Unbearable (the TORQUED trilogy Book 2) (18 page)

Tyler looks nervous as he tosses the condom in the garbage can and pulls up his jeans. I have my jeans and shirt back on and it’s a couple minutes later and he braces his forearms on the counter. “You didn’t want it?”

“I didn’t say that.”

Tyler dips his head to catch my eyes and regards me, a pleased smile softening his features. “Is that so?”

“Yes.”

Truth’s out now. Can’t deny it.

His voice lowers, taking my air with his proximity as he leans in and kisses my forehead tenderly. “Then come back to my place tonight.”

An uncomfortable knot forms in my chest, my hand shaking as I reach out to touch his shoulder. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

Stepping back, he’s still close but distanced. The soft heat of his breath tickles my nose, his lips near enough to brush my own, but they don’t. It’s like he’s teasing me. For a moment, our stare locked in unspoken questions.

“I think it’s a good idea,” he murmurs, still watching me.

He closes the distance between us, my body pressed against the wall. It’s then the hard length of his cock is against my hip. “Once wasn’t enough?”

Tyler makes a sound deep in his throat. It’s one I want to record because of what it does to my insides. “It’s never enough
with you
.”

It’s never enough with you.

“WHERE DID YOU go?” Red asks me, his gaze darting from me to Tyler, whose cheeks are flushed. I can’t even imagine what mine look like. It’s clear as fucking day what we were doing.

“I stained my shirt with cranberries. Had to change it.” My words are snotty, because I know why Red is asking. He’s only asking because he’s being a dick and wants to be mad.

“Bullshit,” he mutters, sitting back on the couch and glaring at Tyler.

Tyler shakes his head and sits down on the couch, away from Red and near me, our fingers touching in the process.

I blow out a controlled breath, not caring if he knows those words affected me like they did. Repeating the words in my head, they make my head buzz. I can’t concentrate with him this close and my family in the room. Our eyes lock and his breathing falters, as though he can’t either and he might turn his head and brush his lips to mine regardless of who’s watching.

A languid smile stretches across his mouth when he knows he has an effect on me even now.

Nova choses then to jump on Tyler’s lap. “Uncle Ty, can I spend the night with you tonight?”

He looks at her curiously and it’s obvious he doesn’t want that but he’s not going to tell her no. “Why would you want to stay with me? I don’t have any toys or anything for you.”

“My dad won’t let me sleep in his bed anymore.” She eyes Red from across the room. “Can I sleep in yours?”

“No,” Tyler says immediately. “Girls don’t sleep in my bed.” His comment is suggestive because really, I certainly haven’t done a lot of sleeping in his bed either.

I snort. “How about you stay with Grammy,” I suggest and Mom beams from her place beside Uncle Hendrix where they’re drinking wine and talking about my dad and their memories.

“I’d love for you to stay, Nova.”

Nova seems happy with that and slides off Tyler’s lap, bypassing Red who’s trying to tickle her, and jumps up like the little lap whore she is and sits on Mom’s lap. “Okay. I’ll sleep with you, in your bed.”

Mom hugs her tightly. “I love sleepovers with my little lady.”

I’m not entirely sure but Red seems bothered by Nova’s distance to him the last month. She was so happy for him to come home from the hospital and to have Lenny move in. I don’t think she realized what it would mean with her daddy having a live-in girlfriend. She adores Lenny; it’s Red who she’s taking her anger out on.

We all knew it was coming with her eventually. You can’t experience what Nova’s been through at such a young age and not be affected by it in some way.

Tyler gets up a few minutes later and grabs two beers from the kitchen during the fourth quarter of the game.

Lenny takes the opportunity to sneak over to me and sits where Tyler was. “Were you in the bathroom with him?” she whispers.

I nod, making sure Red doesn’t see. He’s not paying any attention to us; instead, he’s now arguing with Rawley, who’s telling him he won’t be at work tomorrow because he’s playing in Portland tomorrow night again.

“I don’t even know why you fucking work there, Rawley. It’s not like you show up for five days in a row.” The sour tone to Red’s voice draws Mom’s attention.

“Red, don’t,” she warns, scowling at him but keeping Nova cuddled between her and Hendrix. “Not today.”

Red shakes his head but doesn’t push the issue. The last thing he wants to do is make today an argument, but I can see where the tension comes from. Rawley’s a shit these days and cares about music and nothing else. We all thought he’d change when Red nearly died, but he hasn’t.

Lenny elbows me. “So what now?”

I shrug. “I told you I was easy. He touched me and I spread my legs.” I let my head fall back against the couch. “I’m so disappointed in my vagina and her lack of control.”

“Oh, don’t be so hard on yourself.” Lenny laughs, standing up to sit next to Red on the other couch, attempting to calm him down.

Tyler returns a moment later, hands Red another beer and then sits next to me. Red takes the beer, never missing the gesture. Their friendship was cemented years ago and just because there’s something going on between Tyler and me, doesn’t mean their friendship isn’t still there.

I’m thankful for Tyler’s return and relax a little, my stare on the remaining minutes of the football game. I can’t tell you who’s playing because though my gaze is locked on the television, my mind wanders to Tyler’s words in the bathroom and him telling me he missed me.

If he missed me, why is he so fucking distant? Why was he with Berkley just days after he rescued me from a frat party? I’m dying to ask him those questions too but I know the timing isn’t right.

“Hey, Tyler,” Rawley says at the door after kissing the top of my head. He’s standing there with Jude, the two of them getting ready to head out.

Tyler looks up at him, his eyes leaving the game for the first time in the last five minutes. “What?”

“Where’s Berkley tonight?”

Rawley is a motherfucker. He really is and I want to punch him in the throat.

Tyler tenses but doesn’t give his frustration away, his eyes snapping back to the television. “How the fuck should I know?”

Shrugging, Rawley leaves and no one pays any attention to his laughter. Little shit is so intent on causing a scene all the time I have no idea what’s going through his head.

When the game ends, Tyler finds me in the laundry room checking on my sweater, my mind scrambling with jumbled thoughts.

“We have to stop meeting like this,” he teases, leaning into the door.

“No, you have to stop following me.” I turn around, holding my sweater in my hand ready to go up to my old room and wallow in my self-pity of being in love with a man who will never love me.

Slowly he eases away from the doorway and it takes both of us a minute before our eyes find one another again. Tyler studies me, his blue eyes unnerving in thought. The air between us seems dense, like oil, so thick you can’t see through it.

The familiar heat spreads over me when his burning stare captivates me. He smiles, and I smile. That always present electricity and draw linger, charging the air and suffocating me to the point where I think I’m going to burst into flames.

I want to know what he’s thinking.

The blood in my face rises to the surface, my ears throbbing. “Why are you staring at me?”

“Come to my place tonight,” he replies without hesitation. “Please.”

Sometimes I think Tyler is using me for his own benefit, a comforting face when he doesn’t know what else he wants. I’m not sure I always believe that, especially now, but it’s easy to fall prey to it when I think about the message Rawley sent me a few weeks ago.

I didn’t want to believe Tyler would use me.

I raise my eyes to his and he grins, because he knows I can’t deny him. Fuck, he’s asking nicely and I can’t deny a man with manners, right?

I give him a smile. “Okay.”

I’m a fucking idiot.

“WHAT IS THIS?” I sigh, knowing what fucking idiots we’re both being in all this. We’re willingly hurting each other. I know it.

“What?” He’s staring up at the ceiling of his room, his arms draped over his head as if he knows how dumb this is himself.

“Us…” I motion around the bed of tangled sheets and scattered pillows making myself look him in the eye. “What are
we
doing, Tyler?”

“Whatever you want it to be.” His tone is casual, but his eyes are anxious. He moves and twists to hover over me again. His left hand moving under the sheets, raising my right thigh up his hip.

“No, seriously, what are we doing?” My eyes close when he enters me for the third time tonight, just before the sun’s rising. “If this was what I wanted, you’d be with me,
only me
.”

He can’t miss the way I say only me. And he doesn’t.

His stare moves to mine. He’s trying to keep the conversation light, but it can’t be, and he knows damn well it won’t. There’s hurt and resentment for what we’re doing, though we both avoid it.

I can see something in his life is changing him in ways I hate, something he’s not telling me. When I look into his eyes, I see stress where I once saw a bright-eyed guy living life to its fullest every day. Maybe it’s the stress of the job or the changes with him and Red, but maybe it’s more, maybe it’s me or Berkley. There’s just so many questions in my head I can’t handle it. Could it be that our situation is just as stressful on him as it is on me?

I hide my face in his neck. My breath catches as he rocks against me, harsh breathing and slow moans controlling me for a moment.

“It’s not like I’m sleeping with anyone else, Raven.” He props himself up with his elbows, his brow furrowing, but he keeps his movements slow.

My gaze drops from his, losing the battle, wilting under the burn of his eyes, and I know the discussion is over, as it always is. He gave me an answer, but I know I’m still not getting what I want. He might be sleeping with just me, but it doesn’t mean he wants anything more than he’s giving me now.

My body is tense, his words controlling my mood. He senses the change and shakes his head, pulling out of me and rolling to the side, never finishing, the moment ruined by words.

His jaw tightens and he brings the sheet up around his waist after discarding the condom in the trash next to his bed.

“Why can’t this ever be easy for us?” He’s staring at the wall now. “Why does it have to turn into this every time?”

You have no idea, Tyler. No fucking idea.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t want to be this girl.” Rolling to my side, I face him, needing to look in his eyes, only his found refuge in the ceiling.

“For fuck’s sake, Raven, you act like you’re just some girl I call every once in a while. You’re not.” The biting edge to his words make my entire body shudder with the emptiness of his words.

“Don’t you see? I am
that girl
because that’s the way it’s always been,” I tell him, desperate to keep him from pushing me away completely and seeing what this is doing to me by constantly falling back into this.