Twelve Truths and a Lie (9 page)

W
hat the hell just happened
? I had been a nervous wreck when I saw my ex and best friend heading my way, but then Aurora put her hand in mine and the whole rest of the world fell away. Suddenly I wanted her, really wanted her, all to myself.

Was this that innate charm her friends had been teasing her about?

Fuck, she made me want all of it again even if it would end the same. But this was Aurora, so the outcome might be different. She wasn’t that girl.

That thought made me snap my attention back to Dessa. Both of my exes, just standing there, not knowing what to do or say, gripping each other’s hands in solidarity.

There was a mix of emotions on Dessa’s face, something like regret and relief. Relief that I had finally found somebody else? Fuck that, I wouldn’t be the one to alleviate her guilt. I jerked my arm away from Aurora and she stiffened beside me. Goddamn, my emotions were all over the place, swirling so tightly inside of me, that I needed some reprieve before I exploded.

Mike’s features were filled with pain and remorse. But when he looked at Dessa, I saw attraction and passion and probably something I didn’t want to admit. Love.

Maybe they
were
meant to be together and I had been standing in their way.

I was so done with feeling this way. I only wanted to put all of it behind me.

I jerked up to stand so suddenly that I nearly knocked over my beer. “You guys have a good night.”

I needed to get the hell away from them. If they weren’t going to move on, then I would do it for them.

“Cam, I just—” Dessa placed her hand on my arm and my head snapped up. I remembered the feel of her fingers on me all over again, and my stomach violently churned because now they felt so wrong. Too small. Too delicate.

“Don’t,” I said, looking her dead in the eye. She removed her hand. “You don’t get to regulate my emotions.”

“I only wanted to apologize for what—”

“You already have,” I said and then looked at Mike. “Both of you have.”

I felt Aurora slide up silently beside me. She placed her firm and warm hand on the small of my back, and my shoulders began to relax. I had somebody there, on my side. I could lean into the support. She was my friend. My very hot and pretty friend.

“I’m so tired,” I said to them. “Tired of feeling like this. Maybe you two are meant to be together, so good for you. But it was really shitty how it all went down…”

“Totally shitty,” Mike muttered. “We talk about it constantly. We didn’t go about it the right way…”

“For fuck’s sake. If you want my absolution, you’ve got it.” I ripped my fingers through my hair in exasperation. I wanted to just let it go already. They weren’t criminals for God’s sake; just people who needed to grow up and make better decisions. Decisions that wouldn’t filet other people’s lives. “I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I just want to live my life and be happy.”

“That’s all we want, too.” Dessa shot a look between Aurora and me as if hoping that was her answer.

“Love and relationships don’t solve everything, you know,” I said, shoving my hands in my pockets. “You still have to live with yourselves.”

Mike’s face fell.

“Fuck,” I said. “Just…go and be happy.”

I strode away and felt Aurora follow behind me. Thankfully she didn’t say a word, just let me be silent. When we got to the hallway where the bathrooms were located, I sank against the wall and caught my breath. After a long minute, Aurora quietly stepped up and pulled me into her arms.

Just like that I crumbled, sagging into her unyielding touch. She felt so damn good in my embrace. We stood like that, our arms slung around each other, me smelling her skin and feeling her soft breaths on my neck.

“Forgiveness is tough, you know,” she whispered into my ear. “But it helps you release everything. Let it all go. So you can move on.”

I nodded into her neck, so damn grateful for her in that moment.

“Do you still…have feelings for her?” Her voice was soft, faint. “Love her?”

I pulled back to look at her and the answer was automatic. “Nope. I miss my friend most of all.”

“I wondered about that,” she said, looking over her shoulder, but we were hidden from view. “If they had gone about it the right way—without cheating—you might still have your friend.”

I sighed. “Exactly.”

“I can see the pain in his eyes,” she said, biting her lip.

“Yeah.” I shook my head regretfully. “Thank you for being here for me. With me.”

“Thanks for inviting me,” she said, straightening her shirt.

“Want to go back to the hotel?” I asked. “Or…do you want to play some darts?”

Her eyebrow quirked. “I play a mean round of darts. I might just beat the pants off you.”

My time with Aurora was beginning to feel like a real date, so I kept my flirty response in check.

D
amn
, Cameron was a decent person. A really decent person who was vulnerable and hurting. He was trying to do the right thing by coming here, not only to see his old teammates and friends, but also to make amends.

That kiss between us had been something, but I needed to see it for what it was. We were simply playing a role. To help him get through this weekend.

I defeated him in the first round of darts, he beat me in the second.

“Double or nothing?” he asked, and I accepted the challenge.

He looked lighter somehow after all of that drama. I noticed that Dessa and Mike were still at the bar watching us, but Cameron didn’t seem so tense about it anymore.

I ended up crushing him in the third game, but he was a good sport about it. “Where did you learn to play darts like that?”

“I’ve got good aim,” I said, flexing my fingers. “You should see me at the shooting range.”

His eyebrows shot up. “You’ve shot a firearm before?”

“Yes, I have.” I didn’t want to tell him an ex-boyfriend of mine was into guns and that I only went along to please him. Turned out I was good at it.

“How are you at pool?” he asked, running his hand along one of the tables that was no longer occupied.

“Guess you’ll have to find out,” I replied, leaning my hip on the worn edge. I was only bluffing; I’d never played before in my life. I’d only ever watched, but maybe I needed to give it a shot, considering my good hand-eye coordination and all.

“Guess I will,” he said, grinning. “Maybe another time.”

As we headed toward the exit, he stopped to talk to more people from high school. I noticed how the tone in his voice had distinctly changed when his old football coach greeted him, approaching something like awe. They hugged each other firmly and when he introduced me, he grasped for my hand and held it close to his hip, as I stood by and listened politely. Mutual affection was shared between the two of them, and I could picture Cameron in his hunky uniform on the sidelines, the crisp fall weather, and the noise of the crowd.

As I spoke to the coach’s wife about my job, Cameron’s thumb slid across my palm causing gooseflesh to rise on my arms. I couldn’t tell if it was intentional or not, but his skin was smooth, and I wasn’t ready for this act to end, not with him touching me so intimately.

I found myself bending into his side, simply yearning for that contact. It had felt like way too long in that moment. Cameron adjusted his hold to sling his arm across my shoulders. Now my back was leaning against his chest as he continued to talk above me. Every now and again, he’d rest his chin on the top of my head, and I loved how the tone of his voice vibrated through my ears.

“Ready to get out of here?” he asked, against my ear. I practically closed my eyes in a whimper. I felt all warm and fuzzy and definitely bummed that our time was coming to a close.

“Sure,” I responded, only somewhat relieved he had released his hold, because in another minute I was going to climb him like a tree. “I mean, if you are.”

As we passed the end of the bar, Mike’s eyes slid up to meet his and I noticed how Cameron offered a polite smile and nod in his version of a goodbye. His friend blew out a breath and actually looked reassured.

“You’re one of the good guys,” I said, when we got to the parking lot. “You know that, right?”

“Don’t the good guys finish last?” he asked, holding open my door.

“When you finish last,” I said, buckling in. “You reap the rewards.”

He laughed and pulled onto the street. We grew quiet, both of us lost in our own heads. Neither of us bringing up the handholding or the kiss. It was what it was, the exact reason I was here, to show Dessa and Mike and maybe everybody else aware of that news headline that he had moved on. We’d do the same tomorrow at the dinner dance and then it would all be over.

After we made it through the hotel doors, my eyes darted to the bar and I saw Bryce. Sure enough he had a drink in front of him and an empty stool next to him. Bryce spotted me almost immediately and waved, as if he’d been waiting for me. A lump formed in my throat. His offer seemed so long ago now. I had nearly forgotten about him; I was so wrapped up in my night with Cameron.

Cameron stopped, his eyes on Bryce, but he kept any emotions he might’ve had about the scenario close to his vest. “He waited. He’s obviously really into you.”

My cheeks immediately began to overheat. He leaned toward me, his warm breath sliding across my throat. “If you’re attracted to him, I guess you should go for it.”

My heart nearly stopped beating. Not only because I could possibly have a hookup right now if I wanted to. But also because Cameron was acting so nonchalant about what we’d done that night. Which told me he wanted to leave it where it was—in pretend land.

I thought about Cameron’s pointers earlier at dinner on how to have a one-night stand. It was probably similar to what Sydney and Nicole would tell me. That it was about getting your physical needs met, plain and simple. And oh, did I have needs. Right now my body was thrumming with so much yearning, all due to what my friend had started at the bar.

But maybe it wasn’t about Cameron at all. Maybe it had everything to do with the fact that I hadn’t had sex in a long time. Hadn’t had anybody touch me, kiss me, or hold my hand. Maybe I
could
get naked with that guy. People did it all the time.

I lifted my hand in a wave to Bryce, asking him to give me another minute. Cameron must’ve taken that as his cue to turn in the opposite direction toward the elevators.

“I’m just a phone call away if you need me,” Cameron said, his voice a little unsteady in his endeavor to support my decision.

I turned toward him, maybe hoping he’d say something to discourage me instead. But he didn’t even meet my eyes.

“Hey, you never told me…how’s the walk of shame? Pretty awful?” I said to his moving form, maybe attempting to get him to stay a bit longer. But it was time to pull up my big girl panties.

“Make
him
take the walk,” he said turning to me, his shoulders slumped as if uncomfortable with the conversation or the idea of the guy going back with me to my room. He barked out a laugh before swallowing it in a sharp inhale of breath. “I’ll catch you later. Text me if you want to grab breakfast in the morning.”

“Okay,” I said, my voice cracking. “Good night.”

I watched him walk all the way to the elevator, giving myself a pep talk the entire time. I could do this.

Finally, I made my feet move and I trudged over to Bryce, who smiled and pulled out my stool for me. “Did you have a good evening?”

“It was decent,” I said, steadying my breaths. Parts of my night were
really
decent, not that I’d share that with him. “How about you?”

He shrugged half-heartedly. “Business meetings over dinner and drinks.”

“How many more days are you here?” I asked, suddenly wanting to know his true intentions. I saw no wedding ring on his finger, and no tan line that went with it—if he had chosen to remove it in order to score a night with somebody.

“Until tomorrow afternoon,” he said and then downed his drink.

So it would truly be a hookup. Despite knowing that and the relief it brought, my stomach was still in turmoil. I realized I didn’t want to know more about him because if I did, I might care. That was my problem, I cared too much. About everything. I had to remind myself that Bryce was cool with this. He lived across the country, and I only knew that because he’d told me earlier.

“Want to go someplace private?” he asked in a husky voice. His lips looked soft and when his hand moved to my thigh, a small spark tingled up my spine. He was an attractive man, and I hadn’t been touched that way in a really long time.

I decided in a split decision that I didn’t want him in my hotel room. If I went to his, I could easily leave afterward. Walk of shame be damned.

“Yes,” I said, standing and grabbing my bag. I waited for him to cash out and then walked with him to the elevator. As soon as the doors shut, he kissed me, his tongue invading my mouth and God, I didn’t know about any of this. His lips felt different, kind of sloppy, but I supposed I could get used to it for just one night.

His fingers landed on my ass and he drew me toward him, letting me feel how hard he was for me. And my body responded because damn, I was so needy.

When the elevator stopped on the same floor as Cameron’s room, I froze in place before Bryce tugged on my hand to follow him into the hall.

Don’t come out of your room
, I said repeatedly in my head, as we passed by Cameron’s door. My chest felt crowded and uncomfortable. He must’ve mistaken that for breathlessness because when we got to his door, Bryce turned and kissed me again.

He dug out his magnetic key and my hands became clammy fists until the door finally opened and I followed him inside.

I
t was
as if I was crawling out of my skin, pacing back and forth in my room. I know what I told Aurora was the right thing to do. She was an adult and shouldn’t feel shamed for wanting to experience something sexual and meaningless with an attractive stranger.

That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that I wanted her. So damn much. Her lips on me at the bar, her hand clasped tightly in mine, had felt only like the tip of an iceberg. I didn’t want to imagine her with some random guy. I wanted her to ache so much to touch me again that she didn’t give that dude the time of day.

But maybe she didn’t have half a clue what I was feeling. It wasn’t like as soon as we left the bar we made out like wild animals in the car. What we had done had been in front of an audience for the purposes of putting on a show. Except at some point throughout the night, it had stopped being a performance for me.

We were both on a healing path these past few months, and I didn’t care if we couldn’t have sex because of some prescribed rule. I only wanted to talk to her more, to be near her—touch her face, her lips, her hair. Except maybe that’s not at all what she needed right now.

Regardless, I stormed out of my hotel room and to the elevator. I’d head back to the bar and tell her, ask her, beg her. Yeah, right, I was so full of shit. Maybe I just wanted the chance to see it in her eyes from across the room. If I felt the exact same longing from her, then I’d do something about it.

The elevator dinged open and I strode out, all my energy stalling in an instant, because they were no longer there. Damn, he moved fast. With my girl. Where in the hell had that thought come from?

Fuck, I wanted to puke. No way in hell I looked forward to gazing into her face in the morning only to see the flush from the night before.

What the fuck had I been thinking, encouraging her to go through with it? My mind was all screwed up this weekend. I hadn’t expected to kiss her, for her lips to meet mine, but when they did, holy hot damn. It was tender and sweet and sexy as hell.

Defeated, I headed back up to my room. All I could do was hope that we’d continue to be friends and maybe down the road, who knows? We both had a lot to work through still, and she was a good friend to have around.

When the elevator door slid open, my breath caught in the back of my throat because Aurora was standing right there in front of me. “What are you…?”

She looked sheepish, her cheeks darkening, and she couldn’t meet my eyes.

“Oh,” I said, realization hitting me that Bryce’s room must’ve been down the hall from mine. “Sorry, I just thought since you were on my floor, you…”

“No,” she said in a pant. Then looked over her shoulder. “But I couldn’t, um…couldn’t go through with it.”

“Why not?” I stepped toward her.

“Not sure how to explain it.” Her gaze ran from my eyes to my lips repeatedly. “What were you doing in the elevator? I thought you…”

“I was looking for you,” I said, figuring honesty was best here. “I…I don’t know, I thought maybe you…I hoped maybe you wouldn’t end up leaving with him.”

“Why not?” she asked in a whisper as I backed her toward the wall.

“Because I…” I figured I had nothing to lose. Except her friendship of course, but maybe we could talk it through. “Can we please step inside my room for a minute and talk?”

“Sure,” she said, hesitation in her voice. Maybe she thought I wanted the same thing as Bryce.

“No, it’s okay,” I said, stepping away. “I just didn’t want to discuss anything in the middle of the hallway.”

“Me neither. Let’s go.” She followed me inside my room. As soon as the door shut I turned to her. She anchored her shoulders against the wood frame as if holding on to something solid. “So what did you want to talk about?”

“Kissing you earlier…” I said, fighting the urge to pace back and forth in front of her. But I stayed put. Besides, I needed to see her eyes. “I know we were only pretending, but—”

“I don’t know if I was pretending,” she responded, breathless. “I liked it.”

I stared at her for a long moment and then slid my hand to her neck. She whimpered at my touch, and I nearly lost it and groaned out loud. “I’m not sure what that means exactly.”

“We might be thinking too hard about this,” she said, biting her lip.

“Maybe.” I moved closer, my other hand gliding to her hip. “I only want to kiss you again.”

“I want that, too,” she said, her hand reaching for my shoulder.

“You sure about this, Aurora?” I asked, my heartbeat thundering in my ears.

“Yes,” she whispered, as my thumb swiped her cheek.

My head angled down toward her mouth. “You have about two seconds to change your mind.”