Twell and the Rebellion (9 page)

“Oh, I see. I thought we
were past
that
.” Even his chuckle was a
melodious sound. Most girls would have found it very alluring if
they weren’t already aware of his powers. Unfortunately for him, I
was more than aware. The sound reminded me how humiliating it was
he had such an effect on me. I’d thought I was past it too. He’d
apologized after all. But now, hearing him laugh it off so lightly,
the anger bubbled up, swift and sudden. Whirling back around I
concentrated on his fine features and enjoyed the sight of them
contorting in shock as I shoved him hard with my mind. The force
knocked him to the ground, where he lay winded and
gasping.

“
Now we’re even.” The
vengefulness in my tone shocked both of us, and Avin stayed on the
ground, holding my furious gaze for a long moment. Although I knew
he wasn’t trying to use his powers, I still felt looking into his
eyes would be putting myself in danger. What type of danger I
didn’t know, but I shivered regardless.

“
I can’t do this,” I said
more subdued. “Not yet anyway.” Tearing my eyes from his, I stalked
away before he could say another word.

My unease lingered until I
entered the hall. I was heading for the meal line, suddenly
ravenous, when I sensed Jonaz behind me. My stomach flipped, my
tension replaced by a flutter of excitement as his hand lightly
brushed the back of my arm. I trembled at his touch, but it was
fleeting. We were in the middle of the meal quarters and it was
swarming with officers, the absolute worst location to take our PDA
any further.

“How was your first day?”
His eyes roved over my face, then down my body, looking for signs
of injury. I was thoroughly disappointed I had no cuts or wounds he
could run his hands over and heal.

“
It was tough,” I
admitted. “I’m very average in my skill set.”

“
Believe me, Twell, you
are not average… in any way.” Jonaz gazed at me
appreciatively.

My gaze dropped shyly to the
floor, as my cheeks warmed from his attention. “How was your
training?”

The warmth in Jonaz’s eyes
drained away and my stomach clenched with sudden nerves.

“
Our training was…
necessary.” His tone was grim as his eyes flitted far across the
room, away from me. It didn’t take a genius to understand he didn’t
want to discuss it, or freak me out, but I wondered if I was
selfish for not really wanting to know. I told myself it was out of
respect for his feelings that I was willing to let it go. For
now.

We selected our
sustenance, vials of energy juice and high protein food. It wasn’t
even remotely tasty, but it did provide the nutrients we needed.
The sight of Sazika and Mira reserving seats for us made me feel
happier than I had all day and I finally relaxed as I caught up on
my friend’s training.

Sazika was grinning from ear to
ear. She’d done well which didn’t surprise me because she was
nimble and quick thinking. I didn’t worry about her as much as I
used to. Mira had also excelled, reporting that although she wasn’t
the strongest of her kind, she was up there at the top of the
ranking and determined to beat her own record.

I never worried about Mira
because she was as tough and fast as she was aggressive. At first
I’d thought her aggression was simply due to a crappy personality,
but now I knew it stemmed from the death of half her family in the
first war. I didn’t blame her for channelling her anger into her
power. Sure enough she was sitting there looking as smug and
unruffled as ever. The only difference was that now she gave me a
slightly lopsided smile (which I still found odd on her normally
snooty face), when several moons ago it would have been a full,
‘
if looks could kill I’d be
writhing on the floor
,’ death
glare.

I met a few other cadets as we
ate, chatting with a couple that were matched. The guy’s name was
Dallein. He had curly shoulder-length, brown hair, and his eyes
were as grey as the deepest lakes on Como. He was a healer like
Jonaz, but after chatting with him for a while, I couldn’t help but
notice he seemed troubled. His match, Kaelin, had long, thick black
hair and eyes that slanted up in an alluring way. She also looked
one hundred percent miserable. Sitting on the opposite side of the
table to Dallein, she appeared to be avoiding eye contact with him
at all cost. I soon realized she was also observing Jonaz and me
closely.

“
What’s wrong?” I blurted,
unable to ignore her staring any longer. I regretted my big mouth
the instant everyone else’s ears at the table pricked up. Too many
eyes honed in to regard us with interest.

“
It’s just that you two
seem to be so happy with your match.” Kaelin’s resentment was so
palpable everyone within earshot fell silent.

Dallein’s face flushed deep red
and he shot Kaelin a frantic look. “Not here, Kaelin,” he
hissed.

“
Er,” I blushed. “We’re
not actually partners.”

“
Are you a love match
then?” Kaelin looked so sad and yet so hopeful at the same time
that I almost wanted to lie, but I just couldn’t be
dishonest.

“
Um no, we’re just
friends. My match is… over there.” Mortified, I glanced over
towards Avin’s direction at the next table.

“
Oh, but I thought you
were together?” She blinked at Jonaz and me suspiciously. My cheeks
burned in a blaze of betrayal. Jonaz shifted warily at my side as
an even thicker silence unfolded along the table. Dallein, clearly
horrified his partner was publicly showing how unhappy she was,
glared at Kaelin as though willing her to shut up. She looked back
at him stricken, her lower lip trembling as her dark eyes filled
with sudden tears. Jumping up, she rushed sobbing from the hall,
her tray clattering to the floor. Sazika and Mira stared at Jonaz
and me in dismay.

“
Tell me she’s wrong.”
Mira’s voice was creepy calm.

“Oh boy,” said Sazika. A
wave of dread washed over me. Obviously, our feelings for each
other were transparent enough for a stranger to notice. That was
bad. Not to mention I happened to be sitting with him and not Avin,
my designated match. That was extra bad. But Kaelin’s public
tantrum over her partner would be considered disloyal to the
Governing Body, and I hoped that no officers or anyone else would
report her outburst. That would be
really
bad.

I expected Dallein to go after
her, but instead he sat with his head bowed, staring dejectedly at
the table.

“I’m really sorry…” I stopped
when he raised his head and looked at me, his eyes so full of pain
I flinched.

“We don’t love each
other.” Dallein’s voice was quiet yet firm. “I love another girl,
but she’s not like us. She’s been forced to partner with someone
else
normal.
We petitioned a love match, but they said we
weren’t a
good
match
. They say he’s the most
suitable match
for her.” His voice trembled with anger and despair, his
hands fisting through his hair as if he was in danger of losing
control. My heart twisting, I reached out, placing my hand over
his. There was absolutely nothing I could say that would make him
feel any better and I had no right in the cosmos to suggest Kaelin
would ‘
come
around
’ or that they might
‘
learn to love one
another.
’

“Don’t pity me!” Dallein
snarled as he pulled his hand away. “The law is the law and Kaelin
will just have to submit like the rest of us.” Standing abruptly,
he marched angrily from the hall as the atmosphere changed to
something that felt heavy and oppressive. It was as though the
carefully concealed reality of the partnering, the positive
attitude we all tried so carefully to convey, had been ripped from
the room, revealing the ugly emotions we were all meant to hide or
deny. The sensation of not being alone in my feelings was
terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. A resistance of some
sort, an objection, was beginning to awaken inside not just me, but
others.

People began to murmur and then
gradually conversation returned, the darkness draining away. But it
was not as lively as it had been, the mood sullied by the truth of
our situation. From the corner of my eye, I saw Shanna slinking out
of the hall, like a predator going after some wounded creature. She
could have been going after either of them; it seemed to me they
were both hurting equally in their own way.

I sat in silence, guilt and fear
coursing through me. I too had submitted to the government’s
genetic matching, allowing them to make the choice for me. Yet my
soul had been screaming all the way into that matching room on the
night of the lunar ball. I’d wanted to run away. Shout. Cry. Rebel.
Because in my heart I believed it wasn’t right. But I went through
with it and faced Avin. What choice did I have? I had to stay
silent and play by their rules, while all the while I planned in my
heart to be with Jonaz. But this wasn’t a game we were playing and
the odds were against us. There was every chance Jonaz and I were
going to get hurt.

Jonaz took my hand under the
table. I looked up and saw the conflict that mirrored my heart in
his dark eyes. Could I be selfish enough, to risk his heart by
pursuing what I believed in? Would I risk breaking his heart if I
couldn’t find a way to be with him? Could I live with that?

“I’m going for a walk, so I’m
not too stiff tomorrow.” I stood abruptly, my appetite long
gone.

“I’ll come with you,” Jonaz
said, rising from his seat.

“No!” I replied
with more force than I’d intended.

“No?” Jonaz’s steady gaze
scrutinized my face.

“I mean, I’m sorry, but I’d just
like a little time to myself,” I stammered. His expression changed
from surprise to hurt and it made me feel horrid. Muttering goodbye
without looking at him again, I beat it out of the hall, taking in
huge gulps of fresh night air when I was outside.

Despite the darkness of the
camp, the night sky positively blazed with the light of the stars.
They hung not so far from each other that when I reached out my
hands I could connect them with my fingers, although in reality
they were further away from each other than any distance I’d ever
travelled.

Heading for the female quarters,
I ended up sitting on the edge of the water feature, one hand
absently grazing the surface of the water. Every now and then, the
pannaray’s gliding underneath nibbled at my fingertips and I stayed
there for a long time, just thinking in the stillness. I was afraid
of the unknown and I didn’t mean the war. I was scared of the
inevitable punishments sure to come from defying our leaders. I was
terrified they might punish Jonaz and me in a way that would
destroy any trust I had left for them.

I already knew they lied about
our war crimes. We’d done terrible things to the prisoners. Even my
parents had been involved. I had to live with that knowledge, the
consequence of my snooping, while the rest of Como believed we were
blameless victims of the First War. But it wasn’t that black and
white. It was grey. Grey, dirty, and complicated. And now that I’d
taken the life of another, I felt that maybe I was as grey,
defiled, and shameful as our leaders. Only I couldn’t pretend I was
innocent when I wasn’t. Not like they could. That was the only
difference I could cling to.

I thought about the words
Jonaz had whispered when I’d told him it was too hard to be
together.
‘It’s harder to
give in.’
He was right, I knew, despite
my fear. The idea of letting him go scared me more than the threat
of being punished if I was caught with him. When it came down to
it, I knew I was more afraid of losing Jonaz’s love, than of losing
the trust of my leaders.

I was only roused from my
thoughts when the announcement came for lights out. It was too late
to go back to the hall, to face everyone, or to reassure Jonaz.
Instead, I let myself into my room, undressed, and then slipped
under the cool sheets of an unfamiliar bed.

Abwarz shone bloody red
through the clear ceiling, but its presence did not make me afraid
like it had when I was a child. Instead, I feared my fate, the
pressures that came with my powers, and the dangers lurking close
in my own world. A world of uncertainty and doubt.

Chapter
Five

At first, I thought the
piercing siren invading m
y ears (while it
was barely what I would define as morning) must have been a
mistake. Horrible reality kicked in when I sensed the other girls
getting up and I scowled as I threw the covers back, my eyes still
narrowed with sleep. Shanna, on the other hand, seemed as animated
as ever. She dressed rapidly, her grooming consisting of raking her
fingers through her choppy hair. Casting a scornful glance at me
still lazing in bed, she exited the room with a disdainful
snort.

Lavi was humming to herself, but
the tune was peppered with exasperated sighs as she struggled to
control her masses of hair. It seemed determined to escape the high
knot she was trying to secure on top of her head. Kina brushed her
hair with a resigned expression. I could tell that although the
early rising irritated her, she would rather poke herself in the
eye with her hairbrush than admit it.

Eventually I rolled groaning off
the bed and dragged my clothes on. As usual, on inspection in the
reflection glass, my hair had performed a feat of extraordinary
acrobatics during the night and managed to tangle itself into a
thousand knots. I should have plaited it before bed, but I’d been
too tired to think of it. After painstakingly de-tangling it, I
braided it in a long plait that hung down to my waist.