Two Miserable Presidents (26 page)
Read Two Miserable Presidents Online
Authors: Steve Sheinkin
W
hy are textbooks so boring? I could explainâbut it would be boring. I'll just mention one serious problem with textbooks: they always seem to avoid quotes that are at all funny, amazing, surprising, disgusting, confusing, stupid, mean, or anything else interesting. One of my main goals with this book was to fill it with all the quotes I never got to use in textbooks. Just in case you think I made some of this stuff up, here's a list of the sources where the quotes can be found. For more information about the sources, look in the Source Notes.
hy are textbooks so boring? I could explainâbut it would be boring. I'll just mention one serious problem with textbooks: they always seem to avoid quotes that are at all funny, amazing, surprising, disgusting, confusing, stupid, mean, or anything else interesting. One of my main goals with this book was to fill it with all the quotes I never got to use in textbooks. Just in case you think I made some of this stuff up, here's a list of the sources where the quotes can be found. For more information about the sources, look in the Source Notes.
How to Rip a Country Apart
“One man will clean ten times as much cotton” Bordewich,
Bound for Canaan.
Bound for Canaan.
“Why am I a slave?” Douglass,
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass.
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass.
“Who saw this assault” Douglass,
Narrative of the Life.
Narrative of the Life.
“Had the conductor looked closely” Douglass,
Life and Times of Frederick Douglass.
Life and Times of Frederick Douglass.
“I found myself in the big city” Douglass,
Life and Times.
Life and Times.
“When I found I had crossed” Bordewich,
Bound for Canaan.
Bound for Canaan.
“For the first time, we are about to” McPherson,
Battle Cry of Freedom.
Battle Cry of Freedom.
“The South asks for justice” Miller,
Great Debates
.
Great Debates
.
“I cannot consent to introduce slavery” Seward,
Works of William H. Seward.
Works of William H. Seward.
“I have no pistols!” Chambers,
U.S. Senate records, April 3, 1850.
U.S. Senate records, April 3, 1850.
“I wish to speak today”
U.S. Senate records, March 7, 1850.
U.S. Senate records, March 7, 1850.
“The Union is saved!” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
Battle Cry.
“If it were your Harry, mother” Stowe,
Uncle Tom's Cabin.
Uncle Tom's Cabin.
“There can be no moral right” Lincoln,
Speeches and Writings.
Speeches and Writings.
“When the white man governs himself” Lincoln,
Speeches and Writings.
Speeches and Writings.
“There are eleven hundred men” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
Battle Cry.
“STARTLING NEWS FROM KANSAS” Potter,
Impending Crisis.
Impending Crisis.
“murderous robbers from Missouri” Sumner,
Works of Charles Sumner.
Works of Charles Sumner.
“I have read your speech twice over” Sumner,
Works of Charles Sumner.
Works of Charles Sumner.
“Every Southern man is delighted” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
Ordeal by Fire.
John Brown Lights the Fuse
“became considerably excited” Oates,
To Purge This Land.
To Purge This Land.
“I hope you will act with caution” Oates,
To Purge This Land.
To Purge This Land.
“What is it?” Oates,
To Purge This Land.
To Purge This Land.
“Believing that under this state of fact” Lawson,
American State Trials.
American State Trials.
“no rights which the white man” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
Ordeal by Fire.
“I have really got it into my head” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln.
“The things I want to know” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln.
“He can sink an axe deeper” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
Civil War, vol. 1.
“I never saw a more thoughtful face” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln.
“Abraham Lincoln is the first” Johannsen,
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
“You have nominated a very able” Wells,
Stephen Douglas.
Stephen Douglas.
“A house divided against itself” Lincoln,
Speeches and Writings.
Speeches and Writings.
“Put on your specs!” Johannsen,
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
“Let each state mind its own business” Johannsen,
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
“If slavery is not wrong” Johannsen,
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
“That is the real issue” Johannsen,
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
Lincoln-Douglas Debates.
“Mary insists that I am going to be” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln.
“Dear Husband ⦔ Oates,
To Purge This Land.
To Purge This Land.
“What was your object in coming?” Oates,
To Purge This Land.
To Purge This Land.
“I John Brown am now” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
Ordeal by Fire.
“to incite slaves to murder” Potter,
Impending Crisis.
Impending Crisis.
“THE DAY OF COMPROMISE” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
Ordeal by Fire.
“Never before, since the Declaration” Potter,
Impending Crisis
.
Impending Crisis
.
“The only persons who do not” Potter,
Impending Crisis.
Impending Crisis.
“What right of yours, gentlemen” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
Ordeal by Fire.
“What do you think of matters” Johnston,
Alexander Stephens.
Alexander Stephens.
“A herd of buffaloes” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
Battle Cry
.
“Well, gentlemen, there is a short woman” Lincoln,
Lincoln Reader.
Lincoln Reader.
“Ain't you glad you joined” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
Battle Cry.
“there will have to be a separation” Klein,
Days of Defiance.
Days of Defiance.
Abe Lincoln's Troublesome Victory
“Lincoln's elected” Chesnut,
Diary from Dixie.
Diary from Dixie.
“Mary, we're elected” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln.
“We are either slaves in the Union” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
Battle Cry.
“I am the last president” Lincoln,
Life and Writings.
Life and Writings.
“I would prefer not to have” Davis,
Jefferson Davis.
Jefferson Davis.
“Sir: We are directed to” Foote,
Civil War
,
vol. 1
.
Civil War
,
vol. 1
.
“as a man might speak of” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
Civil War, vol. 1.
“I will do my best” Davis,
Jefferson Davis
.
Jefferson Davis
.
“The South is determined” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
Battle Cry
.
“I am sick of office-holding already” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
Civil War, vol. 1.
“My father is going to vote for you” Lincoln,
Speeches and Writings
.
Speeches and Writings
.
“I have a correspondent” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln.
“In your hands, my dissatisfied” Lincoln,
Speeches and Writings
.
Speeches and Writings
.
“Why did that green goose Anderson” Chesnut,
Diary from Dixie
.
Diary from Dixie
.
“I do not pretend to sleep” Chesnut,
Diary from Dixie.
Diary from Dixie.
“The scene at this time was” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray.
Blue and the Gray.
“The rebs have fired” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray
.
Blue and the Gray
.
“Death to traitors!” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
Battle Cry
.
“We shall crush out this rebellion” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln.
“Tennessee will furnish not a single man” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
Battle Cry
.
“So impatient did I become” Wiley,
Life of Johnny Reb
.
Life of Johnny Reb
.
“If a fellow wants to go with a girl now” Wiley,
Life of Billy Yank
.
Life of Billy Yank
.
“The women of the South generally” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray
.
Blue and the Gray
.
“I wish that women could fight” Blanton and Cook,
They Fought Like Demons
.
They Fought Like Demons
.
“Our mothersâGod bless them” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray
.
Blue and the Gray
.
“Well, Mary, the question is settled” Freeman,
R. E. Lee
.
R. E. Lee
.
“the very best soldier I ever saw” Lee,
Wartime Papers
.
Wartime Papers
.
“I could take no part in an invasion” Lee,
Wartime Papers.
Wartime Papers.
“You must think as kindly” Lee,
Wartime Papers.
Wartime Papers.
“Old Abe has his legs” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln.
“monstrous fine!” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
Civil War, vol. 1.
“You are green, it is true” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire
.
Ordeal by Fire
.
“McDowell has certainly been” Kane,
Spies for the Blue and Gray.
Spies for the Blue and Gray.
“That is splendid! Oh, my!” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray
.
Blue and the Gray
.
This Is Going to Be Serious
“Remember, boys, battle and fighting” Zettler,
War Stories
.
War Stories
.
“The boys dropped from the apple tree” Zettler,
War Stories
.
War Stories
.
“If my hair at that moment” Zettler,
War Stories
.
War Stories
.
“No one can see a battle” Zettler,
War Stories
.
War Stories
.
“Didn't I tell you so?” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
Battle Cry.
“Steady, men. All's well.” Foote,
Civil War
,
vol.
1.
Civil War
,
vol.
1.
“Look! There is Jackson” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire
.
Ordeal by Fire
.
“And when you charge” Foote,
Civil War
,
vol. 1.
Civil War
,
vol. 1.
“What is the matter, sir?” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray
.
Blue and the Gray
.
“We have taught them a lesson” Davis,
Jefferson Davis.
Jefferson Davis.
“Who would have thought” McClellan,
McClellan's Own Story
.
McClellan's Own Story
.
“You have no idea how the men” McClellan,
McClellan's Own Story.
McClellan's Own Story.
“The president is nothing more” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
Battle Cry
.
“I will hold McClellan's horse” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
Battle Cry
.
“You're Mrs. Greenhow?” Kane,
Spies
.
Spies
.
“What can I do?” Gansler,
Private Thompson.
Private Thompson.
“You have pretty good health” Wiley,
Billy Yank
.
Billy Yank
.
“I was perfectly wild on the subject” Velazquez,
Woman in Battle.
Woman in Battle.
“My husband's farewell kisses” Velazquez,
Woman in Battle
.
Woman in Battle
.
“This is the kind of fellow we want” Velazquez,
Woman in Battle.
Woman in Battle.
“To say that I was frightened” Velazquez,
Woman in Battle
.
Woman in Battle
.
“It is hard, hard, hard” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln
.
Abraham Lincoln
.
“We were met by a storm of shells” Ramsay,
Sea Duels
.
Sea Duels
.
“We thought at first it was a raft” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
Battle Cry
.
“We of the
Monitor
thought, and still think” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray.
Monitor
thought, and still think” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray.
“I would have given anything then” Grant,
Personal Memoirs
.
Personal Memoirs
.
“It occurred to me at once” Grant,
Personal Memoirs
.
Personal Memoirs
.
“No terms except unconditional” Catton,
Terrible Swift Sword.
Terrible Swift Sword.
“an expression as if he had determined” Ketchum, Picture
History
.
History
.
“We have recently met with” McPherson,
Battle Cry
.
Battle Cry
.
“Good-bye. If I do not write” Daniel,
Shiloh.
Shiloh.
“I may run” Wiley,
Johnny Reb.
Johnny Reb.
“I have a mortal dread” Wiley,
Billy Yank.
Billy Yank.
“I have ordered a battle” Catton,
Terrible Swift Sword.
Terrible Swift Sword.
“The rebels are coming” Foote,
Civil War, vol
.
1.
Civil War, vol
.
1.
“Just look at that brave man” Watkins,
“Co. Aytch
.”
“Co. Aytch
.”
“Everywhere it was one never-ending” Ketchum,
Picture History.
Picture History.
“I will lead you!” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1
.
Civil War, vol. 1
.
“General, are you hurt?” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
Civil War, vol. 1.
“Well, Grant, we've had the devil's” Simpson,
Ulysses S. Grant.
Ulysses S. Grant.
Two Miserable Presidents
“I can't spare this man” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
Battle Cry.
“Oh! How I hate the Yankees!” Catton,
Terrible Swift Sword.
Terrible Swift Sword.
“He's got the slows.” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln.
“Oh, mother, Uncle Jeff is miserable.” McPherson,
Crossroads of Freedom
.
Crossroads of Freedom
.
“I wish I could learn just to let” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
Civil War, vol. 1.
“Jefferson Davis now treats all men” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
Civil War, vol. 1.
“The enemy greatly outnumber” Catton,
Never Call Retreat.
Never Call Retreat.
“He could sleep in any position” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray.
Blue and the Gray.
“Hello! I say, old fellow” Commanger,
Blue and the Gray
.
Blue and the Gray
.
“Men, every member of this household” Boyd,
Belle Boyd.
Belle Boyd.
“I could stand it no longer” Boyd,
Belle Boyd.
Belle Boyd.
“No, no. You go.” Boyd,
Belle Boyd.
Belle Boyd.
“The rifle-balls flew thick and fast” Boyd,
Belle Boyd.
Belle Boyd.
“MISS BELLE BOYD: I thank you” Boyd,
Belle Boyd.
Belle Boyd.
“You must act.” Catton,
Terrible Swift Sword
.
Terrible Swift Sword
.
“The time is very near” Catton,
Terrible Swift Sword.
Terrible Swift Sword.
“Open the valve!” Block,
Above the Civil War
.
Above the Civil War
.
“How do you feel, boys?” Foote,
Civil War, vol. 1.
Civil War, vol. 1.
“He will take more chances” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
Ordeal by Fire.
“And if I find the way open” Davis,
J.E.B. Stuart
.
J.E.B. Stuart
.
“Come on, come on, my men!” Sandburg,
Abraham Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln.
“Our boys and the Yanks” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
Ordeal by Fire.
“McClellan has the army” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire
.
Ordeal by Fire
.
“To fight against slaveholders” McPherson,
Battle Cry.
Battle Cry.
“I can assure you that the subject” Foote,
Civil War
,
vol. 1.
Civil War
,
vol. 1.
“In the matter of rights” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
Ordeal by Fire.
“I have the honor, sir” Bennett,
“Chronicles.”
“Chronicles.”
“Well, John, we are whipped again” Foote,
Civil War
,
vol.
1.
Civil War
,
vol.
1.
“The army is not properly equipped.” Bailey,
Bloodiest Day.
Bloodiest Day.
“the dirtiest men I ever saw” Ketchum,
Picture History.
Picture History.
“As I read, each line became” McPherson,
Crossroads of Freedom.
Crossroads of Freedom.
“Here is a paper with which” Ketchum,
Picture History.
Picture History.
“We will make our stand” McPherson,
Crossroads of Freedom.
Crossroads of Freedom.
“I have never seen a more disgusted” McPherson,
Crossroads of Freedom
.
Crossroads of Freedom
.
“Every one dropped whatever he had”
Voices
:
Antietam.
Voices
:
Antietam.
“Fragments of the poor fellow's head”
Voices
:
Antietam.
Voices
:
Antietam.
“A savage continual thunder” Wiley,
Billy Yank
.
Billy Yank
.
“The earth and sky seemed”
Voices
:
Antietam.
Voices
:
Antietam.
“It seemed as if a million bees”
Voices: Antietam.
Voices: Antietam.
“the awful tornado of battle.” Bailey,
Bloodiest Day
.
Bloodiest Day
.
“I have never mended”
Voices
:
Antietam.
Voices
:
Antietam.
“The enemy is driven back” Catton,
Terrible Swift Sword.
Terrible Swift Sword.
“Will you pardon me for asking” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire.
Ordeal by Fire.
“There never was a truer epithet.” McPherson,
Ordeal by Fire
.
Ordeal by Fire
.
“I think the time has come.” McPherson,
Crossroads of Freedom.
Crossroads of Freedom.
“On the first day of January” Lincoln,
Speeches and Writings.
Speeches and Writings.
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