“I will.” She gave a sharp nod and ended the call.
Mate. Deus, did everything in her life revolve around how warped mating could be for people? She slumped in her chair, dropping her forehead to her desk. She wasn't hunting a grifter who robbed a powerful man; she was hunting a thief who happened to be a powerful man's
mate.
Why, Deus, why?
She beat her forehead against the wooden surface in three slow thumps. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
“Does that really help?”
Her head jerked up and she spun her chair toward the window. Kienan stepped through the opening that had been firmly closed and locked when she'd gotten home. “What are you doing here?”
His eyebrows arched. “I came to talk to you, since you're not speaking to me. Or Quill, apparently.”
“Did you eavesdrop on my call?” she demanded. The last thing she needed was information she'd promised to keep confidential getting leaked out just minutes later. Her personal life already blew, she didn't need her professional life to go the same way.
He slid his hands in his pockets, one shoulder rolling forward in a shrug. “No, I just got here to see you hammering your head against your desk.”
She searched his gaze, looking for a lie, but she couldn't tell one way or the other. He was too hard to read. It stuck in her craw that she'd just have to trust that he was telling her the truth.
“What do you want? I'm busy.”
His gaze strayed to the desk. “Yes, you looked as if you were working hard.”
“Your time to talk is running out. Fast.” She tilted her wrist up to check her chrono.
“Fine. I'll get right to the point.” He stepped closer to her desk, and she fought the need to shrink back. “You, Quill, and I are mates. You know it and I know it. Don't bother denying it.”
Her eyes closed and her throat tightened. “I'm not denying anything.”
“Why are you hiding it from him? Why haven't you claimed him?” The questions were voiced quietly, but they battered against her soul. Her instincts screeched, reminding her for the millionth time that her mates were within reach. She ignored them. Again.
“It's complicated.” Looking at him, she tried to keep her expression blank and knew she failed miserably. Definitely not the first time her willpower had failed with a mate. Apparently, she'd begun with Quill what she meant to go on with Kienan.
“Everything is complicated. That doesn't mean you can run away from it.”
“Leave it alone,” she snapped back.
“No, this affects me, too. You may be too gutless to claim him, but don't think I won't. I want what's mine.” His gaze made it clear that he also considered
her
his.
How long would she be able to hold him off? If he told Quill about being mates, how long would it take him to figure out the whole truth? Moments. Quill was too smart not to deduce what would be pretty obviousâthat Kienan wouldn't have slept with her if she wasn't also involved in this twisted little mating triangle.
Deus help her.
Terror streaked through her, icy and hot at the same time. It felt as if her entire world were melting around her. The careful balancing act she'd managed with Quill for the last year was about to topple.
“What are you so afraid of?” He drew even closer to her, and his scent swamped her. So intoxicating. So titillating. “What would make a woman want to avoid mating?”
She gripped the edge of her desk to keep from reaching for him. “So all women have to want to mate? We want some big, strong man to save us from real life? Spare me.”
“I didn't make this about sexism. You did.” He snorted, coming around to lean against the side of her desk. Near enough to touch. “The kind of women I've worked with or worked against have made sure there's no way I could ever doubt how capable women are of every evil thing.”
“But not good things?”
“I don't deal in good things.” His brows arched. “I can't speak to that kind of behavior.”
“Ouch.”
He shrugged. “That's my life. Was. Was my life.”
“And what's your life now?”
“Whatever I decide to make of it.” His gaze sharpened on her. “And what have you decided to make of yours?”
“I've already made something of my life. Unlike you, I'm not exactly at loose ends hereâI'm good at what I do.” She gave a pointed glance around her office.
“I don't doubt it. Quill seems to think you're good at ferreting out information. I've spent the week with him, and he likes you a lot more than he wants to admit to himself. Could it be he's drawn to his mate?” He let that knowledge sink in. She'd suspected they'd been together without her, but now she knew and the fox within her
hated
it, hated that she'd let herself be left out. Kienan ran his tongue down a canine tooth. “Why choose to spend your life alone when you don't have to?”
She crossed her arms, refusing to give in to him or to her animalistic nature. She knew which way that road went, and she wasn't having it. “There's nothing wrong with being alone. It's safer that way.”
“Safer for you.”
“Maybe.” She tossed her head. “What's wrong with that?”
“Everything. And nothing.” His gaze narrowed, his words measured and cool. “If that's how you want to live your life, scared of what gifts fate does give you.”
“Mates are not a
gift.
” She slapped her hand on her desk for emphasis.
“You've had a mate before?” His expression showed how likely it was that she had three. It was possible. She'd known someone who did, but she had to admit he was right. It wasn't very probable.
She ground her teeth together and gritted out, “No.”
Straightening from where he stood, he towered over her. “Then what do you have against mating? Why are you so afraid?”
“I'm not afraid.” No, the utter terror she felt went far, far beyond anything that could be labeled as merely
afraid.
She growled up at him. “Everything was fine until you showed up!”
He rocked back on his heels, paling as if she'd struck him. There was pain and anger in his voice when he spoke. “It wasn't fine. It was a lie. You're lying to Quill, and he doesn't seem the kind of man who forgives lightly.” A harsh laugh spilled out. “But that
is
perfect for you, isn't it, Gea? You can't make yourself walk away, so if he ever did find out, he'd make it easy for you and do the walking himself. That's brilliant. And cowardly.”
Those words stung like acid. He was right, and a tiny part of her hated him for saying it. “You don't know me. You have no fucking right to judge me.”
“You won't let me know you. You won't let Quill know you either.”
She didn't respond to that, because they were far too close for her comfort already. Under her skin and in her head. “Everyone tells lies.”
“Not to their mates.” His expression flattened and he sliced a hand through the air.
“Oh, hell yes to their mates.” She huffed out a laugh. Deus, how many times had she found her mother sobbing over some half-truth her father had told her? “Trust me on this.”
He growled, the wolf's hackles rising. “Why should I trust you when you won't answer one simple question about yourself? Why should I trust you when I know you've been lying to my mateâto
our
mateâfor an entire year?”
“Only a week and you're feeling awfully possessive, aren't you?” She kept her tone light and mocking, but it pained her that the two of them had obviously bonded without her.
Leaning into her space, he asked, “Are you hoping I get possessive enough that I don't want to share him with you, that I'm willing to let you bow out?”
She clenched her teeth but forced herself to say the words. “It might be best for all concerned if that's what happens.”
“No,” he snapped.
Tilting her chin up, she glared at him, wishing he'd go away and stop tempting her with what she could never have. “You can't force me to mate with you. Or Quill.”
His nose was no more than a hairsbreadth from hers, his gaze a burning silver. “And you can't force yourself to walk away, can you? If you could, you would have done it with Quill long before now.”
“So, I'm weak.” She tried to make her shrug nonchalant, but it was a stiff jerk of her shoulder instead. “Thanks for pointing it out. You can go now.”
“No. It takes a strength most people couldn't imagine to fight your instinct to mate. It's got to be a powerful motivation for you. No one suffers this way without a reason.” He searched her face, probably seeing far more than she was comfortable with. “Just tell me why.”
“No.” Her body warmed at his closeness, the fox within her writhing in mating heat. She clenched her thighs together, trying to still the rising passion. It was no use. Helpless anger fought with her lust. “Leave me alone.”
His sigh brushed across her cheek. “I can't do that. I won't.”
“Yes, you can.” She hated how desperate she sounded, but she couldn't stop it. Her chest tightened and she balled her hands into fists. The fox within her wanted its mates, pushing her to reach out and take instead of pushing away what it craved the most. Her voice cracked when she spoke. “You can have Quill all to yourself. Just leave me out of it.”
Something close to sympathy shone in his gaze and he shook his head slowly. “You're forgetting something.”
She swallowed. “Oh yeah? What's that?”
“You're my mate, too.” Lifting his hand, he brushed his fingertips down her cheek in a gesture that made humiliating tears back up in her eyes. “I don't want just him, and whether he knows it yet or not, he doesn't want just me or just you. All three of us are in this together.”
It sounded perfect. Too perfect. Like every fantasy she'd never allowed herself to have. She turned her face away from his touch and forced herself to her feet, then reached out to gather her knapsack. The cheating wife holopics would hold until she got back. Now was the time to get the hell away from Kienan and chase down this Meier guy. “I have to go now. I have work to do.”
“Running away again.” The disappointment in his tone made her flinch, but she made herself keep moving.
“Discretion is the better part of valor.” Her father had said that a lot. She hadn't cared for his definition of
discretion,
but that didn't mean he was wrong in every instance. Like this one. “Running
is
sometimes the best option.”
“Yes, but it's always a temporary option. In the end, you do have to come up with a permanent solution to your problems. You can't retreat forever.”
Yes, she could. She didn't bother to say that to him. “I'm leaving now.”
He growled, grabbed her arm, and made her face him. His hands bracketed her shoulders to keep her in place. “There's only so long I'm willing to wait before I tell Quill the truth. I'm not going to live a lie for you, mate or not.”
“No one told you to lie in the first place. Or not to tell the truth. That was
your
choice.” Her belly knotted tight as she said it. She'd thought having a mateâQuillâwas bad. But Kienan was worse because he was her mate
and he knew it.
Her very worst nightmare, in the flesh.
His silver eyes glinted dangerously, a predator barely leashed. “It was pretty clear you wanted the truth kept quiet when Quill didn't know what you were to him, and when you ran off with your tail tucked between your legs after our night together. At first, I was concerned, but it seems this is your standard operating procedure with mates. Just fuck them and run.”
It was the longest speech she'd heard from the man so far, and it was to chastise her. Nice. She swallowed and wished she were somewhere else. Anywhere else. She'd take a stroll through the Vermilion buck ass naked over this.
“You're going to tell Quill eventually anyway, so you might as well get the inevitable over with. Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself.”
His hands tightened on her arms as if he wanted to shake her, and she tensed, bracing for the violence. Instead, he hauled her flush against his chest and kissed her. She went rigid, expecting a rough claiming, a show of dominance from a male animal.
It didn't happen.
The contact was almost gentle, so sweet it made her heart ache and wetness stung her eyes. The shock of what he did versus what she'd anticipated sent a quiver through her. Treacherous heat wound through her body and she throbbed. Her sex went slick in nanoseconds, her nipples drawing to tight peaks. She moaned, and he took the opportunity to sweep his tongue into her mouth.