Uninvolved (25 page)

Grabbing her bag
,
Becka went up to
Nate
's room and got settled. Part of her wanted to be nosy and poke through his things
,
but she didn’t. Once settled in
to
his amazingly soft bed, surrounded by his scent
,
Becka fell asleep.
Becka slept soundly and was snuggling one of
Nate
's pillows when she woke up. It took her a moment to remember where she was. After going to the bathroom
to
check her hair and
the
condition of her makeup
,
Becka crawled back into
Nate
's bed with her phone.

Taking her shirt off and pulling the sheet and blanket firmly up to cover her chest
,
Becka took a picture of her making a kissy face and texted it to
Nate
with
a
message
.
Wish you were here.
She didn’t expect
for
Nate
to call
her right back.

"Are you naked in my bed right now?"

"Halfway
.
I still have bottoms on."

"Why don’t you take those off and sit tight
.
I'm driving home right now."

Becka ma
y or may not have squealed before saying
,
"How far away are you?"

"Maybe an hour."

"I might shower
.
I smell kinda chloriney."

"Don't
.
I want you looking just like that picture when I get home."

"Alright
.
I won't shower
,
but I am totally brushing my teeth."

"Fair enough."

"Drive fast."

"Are you suggesting I break traffic laws?"

"Yep
.
I want you so bad right now."

"God
,
"
Nate
groaned
.
"If I get pulled over I do not want to have to explain my hard on to a cop."

"You're hard?"

"Very."

"I like that I make you hard."

"I'm sure you do
.
Now
I'm going to hang up before I wreck."

Grinning
,
B
ecka got up to brush her teeth and double check her hair and makeup, putting on some powder and lip gloss anyway before getting back into
Nate
's bed, sans bottoms.

Nate
burst through the door only thirty minutes later
,
making Becka jump then giggle. He solemnly closed and locked the door behind him before slowly approaching the bed. Becka sat back against his pillows with his sheets and blankets pulled up around her.

"Hey
,
kid
,
" he said
,
stepping out of his shoes.

"Hey
,
Nate
."

"Did you sleep well?"
T
his time he took off his shirt.

"I did."

"Wearing anything?"
N
ow he was taking off his pants.

"Why don't you come and find
out for yourself
?"

Then he was on her
.
His
mouth
and
hands
were
all over her.
Becka clung to him as
Nate
seemingly worshipped her. Afterward, as she lay in his arms
,
Becka looked up at
Nate
.

Catching her gaze
,
he said
,
"Yes
?
"

"So, um, no pressure but are you, um
,
ever going to want to
u
h, well, you know?"

"Ever going to want to what
,
kid?"

Becka buried her face
into his chest.

"Becka, come on look at me."

Blushing furiously
,
Becka raised her head to look into his beautiful hazel eyes.

"
Nate
, are you ever going to want to have sex with me?"

"Becka, I want you so bad, all of you. I just am not ready to have a girlfriend so I think we should wait."

"Do you
,
um
,
know how long that might be?"

Nate
pulled her closer and admitted that he didn’t.
Why did that bother her so much? Clearly he was into her, but a seed of insecurity festered within her. Maybe if she was more this or that he would want her. Why did she have to be so hung up on sex? Becka tried to stop the internal monologue in her head
,
but it seemed stuck on repeat. Why couldn’t she just enjoy the moment instead of worry
ing that she was wrong with her?

Later in the day
,
Becka texted Dave to make sure he was okay. It tur
ned out that he had left with that
Jess girl. This kinda pissed Becka off because she knew he did not know
that
she knew Mike or that
Nate
lived here. It was kinda of sucky for him to take off, leaving her at a stranger
'
s house without checking in. Dave texted back that he was home safe and was wondering where she was considering how late it was. Becka didn’t respond, and they never mentioned that night again.

#

It had been
over a month
since her sleep over at
Nate
's
,
and while
they still had not had traditional sex
,
Nate
did seem
to trust her
.
They were still emailing all the time at work
.
It
was fun and flirty
,
but she still wanted more. It was so hard for her
to
understand why he was so distant in person.

How was your weekend?

Good
.
Yours
?

Alright
.
Got
stuck helping a buddy move.

That sux!

It did.
Solid
wood furniture. I'm still sore.

Need a backrub? ;)

God
,
that sounds good.

And it might rain soon!

Huh?

So I've always had this fantasy about getting busy in the rain.

Sounds messy.

You don't think that it would be hot?

If you're
there
that's a given.

Suck up!

Even though they emailed all of the time
,
Nate
had no idea she was still seeing Kyle or how serious it had gotten. Well serious for Kyle at least
.
Becka's feelings were the same. Kyle
,
on the other hand
,
had
finally told her he loved her…LOVED HER.

And even though she did not mean it the way he did
, she said it back
.
It was almost an out of body
experience where she watched dumbfounded as she said it, but the look on Kyle's face was so wonderful
.
It made him so happy
.
Becka told herself it was just mean to have someone tell you they love you and not say it back. Kyle deserved a girlfriend who loved him back, and even though Becka didn’t mean it when she said it
,
she still felt as though she was doing Kyle a favor.

But, she knew she would
eventually hurt Kyle
.
Becka
kinda wanted
to break up with him
.
She
just was building up the nerve to do it
.
Where had her superpower gone? This used to be so easy for her. Becka wondered if the reason she was hanging onto Kyle was because she wasn’t feeling validated by
Nate
. With Kyle
,
it was clear how much he cared about her
.
He
loved her. Becka was just stuck wishing that it was
Nate
who felt that way instead. Part of her had just hoped Kyle
would meet someone else and breakup with her
.
That
way
,
she wouldn’t have to actually do anything. That night
,
Kyle
was working but
Dave
wasn’t
,
so she fessed up to him
.
He was friends with Kyle and maybe he knew a way she could let him down easily.

"That's so low
,
Becks
,
" he said afterward.

"I know
.
I feel awful
.
I just can't change the way I feel
,
" Becka groaned.

"You can not string him along anymore
.
" Dave headed towards the back patio
,
and Becka got up
to
follow him.

"What should I do?"

"You got yourself into this mess
.
You
need to get yourself out of it
.
But
soon
,
or I'll tell him."

"You would not
,
" Becka said
,
freaking out.

"Fuck
,
yeah
.
I will
.
I work with him, and I think he is a good guy
,
Becks"

Dave had never been this pissed at her
.
Feeling uncomfortable
,
Becka got up to go back inside.

"Come here
,
" Dave said
,
pulling her into a hug
.
"You are my girl
,
so I have your back
,
but for your own good you need to take care of this
.
"

"I know
,
" Becka said
,
sniffling
.
Dave gave good hugs.

Becka was not use
d
to Dave ever being this upset with her. It was so hard to make everyone understand how Nate made her feel. The Kyle part was even harder to explain
.
It
was like he filled the spaces Nate left empty. She knew what she was doing was wrong but couldn’t seem to stop herself. What happened to the superpower Lucy had claimed she had so long ago?

Why couldn’t she break up with Kyle? Making her mind up that she could do it
,
Becka convinced Dave to be her Kyle stand in while she tried out different ways of possible break ups
.
If she could go through with it
,
her plan was to try and do it his next night off
.
It was not for another three
days
,
so she tortured herself until then.

She called Lilly and talked everything over with her as well
.
Lilly didn’t think she should break up with Kyle at all
.
Her reason behi
nd this was that as far as she
knew they weren’t technically exclusive
, and Lilly knew this was the longest relationship of any kind Becka had been in since
h
igh
s
chool
.
Becka had planned to go over to his place because she thought it would be easier to just leave when things got uncomfortable instead of having to get Kyle to leave if he was at her house
.
When she ran this by Lucy and Crystal
,
it was Lucy who suggested they instead meet somewhere neutral.