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I looked him up in the library. I typed his name into a search engine and devoured all I could about the vampire Aleksi Mikhailovich. I found out exactly how he was related to Colette—they shared the same great-great-grandmother. I also found out that in the nineties, Aleksi was featured in a documentary about Vampires in Ballet. He was also was interviewed once a decade by the family of a Titanic survivor because he was part of the first group of vampires to affirm their existence. It was a project started by a reporter who survived the sinking ship; originally it was ten-minute interviews with all of the first 14 vampires to reveal themselves. By the end,
it was only Aleksi. There was even a website with pictures of the group taken before every interview. Out of the ten
photographs, six of them were Aleksi standing alone.

It was shocking to see how little impact the world had on him. Every photograph held the small certain little smile, the same tilt of his chin. His eyes looked eerie in the first color photograph in the series. That cerulean shade was electric against the white of his skin. I knew his eyes could be that blue in person. I had seen his eyes that color once when Elizabeta had strung him up and beat him.

Shockingly, the interviews had been turned into a DVD for the centennial of the sinking. For thirty-seven pounds, I could own a copy of those interviews…or I could torrent them—I chose the latter. I also downloaded the documentary about vampires in dance, called appropriately enough, Danse Macabre. After the downloads finished I closed my laptop and headed back to the flat.

Once in the living room, I wasted no time in setting up the videos to stream from my laptop. I hesitated, before I pressed play as it dawned on me that I was wasting an amazing opportunity by pining for Aleksi. I should have been scouring libraries for rare and obscure manuscripts, but instead I had spent a month treading water.
Because you’re not thinking clearly
.
I fingered my necklace nervously for a moment and then pressed play.

I only suffered through roughly ten minutes of interviews with people I didn’t care about before I gained the courage to fast forward. I caught snippets of Vampires I had become acquainted with milling around in the background of lots of shots. Tristan was in almost every frame, as was Colette, but it seemed like an eternity before Aleksi made an appearance. As soon as I glimpsed his lithe body mid pirouette I pressed play.

“—
leksi, known only by that one name, is a centennial vampire. Over one-hundred years old, he dances with effortless grace, perfect technique and hypnotic beauty—this could be because his life is ballet.” The camera cut from Aleksi and several pictures flashed in succession as the narrator continued. “Abandoned at age three on the steps of the Bolshoi—which was at the time still doubling as an orphanage. At an age when most can hardly walk he began the rigorous training which would result in his first break coming at age twenty-two. He was chosen to dance Prince Siegfried in Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake. He is the most open of the Vampires, willing to talk about any topic except for Swan Lake, Tchaikovsky, and his early years at the Bolshoi.” The film then cut to Aleksi sitting cross-legged on a black table. He wore those flesh-tone tights he was fond of, the ones which almost made him seem nude, leg warmers of the same shade and a plain black tank top. There was no indication that the documentary was from the nineties—he looked exactly the same, even his hair was in the same disheveled bun.

“My favorite part
to dance is Crown Prince Rudolf in Mayerling. I love the demanding nature of it. To me, it’s like being a vampire. Many people think they are ready for it. Many people think they have the endurance to meet the constant demands, but few actually have what it takes. A lot of people think they are strong enough to be part of this world, it’s a lot rougher than most imagine. But I always like it best when it’s rough…” I hung off of his every word as I stared at the screen. I queued up the next video and fell asleep in the beginning during everyone else’s interviews.

At 6 am my phone started chirping wildly. Someone was sending me a mountain of messages.
Put your phone on silent and go to your room and sleep.
Ignoring Miss Manners I groped across the end table for the phone, knocking everything over in the process. 26 new messages, I groaned as I flicked my thumb to unlock the phone and open the text message app. My inbox was flooded with pictures of Aleksi, nude, hanging in strappado with his arms raised behind his back, his feet dangling inches off of the floor. His torso was covered in bruises and bites that bled and his back crisscrossed with deep gashes. There was another set of images of Aleksi with his wrists bound to his ankles behind him. His chest was bright crimson and covered in scratches and welts. The last picture was of Aleksi’s face. He stared up at the camera, his head forced back and a feminine hand wound in his hair. Those vivid eyes were a void of blue with pinprick pupils, he looked exhausted. Most people would have been sobbing. But as Elizabeta held his head up by that loose bun, he just looked dazed. At the bottom of the flood of images were the simple words “He must really love you.”

I frowned down at my phone; part of me couldn’t help but wonder if it was because she overheard him tell me he loved me.
Because it was, Vlad probably went to sleep because he was jealous of Elizabeta’s closeness to Aleksi.
I shifted uncomfortably, and then my phone vibrated again. It was another text message, this time from Aleksi’s number
[Get online.]

After staring at the message for a while, I reached over to my laptop and with a groan logged into the chat program we had used on occasion. The second I logged in I was invited to a video call. Once I accepted I was greeted with Aleksi lounging in that big red bed in his room at Crimson Hill. He still looked a little dazed, but he had already started to heal.

“Take your laptop
to the bedroom and strip,” He commanded. There was no explanation given, just that simple command. It sent a shiver down my spine, and I almost forgot about the pictures as I practically floated into the bedroom and set my laptop on the bed. I peeled out of my clothes and crawled on the mattress to curl up with the laptop.

“Elizabeta sent me pictures,
” I hushed out as I stared at his image on the small screen.

“It was very mild play for two vampires. I’m already starting to heal, see.” He reached up and angled the camera so I could see his torso, those bright bruises had already faded to yellow. “By morning it will be like nothing ever happened.” He purred as I was treated to the art of his body stretching tall.

“I found a few interviews you did.”

“Let me guess, that obnoxious interview from the nineties.”

“Mhm…” It was my turn to purr as I snuggled into the sheets. For a while we were silent, all we did was stare at one another; both of us had lazy smiles on our lips. It felt good to be able to see each other.

“I turned Kendra
,” he blurted out breaking the silence. The tone of his voice was utterly banal, it was like he was announcing something as trivial as the weather forecast ‘Tomorrow will be in the high forties with a chance of rain and I turned Kendra.’

Just like that my heart sunk in my chest,
and I felt like I was going to be sick. He had talked about it before, but there was a difference between talking about something and actually doing it. I remembered the explanation he had given me before about why he was going to do
it, but was that really why he did it? In her, he now had an eternal companion, so why did he need me?

“So, she’s now to you what you are to Elizabeta?” I timidly inquired as I lowered my eyes, I couldn’t bear to look at him for some reason. Aleksi was already sharing himself with three women and none of them were me.

“
No, they are both nothing to me. I am tolerating them because it keeps you safe, and will keep us together longer. Pissing off Elizabeta will just end up with us farther apart.”

I didn’t respond. I was too busy not looking at him, and fighting the frown off of my lips.

“I… I’m going to bed.” I said softly, my words came out in a miniscule warp speed blur. I closed the lid of my laptop before he could retort. My hands were shaking and with the intrusive camera
gone, I was free to frown. Hugging the soft down comforter around me, I let out a shuddering sigh. My phone started ringing in the living room, but I ignored it. I was utterly numb, and emotionally nerve deadened. Miss Manners was nowhere to be found as I set my laptop on the nightstand and then sobbed into the pillow.

For the next two months, I threw myself into my dissertation and ignored the piles of phone calls, text messages, e-mails, letters, and cards Aleksi sent me. Colette took her lead from me and didn’t even bring him up. Instead, she spent her rare nights at the flat teaching me her choreography from Sleeping Beauty. She was going to play Aurora, and she was ecstatic about having what was apparently her spot back.

The night before I was supposed to fly back Colette and I were in the dance studio. She was showing me the famed Rose Adagio, where Aurora balances with each of her four suitors. Colette was skilled enough that she needed no one to balance her. Standing en point for near to two minutes and slowly turning just by angling her foot, she looked like the little ballerina figurines inside of so many little girl’s jewelry boxes.

“Now, you try
,” She beamed as she lowered from en pointe. I just stared at her for a moment before looking down at my bright red pointe shoes.

“I can’t do that, there’s just no way.”

“Yes, you can. And you’re going to need to get used to balancing en pointe for long periods of time. Aleksi loves the added level of discomfort. I remember the first time he put me en pointe, he caned my bottom every time I lost balance. Needless to say it made me the perfect Aurora.” She giggled out. “Now up! Up! Up!” Colette demanded.

“He tied you up en pointe?” I asked softly as I slowly raised up on my toes. The layers of fabric
creaked. I lifted my leg into an arabesque like Colette had done so effortlessly minutes prior, and instantly lost balance.

“For an hour almost… here take my hand.” She held her hand out for me and I took it. It was easier but still incredibly difficult; my calf muscles started burning almost instantly.

“Why aren’t you with him anymore?”

“Aleksi is hard to read.” She tilted her head to the side and slowly started to rotate me. “I think he grew tired of me, he said I wasn’t suited to the type of relationship we had. I tolerated the pain, I didn’t need it. And on top of that I was disobedient. I miss
him, though. I understand that our sexual relationship is over. But I still love him, he’s the brother I used to pray for.” She beamed at me as she continued to rotate me, my leg started to shake.

“Can you stop turning me, I need to
stop.”

“
No.” She shook her head. “Think of this as a prelude, Autumn. He will put you through way worse than this in a few nights.”

I didn’t fight her, and I didn’t demand she release me. My legs burned and trembled as my muscles started to spasm; I whimpered. Still I let her slowly turn me in a circle as I continued my hardest to remain balanced on the points of those red shoes. I closed my eyes and envisioned that the cool hand holding mine was Aleksi; he was who was turning me, demanding that I remain en pointe. But it had been two months and I hadn’t said a word to him.

“I don’t think h-he’s going to want anything to do with me. I haven’t spoken to h-him since he told me he turned Kendra
,” I confessed as she continued to slowly walk me in a circle. She didn’t stop, but those huge blue eyes darted to the side for a moment. It was clear she was thinking.

“He’s going to forgive you, Autumn. Regardless of how pissed he might be, he will forgive you because you’re his servant. Also, you’re a Seer. I don’t know what that means exactly, but I doubt he’ll withdraw protection from you.”
She presumes you want him still.
I do.
If you really do you wouldn’t have ignored him for the last two months while answering Garrett’s calls.

Colette released me and I sighed heavily lowering my leg before easing down from en pointe. I collapsed onto the polished wood with a dull thud and a grunt. There was no way in hell my legs would allow me to stand. They were fatigued to the point where I wasn’t even certain I’d be able to walk to the car in the morning. I missed him. I had been stupid and childish and now I missed him. Pressing my cheek to the floor I sighed heavily.

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine, I just…I need a moment.”

“Aleksi’s also really good with soothing
afterward.” She sighed wistfully and gave me a small smile. “He likes to hold you close and pet your hair while you’re still shaking from the pain…” She trailed off and sighed again. “I’m sure he’ll forgive you. I’ll be in the other room if you need me just yell.” She left after speaking, leaving me alone on the floor to regret and finally grasp what my childishness had probably cost me.

Days later found me at home, climbing the stairs to my apartment seemed foreign to me. I stood on the seventh-floor landing and stared at the door to Kendra’s apartment. There was a big orange and black ‘For Rent’ sign on that door designating what I had guessed all along; Kendra had probably moved out right after Aleksi turned her. I couldn’t stop myself from pausing in the middle of the hallway, nothing would be the same. My lips pursed
for a moment before I walked back to my door. In spite of all of the change, I still fumbled with my lock for a good five minutes.

Inside, my apartment was more or less how I left it. It was cleaner than it had been the morning I went to the library. The morning when I woke up next to Aleksi. I couldn’t stop myself from sighing, I fucked up.
Or you saved yourself from something horrible.
I stood just inside of the doorway and dropped my bag. My phone was sitting on the counter, Elizabeta took it from me when I landed and gave me an international phone.