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Authors: Steve Sheinkin

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BOOK: Two Miserable Presidents
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W
hy are textbooks so boring? I could explain—but it would be boring. I'll just mention one serious problem with textbooks: they always seem to avoid quotes that are at all funny, amazing, surprising, disgusting, confusing, stupid, mean, or anything else interesting. One of my main goals with this book was to fill it with all the quotes I never got to use in textbooks. Just in case you think I made some of this stuff up, here's a list of the sources where the quotes can be found. For more information about the sources, look in the Source Notes.
How to Rip a Country Apart
“One man will clean ten times as much cotton” Bordewich,
Bound for Canaan.
“Why am I a slave?” Douglass,
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass.
“Who saw this assault” Douglass,
Narrative of the Life.
“Had the conductor looked closely” Douglass,
Life and Times of Frederick Douglass.
“I found myself in the big city” Douglass,
Life and Times.
“When I found I had crossed” Bordewich,
Bound for Canaan.
“For the first time, we are about to” McPherson,
Battle Cry of Freedom.
“The South asks for justice” Miller,
Great Debates
.
“I cannot consent to introduce slavery” Seward,
Works of William H. Seward.
“I have no pistols!” Chambers,
U.S. Senate records, April 3, 1850.
“I wish to speak today”
U.S. Senate records, March 7, 1850.
“The Union is saved!” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
“If it were your Harry, mother” Stowe,
Uncle Tom's Cabin.
“There can be no moral right” Lincoln,
Speeches and Writings.
“When the white man governs himself” Lincoln,
Speeches and Writings.
“There are eleven hundred men” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
“STARTLING NEWS FROM KANSAS” Potter,
Impending Crisis.
“murderous robbers from Missouri” Sumner,
Works of Charles Sumner.
“I have read your speech twice over” Sumner,
Works of Charles Sumner.
“Every Southern man is delighted” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
John Brown Lights the Fuse
“became considerably excited” Oates,
To Purge This Land.
“I hope you will act with caution” Oates,
To Purge This Land.
“What is it?” Oates,
To Purge This Land.
“Believing that under this state of fact” Lawson,
American State Trials.
“no rights which the white man” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
“I have really got it into my head” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
“The things I want to know” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
“He can sink an axe deeper” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
“I never saw a more thoughtful face” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
“Abraham Lincoln is the first” Johannsen,
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
“You have nominated a very able” Wells,
Stephen Douglas.
“A house divided against itself” Lincoln,
Speeches and Writings.
“Put on your specs!” Johannsen,
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
“Let each state mind its own business” Johannsen,
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
“If slavery is not wrong” Johannsen,
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
“That is the real issue” Johannsen,
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
“Mary insists that I am going to be” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
“Dear Husband …” Oates,
To Purge This Land.
“What was your object in coming?” Oates,
To Purge This Land.
“I John Brown am now” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
“to incite slaves to murder” Potter,
Impending Crisis.
“THE DAY OF COMPROMISE” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
“Never before, since the Declaration” Potter,
Impending Crisis
.
“The only persons who do not” Potter,
Impending Crisis.
“What right of yours, gentlemen” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
“What do you think of matters” Johnston,
Alexander Stephens.
“A herd of buffaloes” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
“Well, gentlemen, there is a short woman” Lincoln,
Lincoln Reader.
“Ain't you glad you joined” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
“there will have to be a separation” Klein,
Days of Defiance.
Abe Lincoln's Troublesome Victory
“Lincoln's elected” Chesnut,
Diary from Dixie.
“Mary, we're elected” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
“We are either slaves in the Union” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
“I am the last president” Lincoln,
Life and Writings.
“I would prefer not to have” Davis,
Jefferson Davis.
“Sir: We are directed to” Foote,
Civil War
,
vol. 1
.
“as a man might speak of” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
“I will do my best” Davis,
Jefferson Davis
.
“The South is determined” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
“I am sick of office-holding already” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
“My father is going to vote for you” Lincoln,
Speeches and Writings
.
“I have a correspondent” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
“In your hands, my dissatisfied” Lincoln,
Speeches and Writings
.
“Why did that green goose Anderson” Chesnut,
Diary from Dixie
.
“I do not pretend to sleep” Chesnut,
Diary from Dixie.
“The scene at this time was” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray.
“The rebs have fired” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray
.
“Death to traitors!” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
“We shall crush out this rebellion” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
“Tennessee will furnish not a single man” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
“So impatient did I become” Wiley,
Life of Johnny Reb
.
“If a fellow wants to go with a girl now” Wiley,
Life of Billy Yank
.
“The women of the South generally” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray
.
“I wish that women could fight” Blanton and Cook,
They Fought Like Demons
.
“Our mothers—God bless them” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray
.
“Well, Mary, the question is settled” Freeman,
R. E. Lee
.
“the very best soldier I ever saw” Lee,
Wartime Papers
.
“I could take no part in an invasion” Lee,
Wartime Papers.
“You must think as kindly” Lee,
Wartime Papers.
“Old Abe has his legs” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
“monstrous fine!” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
“You are green, it is true” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire
.
“McDowell has certainly been” Kane,
Spies for the Blue and Gray.
“That is splendid! Oh, my!” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray
.
This Is Going to Be Serious
“Remember, boys, battle and fighting” Zettler,
War Stories
.
“The boys dropped from the apple tree” Zettler,
War Stories
.
“If my hair at that moment” Zettler,
War Stories
.
“No one can see a battle” Zettler,
War Stories
.
“Didn't I tell you so?” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
“Steady, men. All's well.” Foote,
Civil War
,
vol.
1.
“Look! There is Jackson” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire
.
“And when you charge” Foote,
Civil War
,
vol. 1.
“What is the matter, sir?” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray
.
“We have taught them a lesson” Davis,
Jefferson Davis.
“Who would have thought” McClellan,
McClellan's Own Story
.
“You have no idea how the men” McClellan,
McClellan's Own Story.
“The president is nothing more” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
“I will hold McClellan's horse” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
“You're Mrs. Greenhow?” Kane,
Spies
.
“What can I do?” Gansler,
Private Thompson.
“You have pretty good health” Wiley,
Billy Yank
.
“I was perfectly wild on the subject” Velazquez,
Woman in Battle.
“My husband's farewell kisses” Velazquez,
Woman in Battle
.
“This is the kind of fellow we want” Velazquez,
Woman in Battle.
“To say that I was frightened” Velazquez,
Woman in Battle
.
“It is hard, hard, hard” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln
.
“We were met by a storm of shells” Ramsay,
Sea Duels
.
“We thought at first it was a raft” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
“We of the
Monitor
thought, and still think” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray.
“I would have given anything then” Grant,
Personal Memoirs
.
“It occurred to me at once” Grant,
Personal Memoirs
.
“No terms except unconditional” Catton,
Terrible Swift Sword.
“an expression as if he had determined” Ketchum, Picture
History
.
“We have recently met with” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
“Good-bye. If I do not write” Daniel,
Shiloh.
“I may run” Wiley,
Johnny Reb.
“I have a mortal dread” Wiley,
Billy Yank.
“I have ordered a battle” Catton,
Terrible Swift Sword.
“The rebels are coming” Foote,
Civil War, vol
.
1.
“Just look at that brave man” Watkins,
“Co. Aytch
.”
“Everywhere it was one never-ending” Ketchum,
Picture History.
“I will lead you!” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1
.
“General, are you hurt?” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
“Well, Grant, we've had the devil's” Simpson,
Ulysses S. Grant.
Two Miserable Presidents
“I can't spare this man” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
“Oh! How I hate the Yankees!” Catton,
Terrible Swift Sword.
“He's got the slows.” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
“Oh, mother, Uncle Jeff is miserable.” McPherson,
Crossroads of Freedom
.
“I wish I could learn just to let” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
“Jefferson Davis now treats all men” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
“The enemy greatly outnumber” Catton,
Never Call Retreat.
“He could sleep in any position” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray.
“Hello! I say, old fellow” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray
.
“Men, every member of this household” Boyd,
Belle Boyd.
“I could stand it no longer” Boyd,
Belle Boyd.
“No, no. You go.” Boyd,
Belle Boyd.
“The rifle-balls flew thick and fast” Boyd,
Belle Boyd.
“MISS BELLE BOYD: I thank you” Boyd,
Belle Boyd.
“You must act.” Catton,
Terrible Swift Sword
.
“The time is very near” Catton,
Terrible Swift Sword.
“Open the valve!” Block,
Above the Civil War
.
“How do you feel, boys?” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
“He will take more chances” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
“And if I find the way open” Davis,
J.E.B. Stuart
.
“Come on, come on, my men!” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
“Our boys and the Yanks” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
“McClellan has the army” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire
.
“To fight against slaveholders” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
“I can assure you that the subject” Foote,
Civil War
,
vol. 1.
“In the matter of rights” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
“I have the honor, sir” Bennett,
“Chronicles.”
“Well, John, we are whipped again” Foote,
Civil War
,
vol.
1.
“The army is not properly equipped.” Bailey,
Bloodiest Day.
“the dirtiest men I ever saw” Ketchum,
Picture History.
“As I read, each line became” McPherson,
Crossroads of Freedom.
“Here is a paper with which” Ketchum,
Picture History.
“We will make our stand” McPherson,
Crossroads of Freedom.
“I have never seen a more disgusted” McPherson,
Crossroads of Freedom
.
“Every one dropped whatever he had”
Voices
:
Antietam.
“Fragments of the poor fellow's head”
Voices
:
Antietam.
“A savage continual thunder” Wiley,
Billy Yank
.
“The earth and sky seemed”
Voices
:
Antietam.
“It seemed as if a million bees”
Voices: Antietam.
“the awful tornado of battle.” Bailey,
Bloodiest Day
.
“I have never mended”
Voices
:
Antietam.
“The enemy is driven back” Catton,
Terrible Swift Sword.
“Will you pardon me for asking” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
“There never was a truer epithet.” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire
.
“I think the time has come.” McPherson,
Crossroads of Freedom.
“On the first day of January” Lincoln,
Speeches and Writings.
BOOK: Two Miserable Presidents
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