Uncle John’s Presents Mom’s Bathtub Reader (12 page)
Read Uncle John’s Presents Mom’s Bathtub Reader Online
Authors: Bathroom Readers Institute
Julia became so famous and sought after as a public speaker that even Samuel’s opposition turned to grudging admiration. But though her success came from a song of battle, Julia soon changed her tune. After volunteering to work with soldiers, widows, and orphans (both Yankee and Confederate), she saw enough misery to convince her that there had to be a better way than warfare to solve grievances.
After the Civil War ended, Julia turned her eyes to international relations. In 1870 Julia became concerned by the Franco-Prussian War, which she found “cruel and unnecessary.” Julia began to envision a worldwide mother’s rally for peace. She issued a proclamation calling for mothers to arise and speak out against war. In Boston she held her first rally in 1872 and called it the Mother’s Day for Peace. “Who knows the cost of violence better than mothers who’ve lost their children on account of it?” Julia asked. Mother’s Day for Peace was an annual event for many years, and although it was never officially recognized, the idea of a special mothers’ day had taken hold in the public mind.
Although Mother’s Day for Peace never became an official holiday, the importance of Julia’s rally cannot be underestimated. Following Julia’s example, mothers saw how they could harness their numbers to make their voices heard. Groups like Mothers Against Drunk Driving and events like the Million Mom March can trace their roots back to Julia, the mom of activist moms!
Music to Moms’ Ears
M
om, Mama, Momma, Mother . . . the lovely words for the maternal have worked their way into a lot of songs. Think you can match the mama-lyric with the title and artist?
___ | 1. | Oh, Mama, can this really be the end? |
___ | 2. | And no one’s gettin’ fat, except Mama Cass. |
___ | 3. | Your momma’s waiting for you Wearing her high-heeled shoes and her low-necked sweater |
___ | 4. | Cause your mama told you that love ain’t right But don’t you know good lovin’ is the spice of life |
___ | 5. | “Kids are different today,” I hear ev’ry mother say Mother needs something today to calm her down |
___ | 6. | My daddy was the family bassman, My momma was an engineer |
___ | 7. | Don’t let ‘em pick guitars and drive them old trucks Make ‘em be doctors and lawyers and such |
___ | 8. | I love you, Mamaaaaaa More than golf with Arnold Palmmmaaaa |
___ | 9. | I come home in the morning light My mother says “When you gonna live your life right?” |
___ | 10. | I said, “Mom, what are you doing, you’re ruining my rep” She said, “You’re only sixteen, you don’t have a rep yet” |
___ | 11. | When I was just a baby, My mama told me, “Son Always be a good boy, Don’t ever play with guns” |
___ | 12. | Mama, life had just begun But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away |
___ | 13. | Hey, Hey, Mama the way you move Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove |
___ | 14. | You say your mother told you all that I could give you was a reputation |
| | | Awww, she never cared for me, but did she ever say a prayer for me? |
___ | 15. | Oh, Mama, I’m in fear for my life from the long arm of the law |
| | | Lawman has put an end to my running and I’m so far from my home |
A.
“Mama, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys,” Willie Nelson
B.
“Parents Just Don’t Understand,” DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince
C.
“Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again,” Bob Dylan
D.
“Renegade,” Styx
E.
“Mother’s Little Helper,” The Rolling Stones
F.
“Mother’s Day Song,” Adam Sandler
G.
“Only the Good Die Young,” Billy Joel
H.
“Black Dog,” Led Zeppelin
I.
“Bohemian Rhapsody,” Queen
J.
“Creeque Alley,” The Mamas and the Papas
K.
“Folsom Prison Blues,” Johnny Cash
L.
“Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” Cyndi Lauper
M.
“Get Back,” The Beatles
N.
“Baby Driver,” Simon and Garfunkel
O.
“Mama’s Pearl,” The Jackson Five
A
NSWERS
:
1. C; 2. J; 3. M; 4. O; 5. E; 6. N; 7. A; 8. F; 9. L; 10. B; 11. K; 12. I; 13. H; 14. G; 15. D
Was mom’s advice right?
F
rom “Don’t suck your thumb” to “Don’t be a bum,” our mothers doled out quite a few pearls of wisdom. Now the guys in white coats with PhDs after their names are trying to verify mothers’ advice in the lab. Was mom always right?
Eat your fish. It’s brain food.
True.
How did mom know? One of the fatty acids in fish, DHA, is an important component of your little gray cells; DHA aids your brain’s cell-to-cell communication and nerve conduction. In one study, seniors who ate fish once a week had a better chance to avoid Alzheimer’s.
Don’t go outside without your coat on or you’ll catch a cold.
Sorry, mom.
Colds are contagious infections usually caused by viruses. They aren’t caused by cold weather or dampness but by germs you pick up when you don’t wash your hands.
Wash your hands!
True.
See above, silly.
Eating carrots will help you see in the dark.
True.
The vitamins in carrots help improve your night vision.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Right on, mom.
Studies found that kids who eat breakfast do better academically than those who don’t. In one study, breakfast eaters often averaged nearly a whole grade higher
than those who went to school on an empty stomach!
If you keep making that face, your face will freeze like that!
Sorry, mom.
Our faces really do “freeze” into a pattern of creases, or wrinkles, we create whenever we smile or frown, but making a silly face for a few minutes won’t affect anything—except your mother’s blood pressure.
It’s important to get a good night’s sleep.
True.
Experiments at Harvard Medical School showed that college students who slept after they learned a new task remembered more about it the next day than students who stayed up all night after learning that same task.
If you can’t say anything nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.
True.
Experiments show that when someone gossips about the personality traits of another person, the listener will transfer those personality traits to the speaker. So if you tell Harry that Jim is a liar, Harry might think you are dishonest. When you only say positive things about other people, you’ll always be perceived in a positive light.
Too much TV is bad for you.
True.
Too much TV and too little exercise combine to increase body fat and obesity. And to avoid Alzheimer’s, researchers suggest that you turn off the TV and exercise your brain by reading, doing crossword puzzles, playing music, and even gardening.
Don’t swallow your chewing gum or your stomach walls will stick together.
Sorry, mom.
What were you thinking with this one? A popular variation on this one is that gum takes seven years to digest. Please. Stomach acid is as strong as toilet bowl cleaner and can liquefy chewing gum in no time.
If you crack your knuckles, you’ll get arthritis.
Yes. No. Maybe So.
Clinicians have found that cracking your knuckles pushes joints past their normal range of motion and puts stress on the ligaments
and tendons that hold the joint together. Cracking your knuckles for a period of years could result in inflamed, arthritic knuckle joints.
Eat slowly and chew your food.
True.
Eating too fast can lead to painful acid reflux disease. People can die choking on a piece of food. Plus chewing more slowly really allows you to
taste
your food.
If you cross your eyes, they might stay that way.
Nah, give up, mom.
Keeping your eyes crossed for a while may cause a temporary spasm of the eye muscles, but this condition usually passes shortly. The condition called “cross-eye” often begins at birth. It isn’t related to voluntarily crossing your eyes.
Nobody likes a smart mouth.
Oh please, mom!
Why do millions love to watch Leno and Letterman? Sorry, mom, you’re wrong. But then, as you’d be the first to advise us—nobody’s perfect!
“I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing. . . . Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, ‘I told you so.’” —Erma Bombeck,
Motherhood, the Second Oldest Profession