Two Evils (21 page)

Gabe snorted lightly. “Think about what you just said, G-Man, and try telling me again that you don’t love her.”

For a while John made no reply. “Even if it were possible for me to love her in so short a time,” he began at last, “I’m in pretty much the same boat as you are. She doesn’t want me.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that. I’ve seen the way she looks at you
, too, and I don’t know what’s gone down between the two of you in the last couple days, but there’s something there. Billie’s just too damn scared to embrace it. The pain she’s buried and ignored for the last year has blinded her to the possibility of moving on and loving someone new.”

“Which is something I can do nothing about,” John said.

“I want to see Billie happy again. I want to see her living again, whole and vibrant—not this shell of who she used to be. I’m pretty sure she cares about you even if she doesn’t realize she does, so if you ever want to take the chance to really have something with her, there is something you can do, John,” Gabe told him.

“And what would that be?”

“Don’t give up on her.”



Billie woke sometime later feeling the car slowing down. John was still behind the wheel and Gabe was snoring lightly from the passenger seat. For a moment she just studied John’s profile, wondering if she’d imagined the heart-to-heart he’d had with Gabe.

John must’ve sensed her eyes on him, as he turned to her once he’d put the car into park and turned off the ignition. “Hey there, sleepyhead. How you feeling?”

She thought about it for a moment, then said, “I think I should have bought some painkillers. My leg stings a little bit.”

Actually, it was more like a lot, but she wasn’t going to say that out loud.

“Well, this is our last stop before we get there,” he said. “Go in and grab some while I fill up.”

Billie nodded as she sat up, and though she tried to be quiet as she got out, Gabe woke up and stepped out of the car as she did, asking her the same thing John had upon seeing she was awake.

“I’m fine, thank you. Leg stings a bit, so I’m gonna grab some Tylenol or something,” she said.

“Probably a good idea,” Gabe agreed.

After they’d each made a trip inside to use the bathroom, John had paid for the gas, and Billie had bought something for her pain, they met at the car again. “Guys, I’ve been thinking,” she said. “It’s gotta be what, two in the morning? We should go to a hotel so we can all get some shut-eye, or at least park somewhere and sleep in the car. As eager as I am to get to Wayne and Darren, we’re not going to be any good to them if we’re exhausted.”

John and Gabe looked at one another and nodded in agreement. “I, for one, am looking forward to sleeping in a real bed. Haven’t done that in about a week,” Gabe said.

“There’s a Motel 6 right over there,” John said, turning as he pointed down the road—they were at a Speedway along a strip of gas stations and fast food restaurants off a freeway exit. “Even at this hour, shouldn’t be too tough to get a couple rooms.”

“One question before we go,” Gabe said, stifling a yawn. “How are we going to pay for this? We want to keep Wainright—and now the Russians—from tracking us, remember? You use a credit card and bam! Instant paper trail.”

John pulled out his wallet and produced a small wad of cash. “I pulled this from my bank earlier today. Given the unpredictable nature of this situation… I had a feeling I was going to need it. Especially given someone lifted the last wallet full of cash I had.”

He turned a knowing gaze her way and Billie merely raised her eyebrows. “Just keep your receipts. The company will reimburse you for expenses, Johnny B. Goode,” she said as she climbed back into the car.



John and Gabe were sharing a room, and Billie’s was two doors down. But it wouldn’t have mattered if she was right next door or in the next county—she was on his mind regardless.

Gabe’s assessment of the two of them was also on his mind. Was it really possible that he was falling for her? He liked to think himself a sensible man—one had to be to do the work he did. So how could he possibly be developing feelings for Billie when most of what he knew about her came from her CIA employee file?

Well, let’s look at this logically
, he thought, reaching his arms up to clasp his hands under his head. When he’d first been given the assignment, his boss had told him to read up on her. Billie Ryan just wasn’t the kind of person who would come along quietly—she’d need convincing. He needed to know all he could about her in order to find a way of winning her trust, even if only temporarily. John didn’t see what the big deal was at first. Sure, she had a very intriguing background. An impressive record in the art of intelligence gathering. Funny, he’d thought then, how a woman who many claimed trusted no one was able to gain the trust of others so easily. However she managed that, it was a trait that had served her well as an OO.

Rex, his friend and pseudo-partner, claimed to have heard about Billie through the analyst grapevine. Word was that she was a ball-busting, take-no-shit woman who would sooner shoot a man than sit down and have dinner with him if she had even the slightest inclination something was off. Reflecting back, he chuckled to himself as he recalled that she had, in fact, tied him to a chair and thrown ice water in his face. She’d held a gun to his head twice, and had threatened to shoot him at least two other times. She’d also punched him and given him a nosebleed.

Ever since meeting her, there’d been little else but danger and tension. She had proven to be every bit as much of a pain in the ass as he had told Gabe she was. So what the hell was it about her that drew him in? Why couldn’t he just chalk it up to a situation best left alone, so he could walk away with a clear head when this was over?

Because there would be no walking away when this was over—John knew that as sure as he was laying there staring at the ceiling. And he knew damn well what it was that drew him to Billie: a deeply rooted, primal urge to protect. God, he was such a fucking caveman. From the moment he’d seen that flash of vulnerability in her eyes in St. Thomas, the ball-busting tough chick who had just tried to kick his ass had become someone he needed to shield from harm at all costs. Never before had he felt that strongly that immediately about a woman.

But what the hell was he supposed to do about it? Despite Gabe’s assurances, he didn’t believe for one second that she wanted to be with him. Billie had told him she was too broken to be fixed; he figured that meant she was still too hung up on Travis to consider a relationship with anyone. He appreciated the honesty, really, because no one wanted to be the rebound guy (or girl). He’d seen the results more than enough amongst his friends to know those relationships always ended
very
badly. John just wished it was a conclusion she had come to before letting him make love to her, because damn it, he wanted nothing more than to do it again.

Frustrated, and sensing that despite his exhaustion he would get no sleep, John threw back the sheet and swung his legs over the side of the bed. The room he shared with Gabe had two full-size beds in it—the Marine occupied the other, and had dropped off to saw logs more than an hour ago. Reaching for his shirt, he slipped it over his head, grabbed the keys to the car off the nightstand, and then walked over to the door, careful not to make too much noise shutting it as he stepped through.

He’d thought to sit in the car for a while, maybe listen to the radio. He stopped short as he saw Billie leaning against the hood of the Explorer, which was parked directly in front of his and Gabe’s room.

She gave a small smile when she saw him. “I had a feeling one of you would still be up,” she said.

John moved closer and crossed his arms. “Weren’t you the one who said we should all get some sleep?”

Billie sighed. “Turns out my mind had other plans. I’ve been laying there all this time and not falling asleep because I couldn’t shut it down long enough.”

He moved to lean against the fender with her. “I know the feeling.”

“I’m sorry, John,” she said then.

Looking at her, he said, “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

“But I do. I told you before that I’m too broken—I’m sure by now you’ve figured out what that means. And the truth is, I
want
to be able to move on. I
want
to be living my life again, not hiding away from pain. It doesn’t work anyway. Pain follows you. Or it waits for you. Either way, it reminds you that no matter where you go, it’s still there.”

She sighed again. “You are a good man, John. I may not know you very well, but I am sure I can say that about you. A good man like you deserves a good woman, one who’s not going to end up breaking his heart.”

Billie looked at him then, and the tears in her eyes caused his chest to constrict painfully. “I want to move on, but I’m not ready. I don’t feel like I’m ready to let him go. If I can’t say goodbye to Travis, then I’m clearly not relationship material. You deserve better than me.”

The liquid in her eyes spilled over and she looked away with a sniffle. John reached up and took her chin in his hand gently, turning her face back to his. With his thumb he wiped away the tear from her left eye, with his other hand he dismissed the one on the right. And throwing all common sense to the wind, he bent his head and touched his lips to hers.

Though the kiss was soft and tender, heat flooded his veins and ran straight to his groin. Jesus, he was hard for her already. But he wouldn’t push it. She had just told him she wasn’t ready to move on—so why the hell was he kissing her?

It killed him to release those sweet lips, but John let her go. Billie’s
eyes as she looked up at him were wide and full of questions. “I’m sorry,” he said huskily. “I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help myself.”

He let out a ragged breath and stepped away from her, moving around to the side of the Explorer and pressing the remote button to unlock the doors. Looking back he said, “You should go back to your room, Billie. Get some sleep, if you can.”

With that, he got in through the driver’s side rear door, shutting it behind him before reaching between the front seats to slip the key into the ignition and turn it far enough to power the radio. Selecting a rock and roll station, he moved back and laid himself uncomfortably across the middle seat, throwing his right arm over his face as he tried to let the music drown out his thoughts.

His head snapped up when the door opened again. John sat up as Billie climbed into the car with him, and he watched as she shut the door then settled on her knees in front of him. “I can’t promise you forever—I can’t even promise you tomorrow. I don’t want to hurt you, John, but God help me I want you to make love to me again. I want to be happy again like you made me yesterday, even if it’s all an illusion.”

For a moment he could only stare at her, gauging her seriousness. His brain told him this would be a mistake, a huge one, but his body didn’t want to listen. All he could hear was the urge to kiss her, deeply. To that voice he listened, reaching for her face and drawing her to him. John brought his mouth down on hers hard, forcing his tongue past her lips and twining it with hers. Billie moaned and held his shoulders tightly as he plundered her mouth, his hands moving to roam under her t-shirt. He found her breasts unencumbered by a bra, and took delight in squeezing and pinching her nipples into tight, hard peaks.

But just touching them wasn’t enough. He had to taste them again, and broke the kiss only long enough to pull her shirt over her head. Then he kissed her again before trailing his lips and tongue down the side of her neck, across her collar bone, and then down the sweet-smelling spot between her breasts before turning his head to the side and capturing one pert pink bud in his mouth.

Billie cried out softly and arched into him. He rewarded her enthusiasm by taking her nipple between his teeth and biting down softly. She cried out again and dug her fingernails into his shoulders. The mewling sounds she made as he bit and tongued her nipple again and again before switching to the other side had him hard as a rock, and it was all he could do to control the urge to fuck her hard and fast. Whatever time they had together, he wanted to enjoy it.

At his urging, they switched positions, and she was now sitting on the seat. John reached for the waistband of the sweatpants she’d donned to sleep in and pulled them down, careful of the wound on her thigh. Much to his delight she had ch
osen not to wear panties either, and after maneuvering into as comfortable a position as he could in the confines of the vehicle, he nudged her legs apart and dipped his head down to the apex of her thighs, swiping his tongue up her slick folds and swirling it around her clitoris. Billie groaned and grabbed his head, holding him to her as he assaulted her most intimate skin.

The taste of her was exquisite, like the finest of fine wines. John thought he’d never be able to get enough of licking her, of teasing that bundle of nerves just under her pubic curls, but as sweet as she was, the demands of his rigid shaft could no longer be ignored. Sitting up, he roughly pulled his shirt over his head and then unfastened his jeans, pushing them down far enough for his erection to spring free. Billie turned so she was laying down on the seat, and lifted her arms to welcome him as he positioned himself between her legs, leaned down to kiss her, and drove himself home.