TUCKER: Valley Enforcers, #3 (18 page)

“Well, Emily, I hate to break it to you but Echo is a dog.”

“I hate to break it to
you
, but so am I.”

She tapped on her chin with a manicured finger. “Touché.”

Twenty five minutes later we were seated at Blue Ribbon Sushi Bar & Grill. At Kate’s request, I was patiently awaiting my ginger blossom cocktail. We’d visited Blue Ribbon a few times since it opened, and I always got the same plate of sushi. Despite this, I scanned the skinny menu a half dozen times.

“I’m glad you decided to come with me tonight, Emily.”

“You really didn’t give me a choice,” I retorted playfully, eyes flashing up from the dark black ink on the page.

Kate frowned a little. “I just want to see you happy. That’s what best friends are for, yeah? We can… talk about him, if you want.”

“There isn’t much to say that I haven’t already said.”

The day Tucker left, Kate found me curled into a ball on the ground sobbing like a banshee. I told her all about Connor and his nerdy bride sporting a baby bump, even though he told me he didn’t ‘get’ the point of having children. I replayed every minute inside the damn coffee shop, and I didn’t stop talking until I got to the part where Tucker drove away like he was trying to escape. I cried so hard I felt like I was going to throw up, and then I cried some more. Kate, ever the best friend, cursed Tucker and promised she’d drive to his house and beat the shit out of him with her stilettos. I didn’t want her to hate Tucker. He deserved it. But I loved him, and I couldn’t see through my tears or think straight so I just cried some more and accepted the terrible wine she brought over from her side of the house.

After that, I didn’t bring it up. She came over every day, but I kicked her out after a few minutes each time. I hated the way her eyes filled with sympathy. She tried to avoid talking about him, but every attempt at conversation was painfully awkward. I hated the sound of her voice, and I hated the sound of mine. I just wanted to exist. I was a shitty best friend, but I needed time to process things.

Things were processed and categorized and filed away into neat little piles in cabinets. They were my problems, my thoughts. I couldn’t explain to her how I felt, so instead of trying I just kept to myself.

We ordered before she had a chance to coax any information out of me. I stuck to my shrimp tempura, and Kate got her usual pineapple shrimp dish that made me wrinkle my nose in disgust.

As soon as we handed our menu cards over, I turned to her with a smile I hoped looked authentic. “So, tell me about your date. Kolin, right?”

She smiled dreamily. “Yeah, Kolin. He works at the Citizen’s branch over on Dover Street; we met at the Christmas party.” She stopped abruptly and looked at me skeptically. “I don’t want to talk about how nice my date was and how good his ass looks in his chinos if it’ll upset you. We can bash on boys all night if you want.”

I wasn’t so selfish that I wanted her to keep her good news to herself. There was a slight pang in my chest, but it was something I’d have to get used to. “Don’t walk on eggshells around me. I’m fine.”

My lungs were filled with glass shards and heartbreak left me numb, but I smiled and laughed and had a good night out with Kate. I listened to her stories about Kolin’s lame accounting jokes that somehow landed him a kiss goodnight and a second date. She seemed genuinely excited about the guy, and even swiped through his Facebook pictures to show me the dimple he got on his left cheek when he was smiling. I drank my cocktail and ordered another, and when we were finally full of sushi we walked down the street for our frozen yogurt.

The fluorescent lights in the tiny shop filled with neon greens and pinks made my temples throb and the alcohol in my system swarm my head like buzzing bees. Despite this – despite the weight on my heart that contradicted the emptiness I felt everywhere else – I felt tiny wisps of pure joy. Life had a funny way of giving you the blocks to build yourself up again. My first step was sushi and frozen yogurt. It was a baby step, but it was a step.

I’d never get over Tucker. I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel whole again.

But at least I knew I could try.

Emily

The snow crunched beneath my tires as I pulled into my parent’s driveway. I sat for a moment, collecting my thoughts. The haunting, melodic music that drifted through my speakers helped ease my soul. I was relieved to see that Shawn’s car wasn’t in sight; I didn’t know if I could face him and the rest of my family at the same time. Things were still rocky between us after our big fight. Shawn was so stubborn you’d think he was a mule shifter.

I killed the engine and hopped out, leaving my door open so Echo could flounce out. She let out a few happy barks and dived into the snow, her wagging tail creating a flurry around her.

“You know grandma isn’t going to be happy if you track melting snow through her house!” I called out, scolding her. My mom hated when I called her grandma; she said it made her feel old, and she wanted actual grandkids, not just a puppy. It was funny, so I did it just to irk her.

Echo barreled towards me with a wagging tongue. She bounced from side to side, barked, and then tilted her head back towards the snow. My heart ached when I realized she wanted me to shift and play with her. How long had it been since I’d been in form around her? Before the Thompson tragedy. I ruffled the back of her neck. “Not yet, sweet thing. We have to wait until we get the all clear from the big wigs. I don’t want to put you in danger.” She whined and bumped against me. “I know. Sucks, yeah? C’mon. Shake off so we can go in. I’m getting cold.”

She returned to the snow, rolling around a few more times instead of listening to me. I sighed and headed for the front door of the house. My parent’s place wasn’t within the red zone, but it was in a small subdivision a few miles outside of the city. The only way I’d let Echo be outside alone is if she was chained so she couldn’t wander too far, but the idea made my skin crawl. I didn’t even own a chain; we had a leash for the warmer months when I’d take her to dog parks, but even that made me feel horrible.

I whistled for her and she let out a loud bark before prancing towards me, snow flying off her already wet fur.
Yup. Mom isn’t going to be happy.
I fumbled with my keys, not wanting to ring the doorbell. The door opened on itself, though, and Amanda smiled at me. Her freshly colored blonde hair was pulled high on her head in a twisted bun that made her look like a ballerina. Her makeup was done and she was dressed in a Victoria’s Secret slouchy PINK sweater and a pair of tight jeans.

“Are you going somewhere?” I asked, looking her up and down.

“Cody is taking me ice skating. I haven’t gone yet this winter, and we only have a few more weeks before they close it for the season.” She stepped back, allowing us to enter the house. Echo’s nails tinkered on the hardwood as she headed straight for the kitchen. “He’s not picking me up for another hour or so.”

“I went when it first started snowing. It was miserable,” I laughed, kicking out of my boots. “There was a couple there on a date and I ran straight into them. It was so embarrassing. I offered to buy them hot chocolate, but they looked at me like I was a freak.”

“Probably thought you were some weird serial killer.”

“What kind of serial killer stalks his victims at an ice rink and then offers to buy them hot chocolate?”

“This is the 21
st
century, Emily. They gotta get creative. Nobody is going to fall for a ‘free candy’ sign on a windowless van. Wine em’ and dine em’.”

I snorted. “That’s sick. I feel like I should be concerned for your mental health here, Mandy.”

“I watch a lot of
Forensic Files
with Dad.” We entered the kitchen. Mom was standing at the counter with her favorite Christmas gift – a panini press, and our dad was fishing a dog treat out of the cupboard for Echo. “Don’t give her too many. You’ll spoil her rotten.”

“She’s already spoiled,” He said, looking over at me and then Mandy. “What kind of lies are you telling your sister about me now?”

“Oh, nothing. She’s just showing all sorts of signs of being a psychopath. If she turns out to be a serial killer, I wouldn’t be surprised.” I swiped a bottle of water from the fridge and sat down at the island. “What’s for lunch?”

My mom turned around with a frown. “That’s all you have to say after ignoring my calls for over a week?”

“I haven’t been feeling well,” I mumbled.

“Bull. Shifters don’t get sick. Unless it’s morning sickness – oh God, you’re not pregnant are you? With the bear’s baby?” Her face fell even more and a mix between horror and excitement flashed in her eyes.

I nearly spit my water out. “No! Jesus, Mom. I’m not pregnant, and you better put money in the swear jar.”

“I didn’t swear.”

“You said ‘bull’. I think that counts,” Mandy chimed in.

“Stop it,” Dad scolded, rolling his eyes. “You two would make terribly lawyers.”

“Good thing I wipe butts for a living and Mandy is going to grow up to be the Big Bad Wolf.”

My sister shrieked with laughter, “Stop!”

“You should go as a slutty Little Red Riding Hood for Halloween this year.”

“Nobody is going as a slutty anything anywhere.” My dad arched his brows at me and shook his head. “Mandy is a perfect angel. Stop corrupting her.”

I snorted, “
Puhleeese.
She is far from an angel. When she was three, she broke all of mom’s collectible snow globes and blamed it on me. When she was six, she destroyed my science project. I would have won the science fair with that, but instead I took a zero.”

“I can’t believe you’re still so bitter about that. It’s been like, ten years,” Mandy commented with a twinkle in her big, doe eyes. She reached for the sandwich that our mom placed in front of her moments ago and began to chew, still talking. “I think it was Shawn who broke the snow globes.”

“No, it was definitely you.” Mom sat down and rolled her eyes before looking at me. “There is no use fighting it, Emily. She’s a daddy’s girl. Always has been, always will be.”

“Damn straight,” Dad mumbled under his breath.

“You, on the other hand, always told your mommy what was wrong. You’re not too old to cry on my lap, Emily. Is it the bear? Did he hurt you?”

Suddenly, I wasn’t hungry. In fact, everything inside me felt like it was coated in neon green acid that would turn me into some amorphous mutant. Maybe then I could escape the inquisition. My family was persistent, though. They’d probably jump into a vat of nuclear waste if it meant they could pester me. The bile bubbled until the silence hurt too much, and I snapped.

It was Shawn all over again, but this time it was worse. I knew I was going to say it before I even opened my mouth. Tucker protected me, and it was my chance to protect him. I knew I fucked things up with him. I knew he was an asshole who didn’t believe me when I told him I wasn’t still in love with Connor. I knew just how twisted our relationship had been up to that point, but I also knew something else. He was my forever.

“His name is Tucker, and he is my mate. I’d appreciate it if everyone would stop calling him ‘the bear’ or assuming that he has harmed me in some way, shape or form. If someone could relay that message to Shawn, I’d appreciate it.”

There was no hiding the biting sarcasm and bitchiness in my tone. My voice rose to cover the rush of breath my mom took. As much strength as I had – or wanted to have – I couldn’t look at my parents. They took my engagement to Connor terribly. Tucker and I were far from engaged, but I admitted that we were mates. That was just as good as a diamond ring to the shifter community.

The silence seemed to stretch on forever, but based on the beats in my chest only a few seconds passed before my dad cleared his throat and asked, “Is it intended?”

“Of course it’s intended. I’m not stupid. I’m not going to make the same mistake twice.” The unsaid ‘but’ hung between the three of us. My mom still looked shell shocked, and Mandy was sitting back like she was watching a Spanish telenovela. My dad… he was waiting. Waiting for me to explain. Elaborate. But my tongue was tied, and I had no way to tell him that my heart was a sinking ship and I didn’t think anyone had enough caulk to patch the cracks.  I bit the bullet. “We aren’t together. That’s why I’m upset.”

“That’s ridiculous! Does he know you are his mate?” My mom asked, rushing her words together like she was drunk. “Resisting the pull of one’s mate is like… it’s like suicide. Emily you have to –”

“Connor is in town.” I interrupted her, hoping my explanation was enough. Mandy leaned forward, her eyebrows raising with the new information. When I was met with a grim look from my father, I knew he was thinking the worst. He was thinking like Tucker. I was offended that he’d think I’d have feelings for someone other than my intended, and I didn’t want to justify myself or my words. But I did anyway. “He messed things up between us. I don’t know… I don’t know how to make Tucker believe that he has every piece of me. I love him, not Connor.”

“You have to tell him that. You can’t beat yourself up over silly mistakes you’ve made. I know nobody wants to take advice from their mother, but I don’t want to watch you turn feral because you’re without your mate. You’re strong, but you’re not strong enough to resist the pull. Sometimes you have to put your tail between your legs and admit that you were wrong.”

I hadn’t done anything wrong, and I didn’t want to be some docile woman that put her eyes to the ground every time conflict arose. I was independent. Strong. And absolutely terrified of my future, with or without Tucker. I couldn’t swallow the sense of self I created. I lived in the twenty first century, not the nineteenth. I was allowed to be motivated and stubborn and be right.

And though I felt like I had done nothing wrong, there was a haunting voice that reminded me that Tucker was right, too. At least a little bit. I harbored a lot of feelings for Connor that I never fully dealt with. I hated that Tucker was there to see everything play out, but I hated the fact that he ran and left me alone even more. We were both at fault, but why did I have to be the first to tuck my tail? Was he even torn up that we weren’t speaking?

“You’re assuming that I’m to blame. Does everyone think that poorly of me?” I pushed away from the breakfast bar, wincing at the skidding sound of the stool on the tile floor. “This is why I don’t talk to you guys about anything. Leave it to Emily to be the fuck up, right? Everything has to be her fault.”

I was taking low blows, but I couldn’t stop myself. My chest hurt. Hell, everything hurt. My bones itched, needing the satisfying pain of a shift.
At least I’m on the rotational schedule for the day
. I needed to get out of my parent’s house before I suffocated. I was being swallowed by the wolf beneath my skin, and I didn’t want to stop her.

Ignoring the shouts of protest behind me, I hastily slipped into my boots and swiped my keys from the bowl by the front door. Echo was barking and trying to circle my heels to keep me from leaving. For the first time since I rescued her, I wanted her gone. I was as annoyed with her as I was with anyone else.

I offered nobody an explanation. Hell, I didn’t even grab my purse or put my jacket on. I just left. I wanted to be numb, but I couldn’t make myself stop feeling. Even with all of my windows rolled down and my music blasting so loud it gave me a splitting headache, I couldn’t stop the war inside my head or the throbbing pain in my chest.

The chunk of land the Silver family owned and used for their logging company, as well as pack business, sat miles outside of city limits. It wasn’t normally where I shifted; if I used pack land, it was typically one of smaller properties that were only a few acres where I could take Echo. A lot of pack members liked to roam at state parks, but I thought it was too risky. I guess shifting on our own land was risky, too.

I maneuvered my Jeep up the slick trail that was all but hidden to an untrained eye, per the request of the informational packet I received in the mail shortly after Alpha Silver gave his speech. On a little pull off area sat a few vehicles. I didn’t know who was in my group, just that there were going to be forty of us. It seemed risky to take such a big group, but there were hundreds of us in the pack and even with our rotational groups, it was taking a week between each shift. I knew some people owned their own land and bowed out of the program, but I didn’t have that luxury.

I tried to relax as I approached the small cluster of people. I didn’t have to see the armed security guards scattered throughout the woods to know they were there. Seeing one fade into the background, blending in with the trees like he himself sprouted there decades ago, helped ease my nerves. There had been no more attacks since the Thompson twins were found, but the Silver family was keeping the investigation tight lipped. We had no way of knowing what progress was being made or when our monitored, group shifts would be over with.

“Emily Fisher. I have been dying to see you naked for years. Looks like my prepubescent dreams will finally come true today.” Speaking of the damn royal family. Reid Silver, dressed in a pair of form fitting jeans and a chunky sweater that somehow enhanced his muscles under the luxurious fabric, strolled towards me with a rakish grin. He looked me up and down and shrugged. “You look rough today. Nervous?”

“How sweet of you,” I snapped, my lips reeling back tightly and my fangs flashing. Reid got under my skin. His ‘crush’ on me used to be flattering, but as I got older I realized he wanted me because he couldn’t have me. “Look at you, joining us mortals for a shift. How noble of you.”