Unconditionally (Brown County #4) (12 page)

You almost felt as if you had to try to catch your breath afterward, or acted like a dog with your tongue hanging out just to get that little bit of cool air to enter your mouth and extinguish the burn.

No matter how many times I had consumed the whiskey it still always made me cough. You know the type of cough that was just loud enough to be annoying. I was sure I looked like a real prize at the moment, wrinkled clothes, drunk off of my ass, and if my senses were indeed correct I stunk to high heavens.

“What in the world is happening to me?” I yelled out into the darkened room. “Where is my old happy go lucky self?”

I didn’t receive a response but I was bound and determined to find that carefree man who had to be lurking around here somewhere.

Toby

Wednesday rolled around and there was a little more of a pep in my step. A little more move in my groove. After getting completely plastered on Sunday night and waking up with the worst raging hangover on Monday, I actually didn’t know if I would live to see the end of the day.

As the very first customer of the day, I walked into Turn the Page Bookstore complete with my Ray-Ban sunglasses covering my eyes and it wasn’t the least bit sunny outside. Today was a day that my special cold cream or even cucumbers could handle the gigantic dark bags underneath my eyes.

“I need fancy coffee and chocolate STAT!” I hollered out in a whiny voice into the empty store as I dragged my feet over to one of the deep red couches that I personally picked out the for the store, something about the color just made them pop amongst the space.

Flopping on a couch was so out of the norm for me but that was exactly what I did, and instantly regretted it as pain radiated through my skull. I carefully rested my head on the back of the cushions and flung an arm over my eyes. Even with my sunglasses still perched upon my face, the fluorescent lights were wreaking havoc on my pupils.

“On the chocolate aspect, I can help you out but as for fancy coffee you’ll have to drag your ass over to The Coffee Cup. We don’t serve coffee here because we didn’t want the competition, remember?

Grumbling under my breath, I did remember but it didn’t mean that I wasn’t going to complain about it now. Too bad the establishment didn’t deliver, I would’ve even threw in an extra big tip.

I felt the couch dip beside me as Emmalynne spoke up again, “So I’m going to take a wild guess…rough night?”

Before I even got a chance to make some sort of I’m sure what would be a sarcastic remark the over the doorbell jingled indicating that another customer had entered the store. Since it was still before 8 am I knew it could only be one person without even having to lift my head from its current position.

“Good morning!” Tessa sang out sounding as chipper as anyone liked to be on a Monday morning, said no one ever. But the only thing I could think about doing was throwing a pillow at her to shut her up, and even thinking that single thought killed my head.

You knew you had one hell of a hangover if it hurt like hell to even think, I was in for a long day.

“Hey princess, why such a sourpuss?” Tessa walked past me, colliding her knee on my thigh making my body jerk which caused the pain within my skull to radiate even worse if that was even possible.

“Damn it Tess, seriously?” I positioned myself to where my elbows were resting on my knees and I could cradle my head in my hands, hoping that it would alleviate some of the pounding.

Mocking my whiny tone, Tessa grumbled, “Well doesn’t someone have his panties in a bunch? Seriously did someone piss on your morning Wheaties?”

Mentally I was now wondering why I put myself through this grueling day, I had enough sick time accrued that I could’ve very well taken a personal day.

This conversation wasn’t going to end well if I just continued on with my piss poor attitude, so I would get what I needed off my chest then maybe one of them would take pity on me and go get me a cup of coffee. It was worth a shot anyways.

“My day yesterday was literally hell on earth. I endured a dance class to try and rectify some of my dance moves,” Tessa was the first one to snicker followed closely by Emmy, I rolled my eyes at them, “then I hooked up with Roman from Big Pete’s.”

Tessa cut me off before I could continue, “You mean that hottie bartender who has the amazing chest? That if you were to actually touch that lusciousness you would walk away with third degree burns? Don’t get me wrong, I would gladly accept the challenge, but why on earth would hooking up with that sex on a stick be classified as a hellacious day?”

I lifted my head from my hands, flung my sunglasses off of my face and looked at my friends for the first time today which included their wide eyes at the sight of mine. “Well if you would let me speak instead of interrupting me…”

Feigning hurt, Tessa placed a hand on her chest, and they said that I was the dramatic one. I did feel guilty for snapping at her though, it wasn’t their fault and I had no right to take it out on them.

“I’m sorry…Anyways so we had sex, mind-blowing, amazing sex. And then he tells me to go, like wham bam thank you Sam. I didn’t know what I was expecting but the sense of feeling used was utterly overbearing. Then as I rushed out of Big Pete’s, while completing my walk of shame, I might add, I run into Gio. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, Ethan witnessed the entire scene which just made me want to crawl into a hole and rot.”

Expanding my arms wide open, I was ready for one or both of them to give me a giant hug to comfort me and make this daunting mood go away. I waited and saw them each exchange their own curious glance at one another, that overwhelming feeling of despair was returning. I flung my arms towards the ladies, “Why won’t you hug me? Am I that revolting today? I just poured my heart out and I can’t even get a round of hugs from my best gal pals?” Man could I catch an honest break already?

Meanwhile I snatched a double chocolate chunk cookie off the plate that was perched on Emmalynne’s lap and began stuffing my face. Tessa was the first to break the silence, “I’m really confused…” Well that was an understatement, it never took much to confuse Tessa. “That’s really shitty of Roman and I’m appalled of his actions because you deserve the very best, but were you wanting something more from him? And what did seeing Ethan have anything to do with it?”

Piss. I forgot that I hadn’t told them about the various little exchanges between Ethan and myself and how I utterly couldn’t stand him but couldn’t seem to get him off of my mind either.

“No, I can honestly say that I didn’t want anything from him at all, but it hurt basically being thrown away like yesterday’s takeout. That’s how it felt with Gio too. It was just so easy for him to walk away from me, from us. While I’m still here struggling over losing what I thought was the love of my life.”

I finished off the first cookie and reached out for a second when Emmy smacked my hand, “No way, Toby, you aren’t getting out of that one so easily. What’s the deal with Ethan?”

So that was how I ended up late to work, I had to rehash all my encounters with Ethan.

So now what was the reason for my newfound effort and new attitude on Wednesday? Well for starters I hadn’t heard from Gio since Sunday, which was almost three whole days. I couldn’t recall the last time that I had went three whole days without having to silence my phone from him calling. Maybe perhaps running into him the other day put things in perspective for him? I’m not sure.

Actually I hadn’t seen nor heard from anyone of the male gender since then and it was kind of refreshing not worrying about certain things and just living. I’m letting my chips fall where they may.

And the one thing that I was most looking forward to, my standing weekly time with Tucker. Every Wednesday evening, I would pick him up after I got off work and we would do any number of things. Going out to dinner, putt-putt, laser tag, you name it. It was just that special bonding time between uncle and nephew and it was my one exciting highlight of the week normally.

Work went by fairly quickly today and in no time I was knocking on Grady and Emmalynne’s front door.

It wasn’t long before I saw the knob to the door turn and Emmalynne and the most adorable little girl who was perched on her hip greeted me.

Charlotte’s face lit up the way it does every time she sees me and her little chubby arms reached out towards me.

Snatching her from her momma, I lifted her in front of my face, “Hi there little Lottie, you get bigger each and every time I see you. You need to quit growing up so quickly! Pretty soon I won’t even be able to carry you anymore.”

Massive amounts of giggles came from Lottie within just a few minutes of my being there. She was such a happy baby, which was why I was sure Emmy was going out of her mind with worry when she was sick over the weekend.

“I see you are feeling better baby girl.”

“Oh, she most definitely is, thank goodness. I was about ready to pull my hair out by the end of the weekend. I have never heard so much screaming and crying out of my precious baby.” Emmalynne leaned forward and gave Lottie a kiss on top of her head.

Seeing all the love reflected in Emmalynne’s smile towards her daughter just reaffirmed that she was exactly where she was supposed to be in life. She was a wonderful mother, an amazing baker, and the very best friend that I could ever have.

A wave of sadness washed over me at the thought of losing her which has almost happened more than once in years past. She was lucky that she only suffered damage to her leg when she was involved in the wreck that killed my brother. And she was even luckier that she survived and overcame that attack from that crazy ass stalker a few years back.

She looked up into my eyes and must’ve noticed my melancholy expression which made her lips turn down in a frown, “What’s wrong, Toby?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, I’m just so thankful to have you in my life, that’s all.” Now wasn’t the time nor the place to get into what’s been going on with me lately. I wasn’t so sure I could even explain it myself.

“Oh, I want to apologize to you for Tucker’s inquisitive questions regarding you being…you know, gay. He came home Saturday night and told me that you talked to him about it and I just want to say I’m sorry but also thank you. I didn’t really know how to address those questions but I also let him know that you aren’t any different from any of us. I honestly think the seed had been planted in his head by Connie and Martin. He doesn’t go over there as much and if he does it’s only to see his friend Drew.”

“It really is no problem, so no apology needed. I knew it was bound to happen at some time or another, it could’ve been when I wasn’t driving or attempting to make a turn, but he just wants me to be happy so I didn’t mind it one bit.” I would’ve really rather forgot that conversation but Emmalynne needed the reassurance that I harbored no ill will towards any of them because of it.

“Is Tucker ready? I don’t want to miss the opening credits for the movie.”

I called Tuck earlier in the day once he had gotten home from school and asked what he wanted to do tonight and he didn’t hesitate to express his
need
to go see the new Lego movie. Yes, his
need
to see it. I thought it was quite comical myself. Anything involving Legos or Batman and this kid was ready and waiting front and center.

“You know he’s ready. I’m surprised he didn’t come barreling down here already, he must not have heard you knock. Which you know you don’t have to do, I’ve told you countless times to just come in.” She had taken Charlotte from my arms and perched her right back on her jutted hip that had that baby girl’s name on it.

I knew that I could just walk in but I didn’t want to interrupt some kind of family time. Even though I was family, it just didn’t sit right with me. Now Tessa on the other hand, just came barreling in the door at any old place at any old time. She didn’t feel the need to respect people’s privacy or actually be invited in. Tessa lived to the beat of her own drum and there was a time I used to too.