Twelve Days of Christmas (15 page)

“If he read the blogs himself, then maybe he'd feel differently.”

“He won't.”

“How…how do you know that?” This was her one hope, the only way she would find the path to redemption in Cain's eyes.

“I know my grandson. Cain isn't about to subject himself to any more ridicule than he already feels. The last thing he'll do is read those blogs.”

“I didn't ridicule him.”

“I'm sure you didn't, but Cain won't see it that way.”

The one avenue she had to set matters straight between them was closed. Her gaze reverted to her clenched hands. “He mentioned the other woman…her name is Dani.”

“Dani? Oh yes, she must be that girl from work he took an interest in. He never said much about her.”

“He claimed we were alike; that he trusted us both…basically, that he was a fool for ever having allowed himself to be vulnerable to either one of us.” It hurt that Cain would associate her with the other woman. In retrospect, she couldn't blame him. Cain believed she was no better and possibly even worse.

“He's not going to get past this, is he?” she whispered brokenly. Although it was a question, she was well aware of the answer. Covering her face with both hands, she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against her knees.

“Come now, Julia, you can't let my stubborn grandson upset you like this.”

She lifted her head as she struggled within herself.

“It's Christmas,” Bernie said as he reached out and patted her hand. “These matters have a way of righting themselves. Give Cain time to sort through this. He's a smart boy. Eventually he'll come to his senses.”

Julia so badly wanted to believe that was possible. Deep down she knew it could happen, but it wasn't likely. Cain might be a lot of things, but with his background and his experience with women he wouldn't believe Julia was any different. It was almost as if he'd been waiting for her to betray him. It was what he expected, what had been the repeated pattern in his life.

“Will you still come for Christmas dinner?” she asked.

“You sure you want me?”

“Of course I'm sure.” She didn't feel much like cooking, but for Bernie she'd make the effort.

“I'll need to rearrange plans with Cain, but that shouldn't be a problem. He doesn't seem to be much in the mood to celebrate. I'll suggest we do brunch.” Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, Bernie offered a smile of encouragement. “You go home and do whatever it is you need to do for our dinner and leave Cain to me.”

“You're going to talk to him?” It was more than she had hoped.

“No promises, but I'll do my best to get him to listen to reason.”

Filled with gratitude, it was all she could do not to leap forward and hug the older man. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Hope was intoxicating. Cain loved and respected his grandfather. If Bernie talked to him about the blog, then just maybe he'd give her a chance to make things right. It was the best chance she had of explaining herself, of getting a second chance.

Once she finished her shopping Julia returned to her apartment. Standing in the hallway, her arms loaded down with grocery bags, she paused and stared at Cain's door. In the last twelve days she'd felt like that door had opened to her, inviting her into his life and into his heart. Seeing it now, that same door appeared closed and locked. It made her ache inside to realize all she had lost.

Once she unpacked her groceries, she started cooking. The first item on her list was a homemade pumpkin pie. She was up to her elbows in flour when someone pounded against her door so hard it was a wonder his fist didn't go through the wood.

Her blood pressure spiked. It could only be Cain, and from the sound of it he wasn't in the best of moods. It didn't matter. She'd take him any way he chose to reach out to her.

With her apron wrapped around her middle and her hands dusted with flour, she answered the door.

Just as she suspected, Cain stood stiff and proud on the other side. His face was tight and menacing. “Stay. Away. From. My. Grandfather.”

She winced at the anger and emotion in him. “Is that what Bernie wants?” She remained outwardly composed, hoping her calm sincerity would have an effect.

“I don't care what Bernie wants. You might have fooled him but not me. I learned everything I need to know about you this morning.”

“You can believe I'm a horrible person, Cain. You even probably think I'm diabolical and selfish and that I used you for my own personal gain. But I would never do anything to hurt your grandfather.”

“I don't want you anywhere close to him.”

“He's coming to dinner on Christmas.”

His eyes narrowed. “Not if I can help it.”

They continued to stare at each other, neither willing to back down. Neither willing to give an inch. After what seemed like an eternity, Julia swallowed against the knot in her throat and spoke.

“I'll admit I have my faults, and I'm sure you'd be more than happy to list them for me. It's true I kept the blog a secret. I should have told you. I was wrong to use you as the subject matter without letting you know, I'll readily admit that. But I always believed you to be a fair-minded person. I didn't like you in the beginning, mainly because you were rude to me.

“You can condemn me if that's what you believe, if it makes you feel better about what I did. It might even be what I deserve, but if you do then we're both losers. I've been happier in the last twelve days than I have been in a long while, and I'd like to think you have been, too.

“And here's the thing: I wrote about kindness, wondering if it would make a difference, and when it did, others decided to try it, too. I was shocked with how fast the idea caught on, and the response I got. I truly believe it's done a lot of good and I never meant for it to be at your expense. If you read the blog yourself, you'd see what I mean.”

His eyes narrowed to thin slits. “No way am I reading those posts.”

His refusal hurt, but she had no choice but to accept his decision. “We had something special, Cain. I'm sorrier than you know that it's over. As for dinner with Bernie, I think it might be best to leave that decision to him.”

Julia had said all she could, and when he refused to meet her gaze, she gently closed the door, leaned against it, and released a deep sigh. She swore she could hear Cain on the other side. It felt as if their hearts beat as one. Turning, she pressed her cheek against the door to better hear him. Her hand was splayed against the wood, reaching out to him.

Several minutes passed. Two. Three. Four. Long enough for her to consider opening the door and reaching out to him, not caring if he pushed her away.

Just when she found the courage to reach for the door, she heard Cain move and return to his own apartment.

Julia knew spending Christmas Day with Bernie would be a treat and a challenge, seeing that her relationship with his grandson had gone south with the speed of a jet-fueled rocket. He'd changed dinner plans with Cain and the two had gotten together earlier in the day for brunch at Manor House.

“You got your cribbage board ready?” Bernie asked her as soon as he arrived. Standing just inside the apartment door, he closed his eyes and sniffed appreciatively. “It's been far too long since I had a home-cooked Christmas dinner. Smells divine in here.”

“I think so, too.” Julia had the turkey breast in the oven along with a number of traditional side dishes. It was far more food than the two of them could possibly consume, but she wasn't about to short them. Many of the recipes were family favorites handed down from her mother and grandmother.

The thought of Cain spending the day alone rather than suffer her company pained Julia. The sad part was that there wasn't anything more she could say to change his mind. It would be a waste of breath to try to convince him to join Bernie and her.

As if Bernie could read her thoughts, he came all the way into the apartment, removed his coat and hat, and said, “My grandson is far too stubborn for his own good. At breakfast I asked him to join us. He refused. I tried again just now and got the same response.” He set his cane by the sofa and sat down. “That boy is missing out on a mighty fine meal.”

Julia didn't mention Cain's visit from the day before when he'd warned her to stay away from his grandfather. She couldn't help but wonder if he'd had the same discussion with Bernie, warning his grandfather away from her. While she was curious, she was afraid to ask, for fear she already knew the answer.

While the turkey breast baked, they played several hands of cribbage and then, sitting side by side on the sofa, watched Julia's favorite Christmas classic movie,
The Bishop's Wife,
with Cary Grant and Loretta Young.

“They don't have actresses like Loretta Young anymore,” Bernie commented wistfully. “The stars these days are all wusses. Where are the actors like John Wayne? Now, there was a man.”

He didn't really expect an answer, which was a good thing, because Julia didn't have one.

How she wished in their short time together that she could have gone to a movie with Cain. It would've been fun to find a show they could both agree on. Their tastes were vastly different, and finding a compromise would have delighted her. She could almost hear the negotiations and discussions they would need to have.

“What are you thinking?” Bernie asked, studying her closely.

Julia glanced down. Rather than answer, she shook her head to clear her thoughts. “Nothing important.”

Bernie didn't buy it for an instant. “It's that stubborn grandson of mine, isn't it? I'll give him a few days to settle down and then I plan to give him a piece of my mind.”

“No, don't. Please.” The last thing Julia wanted to do was cause problems between Cain and his grandfather. It was difficult enough that Bernie had decided to join her for dinner. Cain was sure to view that as another betrayal and blame her. After Cain's visit she'd tried to talk Bernie out of joining her, but he insisted she not renege.

Bernie's frown betrayed his concern. “I don't know what to do with him.”

“Let Cain be. Either he'll work this out on his own or he won't. The choice is his.”

Bernie didn't look convinced. “Makes me wonder what I could have done differently when he was a boy. I did the best I could. Heaven knows I loved him but apparently not enough.”

Julia leaned over to hug the older man. “None of this is your doing, Bernie. I was the one who used Cain. He has trust issues as it is and I fed into that. This isn't about you; it's between Cain and me.”

“If he hasn't got sense enough to realize you're a good woman and he's lucky to have you in his life, then he's an even bigger fool than I thought.”

Julia kissed his weathered cheek. “Thank you.”

Her words were interrupted by someone at her door. The hard knock told her it had to be Cain. She glanced at Bernie and he winked at her.

Winked.

She paused the movie and then answered the door. Sure enough, Cain stood in the hallway and he wasn't in any better mood than he had been the day before.

“Yes?” she asked.

Cain's eyes went past her to his grandfather. “Despite everything I said, he came, anyway?”

“The decision was his.”

“Is that my fool of a grandson?” Bernie called to her from the sofa, although he couldn't avoid seeing that it was Cain. “Of course I came. I didn't pay that taxi to bring me here so you could talk me out of Christmas dinner with a beautiful woman.”

Cain clenched and unclenched his fists. “This is your doing?”

Bernie came to his feet, and seeing that he needed his cane, Julia grabbed it and took it over to the older man. He stood on wobbly feet and Julia helped him get upright by supporting his elbow. Bernie tossed her a grateful glance. “Growing old is the pits,” he whispered under his breath.

Cain stood stiffly in the hallway, watching Julia aid his grandfather.

“For the love of heaven, come inside,” Bernie told Cain. “You want the entire building to hear you making a fuss?”

After a moment's hesitation, Cain came into Julia's apartment and closed the door. “I told you to stay away from Julia,” he said, addressing his grandfather.

“Why would I do that?” Bernie leaned both his hands atop his cane.

Cain narrowed his gaze as he looked at Julia. “She's not to be trusted.”

Julia did an admirable job of keeping her mouth closed. As it turned out, it wasn't necessary. Bernie took up her defense.

“Julia, untrustworthy?” Bernie laughed as if he found the comment comical. “Because she didn't tell you about the blog. Get over it, boy. Isn't that what you kids say these days? Look at her.” He gestured toward her with one hand. “This is a good woman. She brought me cookies, came to visit me.”

“The cookies were a bribe.”

Julia raised her finger, wanting to remind Cain the cookies were the very ones he'd refused.

Bernie gave a disgruntled huff. “She invited me to Christmas dinner, cooked for two days to make us a traditional meal, one you're a dope to miss, I might add. She didn't need to do any of that. She has friends who invited her to their home and she could have accepted. Instead, she went to all the trouble and hassle of cooking for me.”

One look told Julia nothing Bernie said had fazed Cain.

“Furthermore, she's got a good heart. You saw her volunteer to play the piano at Manor House. Took time out of her life to entertain others. And weren't you telling me just the other day how she helped the kids put on a holiday program for the Boys and Girls Club?”

Bernie made her sound like a candidate for sainthood, but he wasn't finished yet.

“There must be something wrong with your head, son.” Bernie tapped the side of his own. “Anyone with half a brain should be able to see the kind of woman Julia is. I know she should have told you about that blog thing and from everything she's said, she regrets that and has apologized. You're the one unwilling to forgive.”

“Maybe she should write a blog about forgiveness,” Cain fired back sarcastically.

Bernie simply shook his head. “I feel sorry for you if you can't get over this, because it's your loss, not hers.”

Cain turned his attention to Julia, his gaze holding hers prisoner.

“Now, are you going to stand there like a bump on a log or are you going to come to your senses and apologize?”

“Me apologize?” Cain flared and then coughed out a laugh as if he'd never heard anything more ridiculous. “I don't think so.”

Julia stepped forward. “Would it help if I apologized? Again?”

“No.” Both Bernie and Cain answered at the same time in the same sharp tone of voice.

Julia flinched. Well, she'd tried.

Bernie swayed on his feet and Julia noticed that he'd gone pale. “Bernie? Are you feeling all right?” She started toward him, but Cain reached him first and gently led his grandfather back to the sofa and into a sitting position.

“Pills,” Bernie murmured, having trouble speaking. “Right-hand pocket.”

Julia reached into his coat pocket and retrieved the nitrate pills. She opened the container for him and he placed one under his tongue. Leaning back, he closed his eyes.

“Does this happen often?” she asked Cain.

He looked stricken.

“Should I call nine-one-one?”

Indecision marked his face. “I don't know.”

“I'll be all right,” Bernie insisted, keeping his eyes closed. “Just give me a couple minutes.”

Julia waited, half expecting Cain to blame her for his grandfather's attack. She took Bernie's hand in her own and rubbed it. He seemed to be having trouble breathing. Not knowing what to do, Julia looked to Cain, hoping he'd know what was best.

He seemed to read her mind. “Gramps, to be on the safe side I think we need to have the hospital check you out.”

Bernie adamantly shook his head. “I'm not missing out on Christmas dinner with Julia.”

“I'll save it for you,” she promised.

Cain reached for his phone and made the call.

Julia sat at Bernie's side and continued to rub his hand while Cain raced down to the foyer to meet the paramedics.

Bernie rebounded briefly, but she could see he was in bad shape. It seemed to take an eternity before Cain reappeared with the men from the fire department. The paramedics checked Bernie over and made the decision to transport him to the hospital. While Bernie was loaded onto a gurney, Julia turned off the oven and grabbed her coat and purse.

“Where are you going?” Cain demanded.

That he would ask astonished her. “To the hospital.”

His response was a curt nod. “You can ride with me.”

For half a second she was convinced she'd heard him wrong and almost asked if he was sure he wanted her company. Smart girl that she was, she responded with a simple “Thank you.”

Not a word passed between them on the ride to the hospital. As best as he could, Cain followed the aid car. He was fortunate to find parking on the street and the two of them half walked, half ran toward the hospital's emergency entrance, where the medics delivered Bernie.

As soon as they were inside, Cain approached the reception desk and explained that he was Bernie's grandson and would fill out any necessary paperwork. While Cain dealt with that, Julia found a seat in the waiting room and anxiously awaited news of the older man's condition.

It felt like hours before Cain returned, but it was actually only about fifteen minutes.

“Did they tell you anything?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Not really. The receptionist said she would call my name when the doctor has something definitive to tell me.”

The minutes passed so slowly and staring at the wall clock only made it feel slower. Reaching for a six-month-old issue of
Good Housekeeping
magazine, she flipped through the pages but was unable to focus. Setting it aside, she bounced her hands against her knees until Cain reached over and blocked the movement. It would have helped if they could talk, but as it was, Julia had to hold all her worries inside.

“He's a tough old bird,” Cain said after several more tense minutes. “He'll be fine.”

Now that he'd broken the ice, she felt free to continue the conversation. “Has he had these episodes in the past?”

Cain nodded. “A couple times. His heart is weak, which is why I moved him into Manor House. I can't be with him all the time and this way the staff can keep an eye on him.”

They were quiet again and another sluggish fifteen minutes passed.

Julia released a long, slow sigh. “I'm worried, Cain.”