Under His Skin (8 page)

“We had this conversation.” The cheer leached out of his voice. “I can’t be your therapist and your friend.”

Sighing, he leaned forward and scrubbed his face with his hand. “Okay, then think of it as me asking a friend with unique qualifiers for advice. I don’t know who else I can ask about this and not second-guess shit getting out.”

“Hold on, I’m going to walk into my office.” There was some rustling of fabric, the sound of muted voices and at least one door was opened and closed. “Okay. Is this about the ED?”

“I really hate that.”

“What do you want me to say, man?” Brian could picture Adam throwing up a hand. “What’s the problem? I’m not going to write you a prescription.”

“My primary care doctor tried that and it didn’t work. That’s not what I called about. Will you stop pacing and listen?”

Adam paused a moment before answering. “How did you know I was pacing?”

“I could hear it and you always pace when you’re pissed at me.” He twirled the cane with his fingertips, watching the painted flame motif flicker with the movement.

“Guilty. Now that I’m sitting,” a chair squeaked in the background to punctuate his point, “what’s up?”

“I met a woman—or really I met her a long time ago. I haven’t seen her in like, ten years.”

“Okay.”

Brian gritted his teeth. “Are you going to interrupt me?”

“I’m not interrupting you, I’m listening.” Adam chuckled. “Cut me some slack, you called while I’m at the office.”

“Sorry, my shrink did that. All the okays and yeahs and stuff irritated the hell out of me. Anyways. I had sex with her.” Heat crawled up his neck. He’d admitted a lot of stuff that was uncomfortable since the crash, but admitting that he couldn’t keep it up had been one of the worst.

“That’s good. It’s healthy and, honestly, it means you’re coming to terms with what’s happening in your life. Do you want me to give you the full spiel?”

“No, smart-ass.” Brian rolled his eyes and thumped the floor with his cane. “I’m wondering, will I be able to do it again? Or am I, I don’t know, cured? Is this one of those things girls want a guy to tell her?”

Adam sighed into the phone. “It might happen again. You’re talking about erectile dysfunction that has no medical cause. It’s all you and when you’re in the mood. I’m reading between the lines here, but is this a girl you’re planning on seeing? Or was this a one-time deal?”

It was Brian’s turn to sigh. He leaned his head against the cane and shuddered as the air conditioner kicked on, blowing cold air over his shoulders. “It’s complicated. I’m going to be on the road for a few weeks, but we agreed to talk. I’d like it to be more.”

“I have to go in a few, but I’ll tell you that the key to any relationship is communication. You’ve been through a lot, man. You don’t need to tell her everything, but some of it she should know. What you tell her is up to you.”

“That’s a copout answer,” Brian laughed, “but thanks.”

“No problem. And Brian?”

“What?”

“Git-R-Done,” Adam said in his best Larry the Cable Guy impression.

Laughing, he flopped back onto the bed. “Thanks, man. I’ll try to not call when you’re at work.”

“Nah, you’re fine, but I’ve got to go.”

Brian hung up and tossed the phone onto the mattress. He scooted back until he could rest his head on one set of pillows and used the other to elevate his leg. He’d go get ice later, maybe break out some of the wraps. He was on his own for a few days before he met up with his drummer’s family, and he planned on taking it easy, enjoying some of the spots he remembered.

Pulling the laminated flower back out, he flipped it over and studied the curling signature that had been reduced to a faint pencil line on the paper. Grabbing the phone, he scrolled through the contacts, stopping on the most recent addition.

She’d said he could call. Had she meant it? Or was she being nice? He couldn’t tell. She’d been mysterious and into him one moment, and making excuses the next. He’d spent long enough wondering about her, he couldn’t pass up this opportunity.

The phone rang and rang. He traced the P through the laminate.

“Hey, this is Pandora Hatley—”

Voicemail.

He ended the call and let the phone drop to the bed next to him. Staring up at the ceiling, he jumped when the phone rang almost immediately.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Pandora answered, sounding out of breath. “What’s up?”

“Are you busy?” His excitement dissolved into disappointment.

“Kind of. I’m setting up for a piercing, and I have a tattoo after that. Something wrong?” He could hear drawers clanging as she moved around, and the distant sounds of music.

He put his hand over the ship tattoo, feeling the raised lines. It had begun to scab over, entering the worst phase of the whole process, in his opinion. “I didn’t want anything.”

“Weren’t you flying today?”

“Yeah, I’m in Boulder.”

“How’d that go? Hold on a sec.”

There were muffled voices and snatches of conversation. He didn’t want to hang up, but he had called in the middle of the afternoon when most normal people were working. He’d never had a job before the last month, and he wasn’t yet on an actual schedule.

“Hey, Brian?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry, I have to go. I’ll try to call or text you later, okay?”

He smiled. “Cool. Talk to you then.”

Hanging up the phone, he let it lie on his chest. The laminated picture he stared at for a few more minutes. It had been tucked away in his wallet for ages, a kind of good luck charm he’d never been without. Sighing, he slipped it back into his wallet, where it would be safe.

* * * * *

Pandora set her bag down on the kitchen table in Kellie’s house and listened for the sounds of her grandmother moving around in the living room. Every couple of weeks she took a night and hung out with Grandma Cho Hee Nahm. The house looked exactly as it had when Grandma had lived there with her husband. The curtains, dishes and knickknacks were all the same and showed the age and wear of time.

Though she couldn’t say for sure, she though Kellie held off making updates to the house in some hope of Grandma’s memory coming back.

Her phone vibrated in her back pocket. Digging it out, she couldn’t believe that she still got the warm fuzzies from a text message from Brian.

SLC has the best pretzels.

She snorted and shook her head. Half of the texts they traded were either complete gibberish or silly stuff. She tapped out a quick reply and shoved her phone back in her pocket.

Though the day sitter she had relieved would have given Grandma her meds and dinner, Pandora still wanted to check on her. She grabbed one of the Nahm Gym jackets that probably dated back to the seventies and pulled it on. Grandma’s Alzheimer’s was bad, but it wasn’t so bad that she’d forgotten her husband’s gym.

Stepping through the doorway, she found Grandma sitting in the middle of the couch. She wore one of her floral-print dresses and house slippers, and peeked at Pandora from behind her spectacles. Her salt-and-pepper hair was pinned up into what she liked to call her geisha bun.

“Hey, Grandma,” she said.

Grandma replied, saying something that sounded like, “Batman angel goes green.”

“Remember, Grandma, I don’t speak Korean.” She crossed to sit next to her on the couch. “Watching
Wheel of Fortune
, huh?”

Her pocket vibrated again.

I forgot how nosey G’s parents were. I think they even know my underwear size.

Grandma leaned over and poked at the phone. Pandora laughed and let her tap the buttons, resulting in a message of complete nonsense. Pandora sent it anyways.

Kellie occasionally commented that she didn’t understand but wouldn’t question Pandora’s willingness to elder-sit. The truth was, all the family Pandora knew of wanted nothing to do with her. And that was before the tattoos. While Grandma might not be her grandmother, she liked hanging out with her. Even though her memory was like a sieve and she no longer spoke English, she was a kind woman.

“Here, want to see a picture of this boy, Grandma?”

Pandora pulled up her pictures and clicked the one Brian had sent her of him with the mountains in the background. He had his sunglasses pushed up on his forehead and a smile on his face.

Grandma tapped the screen, zoomed in on his chin and gasped.

“Yeah, he’s hot stuff, isn’t he?” She leaned back into the couch and readjusted the picture until it was a close-up of his face. “I’m not good enough for him, but I like him.”

Grandma watched her, as she often did whenever Pandora talked at length.

“I met him when I was eighteen. He was this cool guy, in this awesome local band. I’d seen him around, but until I turned eighteen I couldn’t go in any of the places they played at. I had two jobs. My first job was at a coffee house. This one afternoon, him and his lead singer, Ike, came into the shop. I was crazy about him already. I tripped walking up to their table and spilled hot coffee all over his crotch.”

She laughed even though it hadn’t been funny at the time. She still felt pangs of embarrassment when she thought about it. Absently she reached up and twirled the Monroe stud in its place.

“As if that weren’t bad enough, I was also in my first week working at a tattoo shop. I left one job, went to another, and there he is. With his whole band this time. For three days they hung out in the shop. And I acted like a fourteen-year-old girl with her first crush. It’s disgusting to think about.” She sighed, all amusement evaporating.

Grandma reached over and took her hand. Pandora turned her face to her and smiled.

“This is the bad part of the story. Sure you want to hear it?”

Grandma blinked, her eyes owlishly large behind her glasses.

“If you insist.” She sighed and squeezed her hand. “It’s the last day they’re supposed to be there. I had the shop phone, which at the time was a cell phone. There were three other guys in the band at the time that weren’t cool. They texted me on that phone and told me they were Brian, then texted me all day. Idiot me went back into the piercing room with the lights out thinking I was going to go make out with who I thought was Brian.”

Pausing, she looked back at Grandma. “I’m probably lucky you can’t understand me. I don’t think you’d like this story very much.

“Anyways, two of the guys just thought it was a prank and waited outside. They, they actually kept people from going into the back of the shop. The third guy started kissing me, but he was really rough. Pulled my hair hard enough it hurt and bit my lip. I tried to push him away and he hit me. Backhanded me across the face. He said something to me then, I don’t remember what, and that’s when I knew it wasn’t Brian. It was someone else. I was scared. I tried to yell but he covered my mouth until he got one of these glass dildos Robert insisted on selling and he put that in my mouth.”

She sucked in a shuddering breath and swiped her hand over her face. Grandma squeezed her hand and continued to sit patiently with her. She’d been so scared. She thought she’d been smart, always walking home in well-lit areas, conscious of going only where she knew people. And at her own workplace, where she should have been safest, she was violated.

“He ripped my clothes and tied me to the chair. I hate the old tattoo chairs, it’s why we only use tables now. I bit the dildo hard enough it broke. My mouth was all cut up. I have a scar on my chin even. He was going to rape me. I didn’t really believe it in the moment, you don’t expect that from people. Anyways, the door opened and one of the other two snapped a picture with a Polaroid camera we used to use for taking portfolio shots.

“I don’t think he realized what was going on. I was crying and bleeding. The guys were yelling, and then the real Brian was there. He punched the shit out of his band mate, and while he was busy with him, I got myself untied and stole the bastard’s shirt. I slipped out the back and never saw him until a few weeks ago, and now I don’t go an hour without hearing from him. Literally an hour. I think he wakes up once an hour at night to text me.”

It had taken her a long time to be at ease in the piercing room. She’d forced herself to overcome her anxiety so she could learn to pierce. She’d been a victim, and maybe that had made it easier for Robert to get to her later, but she wouldn’t allow that to happen again. It was strange that knowing the pictures had never developed put her mind at ease. She hadn’t realized it still bothered her all these years later. Maybe now she could put that time of her life firmly behind her.

Brian had taken care of her, and she liked to think that she’d taken care of him as well. While she didn’t see a future for them, she couldn’t deny that he made her feel things she hadn’t in years.

“Hey, bitch, I’m home,” Kellie bellowed. The sounds of her duffle bag hitting the floor in the kitchen and the icebox opening were the normal progression.

“Hey, Kellie. You’re home way early. How was your workout?”

Kellie stepped into the archway, her head tilted back as she sucked on a sports drink bottle. She sighed loudly. “Shitty. They’re selling the gym.”

Pandora’s jaw dropped. “No way. Why?”

Grandma piped in, chattering off something to Kellie she couldn’t understand. Kellie and Grandma carried on a conversation for a few seconds before Kellie turned her back on them and wiped her face.

“Kellie?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” The muscles in her arms flexed. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

A moment passed. Pandora pushed to her feet and slid the jacket off. “Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She gathered her things and headed for the door.

“Oh, and you left your dome light on, doofus,” Kellie called on her way to her bedroom. “I turned it off. You shouldn’t leave your car unlocked in this neighborhood.”

The slamming of her bedroom door prevented Pandora from replying. Odd, because she could have sworn she’d locked her car. Flipping her phone open, she smiled at the message waiting for her. Then again, she had probably been preoccupied when she arrived.