Undead and Unsure

Titles by MaryJanice Davidson

UNDEAD AND UNWED

UNDEAD AND UNEMPLOYED

UNDEAD AND UNAPPRECIATED

UNDEAD AND UNRETURNABLE

UNDEAD AND UNPOPULAR

UNDEAD AND UNEASY

UNDEAD AND UNWORTHY

UNDEAD AND UNWELCOME

UNDEAD AND UNFINISHED

UNDEAD AND UNDERMINED

UNDEAD AND UNSTABLE

UNDEAD AND UNSURE

DERIK’S BANE

WOLF AT THE DOOR

SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES

SWIMMING WITHOUT A NET

FISH OUT OF WATER

Titles by MaryJanice Davidson and Anthony Alongi

JENNIFER SCALES AND THE ANCIENT FURNACE

JENNIFER SCALES AND THE MESSENGER OF LIGHT

THE SILVER MOON ELM: A JENNIFER SCALES NOVEL

SERAPH OF SORROW: A JENNIFER SCALES NOVEL

RISE OF THE POISON MOON: A JENNIFER SCALES NOVEL

EVANGELINA: A JENNIFER SCALES NOVEL

Anthologies

CRAVINGS

(with Laurell K. Hamilton, Rebecca York, Eileen Wilks)

BITE

(with Laurell K. Hamilton, Charlaine Harris, Angela Knight, Vickie Taylor)

KICK ASS

(with Maggie Shayne, Angela Knight, Jacey Ford)

MEN AT WORK

(with Janelle Denison, Nina Bangs)

DEAD AND LOVING IT

SURF’S UP

(with Janelle Denison, Nina Bangs)

MYSTERIA

(with P. C. Cast, Gena Showalter, Susan Grant)

OVER THE MOON

(with Angela Knight, Virginia Kantra, Sunny)

DEMON’S DELIGHT

(with Emma Holly, Vickie Taylor, Catherine Spangler)

DEAD OVER HEELS

MYSTERIA LANE

(with P. C. Cast, Gena Showalter, Susan Grant)

MYSTERIA NIGHTS

(includes
Mysteria
and
Mysteria Lane,
with P. C. Cast, Susan Grant, Gena Showalter)

UNDERWATER LOVE

(includes
Sleeping with the Fishes, Swimming Without a Net
, and
Fish out of Water
)

DYING FOR YOU

UNDEAD AND UNDERWATER

THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP

Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA

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Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

For more information about the Penguin Group, visit penguin.com.

This book is an original publication of The Berkley Publishing Group.

Copyright © 2013 by MaryJanice Davidson.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

Berkley Sensation Books are published by The Berkley Publishing Group.

BERKLEY SENSATION
^®
is a registered trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

The “B” design is a trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

eBook ISBN 978-1-101-60012-2

Davidson, MaryJanice.

Undead and unsure / MaryJanice Davidson.—First Edition.

pages cm

ISBN 978-0-425-26343-3

1. Taylor, Betsy (Fictitious character)—Fiction. 2. Vampires—Fiction. 3. Paranormal romance stories. I. Title.

PS3604.A949U5274 2013

813'.6—dc23

2013011552

FIRST EDITION:
August 2013

Jacket illustration by Don Sipley.

Jacket design by Lesley Worrell.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

For Mom and Dad and Yvonne,
who paid me the sizeable compliment of never being unsure I’d make something of myself. And I almost have! Made something of myself, I mean. Any day now this writing gig will start to pay off. I can feel it!

And for Tony,
who didn’t care if it ever paid off, as long as I was doing what I loved.

Author’s Note

It’s not advisable for anyone to play in traffic. Even if they’re a vampire king. It’s a bad idea for anyone. It just is.

Also, Tina and Betsy’s mom discuss Clara Barton’s Missing Men project, specifically the Office of Correspondence with the Friends of the Missing Men of the United States Army. After the Civil War, so many did not make it home. They left grieving parents, spouses, siblings, and friends, all trapped in the unique agony of assuming someone they love is dead, but not knowing for sure and maybe not
ever
knowing for sure.

Ms. Barton started the Office of Correspondence to try to help shattered loved ones find (pardon the twenty-first-century patois) closure. She received tens of thousands of letters, responded to over sixty thousand of them, and tracked down over twenty thousand men. She did this without the Internet, the information highway, television, the “have you seen me?” backs of milk cartons, or—oh yeah!—funding. That is because Clara Barton
kicked ass
in pretty much everything she did. More info on her Missing Men project can be found here: http://www.civilwarmed.org/clara-bartons-missing-soldiers-office-museum/about-clara-bartons-missing-soldiers-office/.

Sinclair’s definition of
priceless
comes from
Collins English Dictionary
, via
The Free Dictionary
at http://www.thefreedictionary.com/priceless.

Summit Lookout Park in St. Paul is a real place, with a real extraordinary view, and marked by a real marker that reads, in part, “This park was originally the site of the Carpenter’s Hotel, a towering wooden structure of the late 1850s . . . Projecting three stories above grade, the hotel was crowned with an open observation deck. It is believed that the hotel burned.”

Okay,
believed
? A towering wooden structure three stories high burned, probably, but no one’s sure? I get that this was over a century ago, but I’d think someone might have made a note. “March 17, 1865. Still pretty friggin’ cold, but spring is a mere twenty weeks away. Also, the gigantic hotel at the end of the street burned flat. As a direct consequence, there were a
lot
of pissed-off out-of-towners milling around while the inferno raged. I’ve got a splinter, too, so I’ll probably be dead soon. But I found a five-dollar bill yesterday so I’ll die rich!”

See? Easy.

Anyway, the Summit Lookout Park is a real place, but I don’t think people should have sex there. There’s not much cover.

There are B&Bs (bed-and-breakfasts) where guests are not only expected to help with the chores, but to pay for the privilege. I’m not as infuriated by those as Betsy’s mother is, but I still think it’s weird.

There is such a thing as Dinkytown, and such a place as the Historic. Dinkytown will forever have a place in my heart, as it’s where the first Khan’s Mongolian Barbecue popped up in the Twin Cities. When I moved to Boston from the Midwest, I missed my friends, my family, and Khan’s (I’m gonna pretend it was in that order). It’s no coincidence that in
Undead and Unwed
, Betsy gets attacked outside Khan’s, which inadvertently leads to her becoming queen.

Freudian Slippers are a real thing. I’m so jealous I didn’t think of them. Find them at the Unemployed Philosophers Guild at http://www.philosophersguild.com.

Finally, although it describes Betsy perfectly, I didn’t come up with
genius ditz
. For that I must thank the tireless juggernaut of pop culture minutiae that is Television Tropes and Idioms (TVTropes.org). I’ve found it an invaluable (and time-slurping) resource and was startled and thrilled to find my own work mentioned in several categories. Anti-Antichrist, Our Vampires Are Different, Fluffy the Terrible, Answers to the Name of God, Fantastic Racism, Ironic Name, and A Chat with Satan are just a few of the places Betsy, Jennifer Scales, and other characters have popped up.

Warning: this site is beyond engrossing. Do not visit unless you’ve got thirty-six hours you don’t know what to do with. You have been warned.

I heard that you were feeling ill

Headache, fever, and a chill.

I came to help restore your pluck.

‘Cause I’m the nurse who likes to—

—
FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF

To the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee.

—HERMAN MELVILLE,
MOBY DICK

If her own family thought she was hard sometimes, it was because they didn’t understand that when you went through hell you came out baked by the fire. And when you had to burn to have your own way, you always wanted to have it.

—STEPHEN KING,
CHRISTINE

To stay in shape, the brain needs to work out.

—“HOW TO KEEP A SHARP MIND,”
MARTHA STEWART LIVING

I have an almost complete disregard of precedent, and a faith in the possibility of something better. It irritates me to be told how things have always been done. I defy the tyranny of precedent.

—CLARA BARTON