Uncle John’s Presents Mom’s Bathtub Reader (2 page)

Which brings me to a personal note and the most important lesson that I learned from creating this book. Mothers have an amazing ability to change the world for the better. Rich or poor, scholarly or illiterate, famous or unknown, mothers have achieved greatness simply by doing a good job of raising their kids.

So this book is a tribute from Uncle John to your mom, to mine, and to great mothers everywhere. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing for it.

Oh, and hi Mom!

Sue Steiner

Moms. Where would we be without them? (Certainly not writing this foreward, that’s for sure.)

Here at Portable Press, we’re just bubbling with excitement and pride over the newest addition to the Uncle John’s family.

Our new
Bathtub Reader
is a reader’s delight, created for and dedicated to those wonderful people who mean so much to us all. Inside its covers, you’ll find fun and fascinating facts about:

•
Pioneering Mothers of Invention

•
Heroic Mums from the Animal Kingdom

•
Mothering Through the Ages

•
Crying for Mama in Russian, Chinese, and Even Esperanto

•
Rating Moms from the Movies—the Best and Worst!

•
and much, much more!

Enough
about
the book, we want you to discover the delights for yourself . . . Please enjoy!

Uncle Al

Publisher

P.S
. A very special thank-you to our moms from A.O., J.P., and A.B.

That’s-a-my-boy?

H
ave you heard of mammismo? No, it’s not an ice cream flavor or a type of cappuccino, it’s a way of life for guys and their devoted mamas. But is it the wave of the future?

“Mammismo,” to get formal about it, usually refers to a relationship of privileged dependence on the maternal figure, who is seen as a symbol of protection and safety. To get less formal: When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s
amoré.
But when your son stays at home and doesn’t go out on his own? That’s mammismo.

In mammismo households, a mama nurtures (some would say “spoils”) her sons to the point where they completely rely on her to take care of them—even when they’re all grown up. In Italy these days, everybody knows about the problem of mammismo. Especially wives and girlfriends.

Why would a thirtysomething successful businessman still live at home? Why not? Mama has a home-cooked supper ready when he comes in from work. She gets his laundry done, irons his designer shirts, and she doesn’t question him when he goes out. Oh, and some mamas even serve coffee in bed every morning. That’s classic mammismo.

As for the son who has such a bad case of can’t-leave-mom-itis, he has a name too. He’s a “mammoni.”
Mammismo and mammoni. They’re a phenomenon that’s on the rise.

In 2000, the Italian National Statistics Institute took a survey that revealed what a lot of frustrated single Italian women already knew. Seventy percent of unmarried Italian men reached the age of 30 while still living at home with mama. That percentage rose sharply in the 1990s and shows no signs of falling.

Over 30 percent of unmarried Italian men between 30 and 34 still live at home, and even when they marry, many still find it hard to say
ciao
to mom. The Institute’s survey also found that 43 percent of all married children live within a half-mile of their mama’s house. Some guys even stayed with their mama after they were hitched. Oh, and 70 percent call their moms every day.

So why are Italian sons and mothers so inseparable? Since ancient times the bond between an Italian man and his mother has been strong. A mammoni will often say that his mother is happiest when she’s waiting on him, and he’ll be right. Italian mothers have been known to equate devotion with coddling, and many would feel mortified if sonny had to make his own lasagna. When mama is reluctant to cut the cord and her boy is reluctant to give up home-cooked pasta, mammismo is the result. But other factors contribute to it as well. Factors like euros.

Italians are better educated than ever, attending universities in large numbers. But scholarships and financial aid are hard to come by. Many students are dependent on their parents while in school and may remain so after graduation. When stiff job competition meets long periods of unemployment, lack of funds can force children of both sexes back to their mothers’ homes.

Since many Italian homes are not as authoritarian as they once were, most adult children report that they can come and go as they please. For an Italian man, this combination of economic benefits and individual freedom is sweetened with the strong traditional tie between himself and his mother. It all adds up to a down-home life with mama. And, say many Italians, if it makes both mother and son happy . . . hey, what’s-a so bad?

More and more Italian guys vote for mammismo with their seats (they sit down at their mom’s dinner table and don’t leave), but not everyone is happy with the cultural phenomenon. Psychologists warn that mammismo encourages a long adolescence, postponing a man’s ability to become independent and meet life’s challenges. Indeed, some mama’s boys will never break away, choose a partner, and create a family of their own.

Italian women often complain that they must impress their sweetie’s mother to get anywhere with him. Some say they hold second place in their man’s heart, with first place reserved for mama. And since so many guys refuse to move far from their devoted mothers, daughters-in-law can find themselves competing over who should feed, clothe, and spoil their man.

When both husband and mother-in-law agree that mama should still have the pleasure of doing hubby’s laundry and cooking his dinner, new wives get frustrated. When he takes mama along on vacation—well, sometimes that’s the last straw . . . or noodle.

Since extreme mammismo can put a stress on marriage, in 2003 the Italian courts weighed in on the side of wives. They ruled that an overbearing and interfering mother-in-law could be considered grounds for divorce.

But will the court ruling put a dent in the trend toward more mammismo? Hard to say. Mama continues as a force to be reckoned with—and not just in Italy. Belgium is experiencing a trend of adult children staying closer to their parents. In the 1980s, 50 percent of Belgian 18-year-olds left home. These days the figure is closer to 20 percent. In Spain, half of the male 28-year-olds are still
viviendo con
mama. Even more traditionally independent-minded British and American kids are residing longer at
chez
you-know-who. We’ll be watching and waiting to see if mammismo truly goes global or if mamas eventually go crazy from all those darn grown kids in the house!

On Mother’s Day, get in the spirit of ancient times and treat mom like a goddess!

I
n ancient times mothers were greatly honored—sort of. In many ancient religions, the “Great Mother” was the dominant figure, worshipped under many names: Isis in Egypt, Ishtar in Babylonia, Rhea in Greece, and Cybele in Rome. And that’s just to mention a few. She was the creative force in nature, a symbol of fertility, and the mother of all things.

But if there was great reverence for the Great Mother, then what about the ordinary mom? The one who spent all day cooking and cleaning and taking care of the kids—not to mention working in the fields or at a loom or spinning wheel? Did she get any respect?

The first known celebrations that honored mom (more or less) were held in ancient Greece. Individual mothers got glory—even if it was just reflected glory. Ancient Greeks honored their divine mother goddess, Rhea, every spring. They held celebrations at dawn, replete with flowers, wine, and honey cakes. It was the beginning of traditions that eventually resurfaced in modern times. Moms who get flowers and breakfast in bed can thank the ancient Greeks.

By 250 BC the Romans decided that if the Greeks could honor Rhea as the mother goddess, Rome would darn well honor Cybele, their mother of the Roman pantheon (after all, why should the Greeks have all the wine and honey cakes?). Then, when the citizens of Rome began honoring Cybele, they acted with typical Roman restraint, which is to say no restraint at all. They threw a huge party for her.

Rites to honor Cybele lasted a wild three days, from March 22 to March 25. On the 25th, there was a
hilaria
, or “celebration.” The hilaria featured parades and games dedicated to Cybele. In the evening, Romans indulged in feasts, disguised themselves for masquerades, and in general partied very hearty.

Scholars believe that when Christianity came to Rome, Cybele’s spring romp formed the basis of a new religious holiday. In an attempt to woo pagan followers, the church adapted Christian celebrations to resemble the pagan ones. In place of celebrating Cybele, Christians devoted a day to Mary, the mother of Christ. So in the spring, instead of racy fertility rites and masquerades, people honored Mary by bringing offerings to church one day during Lent.

As Christianity spread to the British Isles, Brigit, a Celtic mother goddess, began to fade from public memory when people began to honor St. Brigid, the patron saint of students, milkmaids, blacksmiths, and healers. Among her miracles was the ability to make her cows produce milk three times a day! It’s no wonder that her symbol is the
cow. St. Brigid put a very different spin on the day, since she’d turned down many good offers of marriage to become a monastic nun.

Despite all this reverence and revelry for the Western mother, it wasn’t until the 1600s that a day actually focused on ordinary mothers. (And about time too!) In England, Mothering Sunday was the first holiday that really resembled our modern Mother’s Day. On Mothering Sunday, the fourth Sunday in Lent, hardworking folks like domestic servants were given a special day off so they could go home to visit their mum.

On Mothering Sunday, children would also “go a-mothering,” which meant they returned home carrying small gifts to thank their mums. These gifts might include a small bouquet of flowers or a “mothering cake.” This was usually a fruitcake known as a “simnel cake” (the word “simnel” came from a type of flour and had nothing to do with mum).