Two Tears in a Bucket (15 page)

“
You haven’t left yet?” Angela asked.

“
I’m packing her bag. I’ll be leaving in a few minutes.”

“
I know you went out and bought her a whole bunch of unnecessary stuff. All she needs now are sleepers.”

“
Sleepers are pajamas, and she’s not wearing pajamas every day.”

“
Why not? She ain’t going anywhere. She can’t run the streets with you. She’s a premature baby, remember?”

Oh, goodness. Here we go,
Simone thought. “First of all, I don’t run the streets,” she said, irritated. “The only place I go is to Lavon’s house, and I won’t be doing a whole lot of that during the week. I’ve talked to Ms. Kennard a few times. She said since Kevin’s not around, she has to play a double role. So, she wants Jordan on the weekends.”

“
Mmm, hmm. You ready to dump the poor child off already.”

Lord have mercy,
Simone thought. “Ms. Kennard is Jordan’s grandmother. What’s wrong with her going over there?”

“
And just where do you think Ms. Kennard’s going to take her? To the germ-infested prison.”

Simone sighed. “Look, I have to go. I gotta take a CPR class before I can bring her home.”

“
I hope you took some more time off.”

“
Just the next three days. I don’t have any more leave. I’m already taking the rest of the week off without pay.”

“
Well, who’s going to watch her when you go back to work?”

“
This lady named Ms. Alice. She’s Big Bob’s mother.”

“
A stranger?”

“
She’s not a stranger. Besides, it’s not like I had any other option.”

“
Why can’t you bring her to me? I’m sitting here retired, doing nothing. After all, I’m her grandmother, too.”

“
How am I supposed to get her to you? I don’t have a car, and Ms. Alice is only a few buildings away.”

“
Just ask your daddy if you can use his van,” Angela suggested. “You know he’ll let you, especially if it’s for his granddaughter.”

“
He might, but what about your husband?”

“
I assumed I was going to be watching her, so I already told him. He didn’t say anything,” Angela said. “Besides, it’s not like you have to come in. All you have to do is pull up outside, and me or Alicia will come out and get her.”

“
Huh!” Simone chuckled sarcastically.
For that reason alone, I shouldn’t bring her.
Simone hadn’t stepped a foot in their house since she’d whacked Ricardo upside his head with the ashtray. “If I’m not welcomed, how’s my child welcomed? She’s part of me.”

“
Jordan’s an innocent little baby. Plus, Ricardo won’t be watching her; I will.”

Simone zipped up Jordan’s diaper bag and tossed it on her shoulder. “We’ll see. Meanwhile, I have to go. I’ll call you when we get back.”

● ● ●

Thomas smiled as he watched Simone sit on the bed, cradling her baby in her arms. “Make sure you call Ms. Alice and let her know Jordan’s home.”

“
Oh, I’m glad you brought that up. My mother said she’ll watch her.”

“
How you gon’ get her there?”

“
I was hoping you’d let me use your van.”

“
I don’t mind you using the van, but you gotta drop her off early in the morning. I gotta be at work by seven-thirty.”

“
Ugh,” Simone said, immediately having second thoughts. “That means I gotta leave here by six o’clock, which means I gotta get up at five. Hmm.” Simone looked down at Jordan. “I wouldn’t have to drop her off to Ms. Alice until seven
-thirty.”

“
Just let me know what you wanna do.”

Chapter Thirteen

Early Spring 1989

Kevin sat behind the colorless cinder blocks, ducking and dodging life. The news of Jordan had fluttered his heart, but the rhythm subsided that night when sleep finally tackled him, sending him on another horrific journey.

Night after night, Kevin dreamt he was running through a dark wooded area filled with bloody bodies. Some were dead, and the others used the little life left in them to squirm along the ground, reaching out to Kevin for help. Men screamed, babies cried, women hovered over the bodies of their loved ones in a state of desperation, and the leaves of the huge oak trees were all drenched in blood. Petrified, Kevin ran, leaping over bodies.

He saw Lil’ Bits missing half his face. James was there, too, lying on the ground. Kevin couldn’t tell if he was asleep or dead, and he didn’t care. Something was after him, and he didn’t know what it was. A faint light glistened off in the distance through the thickness of the trees. Night after night, Kevin sprinted toward it. Inches away from the light, he’d wake, panting profusely, soaked in sweat.

The first few months of Kevin’s incarceration, Felicia wrote letters that Kevin mailed back to her unopened. Every chance she got, she made her way to the jail on visiting day in hopes of seeing him. However, each and every time, Kevin turned her away. The only visit he welcomed was his mother’s and Simone’s, but he knew the chances of Simone coming were slim to none.

● ● ●

“
Look, Officer, how does this work?” Felicia asked, determined to see Kevin. “You call upstairs to another guard and that guard tells the inmate he has a visit?”

“
Yes, ma’am.”

“
Okay, well, I’ve been coming up here for months now, and the person I’m tryin’ to see won’t come down.” Felicia glanced over her shoulder. There was no one else in line.

Surveying the guard’s station, she didn’t see any video cameras, but she knew to be discreet nonetheless. “Here’s my license,” she said with a raised brow. Two crisp hundred-dollar bills were taped to the back. “You need that in order for the inmate to come down, right?”

“
I sure do, ma’am.” A smile cracked the officer’s solemn expression. “Have a seat. He’ll be down,” he assured.

Ten minutes later, Felicia walked through the metal detector on the verge of tears. Finally, she was going to lay eyes on the person her mind labeled her hero and her heart labeled her love.

With emotions running wild, Felicia spotted Kevin sitting in a booth behind the glass. He was fuming as he glared at her, but his angered look didn’t faze her in the least. She was happy just to see his handsome face. She squeezed inside the booth.

“
You can’t take a hint?” Kevin asked the minute she picked up the phone. He’d realized months ago that he couldn’t blame Felicia or anybody else for what had transpired. It had been his choice to respond to her frantic phone call and his bullet that had killed Mr. Johnson. But still…

“
I know,” she whispered softly into the phone, “but I had to see you. I feel like it’s all my fault that…”

“
Hey, hold up,” Kevin cut her off. “If you came down here to clear your conscience, then consider it cleared. We done now?” He slid his chair back, ready to leave.

“
No, Kevin, that’s not why I came.” Felicia’s eyes pleaded with him. “You didn’t have to come, but you did. You saved me and my baby’s life, and I love you for that. I owe you my life.”

“
You don’t owe me nothing.”

“
Yes, I do. You know,” she said, avoiding Kevin’s eye contact, “all those times when I tried to pull up on you…I mean, I acted like I was playing, but deep down inside I’ve always had this thing for you. Shit, what bitch ’round the way didn’t?” Felicia chuckled as she wiped away her tears. “I never said anything, ’cause, you know…you and James was boys…but since that day, I haven’t been able to shake you. You on my mind all day. You my hero, man. That’s why I’ma try and come every visiting day. That’s why I write you three, four times a week. I love you, Kevin.”

“
Felicia, I don’t wanna be your hero. A good man died over some bullshit.”

“
I know, Kevin. But I just want you to know that whatever you need, I got it, and if I don’t got it, then I’ll get it. I’m here for you. I’m down for the long haul. I’ma ride that forty with you, and when your forty is up, I’m here. You won’t even have to go out and look for nobody. No matter where I am or who I’m with, you’ll always come first.”

After Felicia’s visit, Kevin followed a handful of inmates from the visiting room to the recreation hall. He stopped at his locker to grab the letter he’d been trying to write to Simone. Since the birth of their daughter, he tried hard to take dictation from his heart in hopes of composing a letter that would not only express his deepest apology for the incident with Rhonda, but a letter that would also testify on behalf of his unwavering love. Yet, the more he scribbled pages of nothing, the more his mind screamed
why bother?
Months had already passed. Today, however, Kevin was determined to get beyond ‘Dear Simone.’ Slamming his locker shut, he planted himself at an isolated table in the recreation hall, hoping his mind wouldn’t intimidate his heart once again.

Dale sat at a neighboring table, shuffling a deck of cards with his personal bodyguard, Brown, nicknamed Kong by the guards because of his massive physique and slate complexion. Sentenced to five years for armed robbery, Dale, a fragile little white boy who probably didn’t weigh more than one hundred pounds soaking wet, had spent the first three days of his incarceration fighting off the booty bandits who preyed on petite men like him. He ducked and dodged, bobbed and weaved, until finally his fight was gone. Seconds away from penetration, Kong stepped in and beat the shit out of everybody with an erection.

Dale hid in the midst of Kong’s shadow, and before the week was out, he’d moved into Kong’s cell. Just when he’d thought all was kosher, Kong shared that his protection wasn’t without cost. In exchange for security, Dale spit-shined Kong’s knob on a regular basis. Dale didn’t have to worry about Kong wanting the ass. Kong loved women and had no desire to plunge inside anything unauthentic. A blow job was all he needed, and since it kept the booty bandits out of Dale’s britches, he was happy to oblige.

“
Hey, man,” Dale called out to Kevin. “The ladies be lovin’ your ass. My girl had her girlfriend with her, and good Lord! That chick had a fuckin’ fit when she saw you. Was that your girl up on the visit?”

“
Naw, man, that wasn’t my girl,” Kevin said without looking up from his letter.

Dealing the cards, Dale chuckled. “I didn’t think she was your type. The chick my girl had wit’ her is mixed. Man, she had a big ol’ phat ass, too. If you want, I can hook you up.”

“
Just tell her to write me,” Kevin said. He wasn’t in the mood for socializing.

“
Damn, man,” Dale continued, oblivious to Kevin’s subtle hint. “You really into reading and writing, huh? Every time I see you, your face is buried in some paper. You pretty good with letters?”

“
I’m a’ight,” Kevin huffed. “I mean, shit, I can spell.”

Dale laid his cards on the table and slid his chair closer to Kevin. “Then you one up on half the muthafuckas in here. You know,” he whispered, nearly in Kevin’s face. “Me and half the dudes in here can’t read or write worth a damn. You think you can hook my letters up to my girl? Hell, Kong,” Dale said, inviting Kong into the conversation. “He could write your letters to Momma Bear. Shit, Kevin. Writing letters could be your lil’ hustle.”

Kevin finally looked up. Dale was onto something. The money was pouring into his prison account from Fat Ed, Felicia, and everybody else who felt sorry for him at the moment. But as time ticked on, the donations would fade, and the last thing Kevin wanted to do was be a financial burden to his mother. Not on top of everything else.

“
What about poems, man? Can you write some ‘roses are red, violets are blue’ type of shit?” Dale asked.

The extent of Kevin’s poetic talents had been the little notes he’d left around the apartment for Simone. Motivated by love, the words had flowed so effortlessly.

“
I can probably hook somethin’ up. We can work somethin’ out,” Kevin said with a shrug of his shoulder. “Just give me your girl’s—” Kevin caught Kong glaring at him and shot him a fierce look. “What’s up, man?”

“
Ah,” Kong said to Dale with a voice as deep as Barry White’s. “Don’t he look like that nigga Dirty James be talkin’ ’bout?”

Dale gave Kevin an once-over. “Yeah, he do. You know some dirty, beady-headed dude named James? He use to work in the kitchen wit’ us. What the fuck is dude’s last name?”

“
Harris,” Kong belted.

“
Yeah, Harris. You know that dude, man?”

Kevin knew he and James were housed in the same prison. They’d run into each other a few times without incident or love. The Department of Corrections had made a mistake. Codefendants in a trial weren’t supposed to be housed in the same penitentiary.

“
Why, what’s up?” Kevin asked, avoiding the question.

“
Naw, I don’t know if dude tryna build a rep or what, but he runnin’ ’round telling people he set up his codefendant, some hazel-eyed dude.”

“
What?”

“
Yeah. You know him?” Kong asked.

“
Yeah, I know him. What the fuck y’all mean he set me up?”

“
Damn, man. Dude braggin’ he had you robbed for two grand, and on top of that shit, you got forty years helping him with his shit and he ain’t get but ten.”

Kevin remembered the assailants’ words the night he was robbed of the rent money.
We been watching your ass
. The robbery was when Kevin’s life had gone to hell. Had the rent been paid, there wouldn’t have been an incident with Rhonda or a shootout at Felicia’s. No one knew where Simone lived, and no one had her number. Beatrice didn’t even have it. When she needed Kevin, she simply knocked on Simone’s door. And now as Kevin recalled the ordeal, he remembered Tuffy saying that James had been robbing people. But never did he think James would rob him or set him up to be robbed. They’d been best friends since elementary school. It all made sense, though. At that very second, Kevin realized he could be holding Simone and his daughter. More importantly, Mr. Johnson would still be alive.