Try Me (24 page)
Authors: Parker Blue
"Of course I do,” he murmured in my ear. “But I won't until you're ready."
"Trust me, I'm ready."
He chuckled, low and sexy. “I don't mean that way. Losing your virginity is huge for a succubus."
Puzzled, I said, “You said that before. Isn't it huge for everyone?"
"Sure, but are you ready to lose everything else?"
Huh? “Like what?"
"You know.” He trailed a finger down my cheek and kissed the hollow of my neck. “The other things that come with being a virgin succubus."
"What other things?"
He froze. “You mean you don't know?"
"No!” Was he about to reveal something horrible? Scared to know, yet even more frightened not to, I sat straight up and stared at him. “Tell me."
He propped up on one elbow. “When you came into puberty, you started developing unusual strength, speed, and healing powers, right?"
"Yes, but how does that relate?"
"You'll lose all that the first time you make love. Forever."
I sat back, stunned. So that's where those extra powers came from. “You're kidding me,” I breathed.
"Afraid not. I'm sorry, I thought you knew. Micah didn't mention it?"
"No."
Shade frowned. “Well, maybe he didn't know. The male demons often lose theirs right away. He may not have been aware of the connection.” He thought for a moment. “That would explain a lot. I don't think his father knew either."
Holy crap. If I made love to Shade, or anyone for that matter, I'd lose all the abilities that made me . . . me. No more being able to satisfy Lola's lust with the hunt, no more being the enforcer of the Demon Underground, no more job with the SCU . . . no more Slayer.
On the other hand, finally being able to make love, to become a real woman . . . to be more normal. Would it be worth it? I didn't know. They said your first time was usually painful, awkward, and possible all-around yucky. Not a good trade-off.
What the hell kind of choice was this?
"Val?” Shade said tentatively. “Are you all right?"
"No. No, I'm not.” How could I possibly decide between two such appalling choices? Especially since one of them was horribly, irrevocably final. It sucked dirty rotten eggs. “I . . . I have to think about it."
"I know,” he said softly. He got up to slip his jeans back on then drew me back down to the bed to cuddle. “Don't worry, no pressure. You have all the time in the world to make a decision. And whatever you decide, it'll be right."
Well, in this case, not making a decision was actually making one. It made my head hurt.
I snuggled into his arms, needing comfort. That was all I intended, really, but Lola had been teased and left wanting twice this evening, and she wasn't about to let me get away with it a third time. She surged into him almost roughly, bringing him to instant lust and keeping him on the edge as she slurped up all that lovely energy.
Appalled by her greediness, I tried to cut her off, but it was like trying to stop a spewing fire hydrant with a wine cork. I wrenched myself away from Shade and flattened myself against the door, as far away as I could get, and fought to get her under control.
That worked, thank God. Lola released Shade, and I was able to slow the flow to a trickle until I was able to stop altogether.
"Wow,” he said, unmoving on the bed. “That was . . . intense."
I was really glad I couldn't see Shade's expression right now. “I'm so sorry, Shade. I didn't mean to, but I lost control."
"I know. It's okay.” He paused. “Maybe I should leave."
An excellent idea. I nodded. “Thanks for coming.” Oh, crap. Could I say anything more stupid? A wave of heat suffused me and I turned my back on him to grab my clothes and put them back on.
Shade dressed slowly, retrieving his knife from where I'd thrown it. When he was done, he stood by the door, hooded and enigmatic. “We all have issues dealing with our demons, Val. Don't be so hard on yourself."
Sheesh. I'd practically drained the guy and he was all understanding and everything. I couldn't speak. What could I say? I just nodded.
I unlocked the door and he leaned forward to kiss me on the forehead. “We'll try this again sometime. A real date,” he clarified.
"Sounds good,” I whispered.
We searched for Josh, but he must have recovered and taken off on his own. Fang and Princess were lying side by side in the living room, strangely quiet.
After Shade and Princess left, I plopped down on the couch and covered my face with my hands. This night hadn't turned out at all like I'd wished. And though Lola had almost sucked Shade dry, it felt strangely unsatisfying.
Fang jumped up next to me and licked my hand. WHO LOVES YA, BABE?
"You do?” I asked with a smile.
YOU BET.
I hugged him to me, finding comfort in his small, fuzzy presence. “How much of that did you hear?” I asked into his fur.
PRETTY MUCH ALL OF IT. SUCKS TO BE YOU. But he cuddled closer to take the sting from his words and let me know he really did sympathize.
"Yeah.” That covered it. Like being poised between heaven and hell. Either I chose to be a wimpy wanton woman, or a strong celibate slayer.
Heck, I couldn't be either right now. I had to stay home and twiddle my thumbs, wait for someone else to find a clue or the books, and hope my mysterious enemy didn't decide to take out any more frustration on my family and friends. It made me positively look forward to Thanksgiving dinner and the inevitable family drama.
The front door opened then and Gwen came in. Her schedule was so screwy, I never knew when she'd be home and when she wouldn't.
"You okay?” she asked. “You look like you just lost your best friend."
Fang barked and wagged his tail. NO. I'M RIGHT HERE.
She laughed. “Don't tell me. He just said he's your best friend."
"Yep.” It should have made me smile, but I didn't feel like smiling right now.
Gwen shrugged off her jacket and dumped her stuff on a chair. “Okay, give. What's wrong? My big brother acting like a jerk again?"
"No. In fact, he's been really nice. He said you had a talk with him."
She nodded. “So what's wrong then?"
Hoping she'd have some good advice, I spilled the whole mess to her.
"Oh, Val, I'm sorry. I wish I could help, but I don't have any advice to offer. I don't know anyone else who's ever had to make such a tough decision . . . except maybe your mom."
"How do you figure? It was my father who was part-demon. Mom is fully human, like you."
Gwen shook her head. “No, I mean a decision between two awful choices. Like the one she had to make when she asked you to leave."
My laugh sounded bitter. “Yeah, right. Choose between the pretty blonde who looks like a clone of her and the uncontrollable lust demon who reminds her of her ex? Real tough."
"Do you think it was easy?” Gwen asked softly. “Think about it. She had to decide whether to protect your sister or keep your love. Don't you think that was difficult for her?"
"I doubt it. She was pretty mean, said some nasty things.” Then again, so had I.
"Maybe she had to be mean. Maybe she had to be tough on the outside and keep you at a distance to be strong enough to do what she felt was right. That has to be a horrible choice for any parent to make.” Gwen gave me a one-armed hug. “I've been thinking about this since I met her at the mall. I saw how she looked at you when you weren't watching. Like she regretted everything that had happened."
Fang nudged me. GWEN MIGHT BE RIGHT, YOU KNOW.
Strange. But if these two thought it was possible . . . After a few moments of reflection, I said, “She did seem nicer yesterday, when I saw her at the store.” And though it hadn't been intentional, I had been a bad influence on my little sister. My demon “gifts” had led Jen to think I was special, and she wanted to be like me.
Gwen nodded. “So, if your mom was able to make such a horrible choice and survive it, maybe you can, too.” She cocked her head at me. “And maybe you can survive Thanksgiving with her tomorrow, too."
I shrugged. Maybe. One really didn't have anything to do with the other.
"You can always come home with Dan and me. The Sullivans are a rowdy bunch, but we have fun."
Celebrate the holiday with someone else's family? I'd feel like an outsider, and Thanksgiving wouldn't be the same. Then again, it would never be the same at home either. How could it? “Thanks, but I'll try to be a grown-up and go home. Besides, I already invited Shade. Maybe I'll take a peace offering."
"Good idea.” Gwen patted me on the arm once more. “Stop worrying so much and remember what Thanksgiving is all about—a day of gratitude for the good things in your life. Try to enjoy it.” With that parting shot, she picked up her things and went to her room.
Don't worry, be happy . . . what kind of advice was that?
PRETTY GOOD IF YOU ASK ME, Fang said with a doggie grin.
"I didn't.” But I knew he was only trying to help, so I kissed his fuzzy little head. Sighing, I stood up. “Maybe Micah has some wisdom to share."
I went to my room and called him, but Micah seemed shocked that Shade knew something about lust demons that neither he nor his father had a clue about. He hadn't known demons couldn't interbreed either, and worst of all, he had no idea about what I should do. “I'm sorry, Val, this is a decision you'll have to make on your own. But if you choose to uh, lose your strength, we'll help you find something else to do."
"Like what?” I had no other skills except helping Mom and Rick at the store, and I couldn't see myself in retail for the rest of my life.
"I don't know, but we'll find something."
Disappointment filled me at the whole conversation, but I didn't want Micah to feel bad, so I said, “Okay, thanks."
"Hey, if you decide not to go to your mom's house tomorrow, you can always come here. We close the club and have a pot-luck dinner here for anyone in the Demon Underground who's interested. Mostly singles like you and me."
It sounded tempting, but . . . “Have you found the thief yet?"
"No, I would have let you know if I had."
That's what I figured. “Then no. After those two warnings, I figure I ought to stay away from demons and vamps.” Humans ought to be safe. “But I appreciate the invite."
"Okay, have a great holiday."
"Thanks."
I hung up and flopped backward onto the bed. The icy blue and brown of my room soothed me, yet made me feel like a fraud. Chic and sophisticated? Hardly.
Fang jumped up beside me to curl against my side, his small body feeling warm against my side. YOU'LL GROW INTO IT, he assured me. WHY DON'T YOU TAKE GWEN'S ADVICE?
I sighed. “It's hard not to worry.” I didn't want to lose the very things that made me special. I'd always been defined by my strength, speed, and healing powers. If I lost those, who would I be? Just a girl with the ability to control men and make them feel horny. Oh yeah, great gift.
A LOT OF WOMEN WOULD ENVY YOU, Fang reminded me.
"None I'd like to know.” What kind of woman would relish that kind of power? Sick.
But I was tired of moping and worrying. “Okay, let's go find a suitable peace offering."
Just after noon the next day, Shade, Fang and I stood at the door of my former home and knocked. Mom liked us to dress up for holidays, so I had on my best white blouse and prettiest vest, with make-up, tamed hair and everything. Fang had picked out my outfit and Gwen had helped with the face stuff and loaned us her car so I wouldn't ruin the look. I was determined to let Mom know that if she was willing to try, so was I. I'd even brought her favorite dessert, which Shade was holding for me.
He looked gorgeous as always, and had dressed in a nice sweater and slacks. I held his hand so no one would freak at seeing his demon side first.
Jen answered the door, grinning at the sight of us. “Oh, good, you came. And you brought your friend.” I introduced them and she gave me a swift hug then glanced at Fang. “Just let me lock the cat up."
I CAN BE CIVILIZED, Fang said petulantly.
You can, but I'm not sure about the cat.
The hellhound seemed mollified at that, so we entered and I looked around. It looked pretty much the same as always, with maybe a few small changes. The delicious aroma of turkey cooking in the oven made the house smell wonderful. Mom came out, wiping her hands on a dish towel, and Rick joined us from the other room.
I introduced Shade, and I could tell they were all deliberately not noticing that we were holding hands. Might as well get it over with. Quickly, I explained about Shade and his swirliness, then let go of his hand.
Rick and Jen appeared fascinated, but Mom looked taken aback . . . like she wasn't sure how to react. Finally, she said, “I'm so glad you came.” She looked uncertain whether to hug me or not, so I held out the bakery box. “Here. I brought this."
She glanced inside. “But you hate pecan pie."
I shrugged. “Yeah, but I know you and Rick love it."
Her expression softened. “And I made your favorite—apple."
I smiled. It was an excellent start, and I vowed to keep it that way for the rest of the day.
Like always, Jen and I helped Mom get ready in the kitchen while Rick set the table with the best china and crystal. This year, he went all out and decked out the table with store-bought decorations in a harvest and abundance theme. Shade helped him and I could hear them talking from the other room, wondering what the heck they could have to say to each other.
When we sat down to eat, Rick thanked the Goddess and asked everyone to say what they were thankful for, starting with himself. “I'm thankful for the goddess's gifts of our health, our prosperity, and for having my whole family together on this special day."
Did he mean me? The sentiment made me blink back tears.
"Val,” he prompted. “Your turn."
We'd never done this before so I was caught a little off guard. “I, uh, I'm grateful for my job, my friends, Fang, and my family.” Surprised, I realized that I hadn't had three of those last year at this time. I was more blessed than I realized.