Uncovering Hope (Uncovering Love Book 3) (5 page)

“MAMA! CAN WE MAKE PANCAKES
?” Eli shouts as he jumps onto my bed. The mattress moves with every bump, throwing pillows and blankets haphazardly. My stomach rolls and I cringe at the movement. I crack one eye and read the time from the clock. Almost eight o’clock. I’m lucky they let me sleep this much.

“Mama! Mama, wake up!” He hops again, this time losing his balance and landing head first into my side. I wince at the pain. This is one of many reasons I don’t go out. Kids don’t care if you’ve been drinking or had a long night. In fact, it’s almost as if they can tell you had fun without them and feel the need to deliver payback in the form of rambunctious behavior and jubilant shouts.

“Mama!” Eli screams.
Point in case.

“Elijah, baby, you need to talk quietly. It’s still early.”

“I’m bored. Ezra won’t let me play with him. I’m hungry, too.” My alone time is officially up for the day. I sigh and roll out of my bed.

“Help me make the bed and then I’ll take you boys out for donuts.”

“Yay!” Eli shouts, and I squint with the sound as if that’ll somehow help. It’s mornings like this that I wish for a way to control the volume of my children.

I love my boys. Their enthusiasm for life has kept me positive and moving forward on days when I didn’t want to. But they’re loud and fully energetic on a Saturday morning.

Eli tucks the sheets and lays out my blankets with amusement. It’s contagious and soon I’m smiling too as I arrange the pillows.

“Go tell your brother to get dressed, and both brush your teeth, then we’ll go.”

“Okay!” He races out of the room and I pull on my most worn blue jeans and a T-shirt from a charity walk I did last year, and arrange my loose hair into a bun on top of my head.

I walk down the hall and notice their beds are unmade and someone left the light on in the bathroom. They’re sitting by the front door, tying up their laces with complete concentration.

“Eli, Ezra, go make your beds, please, and turn the bathroom light off.”

“Can you do it?” Eli whines and Ezra pins him with a hard glare. Elijah always pushes his luck. Ezra, being older and most definitely the wiser, knows when to do as Mom says and keep his mouth shut.

“No, it’s your responsibility.” I say. I grab my purse and replace my id and cards from last night’s clutch.

“But I helped you with your bed,” he whines again.

I open my mouth to reply, but Ezra beats me to it. “Eli, let’s go make our beds. I’ll race you!” Ezra takes off down the hall and Eli follows with a grin. I chuckle to myself and pull on a hoodie from the hall closet.

We drive to the best little donut shop in Arizona,
Bosa’s
. The boys peer in wonder through the glass at the wide variety of sugar and dough before they finally decide on a maple long john and a cinnamon twist. I order a large coffee and we take our feast back to the car for the short ride to our park.

It’s close to Tate’s home, hidden within the neighborhood so it’s never too crowded. I pull out the blanket I keep in the trunk and we make a little picnic under a tree where we can see the pond and the playground.

I listen as they chat about their week at school between big bites. Frosting and sugar cover their adorable faces. Their expressive green eyes dance with every emotion as they retell the week’s activities. I love this. In this moment I don’t need or wish for more. They are my world.

“Mama, can I ask you a question?” Ezra pulls a dandelion and picks the seeds off one at a time. He tosses each seed into the air and watches it float through the breeze before repeating again.

“You can always ask me anything.”

“When do you pick the girl to marry?” He pauses in messing with the weed to pin me with imploring eyes. “Like, when do you know she’s
the one
?”

It takes everything I have to not giggle at his question. If it weren’t for that questioning gaze, so full of sincerity, I probably would. I bite my lip and consider his question. To come up with an answer that might give his little mind a truth to hold fast in his later years.

“Well . . . that’s a very good question. You have to really get to know a person. Not rush. Take years and years to make sure their inside character matches their outside attraction. And make sure you’re at least thirty.” I wink and Ezra giggles.

“Thirty is so old.”

“Hey, watch it, little man,” I tease. “Why were you wondering about that, Ezra? Any cute girls at school trying to steal you away from me already?”

His face scrunches into a grimace. “No, yuck. Girls are stupid.” He meets my gaze and amends. “Not you, Mama. I was wondering because I heard Miss Linda tell someone on the phone that Uncle Tate and Evie were getting married awfully quick.”

“Was this when she watched you boys last week?” He nods. I keep my questions light and my voice from sounding accusatory. I can’t believe Linda would say something like that. Evie’s mom has been so welcoming and supportive of our family.

“Were you in the room when she said that?” Ezra looks away. “Hey, Ezra. It’s okay. You’re not in trouble, but I need to know.”

“I was supposed to be sleeping. I snuck out so I could watch the baseball game on TV. They didn’t know I was there.” I nod with relief that Evie’s mom wouldn’t talk like that in front of the boys.

“Well, I think some people probably think your Uncle Tate and Auntie Evie should wait a little longer before getting married. But they are old enough to make that kind of decision and I support your Uncle Tate. I think Evie is a perfect partner for him.”

Ezra grins. “Me too. Plus she’s really pretty.” I try not to roll my eyes. Boys. They must come out this way.

“Mama, can we go play on the slide now?” Eli asks and I use my thumb to wipe off the icing left behind on his face.

“Sure thing, but stay where I can see you. Stick together.”

“We know!” Ezra shouts. They’re already off running and halfway to the playset. I settle back against the tree. I nurse my coffee and the warm liquid soothes my pounding head as well as breathes energy into my tired mind.

The boys race around the playground. They immediately start up some game using imagination, pirate voices, and lots of running. They’re ecstatic to have the entire area to themselves.

Ezra’s question pulls at a memory I’d rather forget. I wish I could go back and take the advice I just gave him.

“I. Love. You.” Josh punctuates each deep, hard thrust with the words that make me lose every last vulnerability. I feel my orgasm building, threatening to explode with each movement of his hips.

His hands cup the sides of my face and my eyes melt in his gaze. Sweat forms at his temples and I know he’s close, too. A strangled sound forces out my lips as he grips my hair at the base of my neck and pulls hard. Tears form in my eyes from the pain, and his demanding, punishing pace continues.

“That’s it, baby. Fuck, you’re so good.” He drops his other hand from my face and snakes it between our sweaty bodies to find my center. Knowing exactly where I need it, his fingers rub quick circles until I can’t help but scream out his name. My release crashes over me and Josh pulls out, finishing over my belly. “Damn, that’s hot.” He breathes before rolling to his back.

The only sounds are that of our hurried breaths slowing to an even pace. I turn my cheek so it rests on the cool fabric. Josh stares at the ceiling and I relish in the opportunity to just watch him. Strong jaw, kissable lips, hard eyes that can be dangerous sometimes and sweet others. I love this man.

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispers. Had I not been watching his lips I wouldn’t have heard the words.

“What? Don’t say that. Of course you do.”

“You’re too good for me. If you knew what was best you would break things off and leave my sorry ass.” He’s just feeling bad because he lost his job at the shop.

“Hey. Don’t say that.” I grab a dirty towel from off the floor and wipe my stomach clean before climbing back on the bed to straddle his legs. He tries to push me away but I grab his face between my hands. “I love you. I choose you. I don’t care about what anyone else says or thinks.”

My parents don’t like him. They don’t approve of us, and think we’re moving too fast by living together after just a few weeks. I didn’t really plan it, but it made sense, especially with him looking for work right now. Besides, they can’t tell me what to do. I make my own choices. I’m graduated, have a nursing job, and pay my own bills.

His gaze is hard and unwavering. “You mean that, Carly?”

“You know I do,” I whisper, peppering kisses over his lips. He catches my own in a torching kiss, pulling my naked chest flush with his.

“How did I get so damn lucky?” He pulls back just enough to whisper, “Marry me? Stay with me forever, Carly?” My eyes fill with tears and I feel the love flowing between us. I’ve never felt this before with anyone. He’s it for me.

“Yes!” I kiss him hard. “Yes, fucking yes, I will marry you!”

A young couple with a toddler enters the playground and my walk down memory lane ends. The family draws my attention with their behavior. The woman laughs and pushes her curly haired toddler back and forth in the swing. He squeals, a joyful sound, with each shove. The man grins as his glance travels between the child and woman. His hand sits with a gentle touch at her hip.

There’s something in the way he graces his little family with adoring smiles. The way he’s helpful and attentive to his partner and child. The way this woman moves with calm confidence, something only a woman who is loved and respected seems to possess. It reminds me of Tate and Evie, and I can easily envision this for them in a few years—spending a lazy Saturday walking to the park to play with their child.

It’s something I wish for them. And they need to find their way without me and the boys.
And you deserve that, too.
I shake my head at the thought. No. I had my shot. It wasn’t in my fate. I screwed up my happy ever after. Nothing I ever do now will be uncomplicated. I’ve accepted that. But my brother’s future is untarnished, and even though he denies it, I need to set him free.

The wind picks up and sends napkins flying across the blanket. I abandon my coffee to catch them before they scatter across the park, then toss them into a nearby trashcan. A cold breeze blows once more, sending shivers down my spine. My skin prickles and for a second it feels as if someone is watching me. I look around, only to find one jogger passing by the pond and the couple with their toddler at the swings.

I fold up the blanket and shout out a five minute warning to the boys. We need to get back and I’d like to clean the house before Evie and Tate get back. Things are changing. I can feel it, and a small part of me wants to hold on desperately to the familiar, easy comfort we’ve established in our lives. But the other part of me, in watching this young family today, is eager for change. Because change isn’t always bad. At least it doesn’t have to be.

My brother and Evie deserve all the happiness life has to offer, and they need to do that without us. I need to stand on my own feet, too. I can’t depend on Tate as much as I do now. He saved me when I needed him, but I’m stronger, smarter, and more confident than I’ve ever been. I’m ready.

I pull out my cell and send a quick text to Meg, one of my co-workers. She’s always going on about her son, the realtor. I should at least see what’s on the market. What I’m able to qualify for, now that I’ve had time to get my finances in order.

I call the boys back to the car, proud of the baby step I just made. When I think back to a few years ago, that’s something I’d never been able to do. I’ve fought like hell to become the mother I am, and nothing will hold me back from continuing to be the best I can be for my sons.

Eli and Ezra hop into the backseat, and my phone starts to ring from where it’s tucked in my back pocket. I pull it out and the number is one I don’t recognize. Unease crawls across my skin and my fingers tremble as I swipe across the screen.

The boys must pick up on my fear because they go quiet and I’m paralyzed by the fear of who could be on the line. “Hello?” I croak.

“Hi! Is this Carly?” A friendly male voice sounds through the line, allowing me to suck in a quick breath. I’m still suspicious. It’s a voice I don’t know.

“Who is this?” I speak plainly with a confidence I don’t feel.

“This is Mark Stevens. My mother, Margaret asked me to call. I’m with Home Finder Realty.” I finally relax, and go limp in my seat as I pull the buckle across my chest and start the car
. Stupid.
I’m being paranoid.

“Sorry, yes, this is Carly. Your mom tells me you’re the one to call about house hunting and I wondered if you could help me get started. I’m looking to purchase my first home but I don’t even know where to begin.” Mark’s warm, friendly voice floats through the line as he gives me the rundown. By the time I pull into the driveway I’m both excited and a little overwhelmed.

“Why don’t I send over some info, as well as the contact for the loan specialist I like to work with and we can go from there? And don’t worry. I know this can feel like a lot but it’s all worth it in the end. I’ll be here for any questions you have.”

“Thanks Mark, I’ll look for your email and I’ll probably bother you with lots of dumb questions.” He chuckles and I can already tell I’ll like working with this guy.

“No dumb questions. Carly, you let me know if you need anything. I’ll be in touch.”

“Thank you.”

“Mama, who was that?” Ezra’s voice pulls my attention to the rear view mirror. His eyes are big and wide and his lips form a thin line.
Shit
. He’s too insightful for an eight-year-old.

“Nothing you have to worry about, kiddo. Just a nice man who’s going to help me with a few things.”

He studies my eyes in the mirror a moment before his features relax. I need to watch my reactions with this one. I don’t want to worry him. He’s already been through so much. I want nothing more than for my boys to feel safe.