Undercover Alice (3 page)

‘And this is your office,’ Matt said, proudly, as he
showed me into the room beside his own, much larger, one. I looked around. My
own office, that really was a treat. No more sitting next to Hairy Harry and
his BO and having to listen to him belch and bellow down the phone at hapless
PR consultants. No more having my mug constantly stolen, finding it weeks later
in some god-forsaken corner of the office, thick with weeks-old tea mould.

‘Wow, it’s lovely,’ I said, truthfully, as I took in
the large window with a view over the city, the big, glass desk with flatscreen
monitor, and the chair that looked like it had more functions than my car. The
carpet was of the same plush quality as the room my interview had been in, and
I had to resist the urge to bounce on my heels on the springy surface.

‘Good, I’m glad you like it,’ Matt said, with a relieved
smile on his face. ‘Look, I’ve got to dash to a meeting so I’ll let you get
settled in. Feel free to have a wander around the place. If you get lost, just
cry for help and one of our IT geeks will rush to your assistance.’

I laughed. ‘Okay. If I’m not here when you return,
send out the search parties.’

He winked at me, and left the office. I sat down in
the chair and fiddled about with the various levers and cogs, almost sending
myself shooting across the room in the process. Dangerous things, chairs. Maybe
I should write a story on workplace injuries involving chairs. I took my
notebook out from my handbag and jotted it down underneath ‘Squirrels. Harmless
critters or menaces to society?’.

 Right, what now? I should be ferreting for
information; Barry would want me rifling through Matt’s desk but I’d settled on
a more subtle (and less ethically dubious) option so my main task was to get
comfortable and start doing the job I’d been hired for.

I switched on the computer and it booted up to a
login screen. I leafed through the sheets which formed my welcome pack, and
found one detailing my username and password. I typed both in carefully and
clicked OK. There was a brief churning from the box under the desk, and then a
window popped up informing me my ‘credentials’ were wrong. I sighed and typed
them in again, carefully, one finger at a time. I pressed OK again and the same
message popped up. I glowered at the machine and typed them in a third time,
absolutely sure every keystroke was right.

‘You have been locked out of the system. Please
contact an administrator.’

Well, I was off to a flying start. First I’d nearly
killed myself in a horrific chair incident, and now I was in system lockdown,
or something. I thumbed through the rest of the sheets, but I could see no
mention of this mysterious administrator or how to contact him. Maybe if I said
his name three times he would appear…

Oh hang it. I pushed the chair back cautiously – I
didn’t trust it one bit – and left the office, determined to at least find a
cup of coffee successfully, if it was the only thing I managed today.

After turning down a few corridors that ended up
leading to rooms filled with computers and young men and women feverishly
tapping away, I finally found myself in the large canteen. There were brightly
coloured chairs dotted all around, and here and there groups of people sat,
talking animatedly with each other. To my immense relief, I spotted a coffee
machine and made a beeline for it, choosing the strongest one they had. I took
a sip and grimaced. Lukewarm. Could this morning be going any less swimmingly?

I turned to go, planning to pour my coffee down the
sink on the way, and my whole body was suddenly jarred by an impact.  My coffee
went flying, all down my white blouse and new skirt. I let out a shriek of
surprise.

A woman, scurrying with her head down, had walked
slap-bang into me. While I managed to keep on my feet, she let out a squeak and
ended up in a heap on the floor. I immediately bent down to help her up.

 ‘Are you ok?’ I asked, anxiously. She’d taken quite
a tumble. I held out my hand and she took it, using it to haul herself to her
feet.

The woman brushed herself off  and I got a good look
at her. She was very pretty, blonde hair tied up in a tight ponytail, and smart
trousers that hugged her shapely form. She was wearing black-rimmed glasses
that really suited her.

‘Oh I’m so sorry,’ she exclaimed. ‘ I had my head in
my phone again. Matt’s always telling me this would happen, and now it has.
And, oh, I’ve totally ruined your outfit. And, oh my god, aren’t you burning?’

‘Oh no, it wasn’t hot,’ I said, gesticulating at the
coffee machine.

‘Oh, must be on the blink again. Can you believe it?
It’s brand-new that machine, only been here three weeks, and this is the third
time it’s broken. I’ll have to let Matt know.’ She stuck her hand out, and I
went to grasp it with my sticky, coffee-stained hand and then thought better of
it. I ended up doing an awkward little wave, instead.

‘I’m Alice. I’m new here, this is my first day. I
was just having a look around.’

‘Oh gosh, your first day and I walked into you and
spilled coffee all down your front. I’m so terribly sorry. I’m such a klutz.
Matt is always telling me to be careful. I’m Sarah, by the way, Sarah Elliot.
I’m head of applications support here.’

She laughed at the puzzled look on my face.

‘It’s even more boring than it sounds. Look, I have
a spare top and some gym leggings in my office, please borrow them. You can’t
go around like that all day.’

I agreed, reluctantly. I looked like I’d been the
victim of some unfortunate sewage accident. I followed Sarah to her office,
listening to her talk. The main subject was Matt and I got the feeling she was
slightly keen on him in a more-than-colleagues way.

‘And I told him it was a bad choice, but he didn’t
listen. He doesn’t, you know? He gets an idea in his head and that’s it, he’s
like a child.’

She smiled fondly. There was definitely something
going on, I thought.

 ‘How long have you worked together?’ I asked,
trying to probe without being too obvious.

‘Oh a couple of years now. We worked together at my
old firm, but when Matt said he was starting his own company, and asked if I
wanted to join, I jumped at the chance.’

I bet you did, I thought, perhaps a bit meanly. We
entered her office, which was large and airy, and she headed over to a large
cupboard in the corner and started rifling through it, talking all the while.

‘It’s been a huge amount of work, of course. I
barely have time to eat or sleep!’

Plenty of time to talk, though , I thought.

‘And as for poor Matt, he must be run ragged. I’m
worried about him, you know. I keep telling him to take it easy, but he won’t
listen. Ah, here we go.’

She handed me a purple top and some gym leggings.

‘Thanks, this is very kind of you,’ I said,
wondering what on earth Matt would say when he returned to find me looking like
I was just off to a yoga class.

‘Oh not at all, it was my own fault,’ Sarah said,
breezily. ‘What department did you say you worked in?’

‘Oh I’m Matt’s new personal assistant.’

I felt the atmosphere change. It was as if a
freezing cold breeze had swept through the room, and I almost felt the chill on
my skin.

‘Ohhh, his new assistant, of course. And here’s me
rabbiting on about him.’

She laughed, but the warmth had gone out of her
voice.

‘Anyway, there’s a toilet on your way back to your
office you can change into, it’s just down the corridor and through the double
doors on your left. It was nice to meet you, Alice.’

And with that, she sat at her desk and commenced typing,
clearly finished with the conversation. I took the hint.

‘Likewise,’ I said, and left the office. I headed to
the toilet to change into my snazzy new outfit, and then back to my office.
Matt wasn’t back yet, so I busied myself with reading my welcome pack and glaring
at the computer, with its taunting ‘locked out’.

The phone rang; someone called Dirk Ashcroft wanted
to speak to Matt. I put on my best phone voice and took a message, then carried
on reading my welcome information. After a while, I tried turning the computer
on and off to log on again, but not to avail. I was sitting there, face screwed
up in exasperation, when Matt entered the room.

‘Oh dear, looks like you’ve got off to a good
start,’ he said, noting my expression. Then he took in my changed outfit and
looked puzzled. ‘Um…’

‘I had an accident,’ I said, and then realised that
made it sound like the kind of accident you have at nursery school, and flushed
red. ‘I mean, someone walked into me in the canteen and coffee got spilled all
over me.’

Matt looked concerned. ‘Are you ok? Did you get
burnt?’

‘No, it was lukewarm, but the woman who walked into
me took quite a tumble.’

Matt shook his head, annoyed.

‘Lukewarm? Not again, that’s three times in three
weeks. I need to make a note to call them and kick up a fuss. Who walked into
you? No, let me guess, our resident klutz, Sarah Elliot?’

I nodded.

‘I’ve told her to watch where she’s going,’ he
sighed, rolling his eyes dramatically for effect. ‘She’s always got her nose
buried in her phone or tablet. I’m amazed she hasn’t fallen down the stairs
here, yet.’

 He looked me over, appraisingly.

‘Well, I’m glad I don’t have to fill in one of those
workplace accident forms. You’re not going to sue us, are you?’

‘I’ll think about shelving my lawsuit if you can
help me log onto this thing.’ I gestured helplessly at the machine sitting on
my desk. ‘It’s put me in lockdown.’

He laughed and crossed round to stand beside me. I
was conscious of his closeness to me, and I could smell his cologne. I took a deep
breath, savouring the smell, and then stopped, horrified. What on earth was I
doing? I’d only been here a few hours and I was sniffing the boss. And he
wasn’t even really my boss. He was the subject of the story that was going to
win me scoop of the year.

 Luckily, Matt was absorbed in fiddling about with
the machine and seemed oblivious to my inner turmoil.

‘There’ he said, triumphantly, and I gave myself a
shake and forced myself to look at the screen.

‘Oh, well done!’ I said, seeing the familiar Windows
layout on-screen. ‘Now I can see why you own an  IT firm.’

 I wiggled the mouse and clicked on my Start menu,
relieved to see the programs there were familiar ones to me. I’d bluffed a
little bit on my application form about my familiarity with certain software,
thinking that knowing how to type a letter in Microsoft Word was surely ample
for this kind of role.

Matt gave a little self-deprecating shrug. ‘It’s
nothing,’ he said, ‘Our IT department gave you the wrong password so I had to
log in as administrator and make you a new one, that’s all. Listen, I’ve got a
meeting to pop to just now, but how about I take you for lunch in the canteen after
and get you caught up with various things?’

‘Sure,’ I said, ‘As long as you don’t mind being
seen with me looking like this.’ I gestured at my purple top and tight-fitting
leggings. I may have imagined it, but I thought his gaze lingered longer than
necessary on my body. And I was surprised to find it gave me a slight glow of
pleasure. It was harmless, I thought. Plus, he and Sarah Elliot seem to have
something going on, anyway.

‘Don’t worry,’ he said, smiling at me. ‘I’m the
boss, so no one’s going to pass comment. At least, not to my face.’ He gave me
a little wave and then disappeared out of the office, striding down the
corridor.

I sat gathering my thoughts for a minute, and then
clicked onto my emails. There were only two in my inbox: an email welcoming me
to the company, and one telling me how to access Matt’s schedule on my machine.
Luckily, it was written in a way that even I could understand, and in a few
minutes, I had his calendar up on my screen. I browsed through it. He was a
busy man. I guessed he didn’t have a choice – from the sound of things he’d
ploughed every last penny into this company and needed it to be a success.

I spent the next couple of hours familiarising
myself with the system and reading the information in my welcome pack. There
was a biography of Matt in there, which I read with interest. I already knew
much of it from my research anyway, but there were a few interesting snippets
which I jotted down in my notebook. I noticed almost immediately that there was
a gap of around three years in his history; probably not particularly noticeable
to anyone else, but given what I knew about what supposedly happened in those
three years, it stuck out to me like a sore thumb. I pondered how this
attractive, friendly, and seemingly popular man had found himself in prison.
What was it Jen had said? Appearances aren’t everything? I would do well to
remember that.

Matt arrived back in the office about 1, looking
tired. I didn’t probe, thinking it was probably wise to find a balance between
helpful and interested, and just plain nosey, but I could tell his meeting had
been fraught. After he quickly replied to a few emails, we left the office
together and headed to the canteen to grab some lunch.

‘How are you finding your first day?’ he asked me as
we walked.

‘Oh it’s going well, bar my near-death experience,’
I replied, gesturing at my zany outfit. ‘It improved once I was actually logged
on to the computer. I’ve been looking at your calendar, you’re quite in-demand,
it seems.’

Matt grimaced slightly. ‘You could say that. I guess
everyone wants a piece of me, in some way.’

Sarah Elliot certainly does, I thought.

We arrived in the canteen and I ordered the soup,
while Matt picked up a pre-packaged sandwich. I joined him at a table in the
corner. I had watched him thread his way through the throng of his employees,
greeting them all by name, laughing and joking. It seemed like his workers were
genuinely fond of him. I thought of Barry, heaving his bulk through the paper’s
sad little canteen, shoving people aside and swearing as he went. It was quite
a contrast.

‘Is it much different to your last place?’ Matt
said, as if reading my thoughts.

I blew on a spoonful of soup to cool it down, and
considered my answer.

 ‘Night and day,’ I said. ‘Everyone here seems,
well, happy to be here.’

With my free hand, I indicated around me the groups
of people happily chatting to each other.

 ‘You all speak to each other, for starters.’

Matt looked at me, puzzled. ‘Of course we speak to
each other. We’re a team, we all want this to be a success.’

I nodded. My soup was good, better than the vending
machines at the paper, filled with junk food, some of it even out of date.

 ‘I’m just not used to it, that’s all. I haven’t
heard anyone swear yet. Well, besides you in my interview.’

 ‘I’ve been trying to forget about that,’ Matt admitted,
looking rueful. ‘Angus – he’s the human resources manager – said I’m not
allowed to interview human beings again. I can’t say I’m too sorry about that.’

‘I didn’t think you were so bad,’ I said, and we
smiled at each other.

We ate in silence for a while, but it was a companionable
silence, not the silence of two people awkward in each other’s company. I was
glad; I have an overwhelming desire to fill uncomfortable silences, and I tend
to babble nonsense just to avoid the awful sound of silence.

‘I’ll take you to meet some of the heads of
department after lunch,’ Matt said, as he crumpled his sandwich packaging into
a ball. ‘It’s important you get to know them, you’ll be dealing with them quite
a lot on my behalf.’

‘That sounds good,’ I said, finishing my last
mouthful of soup.

‘You’ve already met Sarah, of course, but I’ll give
you a proper introduction. One with less coffee involved.’

Great…she already hated me, I was sure, now I get to
stand there and be the gooseberry while they make goo-goo eyes at each other.

‘That would be good,’ I lied.

After we left the canteen, we embarked on a
whistle-stop tour of the company. I met the fabled Angus, who apologised to me
for Matt’s inappropriate interview behaviour. The two of them obviously had a
great relationship – Matt punched him gently on the arm, and Angus pretended to
stagger like he’d been hit with a plank of wood. I couldn’t help but laugh at
the pair of them. They were like overgrown school boys.

‘You make sure you keep our boy in order,’ Angus
said, waggling a finger at me, looking stern but eyes sparkling. ‘He needs
organising; sometimes I’m not sure he knows what day it is. And he came to work
wearing unmatching socks the other week.’

I gasped in mock horror and Angus roared with
laughter as Matt turned red.

 ‘I told you, Angus, I got dressed in the dark as I
was up at 4am to travel to Birmingham for that bloody meeting with Stephen
Melling.’

Angus shrugged. ‘Whatever.  You need managed. And
Alice here looks more than up to the challenge. It was nice to meet you. Let me
know if he gives you any problems.’

I laughed and assured Angus he’d be the first to
know, and then followed Matt from the room.

‘Sorry about him,’ Matt said. ‘We’re old friends and
he likes to make fun of me a bit. Pretty sure I’m meant to be his boss, but it
feels like the other way round.’

‘I like him,’ I said, scurrying to keep up with
Matt’s purposeful strides.  ‘Who’s next on our list?’

‘I thought we’d pop in to see Sarah, if she’s in.’

She was, unfortunately. Her face lit up when she saw
Matt enter the room, and then fell slightly when she saw me trailing behind
him.

‘Oh, Matt!’ she gushed, ‘It’s so nice to see you.
How was your meeting with Barton today?’ She looked at me, and I was sure she’d
almost sneered.

Hey, lady, these are your clothes I’m wearing, I wanted
to say, but arranged my face into a pleasant smile, which probably made me look
like a simpleton.

 ‘Oh the meeting was fine,’ Matt said, waving a hand
airily. ‘I understand you and Alice have already met briefly. What have I told
you about watching where you’re going?’ His face was stern for a few seconds,
then he broke into a laugh, which Sarah joined in with. I shifted awkwardly in
the background. I felt like a gooseberry. I wondered if they were actually
seeing each other, or just in the process of feeling each other out. I felt
irrationally irritated; Sarah didn’t seem particularly nice, to me, and I was
sure Matt could do better. I doubted he was short of offers.

‘I know, I know,’ Sarah said breezily, shrugging.
‘I’m a total klutz. I was just reading a really interesting review of a new
application that–’ She broke off suddenly. ‘Oh I’m sure this all gibberish to
Alice.’

I knew it wasn’t kindly meant, but I took the high
ground.

 ‘I’m afraid so,’ I said. ‘I couldn’t even get
logged onto my computer today, Matt had to sort it for me.’

Matt shrugged. ‘Those clowns down at support had
given her the wrong password. Easily fixed. Anyway, Alice, Sarah is head of
applications support, and one of my most valued members of staff.’

I’ll bet, I thought. The two of them made a stunning
couple and they surely had plenty in common. I could imagine their pillow talk,
discussing new software advances. Maybe they wrote love letters to each other
in binary.

Matt had clearly expected us to start chatting away
like old friends, but we just stood awkwardly and eventually he said, ‘Well,
Sarah, I’m sure you’ve lots to be getting on with and don’t need me standing
here annoying you.’

‘Oh, you never annoy me, Matt,’ Sarah said. I was
sure she’d fluttered her eyelashes at him and I resisted the urge to roll my
eyes. Honestly, how obvious could you get?

Matt smiled at her, said goodbye, and led me out
into the corridor again.

‘So I think that’s everyone. You’ll get on great
with Sarah, she’s such a nice person. I’ve got another meeting to go off to,
can you find your way back to the office?’

I told him I could and watched him as he strode off
down the corridor. I doubted Sarah and I would become friends any time soon  –
she’d made up her mind on me. I wandered back to my office and busied myself
with browsing Matt’s calendar and taking phone messages.