Unintentional (9 page)

I turn to Sophie. “There are two things I want to do right now. I want to go home, and I’m breaking it off with Douglas.”

Cade

I shouldn’t laugh, but that girl, Laurel, is too much fun to aggravate. It’s like sticking a branch into a beehive. Man, she’s fiery. She has a temper, one I needed to get away from right after I kissed her. I sensed another slap coming my way. I chuckle, remembering her face as I left.

The weird thing is, I didn’t want to leave. Not at all. I was enjoying myself way, way too much. That kiss, was… I shake myself out of it. I’m not going to make more out of the kiss than it was. It was just a kiss.

No, who am I kidding? I can’t even talk myself into believing it was nothing. I had to force myself to stop, which never happens to me. The kiss I shared with Mattie was the best I’d ever had in my life up until Laurel. Did I like the kiss with Laurel better? No, it must have been the situation.

I sat across from her for an hour at lunch, watching every emotion cross her animated face. One minute, I was feeling bad for her, then I was laughing with her, the next I wanted to shove her up against the wall, which I ended up doing. God, that was fun.

What’s wrong with me? It must be the rebound syndrome. I have all these pent up emotions, and I must have just let every one of them loose with that kiss.

I drive up and park my car in my very small one-car garage. Most people who own houseboats on Lake Union don’t have the luxury of owning a garage. I’m one of the few lucky ones. I lock up and walk down the dock to my house. Stopping for a minute, I look out onto the lake, appreciating it for the first time in what seems like forever. Breathing in, I take in all the fragrant smells from the greenery and moss coming from the various plants scattered about, the wood and tar from the dock, to the faint smell of gasoline, thanks to the many boats and seaplanes.

The lake has its own earthy scent, a little heavier than most lakes because of the little bit of salt that seeps in from the sound through the Chittenden Locks. Some people don’t like the smells here, down on the lake, but I love them. I take a long look at my house, almost as if I’m seeing it for the first time. It feels like I’m waking up from a long nap. I don’t know what happened to me today, but one thing is certain, things have to change.

I walk the remaining few steps to my front door and put the
key in the lock. I glance over and notice the flowers in each window box have died. I reach over and start pulling them out one by one placing them in the garbage located behind the house. I take another look at the garbage can and drag it through my front door. I’m going to need this today.

As I enter, I’m assaulted by the horrendous odor of stale beer, dirty dishes, and unwashed clothes. Holy shit, what happened in here? I feel a rush of embarrassment, realizing people, many people, have seen it like this. I just didn’t give a damn. Until now. The thought of Laurel seeing this pigsty seems to bother me the most. She must think I’m a slob, which apparently I am, but not for long.

The next six hours are spent cleaning and organizing every room from top to bottom. I can’t believe I let this get to this point. This isn’t me. I’ve sat around for a month feeling sorry for myself. I don’t think I’m completely over that part of it, but, at least, if I continue with my pity party, the house will be livable.

After I finish, I decide to relax and grab a beer. I open the refrigerator and realize I still have more to do. More than one science project is growing on various shelves. The green mold has taken over.

Leaning in, my hand reaches for an Abyss, one of my favorite
Russian stouts. I stop suddenly. I look at the name as I contemplate drinking it. Abyss, well, that’s an appropriate name for the black pit I’ve been living in. I put it back and reach for a bottled water. Things are going to change starting now.

Chapter 6

Laurel

October

“No, don’t do it Laurel.” Douglas looks across the table at me, panic written all over his face. He reaches across and takes my hand. “You haven’t given us a chance. We haven’t even—”

“I know, and I’m so sorry about everything. I really do care for you, but not in that way.”

His face falls. “How do you know? Every time I’ve tried to get closer to you, you shut me down. And now, this? Please, Laurel, don’t give up on us. I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re so good for me, in every way. I feel alive when I’m with you. I’ve never been happier. I think I love you.” He winces, like he’s in pain. “No, I take it back. I know I love you. I’ll beg if you need me to.” He tightens his hold on my hand, squeezing it almost painfully.

We’ve met at Bestia, an Italian restaurant in downtown Los Angeles. It’s been our favorite meeting place for the past few months. The ambiance is just right. It’s quiet enough to hold a conversation, yet
noisy enough to interfere with anyone trying to eavesdrop. It’s the ideal setting for a discussion like this. So far, we haven’t drawn any attention from any of the other diners. Now, I just need to make sure it stays that way.

Douglas is dressed in his usual attire, a crisp blue suit, white shirt with a plaid tie. His dark, neatly trimmed hair is combed perfectly, not a hair out of place. He’s very handsome in a banker type of way. I thought, at first, we’d be a good match, in the opposites attract sort of way. I do really like him, but after the kiss with Cade, I knew what I’d be missing. I need that type connection, fire, passion, or lust – whatever I was feeling. I want more of that. But not with Cade. I still hate him. I can’t think about it now, I need to stay focused.

I didn’t expect this reaction from Douglas. I need to give him the words to make this easier. I don’t want him to feel bad. If he’d shown a glimmer of this passion in the last three months, I might have considered staying in the relationship, just to see where it went. He always seemed so polite with me, almost formal. I have feelings of warmth and affection for him, but it isn’t anything close to what I felt with Cade. It doesn’t matter though. Nothing will happen with Cade, but I still need to come clean.

“I kissed someone else while I was in Seattle.” I’ve heard confession is good for the soul, but apparently, it isn’t good for Douglas, because now, he looks angry. Very angry.

“So that’s how it is. Was it the rocker you were trying to sign, is that it? Seriously? I thought you had more class than that, Laurel.” He leans back in his chair, crossing his arms. His expression has gone neutral. Now this is the Douglas I know. Controlled. Unemotional. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long.

He shifts in his chair, the pained expression back on his face. “I’m sorry, Laurel. That was uncalled for. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. This is so unexpected. I thought everything was going well. I guess I wasn’t prepared for this.”

This conversation is like a rollercoaster. He’s all over the place. Where is the emotionally steadfast and stable Douglas? He leans forward and places his head in his hands, rubbing his face. Is he going to cry? I can feel my throat start to tighten. Sweat breaks out in small beads on my forehead. This is not happening.

“Douglas, I had no idea. I thought you’d just, um, brush this off.” I absolutely hate hurting people. It’s unintentional, but nonetheless, I’ve caused him pain.

“I’m going to win you back, Laurel. I’ll prove to you we’re meant to be together.” His eyes pierce mine with determination. He stands up abruptly, his chair making a scrapping noise on the hardwood floor. He throws a wad of cash down on the table then turns and leaves, walking straight out the door without a backwards glance.

I say, “Bye,” in a quiet voice, knowing he can’t hear me, but I feel like I need some closure, even if he doesn’t.

Chapter 7

Cade

January

“I wonder if hypnosis would work.” Scott peers into my eyes like he’s trying to see something buried in there.

I shove his shoulder back. “Get out of my face, would you?” Scott’s one of my best friends, but man, he can get on my nerves.

“You gotta get over this, Cade. It’s been over five months. You can’t keep moping around like this forever. You have to move on.” Scott looks concerned.

“I have moved on. I’m back at work. I’ve started back up at Emerald City Nightclub, singing with you jerks. What more could you want?” I ask.

“I don’t know. Maybe you could quit walking around like a zombie? You’re simply going through the motions, Cade, but you aren’t really living.”

I hate to admit it, but he’s right. Even though I’ve cut back on my drinking, I still feel numb.

“Mattie sent me a text today. She wants to make sure you’re doing okay.” Scott looks at me cautiously. He knows this is a sensitive subject.

“I’m fine. We’ve been texting back and forth for about a month now. I told her I’m all right. I don’t know why she’s asking you.” I’m
a little frustrated. For some reason, I’m not comfortable with Scott and Mattie talking about me.

“Don’t be upset with her. She just cares about you. Even though she’s with Jeremy now, it doesn’t mean you two can’t be friends.” Scott puts his hands together, like he’s pleading with me.

“I still can’t accept it. My mind wants to, but I seriously can’t stand that guy.” I shake my head trying to banish the memory of Jeremy punching me, knocking me to the floor. It was a sucker punch. I still owe him for that.

“You need to give him a chance. That psycho Sarah did a number on them both. He didn’t deserve any of it. He’s a nice guy once you get to know him.” Scott puts his lips together suddenly. Too late.

“What the hell, Scott? Are you two buddies now? Have you been hanging out or what?” My body is tense. I have an irrational
feeling of betrayal.

“I haven’t said anything because I knew you’d be pissed. But yeah, we’ve hung out a few times. Remember, Cade, I was friends with Mattie, too. I won’t cut her out of my life because she’s with Jeremy now.”

I know I don’t have a right to be angry, but damn, it feels like I’ve been slapped.

“Cade, if you could see her, if you could see them together, I don’t think you’d be so miserable. I’m not kidding, it’s like, when you’re with them, you know they should be together. I really haven’t seen anything like it.” He’s nodding his head trying to convince me. It’s not working.

“Oh, and that’s supposed to make me feel better? You know how I felt about her, hell, how I still feel about her. I can’t see them together. It’s too soon.”

Scott slaps my shoulder. “I get it. But think about it though. She wants to come see us perform again. She misses us – all of us, Cade.”

“I’ll think about it. But it won’t be anytime soon.”

Mattie

January

“Cade said we could come tonight!” I reach over and hold onto Jeremy’s hand.

His eyes widen as he takes in the surprising news. “Really? What did he say?”

“He said it’d be great! Isn’t it wonderful? Oh, Jeremy, I’m so excited. You’re going to love them. I’m so relieved. Cade must be feeling better about all of this, don’t you think?”

Jeremy takes me into his arms and gives me a gentle kiss. “I hope so, Mattie. I wouldn’t get your hopes up though.”

“We’ve been texting a little bit for the past month. He sounds good. I think he’s finally accepted we weren’t meant to be. Scott told me he’s had a few conversations with Cade and he’s coming around.”

I can feel a weight being lifted from me. I’ve been so happy since Jeremy and I reunited, but I haven’t been able to shake the feelings of sadness and guilt since the day Cade and I had our talk in my hospital room.

I know I disappointed Cade, but it was better sooner rather
than later. We could have gone on months, even years, but I knew in my heart, I would always love Jeremy, even if I thought he was unfaithful. I found it impossible to not love him, though I tried with all my might.

Cade would have eventually resented me and my feelings for Jeremy, even if we started a full-fledged relationship. Looking back, I know it wouldn’t have worked. If Cade takes enough time to think things through, he’ll realize it, as well.

“He might be okay with us being together, but Mattie, when he finds out we’re married, how do you think that will go over?” His forehead creases in concern.

I think back to the summer I spent with Cade. The truth is, we had a solid friendship beyond anything else. We had so much fun together. That’s the hardest part of our separation. I miss him so much. I sincerely hope we can get past this. I know I want him in my life. He was there for me when I needed a friend, and he was the best friend a girl could ever ask for.

I remember, with such fondness, the days we spent together, going to the park, cooking, watching movies, going to the shows, all of it. I healed that summer, and Cade was a huge part of it.

Now, I feel disconnected from him and the band. Scott’s been great though. He’s gone out with Jeremy and me a few times, and he gives me the low down on what everyone’s doing. I haven’t seen or heard from Mica or Ayden, but I have remained friends with Mary, Mica’s girlfriend.

Mary understood from the start the situation I was in. I was trying desperately to get over Jeremy, thinking he had cheated on me with my best friend. It still takes my breath away remembering the truth. The friend I grew up with and loved like a sister was capable of such treachery – drugging Jeremy and the lies and deception that followed.

It all ended in the murder of an innocent man, who was just trying to do his job. My eyes moisten as I recall Jerry, the bouncer at Emerald City Nightclub. He was a good guy with a family. Sarah took that from them. She lost her life due to the hate that filled her. I can’t imagine dying with such ugliness.

I still pray for Sarah and for her dear parents, Dan and Nancy Bailey, and Jerry’s family. Shaking free from the negative memories, I force myself back into the present.

Jeremy links his hands into mine and gives a little squeeze.
“Do you think your Seattle friends will mind that we eloped?”

“I think they’ll be sorry they missed it, but they won’t be angry or anything. They just want us to be happy.” I know they do, or at least I hope so. Especially Cade.