Two Weddings and a Baby (28 page)

‘I’m sorry,’ Tamsyn said, holding Mo against her. ‘I really am. I put two and two together and made a hundred. But it’s not because I think you are a bad person, it’s the opposite. It’s because I was hoping for the best, for Mo. I honestly thought that if you were her mum, then you would be the best for her. Don’t you see? I wanted it to be true because I actually do have faith in you.’

Kirsten sniffed, wiping her sleeve under her nose, looking sideways at Tamsyn. ‘Really?’

‘Really,’ Tamsyn said. ‘You know about life; you’ll be a great mum one day.’

‘Well, she is a cute baby, but I’m not going to get pregnant, not before I’m ready. Not until I’ve got something to offer another person.’

‘Well, that’s sensible,’ Tamsyn said. ‘You’re smart, and I’m sorry I didn’t give you enough credit for that. But for what it’s worth, I do like you. And as it looks like I’ve just moved back into town, I could do with a friend, so how about it?’

‘You’re a bit too old to be my friend, to be honest,’ Kirsten said.

‘Well, beggars can’t be choosers,’ Tamsyn retorted gently. ‘You’ve got a year left at school, right?’ Kirsten nodded. ‘Well, it’s too soon for me to make any promises, way too soon. But if I get premises, if I get a business off the ground, well, how about I mentor you? Help you get through your exams, teach you a little bit about starting up a business. Fashion might not be your thing, but perhaps together we can find out what is.’

‘You mean that?’ Kirsten looked suspicious. ‘Even though I’m not Mo’s mum?’

‘I’m sad for Mo that you are not her mum,’ Tamsyn said. ‘But not for you. And the next time someone who thinks they are much smarter than they are says “There are a lot of people that care about you”, I want you to be able to think to yourself that actually, yes, there is one. Me. Deal?’

Tamsyn offered her hand, feeling the formal approach was the best, and Kirsten took it in hers and shook it once.

‘Deal.’ They sat in silence for a few moments.

‘Shall we go and look at hats then?’ Kirsten asked her.

‘Not quite yet. I’ve got one more thing to do first,’ Tamsyn said. ‘I’ve got to go and tell the vicar I love him.’

Stopping in her tracks outside Catriona’s room, Tamsyn held Mo against her thundering heart as the revelation hit her again and again, a repeating wave of something like joy and something like dread.

What was she was planning to tell Jed when he came through the door? Was she planning to tell him that she loved him?

‘Dear God, Mo, I’m not sure I can,’ she whispered into the baby’s ear, just as the door opened.

‘I just wish you’d let me take you to get checked out, Catriona,’ Jed was saying, his back to her. ‘I think you should be past the worst now, really. If anything, you look worse.’

Tamsyn couldn’t quite hear what Catriona replied, but if there was such a thing as shrift, then this was it and it was very short. She braced herself to face him.

‘Fine,’ Jed said. ‘I’ll call you later.’

‘Oh, Tamsyn.’ The sound of activity somewhere deep in the house punctuated the silence. ‘I’m not sure you should be here with Mo.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Tamsyn rushed the words out, because it seemed like the most appropriate thing to say. ‘I’m so sorry about your house, and the church, and you getting dragged into looking after Mo. And I’m sorry that you were put in a position where someone found out something that is only your business and used it to stop you doing something kind and wonderful. And I’m sorry that while we were talking before, my ex-boss and ex-boyfriend turned up and … I’m really sorry, Jed, that I didn’t tell you about him before. I’m sorry I kissed you when I wasn’t free to kiss you, and I’m sorry … I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, that’s all. Before I arrived in Poldore, your life was much better.’

Jed shook his head, the afternoon sunlight that found its way in through the stained-glass panels in the great door dappling the side of his face with jewel-like colours.

‘You are a force of nature, Tamsyn,’ he said, ‘but I am fairly certain you aren’t responsible for the storm, or for the reasons that Mo’s mum felt unable to take care of her.’ He lowered his gaze. ‘I wonder, if I had been more willing to show my weaknesses to my community, then perhaps Mo’s mother would have been more willing to share her predicament with me.’

‘You’re not weak,’ Tamsyn resisted the urge to step closer to him. ‘I think you’re one of the strongest people I have ever met. You certainly make me want to lean on you, and I have always thought that I didn’t need anybody.’

‘You don’t need anybody.’ Jed looked up, his silver eyes pinning her to the spot. ‘You many want them, but that is another thing entirely.’

‘Well, I do,’ Tamsyn said. ‘I do want you in my life, Jed. Which is, at least for the time being, going to be in Poldore, due to a series of unforeseen events that led to me chucking my job in earlier today and dumping my boss.’

Jed’s silvery eyes widened.

‘Yes, I know what you are thinking. It does perhaps indicate a borderline personality disorder, but it was a choice that was made, if not exactly out of logic, then out of integrity. It’s a choice I made for myself, and not just because I want you in my life. I’d been pursuing a dream I’ve had all of my life, so relentlessly that I forgot what it was, and the more I tried to make it come true, the further away I got from it. And it’s been in here, in Castle House, that I’ve remembered that dream again, and how much it thrilled me. I want to design and make dresses for all women, dresses that make them feel wonderful about themselves, whatever their shape or size, and I want to make things that are beautiful, not modern, or avant-garde. I want to make people feel pretty. Which probably sounds a bit shallow, given that you want to save people’s souls. But anyway, I can’t help thinking it would be an awful shame if you moved away just now … I mean, I know you are a vicar and I am a heathen, but does that really mean we couldn’t just … see how we get on with some kissing and hand holding? Because the way I feel about you, the way that the feelings I am having around you make me feel, as if … well, maybe we could, you know, fall in love … sort of thing.’

After the first several seconds of silence, Tamsyn turned her face away from him, looking towards the sunlight transformed on its journey through the coloured glass.

‘So anyway,’ she forced the words out, determined to exit the situation with as much of her dignity intact as was possible, ‘I’d better get going – lots to do.’

A crash sounded on the other side of Catriona’s door, followed by a cry.

‘Let me,’ Tamsyn said, putting Mo in Jed’s arms before he could refuse her. ‘It might be that she doesn’t want a man in there.’

Catriona lay on the floor, a pool of blood forming beneath her hips, her eyes closed, her skin almost grey.

‘Call an ambulance!’ Tamsyn called to Jed, ‘Now!’

The thin, mewling cry of the baby answered her. Jed, who stood in the doorway, didn’t hesitate.

‘Catriona, what’s happened?’ Tamsyn took her hand; it was freezing. ‘Can you hear me? I need you to stay with me, OK? Tell me what happened.’

‘Where is she?’ Catriona opened her eyes, focusing them briefly on Tamsyn. ‘Where is the baby, is she safe? I heard her crying. Is she safe?’

It was then that all the pieces finally fell into place, and Tamsyn understood. Catriona was Mo’s mother.

‘Ambulance will be here soon,’ Jed told her, stopping at the threshold of the door.

‘Give me Mo,’ Tamsyn reached up for her.

‘Are you sure … if Catriona’s that ill?’ Jed said.

‘What she’s got isn’t catching,’ Tamsyn said. ‘Catriona has recently given birth to a baby, a baby that she hasn’t told anyone about. And she’s in a bad way. Quickly.’

Looking shocked, Jed transferred Mo into Tamsyn’s arms as he knelt on the floor beside his friend, taking her hand.

‘It wasn’t raining when I left her,’ Catriona’s voice was barely more than a whisper. ‘It was warm, and the rain had passed. I thought that someone would be there, for evensong. I would never … I didn’t mean … I didn’t want …’

‘Here she is.’ Tamsyn held Mo as close to her face as she could. ‘See? She’s well, and beautiful, and so full of personality, even at two days old. Your little girl is perfect.’

‘She doesn’t deserve a mother like me,’ Catriona wept, turning her face away. ‘She deserves so much better than a silly old woman like me.’

‘I can hear the sirens,’ Jed said. ‘They’ll be here any second, Catriona, hold on.’

‘Look at her,’ Tamsyn said. ‘Please, just look at her face.’

Slowly, Catriona turned her head, and mother and daughter looked into each other’s eyes. Mo mewled, one thick, chubby hand batting against Catriona’s cheek.

‘See how she knows you,’ Tamsyn smiled. ‘She’s saying hello.’

‘I love you,’ Catriona told her daughter just as the room filled with paramedics and Tamsyn was ushered out of the way, into the hall, where she waited with Sue.

‘I’ll go with her,’ Jed said as they wheeled Catriona out on a gurney. ‘I’ll ring you from the hospital. I didn’t see; how did I not see this?’

‘You weren’t alone,’ Sue said. ‘None of us saw this.’

The bridesmaids’ dresses were almost done, and Tamsyn was thrilled with the skills that the sewing circle had displayed; each stitch was perfection, each bead that had been carefully harvested from a selection of costume jewellery placed exactly as Tamsyn had instructed.

Now it was only Alex’s dress that was far behind schedule, and that was Tamsyn’s fault entirely. There was no time to think or fret or worry, and that was a good thing; the only thing she could do was take care of Mo, make the most beautiful wedding dress she could muster and wait.

Setting a smaller group onto finishing and fitting the bridesmaids’ dresses, she brought the still incomplete bodice of the bridal gown into the dining room.

‘Well, ladies and gentleman,’ she said. ‘Time is running out. It’s been a very eventful day, and we need to press on to make this dress the most wonderful garment that Alex has ever laid eyes on. She’s trusted me entirely with this project and I can’t get it wrong, so it’s all hands on deck. Are we in?’

‘Damn straight we’re in,’ cheered a tiny lady who looked around ninety, pumping her fist in the air.

Tamsyn scanned the room, looking for someone of a suitable height and build, and found Cordelia hovering in the doorway. There was a lost sort of quality about her, the way she was lingering on the edges of the action, that reminded Tamsyn of when her baby sister had been a little girl; always a bit too young to join in with what the rest of her siblings got up to, she had been forced to find her own way in the world from the start.

‘Cordy,’ Tamsyn called her over. ‘You’re the nearest I’ve got to Alex in terms of height and hips and waist, although she’s bigger on top, but that’s OK – that part of the bodice is finished, at least. You’re our model.’

‘Wait, what does that mean?’ Cordelia protested as Tamsyn caught her hand and led her into the centre of the room, pointing at a rather rickety-looking footstool that she had pilfered from the library.

‘It means you are going to stand here, on this stool, and we are going to construct the dress around you. If we all work together, it shouldn’t take more than an hour or two, and then I can finish the beadwork and embroidery on the bodice once it’s a whole piece. Kirsten, pass me the pins, please.’

Kirsten, who had been at her side since she began to work on the dress again in earnest, obliged.

Tamsyn had to admit that the way the sewing circle gathered around Cordelia as she teetered on the stool was a little bit intimidating, as if there was a small chance they might be about to pop her into something wicker and set fire to her.

‘You want me to stand on this thing for an hour?’ Cordelia asked her. ‘I’m not sure I can take it. I’m not sure it can take me. I’m a girl who eats pies, you know.’

‘I know, and we love you for it. The stool is, like, two hundred years old, so I’m sure it can last another hour or so. Woman up: this is for your brother’s wedding tomorrow.’

‘You know how much I hate being altruistic,’ Cordelia complained.

‘Yes,’ Tamsyn agreed. ‘You really are the most unpleasant person I have ever met, and yet, I don’t know … I seem to quite love you.’

‘Jesus, what’s happened to you – early menopause?’ Cordelia wrinkled up her nose.

‘An epiphany,’ Tamsyn told her. ‘The realisation that sometimes the things you already have can be more than enough. Now, if you move, I will stick a pin in you on purpose.’

The group worked in near silence for a long time, Tamsyn only looking up every now and then to check on Mo, who was lying on the floor on a brightly coloured padded mat that someone from the town had produced. She seemed to like it better than her carrycot, her black eyes seeming to look around and take in the beautiful plaster ceiling. Tamsyn smiled as she paused for a moment to watch her. It had been only two days, and yet she’d become so used to having the little girl in her life that she had started to feel like a permanent fixture. She supposed that some silent part of her fevered brain had even begun to entertain the idea of becoming her permanent foster-mother, and even perhaps one day adopting her. It wasn’t something that Tamsyn had thought or even felt consciously, but now that Mo wasn’t a lost baby any more, now that they at least knew who her mother was, if nothing else about the circumstances of her birth, the time that she would be in Tamsyn’s care would now be whittled down to hours. And yet, as much as she would miss her, the best that she could hope for Mo would be to return her to her mother. Closing her eyes for just one second, she thought of Catriona and wished her better, as if perhaps wishing might be enough to make it so.

It was strange how you could know a child for so short a time, a child so tiny, so barely there in many ways, and feel so attached to them so completely. For a person so small, Mo had ensnared Tamsyn with the force of her personality, her charm and sweetness, and yes, it had happened in the space of just two days: Tamsyn had fallen in love with the little girl. And if she could fall in love with her after only two days’ acquaintance, then did that mean she could fall in love with someone else too, someone who sometimes wore a dog collar and looked awfully good wet?