Under His Skin (20 page)

“Good night baby, I love you.  I will let myself out.”

“Fuck Kellie!  Just one more?”  I said as I reached out and slid a finger inside of her.   I pulled it out and sucked on it.  “At least let me taste it.”  She quivered.

“Good night, Stephen,” she said as she leaned in and kissed me.

“Good night baby.  I love you. I can’t wait until you are Mrs. Stephen Pascarelli.”

“I can’t either.  I have to go, the girls are outside waiting for me.”

“Fine, Good night,” I pouted.

“Good night,” she said as she blew me a kiss.

I heard her shuffling around; she must have been picking up her clothes.  I heard footsteps go toward the kitchen.  I heard glasses clinking and the refrigerator door open, then close a few seconds later.  There was nothing for a few minutes, then quick footsteps out the front door.  I drifted off into a sound sleep a few minutes later.

Chapter 37

Stephen

I woke up feeling rested and in a good mood.  I was going to marry an incredible woman today.  I jumped into the shower, closed my eyes and let my mind replay the events of last night.  I hardened and stroked myself as I thought about her crawling up the bed to me, taking me into her mouth, riding me.  The light from the TV illuminating her curves, she leaned in to kiss me and I saw her face… it was Addison.  My eyes flew open,
what the fuck am I doing?
  Why was I thinking about her? How did my fantasy turn from my future wife to her? 

Unfortunately the thought of Addison doing all the things Kellie had done last night turned me on even more. 
I’m so fucked,
I thought as I climaxed in the shower.  I watched it run down the drain and a bad feeling came over me.  I finished my shower, opened the door and wrapped the towel around myself.  Needing some caffeine, I went into the kitchen to turn on the coffee pot and saw the ultrasound picture on the counter.

Oh shit, is there any way she didn’t see it?
I wondered.  The chances were very slim.  I didn’t know what to do.  My first instinct was to text her and ask.  I immediately scratched that off the list.  I could text and say “good morning” as if nothing was wrong and see what her response is.  If she tells me to “fuck off,” then I know she saw it.  I could just wait and show up at the wedding and see if she shows.  I went with the second option.  After I turned on the coffee pot, I went back into my room and grabbed my cell phone.  No missed calls or messages.  I didn’t know if that was good or bad.

(7:20am)

Stephen:  Good morning Mrs. Pascarelli.  I hope you rested well.  You’ll need all of your energy tonight.

Kellie:  lol!  You’re terrible. Good morning Mr. Pascarelli.  I can’t wait to see you!

Stephen:  Me too baby, just a few more hours.

Kellie:  Muah, kisses until then

That went well
, I thought.  She must not have seen it.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief. 

I could smell the coffee coming from the kitchen.  I went in and grabbed a cup then went to sit by the pool and take in the morning.

Pete came over around one with the tuxes and we toasted to my upcoming nuptials, and fatherhood.  The rest of the guys; Drew, Joey and Colton Davis, an old buddy from school that had recently moved back into the area from Nashville, showed up about two o’clock.

The limo arrived right at three o’clock and took us to Samuel’s.  We arrived just as guests were being seated.  The guys and I were in a side room when there was a knock on the door.

“Excuse me fellas, can I speak to my future husband for a second?”  The guys scattered.  Once Pete was behind Kellie, he looked at me with an arched eyebrow and mouthed

“You okay?”  I nodded.

“Kellie, what’s going on baby?” I asked once the room was clear.

“Stephen, do you love me?”

“Kellie, what kind of question is that? We are getting married in a few minutes.”

“Please Stephen, answer the question.  Do you love me?”

“Yes, baby, of course I love you.  I love you immensely!”

“Are you in love with me?”

“I just told you I did.”

“No you said you loved me, are you in love with me?”

“Kellie, where are you going with this?”  She took a deep breath and bit her lip before speaking again.

“You’re still in love with her aren’t you?”

“Why are you doing this now?”

“And you’ve answered my question.”

“Kellie, I love you.   I want to marry you.  I’m going to marry you.”

“I saw the sonogram picture Stephen.  When were you going to tell me?”

“Oh god Kellie, she called yesterday right before I left for the rehearsal dinner.  I was not going to spoil your night with that.  That’s something that can wait.  I’m not even sure that it’s mine.”

“Aren’t you?”

“No Kellie, it could be anyone’s.”

“Do you really believe that?”

I sat in silence.

“That’s what I thought Stephen.  I love you.  I’m in love you with you, but ever since you found her again, I’ve been nothing but a sad replacement.  Who knows, maybe even before that?  It’s always been her and I deserve better.  I deserve someone who puts me first.  You are an amazing man, Stephen, but you are not my amazing man.  I love you and I wish you the best.  I can’t say no hard feelings because I literally want to rip your throat out right now, but I’m better than that too.  Goodbye Stephen.”

There was nothing that I could say to dispute her.  She deserved way better than what I had to offer her.  I watched her as she walked out of the room in her “bride-to-be” sweatpants.

Chapter 38

Addison

When I walked into the room, he was sitting there with his head in his hands.  His friend Pete looked up as I walked into the room and tapped him on the shoulder said something in his ear and left.  He looked up at me and his eyes were red and puffy.  I just wanted to run to him and hold him.

“Addison, what are you doing here?”

“Your mom called me and told me what happened.”

“For some reason, that doesn’t surprise me.”

“I’m sorry Stephen.”

“Save it Addison.”

“No, listen to me for once!  I’m sorry.  When you wouldn’t return my messages or calls I got the message.  I promised myself I would leave you alone.  Then your mom stopped by the store with your wedding announcement…”

“She what!”

“She stopped in to shop and left me a copy of the announcement.  That was how I found out.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I couldn’t believe that you could just… do that.  Get married and act like there was nothing between us.”

“It was only a few weeks Addison.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“Okay, it was only a couple of weeks for you.”

“Fine, okay, whatever.  A few days or a few weeks, it doesn’t matter, I fell for you and you didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me you were getting married.”

“I didn’t owe you anything and I still don’t, well, besides child support apparently.”  I flinched at the barb he had just thrown at me.

“You know what.  I’m going to go now.  I heard what happened, and I wanted to check on you.  You’ve made it very clear that you don’t want me around.  So I’m leaving.  Call me if and when you want to find out more about the baby,” I turned to leave and felt his hand on my waist.

“Addison, wait,” he said, turning me around and pulling me closer to him.  He was still sitting, and I was standing directly between his legs when he looked up and me with those earth-shatteringly blue eyes, when he started speaking again.

“I’m sorry.  This had not been an easy last few months and to top it off, in a matter of twenty-four hours I found out that I was going to be a father and I was left at the altar.  My head is spinning and I honestly don’t know what to do.  I just need some time. I don’t know what it’s like to not love you, but I also don’t know where to go from here.”

My heart ached at the pain etched on his face, especially knowing that I caused most of it.  I took a chance and stepped closer to him, pulling him into me.

“I’m so sorry Stephen,” was all I could say before I felt his body start to shake.  His silent sobs shattered my heart even more.  I bent down and kissed his forehead.

“Stephen, I’m so sorry that I can’t change who I was or what I did to you in high school.  What I did was gut-wrenchingly awful.  If I could go back and change it, I would but I can’t.  What I can do is make you a promise.  I promise, if you give me the chance to show, a better future.  I can promise a future full of hope, love, compassion and passion.  A future with a woman and children that love you.  A future where I tell you how much I love and appreciate you every day,” I cupped his face as he looked up at me. 

“Stephen Nicholas Pascarelli, I’m asking you to have faith in me and allow me to prove that I can love you that way that you deserve.”  I dropped down to my knees so that we were eye level.  “I am begging you.” 

He grabbed my face, staring into my eyes for a brief moment. I couldn’t read his expression.  My stomach was in knots waiting for some type of answer from him.  He leaned forward and kissed me slowly, deeply, passionately.  It was a good thing I was already on the ground because it made my knees weak.

Chapter 39

May 9, 2016

Stephen

I sat at my desk working on a new program when my phone dinged in my desk drawer.  Preoccupied with writing code, I barely glanced at the screen as I pulled it out of the drawer.

(10:16am)

Addison: IT’S TIME!!!!!

Oh shit,
I said to myself because her text had caught me off guard.  Addison wasn’t due for another two weeks, but the doctor had warned us that she could go at any moment. 

“Pete!” I yelled out of my office.  “It’s time, I’ve gotta go man!”

Moments later, Pete ran into my office.

“Okay, man I’ve got you covered!  I’ll stop by the hospital later to check on you.”

“Thanks man,” I said as I gathered my laptop and several other items to take with me. 

I scanned my desk to make sure I had everything I need, Pete informed me from his experience in November, that deliveries are never as fast as you would think; my eyes fell on the framed photos that sat displayed prominently.  In the center was my wedding photo.  It had been five months, but it seemed like yesterday.  Addison was especially gorgeous that day.  Her belly had just barely become visible in clothing and I found her even sexier than before, if that was possible.

After Kellie left me at the altar and Addison showed up, it took me a few weeks, lots of phone calls and texts from Addison and of course and plenty of encouragement from my mother but I gave in to the fact that it was always Addison.  She had gotten under my skin many years ago, I couldn’t let her go and I finally accepted the fact that I didn’t want to.

The photograph next to it, to the left, was of two of the three most important women in my life, Addison and Chandi.  To the right was a photo of all three of us on the dance floor from our wedding day.  Chandi was in one arm and my other arm wrapped around Addison’s waist.

“Wish me luck man,” I said to Pete as I started to walk out of the office. 

“You got it, we are routing for a girl, Aubrey Janelle needs a best friend,” he said after me.

“I told you it’s going to be a boy!  I can feel it in my bones!”

“No boy of yours is getting near my daughter!”

“Your girl should be so lucky!”

“Ha! Go have a kid shithead.  I’ll talk to you later!”

“Seriously Pete man, thanks for everything.”

I walked back over and gave him a hug before heading out the door.

I met Addison and both of our mothers at the hospital.  Chandi was still in school.  The grandmothers volunteered to take shifts with her for as long as necessary.

Addison was seated in a wheelchair and my mother was arguing with the nurse at the nurse’s station about getting her into a room.  She saw me and reached for my hand.

“I’m so nervous,” she whispered.

“You’re an old pro at this by now.”

“Um… who’s old?”

I laughed.

“That’s what you focus on?”

Now she laughed, then grabbed her stomach as a contraction hit her.

“Breathe baby,” I encouraged her as she squeezed my hand. 
Damn, she’s got a grip. 
A few moments passed and the contraction subsided.  My mother must have been persuasive, or the nurse got tired of hearing her bicker, because as soon as Addison recovered we were being escorted to a room.

After what seemed like hours, Addison was fully hooked up to all kinds of beeping contraptions. The nurse told us the one that was printing the paper was monitoring her contractions.  She was asked if she wanted medicine, to which Addison responded “drug me now,” before the nurse could even finish the sentence.  The nurse handed me some papers to fill out regarding the possible adverse effects of the epidural and as I started to ask her questions, Addison yelled, “Just sign the damn papers Stephen!”  I finished reading and signing as quickly as possible.

The anesthetist came in the room and instructed Addison to place a pillow on her lap and lean over.  He pulled out the needle for the epidural and I almost passed out!  He reminded her not to move as he administered the medication because if she did it could cause paralysis. 
Paralysis,
I wanted to scream.  She on the other hand was calm and relieved.  She held my hand and within a few minutes she was lying on her back with a smile on her face.

Now it was just a waiting game of when this little one would decide that they were ready to make an appearance.

“It’s a boy, you know how I know?” I said.

“How baby?”

“He’s early.  If it was a girl, she’d be late like you and her grandmothers.”

She reached over the side of the bed and smacked my arm. 

“Ha! Very funny Mr. Comedy! You should try stand up.” 

“You’re terrible Nicky,” mom chimed it.

Addison’s mother, who was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the bed, just giggled.

“Don’t encourage him mom!” She said to her mother.

“Well Ad, baby, you are usually late.” The room laughed.

“See!  Proof that it’s a boy!”

Around two-thirty, Addison’s mother left to meet Chandi at the bus stop and Addison started to squirm.

“Baby, can you grab a nurse.  I feel funny.”

“Sure babe, be right back.”

It took me a few minutes, but I was finally able to track down a nurse to update her on Addison’s condition.

“I’ll be right in Mr. Pascarelli.”

“Thank you!”

As I walked back down the hall, the reality of the entire situation hit me. 
I’m about to be a father
.  Of course I treated Chandi as if she were my own, but she was seven now.  She wasn’t a helpless tiny little creature that couldn’t do anything on its own. That would depend on us for everything.  She was quite independent actually. 
I’m going to be responsible for another person, a tiny little helpless person.  Oh shit!
  I stopped dead in my tracks, my breathing sped up and I felt nauseous.  I bent over and put my hands on my knees and tried to slow my breathing before I passed out. 

“Are you okay Mr. Pascarelli?” Asked the nurse that I had just spoken to.

“Um… no. I don’t think I am.”

She chuckled slightly.

“You will be fine.  I promise.  Once you hold that little one in your arms it will all get better.”

“I don’t know.”

“I do, trust me.  Let’s go check on your wife and see if it’s time to have a baby.  Okay?”

“Okay,” I said slowly.

We walked back into the room as mom and Addison were laughing at something on the television.

“I hear we may be ready for a baby,” the nurse said.  “Let’s get you checked out.”

Everything after that was a bit of a blur; the last thing I really remember was when she told Addison she was dilated and ready.  She made mom and I clean up and put on hospital gowns and before I knew it the doctor was in the room and we were ready to have a baby.  I was instructed to get on one side of the bed and mom was on the other and we both held a leg as the doctor told Addison to “push.” 

I don’t know how she did it and I have never seen anything more terrifying, exhilarating and beautiful in my entire life.  She was a trooper.  Unfortunately the labor was not nearly as quick as anyone would have hoped.  She pushed for three hours before there was any real progress.

“Okay, maybe it’s a girl after all,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

“Not now Stephen!” She barked!

I know when to shut up, so I did!  Finally, after three hours and countless pushes we heard the news we had been longing for.

“It’s a boy!” He announced as he finished pulling him out, moments later we heard his healthy, powerful lungs.  “Dad, would you like to cut the cord?”

As I snipped through the spongy material that connected my son and my wife, I became overwhelmed.  Immediately after I was done, I turned back to Addison and kissed her forehead.

“Thank you!  Thank you so much! This is the best gift ever!”

After he was cleaned up, the doctor handed him to Addison.  She pulled back the blanket and all I could do was stare at him, all pink and gooey with a little blue hat on his head.  I pulled the blanket away and counted his fingers and toes.  I don’t have any idea why.  I always heard of people doing that and they said the same thing. It was automatically something you just did.

“Do you want to hold him?” She asked?

I nodded; it was all I could do as tears streamed down my face.

“I would like you to meet your son, Nicholas Alexander Pascarelli, “Little Nicky,” for short.”

“You already had the name picked out?”

She nodded.

“I knew if it was a boy I wanted to name him after you.  It’s a name that has meaning for both of us. I wanted it to be a tribute to the boy that loved me and the one I fell in love with so many years later.”

“Welcome to the world “Little Nicky,” I said as I kissed his forehead. I leaned over again and kissed her forehead.  “Mrs. Pascarelli, you have made me happier than I ever thought possible.  I love you.”

“Okay, you two, that mushy stuff got you here.  Now, let grandma see her boy.”

As my mom took Little Nicky from my arms and fussed at Addison to rest, I watched adoringly.  Twenty years, two kids and a few bumps in the road later, I was happier than I had ever been.  Happier than I had ever thought possible and I wouldn’t change a thing.  Life was perfect.