God, she didn’t mean that. She ran her hands over her face and then turned from him.

He wrapped his arms around her from behind and pulled her close.

“Never. You’ll come to your senses and know what we all feel is real and too powerful to ignore. When you do, we’ll still be right here.”

She exhaled and Jesse now stood in front of her.

“How about something for the headache?”

“I’ll grab some stuff and my bag. Antonia will be here any minute.”

“For what?” Milton asked.

“To give me a ride to town and to get me the papers I need so I can pick up my car. I won’t need a ride from you later, Milton, but thank you anyway.”

He looked really pissed off but instead of saying something to her he just stared at her and then turned around and started working on the window. Boy, did one disappointed, angry look from Milton make her feel like shit.

At least he didn’t argue. Instead she thought she had a reprieve and could head outside to wait for Antonia. Jack showed up with a tray of coffee for all of them, and some pastries for breakfast along with Antonia.

* * * *

Jack was itching to ask Carina why Antonia was here, and why not let him bring her to town if she couldn’t wait for Milton. One look at his brothers and he could see they were upset. He wasn’t completely surprised that Carina was putting up those walls again.

“Hi, what in the world is going on in here?” Antonia asked and took in the sight of the mess.

“We had some major flooding issues last night during that storm. My basement was a swimming pool,” Carina said to Antonia.

“Oh, God, did it destroy anything you had down there?” Antonia asked.

“Some of the stuff but not the important things,” Carina said and looked emotional. Jack watched her but she wouldn’t look at him. It was like the sight of him in uniform upset her. It pissed him off to learn that a cop, a soldier had been the one to hurt her in some way so badly that she could ignore this attraction between them all and distance herself from him. He wanted her to love his uniform, to love that he and his brothers were soldiers and would never hurt her but instead put her first. He was itching to set her straight and make her see they were right for her and nothing that happened in her past mattered. Why was she being so damn stubborn?

“Thank you for the coffee and the pastries. I don’t know if we have time though,” Carina said.

Antonia looked at her watch.

“We have time. I’m about fifteen minutes early.”

“Here, help yourself, Antonia. I didn’t know you were coming over or I would have picked up another coffee.”

“She can share mine. I usually don’t finish a full cup anyway,” Carina said.

“You look tired, honey, were you all up late last night handling this mess?” Antonia asked.

“Pretty much. It was exhausting, but the guys all were here helping so it wasn’t like I needed to handle it alone,” Carina said and looked up at Milton and Jesse. They had stopped working and threw on their T-shirts. It wasn’t that hot out but maybe his brothers were trying to get her aroused so she would let her guard down and stop fighting this.

“So what are you ladies heading into town to do today besides get Carina’s car?” Milton asked.

Antonia opened her mouth to speak and then looked at Carina, who kept her head down as she ran a finger along the rim of the coffee.

“Just some errands, maybe a quick lunch. I need to go into the Filling Station tonight. First night back,” Antonia said and smiled.

“That’s good, honey. Are you sure you’re rested enough and feeling up to it yet?” Jack asked her and Carina looked up and stared at him then looked at Antonia.

“You sound like Fox and the guys. Even Cesar wants me to wait a little longer, but I’ve waited long enough. In fact, I’m moving in with them. I was going to ask you, Carina, if you wanted to rent that cottage from Brooklyn since she owns it. That way these guys can fix up this place for someone else.”

“Really? Are you sure about that?” Carina asked.

“Wait, why would she move out of here? This place will be all set in a few days and it’s livable despite the drainage situation which we’ll be taking care of this week as well,” Milton said.

Jack crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“What are you trying to do, Carina?” he asked straight out.

“Jack.” Jesse said his name and Antonia looked at Carina and then at them. Carina stood up.

“What do you mean, Jack?” she asked.

He stepped closer and took her hand. She tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let her.

“Why are you trying to push us away? I thought we were making some progress last night?”

“We’re your guardians, Carina, you should be discussing any decisions and change of residency with us,” Jesse added from behind him.

Carina swallowed hard.

“It’s an option, that’s all, and I told you guys last night, I’m not ready for any kind of relationship right now.”

“You’re scared, that’s all. Don’t do this. Don’t push us away or think that if you move a few blocks over into another cottage that it will keep us from seeing you, getting to know you and proving that we’re trustworthy,” Jack told her.

He pulled her closer and held her hand and then reached out to caress her cheek. She closed her eyes and his heart raced.

“Nice and slow, Carina. We’ll go as slow as you need, darling, but please, please don’t keep pushing us away like this.”

She opened her eyes and he could see the emotion, the struggle she appeared to be going through.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and she tightened up and pressed her hand against his chest.

She stared at his badge and he felt pissed off at the son of a bitch that hurt her.

He tilted her face up toward him, holding her firmly as he squinted at her.

“I am not him. I’m a police officer, a soldier, and a man who takes his position very seriously. I respect women. I respect the law and my country. I want you to look at me in this uniform, baby, and know that I am not him. Do you understand me, baby?” he asked her and a stray tear rolled down her cheek, her feminine nose got all red and she swallowed hard, trying not to cry.

“Tell me that you’ll try, sweetie. Tell me that you’ll really try to see it’s me, not him. That I will never hurt you like he did. Promise me,” he whispered firmly.

“I promise,” she said and then pressed closer, wrapped her arms around his waist and he hugged her tight. He closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of her shampoo and when he opened his eyes and looked at his brothers, they looked so damn serious and he knew they would all prove to her they were good men. Her men.

As she started to pull back he cupped her cheeks and gave her a wink.

“That’s my girl. I’ll see you in town later?” She nodded and he lowered down, pressed his lips to hers and kissed her tenderly.

She stepped back and looked at Antonia, who was smiling softly with tears in her eyes.

“I’m ready, Antonia.”

“Okay, Carina. Let’s do this,” she said and that’s when Jack knew Carina was going to see Cesar. Trying not to follow or force his way into the situation to be there for her and learn her story and fears was the hardest thing he ever had to do.

They said goodbye and left the cottage.

“She’s going to see Cesar, isn’t she, Jack?” Jesse asked.

He had his hands on his hips and looked at Milton and Jesse.

“I believe so.”

“Jack?” Milton looked at him and gave him the once over.

“You handled that real well. You confronted her on the fear of your uniform and professional position but made her see that you understand and will help her get through those fears. She’ll try. I know she will,” Milton said.

“I sure as hell damn hope so, because I’ve never wanted anyone more than I want her in our lives, in our beds and as our woman.”

“Amen to that brother. Amen to that,” Jesse said.

* * * *

“That was incredible. My God, Carina, what the hell went down last night?” Antonia asked her and Carina looked downright emotional, then covered her face with her hands.

“I can’t let my guard down with them. I just can’t.”

“Don’t you like them? Scratch that. I know you like them. A lot. Why not give them a chance?”

“I get all freaked out for all different reasons. I just can’t. I’m too scared. Things are too unstable and I don’t even know if I should follow my gut and run like hell or stay and take the biggest risk I could ever take. If it turns out to be the wrong choice, I won’t make it through it this time. I won’t.”

“Whoa, slow down. Where is all this coming from? I mean I understand what happened to you back home. I know what that feeling of betrayal is like. You understand what happened to me and what Ray did. I questioned that love and connection I have with Cesar and his brothers and it nearly cost me my life. Jack, Milton, Jesse, and Nevin want you as their woman. They won’t think less of you because of the rape and assault. In fact, it’s pretty obvious they’re willing to go slow and let you see how trustworthy they are.”

“I’m so confused, and like I mentioned to you, there was more that happened back home. More things I didn’t share and more questions about the town I grew up in and what’s really going on. When I was assaulted my own friends told me to accept Steven and Collin.”

“Your grandparents didn’t. They helped you escape.”

“They could be suffering for that right now. Do you know how hard it is not knowing if they’ve been physically harmed because of me? Not knowing if they’re dead or alive.”