Tut (10 page)

“What's not fine?” Tia asked.

I stopped myself before mentioning Horemheb. The truth was that I knew nothing about Tia. I had no intention of trusting her. “Nothing. Everything's fine. Except that I don't believe a word you're saying.”

“Good,” Tia said. “That means you're smarter than I gave you credit for.” But then she ruined it by adding, “Great Pharaoh.”

I let it slide.

“What do you think about the gods?” Tia said, and she started fiddling with her necklaces, which were in a giant tangle.

“What do you mean, what do I think about them? They're gods.”

“What do you think about all the fighting they do?” she asked.

“How do you know anything about the gods of Egypt and whether they fight or not?” I asked. Mythology, according to most of the world, was a bunch of made-up nonsense. Maybe I should just assume that Tia was not like most of the world. It might be a good starting point in figuring out who she really was.

Tia kept untangling her necklaces. They'd gotten into a giant jumble. I wasn't sure her attempts to straighten them were helping. “From all the stories. All they ever do is fight.”

“Like you,” I said. “Did you really get kicked out of private school for fighting?”

“Maybe I did,” Tia said. “And maybe I didn't.”

It was one more non-answer from her to add to the growing list.

“The gods have created an art out of bickering,” I said. “It's just what they do.”

“But do you ever wonder what would have happened if they didn't fight constantly?” Tia asked. “Do you ever think about how different history would have been?”

No, I never wondered. Fighting was just something the gods did. Sort of like how breathing was something people did.

“For starters, I wouldn't be here,” I said. After all, the whole reason I was immortal was because of the battle between Set and Osiris. Same with Horemheb. Which brought my need for revenge back to the forefront. “Anyway, there's nothing you can do to change the gods.”

“Yeah, I know,” Tia said. But she almost looked sad about the whole thing.

We continued on in total silence, because I couldn't think of a response. And then I didn't have to, because we came to an arched opening.

“Tut!”

Lights blasted through the archway. We stepped inside.

“You've got to be kidding me,” I said.

“Not kidding at all,” someone said. And the next thing I knew, I was wrapped in a hug that would have crushed me, if I hadn't been immortal, by a guy with the head of a falcon.

Right. Head of a falcon. It was Qeb, which was short for some really long name nobody could ever pronounce. He was one of Horus's sons. Horus had four sons, and apparently we'd just found two of them.

“Let go, Qeb,” I managed to say, even though my lungs had been squashed to the size of walnuts.

“Hey, who's your girlfriend?” Imsety said, swaggering over to join us. He was the only one of Horus's sons to have a normal head, although it was completely swollen with how much he thought of himself. Aside from Qeb and his falcon head, Horus's other two sons had jackal and baboon heads.

“She's not my girlfriend,” I said once Qeb let me go.

“Seriously not his girlfriend,” Tia said.

Wait … was there some reason she wouldn't want to be my girlfriend? It's not like I was a hideous monster.

“Tia, meet Qeb and Imsety,” I said. “But no matter what you do, don't trust a word they say. It will only get you in trouble.”

“The last time was your fault,” Imsety said. “We've been over that. You're the one who didn't stick to the plan.”

I couldn't argue. There was this whole thing about a dare and a cemetery at night and Horus's favorite catnip toy. Horus had blamed me for everything. It had taken fifty years to get him back on my good side.

“But the five times before that, you guys got me in trouble,” I said. It seemed like every time I ran into these two, we caused some near catastrophe.

“Is Gil still the same stick-in-the-mud he's always been?” Imsety asked.

Oh, yeah—Gil and Imsety hated each other. It was time for a change of subject. “What are you guys doing here, anyway?”

“Our job,” Qeb said. “What does it look like?”

From the looks of the giant screen on the wall and the remote controls in their hands, I figured their job must be playing Mario Kart. The place looked like a bachelor pad decorated with pizza boxes and soda cans. There were a couple of sofas, a pub table, and five different gaming consoles.

“What exactly is your job?” Tia asked.

Imsety flashed a giant smile that was so completely cheesy, I couldn't believe it. I almost expected him to say, “I'm sorry. I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.” Instead he said, “Well, you see, our dad is Horus. You may have heard of him. He's a pretty important god. Anyway, he needed some very important guardians. And seeing as how we're so dependable and trustworthy…”

I let that part slide. At least I knew I was in the right place.

“Enough,” I said. “We get it. If you'll just point us in the direction of the secret room you're guarding, we'll get on our way.”

“No can do, little Tut,” Qeb said.

“Must you always called me ‘little Tut'?” I asked. I thought, after not seeing these guys for a century, they'd have gotten past that.

“It's a cute nickname,” Tia said. There she went with that cute thing again. “Little Tut.”

“Whatever,” I said. “Where's the room?”

“You have to gain entry first,” Qeb said.

“Who says?” I asked.

“Duh. The gods,” Imsety said.

“Right. And you guys always listen to the rule of the gods.” Never mind that they were gods themselves. Horus's sons, aside from Hapi, weren't top on the list of rule followers. I couldn't believe Horus had assigned them down here. It must have been pretty slim pickings.

“We're official rule followers now,” Qeb said.

He looked like he actually believed himself.

“Fine. What do I have to do?” I figured maybe I'd have to go on some mighty quest or something. But if that's what it took to get the knife, then so be it.

Qeb clapped his hands, and lights I hadn't known existed sprang on, illuminating three ankh symbols that were taller than I was. The one on the left was a blue so deep, it looked like it was made of lapis lazuli. I wasn't going to comment on it, but it was the exact same blue as Tia's eyes. Imsety would never let me hear the end of it if I made some comment like that. The one on the right was purple crystal, like an amethyst. And the one in the middle, which was twice as tall as the other two, was made of pure gold.

Tia reached forward to touch one, but Imsety yanked her arm back.

“Careful!” he said. “It'll kill you if you touch it.”

“Kill me?” She glared at me like somehow it was my fault she'd almost died.

“I told you not to trust them,” I said, shooting Imsety a scowl. “What happens if I touch them? They won't kill me.”

Qeb shoved his brother out of the way. “No, they won't kill you. You're supposed to play a game with them. And if you win the game, you unlock the Hall of Artifacts.”

“Oooh, Hall of Artifacts. That sounds so serious,” I said.

“Of course it does,” Qeb said. “We're all about serious these days. Remember, we developed responsibility.”

I still wasn't buying it, but arguing about it wasn't the point of this adventure. “Okay, how do I play?”

Imsety raised three fingers. “Answer three out of five questions correctly. Each correct answer unlocks one of the ankhs.”

“That sounds easy enough,” I said. “I'm ready.”

Imsety tossed his head back and laughed, like my arrogance was out of line. I was starting to remember why he and Gil never got along. “Don't you want to know about incorrect answers?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I won't get any wrong.”

He continued talking like I hadn't said a word. “First wrong answer is a freebie. Because everyone always gets at least one wrong. Second wrong answer and we shave your head.”

My hand went to my hair before I could stop it. I loved my hair. After a decade, it was finally the exact length I wanted, just barely below my ears. “That's never going to happen.”

“Do you have a better suggestion?” Qeb asked.

I reminded myself that these were gods we were talking about. They ripped out eyes and tore off body parts. Maybe shaving my head wasn't such a sacrifice. There were other decades. It would grow back. Things could definitely be worse. And I needed the knife.

“Go on,” I said.

“Okay, then, on your third wrong answer, you get banished to another plane of existence,” Imsety said.

I had no intention of getting banished anywhere. Or of getting my head shaved. I intended to win. “Can we get on with this? It's getting late.”

“Thought you'd never ask.” Imsety flexed his fingers outward until they cracked. “Let's start with question number one.”

A Canopic jar as round as a fishbowl magically appeared on the pub table next to him. He pulled a slip of papyrus from inside the jar and unfolded it. “Animal, vegetable, or mineral?”

Kids always played this game. “Mineral,” I said, just because it was the least chosen answer.

“Correct,” Imsety said, and the blue ankh shimmered and faded away. He crumpled the papyrus into a ball and tossed it at Qeb, hitting him in his falcon head.

“Wait, that was the real question?”

“Don't get cocky, Boy King,” Imsety said. “They aren't all that easy. Question two.” He pulled a second piece of papyrus from the oversized Canopic jar.

“Let's have it,” I said.

Imsety unfolded the piece of papyrus. “How many planets are in the solar system?” he read.

I laughed out loud as images of Henry's Pluto T-shirts came to mind. I didn't care what Henry said. Pluto was not a planet.

“Eight,” I said, slouching back with my arms crossed. This was going to be a piece of cake. I could smell victory.

Imsety scratched his head. “This says nine.”

I yanked the piece of papyrus from his hand and crumpled it myself. “That's because it probably hasn't been updated. There are only eight planets.”

Imsety narrowed his eyes at me. “I don't know. The quiz is never wrong.” He looked to Tia and Qeb for some sort of confirmation.

Tia pouted. “I really want to see Tut with his head shaved.”

Qeb put his hands up. “Dude, I know Pluto is a planet.”

“Oh, come on, Tia,” I said. “Back me up, here.”

She put her hands on her hips. “Fine. There are only eight planets now. Pluto got demoted back in 2006. It's officially a dwarf planet.”

The purple ankh shimmered and also vanished like the blue one had.

“No way,” Qeb said. “That's not fair. I always loved Pluto. How could they demote it?”

“You guys need to get out more often,” I said. I could almost imagine Qeb and Henry getting together to mourn Pluto over a spiced latte.

“Horus told us we can't leave,” Qeb said.

“Then maybe watch the news?”

“We've thought about it,” Imsety said. “But then Qeb will challenge me to a game, and no way can I back down from a challenge.”

I could understand the logic.

“Okay, that's two right,” I said. “Last one.”

Imsety grabbed a third slip of papyrus and unfolded it. “What's your favorite color?”

“Blue,” I said with no hesitation.

“Wrong,” Imsety said, crumpling the papyrus and tossing it over his shoulder.

“What do you mean, wrong? It's my favorite color. I'm pretty sure I know what my favorite color is.”

Imsety shrugged. “Sorry, little Tut. The quiz doesn't agree.”

I grabbed the piece of papyrus from the ground and smoothed it out.

“Gold,” I read aloud. “But that's not really a color. I mean not a traditional color. I figured you were talking about the colors of the rainbow.”

Imsety buffed his fingernails on his sleeve, like this whole trivia game was some sort of minor distraction. “At no point did I specify any restrictions on the color. You got it wrong. That's your freebie.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Just read the next question.”

“With pleasure,” Imsety said. “And remember, this time we shave your head.”

“I'm not going to get it wrong.”

I hoped.

He pulled a fourth piece of papyrus from the Canopic jar. After this one, there was only one piece left. He unfolded it and smoothed it out.

“Pieces of what dead king are buried in five sacred spots around Washington, D.C.?” he read.

Pieces of a dead king? I had no idea. Sure, there were tons of dead people buried around the District, but as far as I knew, none of them were kings who had been dismembered and scattered around. I ran my fingers through my hair. Sweat sprang onto my forehead. Imsety and Qeb would really shave my head. Of that I had no doubt. But if I got this wrong, I'd only have one chance left to get into the Hall of Artifacts. The trivia quiz may have been stupid, but I still had to win.

“Can you…” I started, thinking I could stall by asking for a clue.

“Seti the First,” Tia said. “That's simple. The new obelisks are built on top of the burial sites.”

Imsety crumpled the papyrus. “That's cheating. Your girlfriend can't answer for you.”

“Not his girlfriend,” Tia said, pointing to herself. “Remember?”

He tossed the balled-up papyrus at me. I ducked out of the way.

“It doesn't count,” Imsety said. “Which means you have only one chance left.”

I wasn't about to complain. I hadn't known the answer, and this way, I still had a head of hair.